So my journey begins as I send my malfunctioning computer back for the third time. I have enjoyed 4 months with my best friend (husband, of course) and now he has traveled off again. Only this time, when my children are in bed…I can’t sit at the computer!!!! 21 days…seemed like 21 years, really. I began to realize that my computer is my alternate best buddy when my husband isn’t around. I check emails, send emails, research military websites…I would say blog, but I am new to the blog world (but am loving it). So as I faced this time I began to realize that us Guard wives face a different challenge from Active wives. Before everyone yells, let me elaborate my feelings. While I was computerless, I hand wrote my blog…so here it goes…
Like most Christian wives, my husband is my best friend. This is great…until deployment. As Guard families our friends are all civilian, or if they are Guard, it is usually another unit. We socialize and have great times. But when a deployment or extended TDY hit, that couple relationship has been altered. Us Guard wives, whose best friends are away, NEED new willing TBF’s (temporary best friends). Before you tell me I’m wrong, think about it. I sit and need an ear to lean towards, but my dear civilian friends or Guard friends from other units are with their DH’s at home and spending quality time together. It is NOT that they don’t care about us/me, but their family has to come before me.
Now, I have never experienced true Active Duty lifestyle on a post, but from what I have read and heard, when the unit leaves the wives band together. They ARE there for one another, any time of the day, no matter what. There are no couple interruptions, because you know the other wives hubbies are gone too. The Guard wife doesn’t have this available TBF, but I believe they need it….
okay, feed back…good or bad, I’ll take it. I am especially wondering the thoughts of any Active wives out there. Do you feel the bond with the other wives like I imagine?
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Shauna! I so agree with you! As a reserve wife, I know exactly where you are coming from. I am so blessed that God lead me to Wives of Faith when he did. My ONLY military wife friends are those that I have met through WoF. It can be hard especially because all your civilian friends have their husbands 24/7 and don't know what its like to be the 3rd wheel. Even if they don't mind, I start to mind after awhile. I'm interested to see if active military wives feel the same way. Good question
Kristi Reid
Thanks Kristi! I am glad to know I am not crazy! I look forward to more posts.
Shauna
Great post Shauna, and you make a really good point that our best friends as Reserve/Guard wives, are our husbands, so who DO we turn to when they're gone? I have to say though, from what I've heard from active wives I talk to, the friendship aspect is not as ideal as you might think on a military post or base. Unfortunately, there seems to often be a lot of gossip and rumor mills, something Guard and Reserve wives don't really have to deal with, since we're not around people long enough to develop those relationships.So, while us Reservists look for people to trust and rely on, Active sometimes have difficulty FINDING other women to trust and rely on. Either way, I guess we all need prayer!
Sara Horn
I am an active duty wife, but I live in town and not on base. My connection on base is the chapel, and I've gotten to know some great women. As a chaplain my hubby deploys alone, not in a group, so the whole "band together" thing is foreign to me.
Pattie
I am an active duty wife, and I think the "banding together" thing really depends on the community. I have some friends and know several of the wives in my husband's squadron, but I think I hear from them less now that my husband is deployed. They deploy individually, not as a group, so maybe this is why. I can actually really relate to your feelings, because that is how I am feeling. I have, especially lately, really needed someone to lean on, and I am at a loss… I am able to talk to my husband sometimes, but most of the time we are cut off in the middle of a call so some of my thoughts can't be finished. Just thought I would add my thoughts from an active duty perspective.
Lisa
Hi Shauna, (hope I got that correct). My husband is active duty and has now been deployed for the third time. There are many differences that I think that you have been able to get a feel for between active duty versus Guard or Reservist. However, I wanted you to know there are many of the same things: for instance my husband is currently on a MIT team (so are a lot of other people) all over the world from every Army Post. They all leave at different times, they all return at different times. They are all in different places. Therefore, we do experience exactly some of the same hardships as you are talking about. I think it might be better for me to put it like this, it's not who has it worse, but most importantly you are not alone. There is some support in the other wives however, with all the coming and going none of our schedules are the same. It's hard but God is good! And the amount of GROWTH that we all make in the waiting–well it's amazing.
Anonymous