Wives of Faith

If you have ever been through deployment you know one is not the same as the next. It’s almost like being pregnant and giving birth. While the overall situation was the same, 9 months of pregnancy and a baby at the end, each pregnancy and birth was very different.

Several years ago when my husband went to a Special Operations Unit, I thought the idea was splendid. I romanced the idea of shorter deployments and the idea of never having to be apart for a year. I will admit that shorter deployments are nice. The count down isn’t as long and I can see the end fairly quickly. The part I wasn’t ready for was all the emotion that goes with deployments. It doesn’t matter if the time apart is 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or a year, there are a ton of emotions to go with the deployment.

When you first send your spouse off you have the initial “OH MY GOSH HE’S GONE” Syndrome. I don’t pick up anything he left out for at least a week. You have the tears and the days where you want to pull the covers over your head and tell the world to go away. Especially if the people that call or come by aren’t military friends or family. It’s been my experience that civilian friends and family don’t understand our deployment life. They really don’t understand the hide under the covers day. This phase of deployment also starts the point where I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for my husband to return.

Once a few days have passed, I decide it’s time to take deployment by the horns and conquer it. I am in “CONQUER THE DEPLOYMENT” Phase. At this point I decide to move furniture, by furniture, take classes, a new bible study, or the kids have a new adventure with sports or something of the sort. This is the part of deployment where people will look at you and simply say “I don’t know how you do it.”While you appreciate the comment and smile you secretly want to dust their house or wash that mark off the wall.

Then we get to about mid tour and I get to the phase of deployment called “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE!” During this junction in the road I have decided, for my husband, that he simply needs to leave the military as fast as possible when he gets back. Whatever way will get him out and we won’t have to endure another deployment will work just fine for me. This part of deployment is frustrating for me. I want my husband home yesterday. I can’t go back to stage one and eat Chips Ahoy and pull the covers over my head because of phase 2. I have signed us up for all of these new things that are taking place and are still in full swing.

After a few weeks pass the frustration of phase 3 starts to leave. The return date gets closer and I start in on phase 4. “I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN.” I begin to think I can finish this deployment a sane mama and wife. I begin to think that this deployment while difficult, didn’t kill me and I am may be stronger for it. It’s almost close enough to start counting down the days with all those cute countdown tickers in the signature lines. Now I start to rearrange furniture and cupboards, drawers, whatever I can get my hands on. My husband wouldn’t feel like he was at home if he didn’t have to relearn where I put everything while he was gone.

Then we journey towards the phase of deployment called “WELCOME HOME!” My husband’s return is so close I can taste it. I must buy anything and everything new. Bras, panties, clothes, get my hair done, clean the house, rearrange a few more things, and OH YA! clean the garage. During the phase 2 and 4 everything that left the living space of the house has made it to the garage and stayed there. I must clean the garage so my husband can walk through it. The kids and I start to make WELCOME HOME Banners and I will tell anyone that will sit still for 2 seconds that my husband is almost home.

Now we get to the fun part. T-2 days and counting. I’m sure I have never really slept at the T-2 phase. I keep thinking of things I need to do or should have done. I’m to excited to sleep and start to think about which new outfit I will wear when I pick my husband up. I envision his face as he sees us. I can almost feel us holding each other tight. We are almost done with deployment.

FINALLY! It’s R DAY. Reunion Day. Today is the day I thought would never come. He is within my hands reach and we are in the same town, same space, same time zone and will be together again. I no longer have to be a single parent or great fixer of all things. I no longer have to be macho mom. I can just be mom. When I finally get to hug my husband I feel like I can breathe again. I can exhale and relax just a little bit. I can lay in the bed without extra pillows and fall asleep with my head on my husband’s chest. Our home is our home again.(with exception to the things my husband has moved because he wasn’t sure where they went)

Now just like giving birth you forget about how much deployment hurts. The longer my husband is home the more I start to think that if we have to do deployment again we will be okay. The deployment was hard but we grew as parents, a married couple and individuals. While I’m not hoping deployment comes knocking I know we would get through it again.

“He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.” Psalms 30:5 The Message.

(cross posted at http://adventuresofafrazledmilitarywife.blogspot.com)

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I’ve been so bad recently at finding time for prayer. I can blame it on being busy, or being lazy; but I think my real reason is fear. I feel like if I just keep moving and don’t stop to think, maybe my emotions won’t catch up with me. My husband being deployed is so scary. It’s scary because there’s so much I don’t know- so much he can’t tell me. It’s scary because the news never reports anything good. It’s scary because I have no control over this situation. I think I’m afraid that if I stop to pray, stop to let God in completely right now, I’ll feel as though I’ve lost control. The fact of the matter is, I cannot fathom anything happening to my husband. And I worry that if I really am at peace with this deployment mess, then I’ll open myself up to the possibility of tragedy. I can’t imagine life without him. I really don’t know how I could function. When he’s not here, I just put certain parts of my life on hold, on pause until he comes back. I can’t imagine that day not coming.

I try not to worry and I don’t want to fear, but this is such unchartered waters for me, I don’t know how to approach this. I want god to be in control, to know my heart and occupy every inch of it, but I’m so afraid. I just need him in my life and part of me feels almost like we still haven’t gotten that chance! Long distance and constant deployments, it’s hard to not desire a “normal” life and marriage. But I love him with all that I am and I am so unbelievably proud of the man he is. I’m grateful for his presence in my life, no matter what the distance between us is. And I can’t help but see clearly God’s hand in our entire story. Our meeting, our dating, our marriage, and our daily walk.

God, help me open my heart to you, trust in you, and to not be fearful but confident of this deployment and your presence in it. And Genesis 31:49.  SHMILY

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This time of year we generally start getting requests by community organizations and churches who are interested in helping and showing support to military families going through deployment during the holidays.

Please help us help you by emailing me at sara@wivesoffaith.org if you are going to be going through deployment during the Thanksgiving or Christmas holidays.

Please observe the following:

• In the subject line of your email, type “Deployment and Holidays”
• Let me know where you’re located and where your husband is.
• Let me know if and how many children you have and what ages.
• Let me know if you are involved in a church in your area and the name of the church and city.
• Any special circumstances you’re dealing with.

If and as we get requests, we will contact you if there’s an opportunity that arises. Thanks!

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Mark 2. It’s a story in the Bible that I’ve grown very attached to. I’ve spoken on it several times, but I first learned about it from a friend at a very impressionable time in high school.

Mark 2 is the story of Jesus healing the paralytic. I’m sure you’ve heard it before; so had I. But when this friend related it to me, the way he spoke about it really hit my heart. There was a paralytic who, for his entire life, could do nothing more than lay on a mattress. His friends, who were believers, tried to talk him into going to see Jesus, but he was too embarrassed by his condition to try. I wonder if maybe he doubted that it would help. He was hopeless. Despite his refusal, his friends CARRIED the man on his mattress to go see Jesus. When they got to where He was, there were thousands of people gathered around the house, waiting to see Him. Never discouraged, the friends carried the paralytic onto the ROOF; busted THROUGH the roof and lowered the man down to see Jesus. Here the Bible says, “When Jesus saw THEIR faith, He said, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

Because of THEIR faith? WOW. That gives me such encouragement. How many times in my life have I been grouped into inaccurate or negative stereotypes? How many times have I been assumed guilty by association because of who I hang out with or am surrounded by? “Oh, she’s just another young mom.” “Oh, she’s a military wife.” “Her husband’s not around; she can’t understand what marriage is really like.” But to be grouped in with the friends from this story? Friends who have so much faith, that I would reap the benefits? I would gladly be associated with them! I would gladly be passed off as one of them.

There are times in my life when my emotions get the best of me; when I don’t have the strength, the patience, or even the words to pray. These are the times when I need these friends the most. Friends who will spread out the prayers for me and speak the words I cannot find. These are the times I need friends who are faithful despite my pity parties and Debbie downer moments. Friends who will pick me up and break through a roof, just so I can see the face of Christ!  This is the love and support that I have found in my friends and my family. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by strong women who not only pray for me, but with me too. My prayer is that I can be one of these friends, one of these women who have faith so strong they can carry a friend during a hard time, down a tough path, or even through a roof.

Visit Gina’s blog, “One Day at a Time.”

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The sea bags are packed.  The buses are ready.  The plane waits on the tarmac.  The day has finally come.  Tomorrow night my husband will lay his head down to sleep in a desert many time zones away.  And I am at home feeling like a woman who had few choices in all these decisions.  Wasn’t my “How about retirement?” suggestion a good idea?  How about my thoughts on whether or not it was really our turn to walk this road again?  I realized years ago the military was not particularly interested in my opinion, but this time neither God nor my husband were either, at least not interested enough to change directions on the path where God was leading and my husband was following.  So here I am, a woman out of control.  Are any choices left for me?

Once again, God’s word speaks to my heart:

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the river, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.       Joshua 24:15 (NIV)

I get to choose whether serving the Lord seems desirable to me.  I get to choose who I will serve during this deployment.  I get to choose whether or not I will waste my time.  Suddenly, I am a woman with many choices.  Choices I can make each day we walk this path called deployment.

There is definitely a part of me that struggles on some days thinking maybe the choice I should be making today is to listen to the voice of chocolate, or anger, or self pity or despair.  Hiding under the covers for days can even look like a reasonable alternative.  Maybe I will just choose to drown myself in activity.  How can there really be anything wrong with getting things done?  How about pulling some of my acting skills out of the handbag?  If I simply put on a Pollyanna face, then dealing with the issues in my heart can simply wait for another day.  There are not many stores in my town selling little golden idols likes the ones mentioned  by Joshua in the choices He offered the Israelites, but I only fool myself if I believe these choices do not hold the same danger for me those golden idols held for the Israelites.

For me, there is truly only one choice that can turn this deployment from ugly, wasted time to a benefit for our family and glory for God.  I must choose each day to serve the Lord.  Not chocolate.  Not activity.  Not ignoring the struggle with a plastic smile.  Not even myself.  I must choose to serve the Lord. 

Making that choice will not erase the difficulties that lie in the days ahead.  It will not bring my husband home any sooner.  Oh, but what freedom in being able to choose the one thing that can bring me peace, even in the days that are hard.  Since God has allowed any struggle that comes my way, He can use it – even the sorrow, loneliness and hard days that can come with a deployment.  Nothing in my life will be wasted when I choose to place it in God’s sovereign hands by serving Him.  I do not have to spend the next few months wasting time.

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Sunday is the Lord’s day. A day of rest and a day for family. It’s also the day that my huband and my bible verse comes to mind most frequently. What started as a prayer for our long distance relationship has developed into our strength and encouragement during deployments.

Our verse is Genesis 31:49 “May the Lord watch over us when we are apart one from the other.”

I love hearing what words other’s find encouraging. What’s your verse?

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This week’s Survival Sisters devotional made me stop and think about my priorities. A section from this week’s lesson read, “As military wives, we need other women in our lives! After God and our husbands, we need the support and encouragement of other …” This immediately made me think of Luke 10:27  “He answered: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ ; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

I’m all about loving God. I’m constantly about loving my husband. And I try to be there for my neighbors/friends in any way I can. But as a military wife, do I ever spread myself too thin? Am I taking time to not only think about me, but to LOVE me? If I’m truly called to “love my neighbor as myself” am I giving them the short end of the stick? Do I really want to be treating my friends the way I treat myself?

My answer to this questioning within myself was clear. As a military wife, it may be easy to lose focus of your personal identity. We’re used to being supportive, available, strong and sometimes, invisible. We’re used to being asked about our husbands, our family, and our unit, but often being overlooked ourselves. I believe that in order to be the strong woman I strive to be, I need to spend as much time in prayer for myself as I do for others. I need to say “no” to things that may wear me down or weigh me down. I need to think about myself for once, and by doing this, by giving myself more love, I am better equipped to love my neighbor.

I think this is what makes a great friend, a supportive spouse, and a magnetic follower of Christ. To be someone who truly knows oneself. To have confidence in who I am and who I love. And i think this is all part of my journey, my path toward my ultimate goal; to stand in front of Love Himself and hear Him say as He looks back on how I loved, “Well done my good and faithful servant!”

What do you think?

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God is good. All the time. I should have known; I mean He’s done this my whole life. He has a way of sneaking in and prepping my heart and my path for the plans He has in store for me. I started this blog over two months ago- feeling a strong calling to begin one, but having no idea what I was to write about. As this deployment has progressed, God has made it more and more evident to me that my place here in Franklin is no accident. I think I should back up though, and explain how I got here.

I married my husband Bernard in September of 2007. The day after our wedding, we drove to Fort Bragg NC in search of our first place to call home and his first post for duty. We were blessed with a pregnancy 3 months later and then handed a deployment 4 months into the pregnancy. I decided to move back home to Franklin, TN and in with my parents after God had spoken to my heart and led me back. Four months into his deployment, Bernard broke his ankle and was sent back to Bragg. He found us a home and moved our stuff into it during the two weeks’ notice I had given my work in TN. The night before my flight back to Fort Bragg to move back in with Bernard and pick up at Womack Army Medical Center for my labor and delivery, Baby Gabriana decided to come early and my water broke. Bernard made it to Vanderbilt Hospital only a few hours after her birth, and we took the long drive back to NC only 6 days later.
Through the good and the bad, all the changes that a baby and a return from deployment brings, we had 9 wonderful months together before Bernard was deployed again. He left on May 25 and we were told he would be back by February. Only two months into the deployment, we were informed that they were being extended by a YEAR. So we’re now looking at a 14 month deployment to Afghanistan.

In all of this, despite my seasons of change, fear, doubt, anger and even loss of faith, God has been consistent. He has provided. He has answered prayers. He has guided me. And that’s what brings me here. Back to TN, to give Gabbi an amazing opportunity to spend a year with her grandparents and to give me the support and familiarity that I missed and longed for while at Fort Bragg.

Last summer I signed up for the Wives of Faith newsletter. In the last year, I never got around to unsubscribing, as I figured being back with Bernard at Bragg, I no longer needed them. Little did I know, I needed them a lot. God brought me back to TN to meet Sara Horn. To give me an opportunity to reach out and encourage military wives around the country, and maybe even around the world. So I’ll be blogging; blogging about struggles, trials, miracles and faith. I’ll share stories, resources, jokes, and personal experiences.

I want you to know that I’m talking to you. That Wives of Faith is for you; whether you’re facing a deployment or not. That I hope to help you through whatever you’re facing right now in your journey. That I hope to learn from you. And that God is good. All the time.

g

http://bgolsen.blogspot.com/

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When my my husband (then fiance) was in boot camp last year, I struggled a lot with not being able to talk to him and see him. I did not know much about the military and I was a bit scared about the future since we would be getting married soon. I know that going through boot camp is not the same as going through a deployment, and I have not yet experienced a deployment, but when he was gone I felt very alone. One night, after I had been crying, praying and asking God for His help to get me through, I turned on some music, and I heard the song, You’re Not Alone by Christian artist Meredith Andrews. The lyrics really spoke to my heart and I felt like the entire song was just for me.

Everything described in this song is something I am sure you have gone through before, either in a deployment or just a rough time in your life. I really felt that God wanted me to share this with someone because I know how easy it is to get discouraged or feel as though you have failed. God is there, and he is waiting to wipe away every tear, just know you don’t have to do anything alone.

You’re Not Alone

I search for love
When the night came and it closed in
I was alone
but you found me where I was hiding
and though I’ll never ever be the same
It was the sweetest voice that called my name
singing

You’re not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away every fear
My love I’ve never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest night
and I’m the one that’s loved you all your life
All of your life

You cry yourself to sleep
cause the hurt is real
and the pain cuts deep
All hope seems lost
With heartache your closest friend
and everyone else long gone

You’ve had to face the music on your own
but there is a sweeter song that calls you home
**sayin’

You’re not alone
For I am here
let me wipe away your every tear
My love I’ve never left your side
I have seen you through the darkest nights
And I’m the one that’s love you all your life
All your life

Faithful and true… Forever
For my love will carry you….

You’re not alone
for I… I am here
let me wipe away every fear… Oh yeah
My love I’ve never left your side
I have seen you through your darkest nights
Your darkest nights
And I’m the one that’s loved you all your life
All of your life

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Many of you may be familiar with “The Love Dare,” a book that’s discussed and followed by Kirk Cameron’s character in the movie, Fireproof, which came out about a year or so ago.

I’ve often wondered how military couples who were going through deployment could participate in the Love Dare when they were so far apart. But Jocelyn Green of Faith Deployed found a resource that does just that.

The online military devotional, Excellent or Praiseworthy, has put together a 40-day Deployment Love Dare that military couples can do together. The concept is very cool. And all of it is very doable.

In September’s newsletter, we’re going to be talking quite a bit about military marriages – how we can protect them, how we can strengthen them, how we can become closer together even when we’re apart. I like the idea of this 40-Day Deployment Love Dare. It’s one thing a day – being patient, being kind, being thoughtful, things like that. Things, that if you add them all together, can drastically change how you and your spouse treat one another.

I would love to know if you’ve been able to do the Love Dare with your husband, or, if he’s deployed, you may try this Deployment Love Dare. Comment and share your thoughts!

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