Wives of Faith

I’m diligently reading and researching time management on a quest for the best information out there for all of us, but I didn’t want too much time to pass before posting again. I also found my quest derailed by a little thing I’m calling my Broken Tooth. I have a crown on a back molar, and it chipped and cracked on Monday during lunch.  So I had to make time in my research and writing schedule (such as it is) for a couple of dental visits.

The idea of “making time” for something like the dentist makes me think of Richard Swenson’s book Margin—which, if I can find, I’d like to read again. (It’s actually stored in my husband’s boxes of pro gear in the garage, but he has about 15 boxes out there. And it’s hot. And I’m choosing to spend my time writing instead of hunting down one book out of all those boxes.)

Anyway, Dr. Swenson’s premise is that we need margin (think of the margin on a typed piece of paper, that blank space surrounding the text) in our lives as a reserve of sorts, for the overflow of life events that occasionally spill over. We need some room for those times of crisis.

Thankfully, in my case, it’s not really inconveniencing anyone but me (as far as time) and my husband (as far as money) for the dentist. But what about those who work full time while their spouse is deployed? They spend all day working, and all evening taking care of the kids and the house. Where is their margin?

I also surmise that many of us find ourselves frittering away our free or unclaimed time, doing tasks that suck our time without any return on our investment.

While I grant that it’s going to be harder for some of you to figure this out, let’s work together on something practical before next week, so we can move along from there.

So here’s your assignment (if you’re so inclined to join me): Write down what you do for one day and how much time it takes. Extra credit if you do it for more than one day.

I bet we’re going to be surprised by what we find. I predict we’ll find our “time suckers.” I’ve done this exercise before, but for the purposes of this blog series, I’ll do it. (Obviously, I need it if I’m still struggling with how to manage my time!)

Next time, we’re going to talk about priorities and the fairy-tale idea of a balanced life.

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It’s Monday, the first day of school for my girls, and the first day of my quest to get a better handle on my time.

On a whim, I posted a question to the Wives of Faith fan page on Facebook last night: “What are your thoughts about a blog series on time management?” I was surprised to get so many responses so quickly, to be honest. I know I’m not alone in this struggle to manage my time–why else would there be so many books on the subject?–but somehow I get wrapped up in my own head and forget to look around and find some support.

We’re all about support and encouragement here at Wives of Faith, so here we go. I’ll be writing a blog series on time management, and in doing so will commit to finding as many helpful resources and tips as I can to help us all in our struggles.

Do you want to know an embarrassing secret? The thing that made me think about writing about time management was a conversation with a friend of mine who’s leading a breakout session at her church’s women’s retreat in a couple of weeks. I was talking to her about preparing for her session, and I shared with her that I’d led a breakout session once about ten years ago. “What was it about?” she asked.

Time management.

Oh, the irony.

Even back in the day I struggled with it! You’d think I’d be better by now, wouldn’t you? But that was before child #2; four moves and two hubby career changes later, here I sit in full confession mode: I can’t manage my time well.

So, welcome to my series as I learn along with you about how we can manage our time.

Let’s begin with prayer.

Lord, You have given us life, and time, and Your Word.
Please lead us and guide us as we learn how to better use the time You have given us to serve You,
for Your kingdom and Your glory. Amen.

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Today I thought I’d share a site with you that helped revolutionize my spiritual journaling.

First, let me say that it’s my firm belief that you have to find a style that works for YOU. I only offer suggestions here as a starting-off point for you, either to begin or to encourage your own creative ideas.

I began a spiritual journal last summer after coming across a post by Ann Voskamp of A Holy Experience, who posted about how to start a spiritual journal. She writes beautifully about journaling as a spiritual discipline, and better still, she has lovely photographs of her own journals to give a visual representation of what can become a very personal practice. This particular post reawakened the desire in me to track my spiritual life so I can STAY on track with my spiritual life, and not let it go by the wayside, neglected.

I found an unused journal in my box of unused journals that closely matches the size of my Bible. I printed out portions of the journal entry so I’d have a couple of the examples and the suggested guidelines, and glued them into the first several pages of my journal.

Then I began:

After my crazy summer this year, I’ve returned to the discipline of my spiritual journal, and I can’t tell you how much it helps me focus on my Bible reading and meditation.

Journaling is a personal passion of mine. I hope these blog posts about journaling will encourage you to pick up pen and notebook and write!

If you’re a journaler, I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!

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Do you journal?

I’m not talking about online journaling, a.k.a. blogging, for which we have a post (go there and post your blog! We’re starting back with spotlights soon and can’t wait to get to yours!).

I’m talking about pen and paper, writing with our hands, thoughts recorded, journaling.

I have been a passionate journaler for about ten years, although I started keeping a diary of sorts in the fifth grade, after reading Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl.  Then I wrote in spiral notebooks through junior and senior high school, lapsed in college (and I’m sad about that), picked it up for a little while in my early married years, and then full-speed-ahead in 2000 after reading Nicole Johnson’s Fresh-Brewed Life for the first time.

I love writing my thoughts down on paper. It helps me process and remember, hash out and evaluate, without burdening my husband with things that he doesn’t need to worry about.  I don’t write every day, and I don’t always go into great detail. But often when I’m finished, I feel calmer and more centered.

I have two journals that I keep on a regular basis: One is my daily journal, in which I write about my day, and in the back (I work both ends toward the middle) I keep lists of books I’ve read, movies I’ve seen, and I tape in notes and encouragement from friends.  The other journal is my spiritual journal, for sermon notes, Bible study observations, and prayers.

So I’d love to hear from you. Do you journal? Why or why not? Would you be interested in journaling prompts from Wives of Faith?

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Hi everyone! I am in the process of updating the member directory information. I know that many of you are moving during this PCS season and lots of us have changes to our deployment status. It is a busy season indeed. Many of you have already received emails from me to update your information (thank you for your prompt replies in getting the directory updated). Those of you who have not received one yet, you will soon. Updating this information will allow us to be able to stay connected.

One of my goals for the member care area is to contact members on events such as birthdays, anniversaries, births, and during deployments. In order to do this, I am seeking volunteers who would like to assist me in making these contacts. If you would be interested in helping in one of these area please email me at jessicac@wivesoffaith.org.

Hope that everyone is doing well and I look forward to hearing from you!

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I talked with a Navy wife the other day. She has five children, and her husband is preparing for his fourth deployment. I asked her how she was handling it all, and she coolly (read: defensively) told me she was doing “just fine.”

She added that she gets so frustrated when military wives struggle with their situation. “We knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this marriage. We have no right to complain.”

I stared back at her, somewhat pained, knowing she was not doing “just fine” and fairly sure she had made the mistake many of us make, which is to simply dismiss any kind of honest confession for complaining.

Some of us have gotten good, maybe even too good, at coping. We steel ourselves into this pillar of strength, and we challenge anything to penetrate our armor. Meanwhile, we may or may not be feeling that same way on the inside, underneath our self-protective layers.

The problem with practicing this kind of incongruence—the outside and the inside at odds with each other—is that we get used to living split off from our true selves. We become accustomed to denying what’s actually going on inside us, and this creates a person who cannot be honest about her pain, cannot let others see her weakness, and cannot tolerate any kind of authentic struggle in others.

This woman sends the subtle (or not so subtle) message to her friends and to her children that the real winners are those who suck it up and deal with it and never let anyone see them sweat.

How incredibly isolating this behavior becomes for everyone. Yes, others may see us as amazingly stalwart, but they will never see us approachable. This keeps everyone dancing around each other at a safe distance, never really able to offer help and support. How sad! All of us in need, and yet none of us able to access our own emotions or each other’s.

So how do we decipher between complaining and true confession? Complaining is all about staying stuck, rehearsing the injustices with no desire to see things differently, change behavior, or receive support. Complaining is about wallowing and whining, unconcerned with growth, maturity, or transformation.

Confessing is something different altogether. Honest confession is an externalizing of an inward conversation for the purpose of gaining insight, releasing a burden, or admitting reality.Confession leads to movement and helps us get out of the grind of merely coping. It opens doors to growth and change because it is an act of congruence. By externalizing—sharing—our true state of affairs, we are better able to identify what we need and how we might be able to engage in some simple acts of self-care.

So, let me practice what I’m preaching.

If you were to ask me how I’m doing with 17-month old twins, a Navy SEAL husband who is in and out on travel, and the delicate situation of all of us living with my mother in her house, I would tell you the following:

“I’m tired. I’m trying to be honest about how exhausted I feel and, instead of pushing myself all the time (read: punishing myself for not doing my life better), I’m slowing down when I can.”

What does that slowing down look like? Glad you asked.

“I’ve started yoga twice a week. I’m taking naps when my kids nap. I’m reading more and watching TV less. All of these things are good for the soul. In addition, I’m trying to figure out some fun things my family can do together when my husband is home because we need more fun in our lives right now.” Then I might add, “So, tell me what you do to take care of yourself in the midst of this stressful life? And what do you do for fun as a family? I could use some suggestions.”

And then you might offer me some great ideas of how you and your family are getting through the ever-changing days of military life.

Beautiful, huh.

Isn’t that so much better than, “just fine”?

(BTW, I really would love to know how you take care of yourself and how you create fun for your family. So post a comment and share the wealth!)

__________

Leeana’s first book, Found Art: Discovering Beauty in Foreign Places, begins as she steps off the plane in Bahrain, the pin-dot island in the Middle East where she and her Navy SEAL husband spent their first year of marriage. Found Art follows Leeana as her life and her soul are changed forever. She blogs at www.gypsyink.com.

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I had a military wife email me recently to ask what we have in terms of support for military wives currently living overseas. At the moment, the only thing we have done in an active, deliberate way to minister to these wives has been the Coups for Troops program (which is currently on hold until the fall).

So… what are specific needs that military wives living overseas have? Let us know and help us develop some great programs that will minister and encourage these women.

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Have you heard about this yet? The DoD has partnered with SitterCity.com to offer free memberships for military families (active, Guard AND Reserve), which as I understand, is normally a $120 deal.

I just registered and it was quick and easy. You will need your husband’s DoD info because eligibility will be checked but it offers you some incredible access to caregivers – not just for babysitting, but pet sitting, tutoring and even care for your elderly relatives. If you struggle with finding childcare (because, really, how many of your friends have been willing to give up the name of their most trusted sitters?), this may be a great resource for you!

Now, please note, the deal covers the membership only – you still will pay for the actual service and those rates are worked out between you and the prospective care giver. But talk about a time saver! Your free membership includes a four-step screening process, free access to background checks, comprehensive babysitter profiles and babysitter video interviews.

Check out this article for more information, and to register, go to sittercity.com/dod.

A great little present for yourself, just in time for Month of the Military Child.

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I received this press release from a PAO out of Ft. Stewart and wanted to pass it on…

ARMY’S SURVIVOR OUTREACH SERVICES PROVIDES LOCAL SUPPORT TO SURVIVING FAMILIES

FORT STEWART, Ga. – The United States Army has recently introduced a new, Army-wide program, Survivor Outreach Services (SOS), in support of Families of Fallen Soldiers. Offered by Army Community Service since April 2009, SOS provides long-term assistance to surviving Families on a local level.

“The Army has always had programs in place to support its Survivors,” said Donna Finney, Director of Army Community Service at Fort Stewart and Hunter Army Airfield. “SOS takes it a step further in that Survivors now have a local team of people that they can meet with whose sole purpose is to provide Survivor support at the Garrison level. As stated in the ‘Soldier’s Creed,’ a Soldier will never leave a Fallen comrade behind. SOS doesn’t leave family behind.”

The SOS team that serves Fort Stewart and Hunter Army Airfield currently includes two support coordinators, two financial counselors and one benefits coordinator. Degreed professionals with a multitude of Army experience, the outreach team remains in contact with Survivors, answers questions and concerns, provides bereavement, benefits and financial counseling, holds quarterly focus and support groups, offers various transitional classes, mentoring and more in efforts to help the next of kin forward. Survivors are defined as immediate or extended Family of any Soldier, including Reservist or Guardsman, who died while on active duty regardless of circumstance, cause or date of death.

“Losing a loved is very difficult,” said Teresa White, support coordinator for Survivor Outreach Services on Fort Stewart and Hunter Army Airfield. “It can be a terribly sad, confusing and often overwhelming time for Survivors. Unresolved issues might arise weeks, months or even years after the loss. SOS, partnering with and facilitating a warm turn-over from our Casualty Assistance Center, provides a dedicated and comprehensive support program for as long as Survivors need or want to maintain their connection with the Army.”

The Survivor Outreach Services teams, currently on most Army installations around the world, are assigned regions to support. The SOS team located on Fort Stewart, but also covering Hunter Army Airfield, assists all of the Survivors in Southeast Georgia, South Carolina counties Beaufort and Jasper, and all of Florida excluding the panhandle.

“Though our SOS has a specific area that we cover, and though we are an Army program, we will never turn a Survivor of our military away,” said Finney. “We will do everything in our power to make sure that our military Families are supported and feel a continual, welcomed part of our community.”

White continues, “Our Families and our Soldiers around the world make sacrifices for our country every day. Our surviving Families and their Soldiers have made the ultimate sacrifice. They deserve our compassion and respect.”

For more information, contact Survivor Outreach Services on Fort Stewart at (912) 767-9176 or 767-2266.

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I realized (a little late) that some of our Wives of Faith ladies might want to join us in our blog carnival but have never done a blog! So consider this your blogging tutorial!

A blog is basically an online journal of your very own. You can post anything you like that you want others to know about and there are all sorts of different kinds of blogs out there – from the popular mommy blogs where women write about their days and adventures of being moms, to milspouse blogs that cover what it’s like to be a military spouse, to cooking blogs… you get the idea.

Here are some basic steps in getting started and what you need to know to participate in our Twelve Days of Christmas Blog Carnival.

Step 1. Set up a Blog.

You can set up a free one through blogger.com or wordpress.com. Each of these sites will walk you through what you need to do in order to set one up, which can happen in about five minutes. You’ll need a name (think of something creative, don’t recommend you using your own) and you can choose a template the blogging site offers as your basic design. If you’d like some inspiration, take a look at some of the milspouse blogs over here. If you’d like a more thorough explanation, I found a tutorial complete with video that may help.

Step 2. Start blogging!

Once you have your blog, now it’s time to start blogging! Look for our topic cues each day from the Blog Carnival. You’ll write about that topic on your own blog. Feel free to add a picture or a youtube video. (If you’re not sure, just google “how to add a picture to your blog” – if you have a question, there’s a 99.9% chance someone has answered it!)

Step 3. Don’t forget to add a link.

A link is the address of a blog post or website. The link to this post is http://www.wivesoffaith.org/blogging-basics. When you write your post for a specific day, you’ll want to make sure you include a link to Wives of Faith (http://www.wivesoffaith.org). Then, you’ll want to come back to the Blog Carnival post in question and comment and include the link to your post.
This is a quick run-down on how to start a blog. Other milspouse bloggers, feel free to chime in with your comments if you think of other helpful tips! Happy blogging!

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