A segment of the military spouse blog population was rocked to the core a couple weeks ago by a blog post from an Army wife who began with this haunting line: “If you are reading this, you should know that I am dead.”
That circle widened on Monday with the publication of this article in the New York Times by Alison Buckholtz.
To point fingers at who failed whom is really neither appropriate at this point, nor for this venue. But shedding light on the subject of military spouse suicide absolutely is.
When I read this article, and the blog entry itself, I felt as if I’d been slugged in the heart. The level of pain and rejection this military wife felt was palpable. It was real. It was difficult to read, to grasp, to comprehend–but there it is, on the screen for the world to see.
I thought about this situation as I walked my dog around the neighborhood. How often have I felt that level of despair in my life? I can think of several times when the pain of living seemed to be almost too much to handle. Rejection by a close church friend. My parents’ divorce. The deaths of loved ones. A friend’s mental illness. Pain is pain—it hurts.
The difference for me, though, was Jesus. Hearing His voice in His word. Feeling His love through my pain and grief. Loving friends and family who were His hands and feet and would not let me slide into despair.
But what about those among us who don’t have Jesus? What about those who live in an isolated community or who just PCSed like Jessica did, without loving family or friends nearby to witness firsthand her gradual decline? Most importantly: What if the hurting woman’s mask is attached so snugly that her pain is hidden from everyone?
That’s where the body of Christ comes in.
Dear Wives of Faith, we need to keep our eyes open around us. We need to be the hands and feet of Jesus in our military communities. In our chapels and churches. In our PTAs and neighborhoods and Bible studies. We need to see behind the mask to the wounded woman beneath.
If there is any finger-pointing to be done, it’s at myself. For not paying attention enough. For not trusting God enough to show me what I need to do, whom I need to speak with, being open and honest enough about my own struggles so someone feels comfortable sharing.
What Wives of Faith do as an organization and as Christian military wives is this: We connect, we support, and we encourage. We connect with each other in person when possible, as well as through the internet. We support each other through prayer and through our interactions with each other online. And we encourage. That is our goal with the web content and with our community: to encourage one another and lift each others’ burdens, and in so doing fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).
I encourage you today simply to keep your eyes and your heart open to the hurting around you, to listen to the still, small voice of the Spirit who is ever faithful to guide us when we pay attention. And to pray.
From this practical girl’s standpoint, I can’t stop there. Here are some links to lead you to some practical, hands-on help. Whether you, my sister, are the one in despair, or you know of a friend or acquaintance who is, these are just a few of the military-supported resources available to you as a military dependent:
Your chaplain. Every branch of the service has chaplains, and every chaplain is trained in how to help you if you have suicidal thoughts. They are bound by counseling confidentiality, and every chaplain I’ve met would count it a privilege to help you. If you’re National Guard or Reserve, there is still a chaplain who can speak to you by phone and connect you with someone local to you. Please don’t hesitate to talk to them. They are there for you.
Military One Source has information about counseling services.
Military Family Life Consultants.
DoD Suicide Prevention website.
Also, local churches often offer counseling, either from the pastor or from a staff member.
Let’s not let this happen to one of our own again.
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Links above are offered by the writer as a resource only.
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