Wives of Faith

Loneliness can set in at home when your loved one is deployed.  It’s an eerie feeling that creeps into the very heart of your home in the form of new noises noticed in the middle of the night that keep you awake or an unfamiliar echo down the hallway or the odd feeling of quiet upon returning home.  As military wives, we dread this time period because it means a definite change in the household structure has occurred, and our life is now different even though it isn’t.  We are embarking on a new adventure alongside our spouse yet are left to take care of what’s been left behind – the homefront.

There’s an old saying that “Home is where the heart is.”  Home has different connotations for each individual because of culture, background, life experiences and other factors.  Home can mean simply a brick home loaded full of furniture, toys and other important mementos.  Home can be a humble apartment dwelling where you are somewhat settled in.  Home can be your family’s home where you return for frequent visits and feel your soul nourished just from those familiar smells that you can’t quite capture in your new home dwelling.  Home can mean being around loved ones who just love you and make you feel safe.  Home can mean a fresh start in a safer environment conducive to your living needs.  Home can create an environment of fortitude and refuge while the craziness of the world halts outside your doormat.  Home is what you make it to be, what it means to you and/or what your soul demands to be fed.

So often, we overlook the best home away from home that nourishes, replenishes and builds back up our soul, and that home is your church home, be it a local church, military chapel on base, chapel post or other.   One question beckons: “Can you call church your home away from home?”

In Ephesians 2:19-22, we learn how we are members of God’s household.  More important, Ephesians 4 captures the importance of unity in the body of Christ.  Even if you relocate more frequently than the number of years you’ve been married, even if you have lived in the same place all your life,  or even if you are in a new location knowing no one, you can seek this home away from home more so than what you realize.

But, you say, I am alone, I don’t know anyone, & I am scared.  How can I call this place my home away from home? We at Wives of Faith are eager to assist you with this very issue.  Our top goal in the coming years is to open and support Wives of Faith chapters so that many military wives like you and I can meet, share, pray, and support one another in addition to your church home.

Your church home is a place where you and your spouse seek spiritual development and growth.  Without it, you are lost, yet you feel lost when sitting in church without him.  It’s an awkward feeling walking into church alone, guiding your children down the hallway to their Sunday school classroom, being by yourself and enduring the sympathetic looks from your peers.  Yet we need to walk this walk with other Christians so as to strengthen our faith and combat on the homefront what comes our way.

Our spouses rely on us to keep the torch lit at home, and that means attending church without them.  Our children need our strength of example to attend church especially during deployments.  Our loved ones feel relief and encouragement when others from the church reach out to us.  Our peers need to know how to best pray and support us during this trying time of separation.

We are not lost.  We wives of faith are a part of something far greater than what we even realize.  Your church home represents the body of Christ, and that includes you and your spouse regardless if it is one or both in attendance.

In addition to regular church attendance, it is important to gather with a group of women who can relate 100% to your experience.  Wives of Faith has been blessed to grow via local chapters, our web site, Facebook page, Twitter page, and our monthly newsletter.  There are so many items demanding the attention of your time and talent that it is easy to overlook attending church or participating in a group such as Wives of Faith.  Consider the positive benefit of joining a Wives of Faith chapter:  fellowship with military spouses encountering similar challenges, encouragement for being a military spouse, support for you and your children, and spiritual development and growth of your faith.  In addition to your church home, Wives of Faith can provide a home away from home.

Stephanie Arredondo is the Wives of Faith Board Treasurer.

“Fear never wrote a symphony or poem, negotiated a peace treaty, or cured a disease. Fear never pulled a family out of poverty or a country out of bigotry. Fear never saved a marriage or a business. Courage did that. Faith did that. People who refused to consult or cower to their timidities did that. But fear itself? Fear herds us into a prison and slams the doors.”
- Fearless by Max Lucado

I am reading the book, Fearless by Max Lucado, and this part really had be thinking. I am a fearful person. I always have been. It is has been something I have struggled with my whole life, and something I have never been really able to overcome.

When I read this quote, it really hits me. None of those things could have been done if those people had been fearful.
“Fear never wrote a symphony or poem.”
Think of all the beautiful music written by people who were unafraid. Unafraid that they would fail, and unafraid of what people thought. Think of Fanny Crosby who wrote about 8,000 hymns, and she was blind! If she had been afraid to write them we would not have had those beautiful hymns today.

“Fear never negotiated a peace treaty or cured a disease.”
For those generals and soldiers who were not afraid to step out with their white flag, and ask for peace. For those who dedicate their whole lives to the cure of a disease. They are not afraid of catching that disease, they only care about curing it. If they feared it like some would, we would not have the cures, and shots that save us today.

“Fear never saved a marriage or a business.”
Think of all the people who are may be afraid to step out and take the first step to saving their marriage. Think of all those who were unafraid to take that first step, and what a difference it made in their lives.

There are so many amazing things that people have done because they did not let fear interfere with their lives! If we let fear control our life, how can we live life to the fullest? We can’t. I don’t know about you, but I am going to determine to not let fear run my life. I don’t have to live in fear or worry of every little thing, I can have courage and trust in the Lord, and live life to the fullest!

“Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, ‘My foot is slipping,’ your love, O Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation, brought joy to my soul.”
Psalm 94:17-19 (NIV)

Recently I went with some others from my Sunday School class to take food to a homeless shelter and participate in a Bible Study. There was a snowstorm outside. We made dinner, took it to the shelter, served everyone there as well as some people on the street, and then sat down with everyone who wanted to join in a Bible Study led by one of our group. No one was forced to participate.

The people staying at the shelter have had some very difficult lives. They have dealt with unstable families and substance abuse, loss of material possessions and loss of loved ones. They have dealt with plenty of troubles which could have led them to become bitter.

And yet, these were some of the sweetest people I have ever met! They were grateful that we brought food, they were welcoming, they were gracious. Some of them were believers in Christ, and during the Bible study when they shared what God had been putting on their hearts, I was so impressed by their faith and trust in God! They knew His hope and trusted Him for their futures. They had joy in their circumstances.

I was humbled when we left that night. Certainly, we all have hardships. But to be honest, I have been blessed by God BIG-time, and I know it! So why do I sometimes let myself get bogged down in a pity-party because I have a bad day or because my husband is gone for a few months? Is my God not still with me? Yes. Is He still blessing me? Yes. Do I have hope and joy through Christ, guaranteed for eternity? Yes! Okay…so why do I sometimes indulge in my pity-parties? Because I’m selfish, and sometimes I just lose sight of the big picture.

My husband is actually really great at keeping a big picture perspective. When I’m with him, I can always count on him to bring my focus back to the big picture, a more “eternal” point of view. With him gone, I am learning to look to God for this perspective. I am grateful that He has made clear to me yet another strength and admirable quality in my mate, while at the same time showing me that HE is the one that truly provides this perspective, this wisdom. Recognizing what God has done in my life goes a long way towards helping to rekindle the joy James 1 tells me I should be aware of in difficult circumstances, because this joy is from God – regardless of my circumstances! So the next time I feel down because I am missing my husband, I am simply going to focus on God and count my blessings! And remember those joy-filled homeless people praising God in the snowstorm.

Several days ago as I was reading my Bible, a verse in Proverbs really stuck out to me. In Proverbs 22:2 it says,“The Rich and poor meet together: the Lord is the maker of them all.” It brought new meaning to me now that I am a military wife, and my husband and I deal with people who are of different ranks. Of course my husband has to respect those at higher ranks then he is, which is pretty much everyone, and he does! But the thing that was totally new to me and unexpected, was how some of the military wives wear their husband’s rank on the shoulders, figuratively speaking that is.

I think it is sad that some people miss out on being friends or getting to know certain people because they do not think they hold the rank that they should or because the wives will not talk to certain ladies whose husbands are a lower rank than them. There are so many great friendships you are missing out on, when you don’t look beyond rank, and see the person for who they are!

When I read Proverbs 22:2, it really struck me how awesome God is! He does not judge us by rank or whether we are rich or poor. He made us all the same and loves us all the same. I am so thankful that we do not have to worry that God will not love us because of certain things, or because of what we do, he loves us no matter what we do or who we are! So today, know that no matter who may judge you by looking at your outside appearance or by what you may or may not have, know that God looks at your heart, and he sees a very special person!

One More Night with the Frogs

By Jocelyn Green

I’m not a betting sort of person, but if I were, I would put down money (plenty of it) on the fact that military families go through more “new beginnings” than just about any other group of people. Of course, maybe we don’t see it that way every time there is a PCS, deployment, or homecoming from deployment. Maybe we just see it as change. And change is hard.

Right now I’m reading a new book by Leeana Tankersley called Found Art: Discovering Beauty in Foreign Places (Zondervan). She wrote this memoir based on her first year of marriage to a Navy SEAL. They married in San Diego and eight days later forged a new beginning together in Saudi Arabia. Talk about change! I love how she describes it:

“Change is horribly uncomfortable. Like the wrong pair of jeans, change pinches and squeezes in the most inconvenient places. A lot of wriggling and writhing is involved. Maybe even some sucking in and prone posturing. Just when you think you’ve fit in, you realize you’re spilling over the top and sides in the worst way. Very, very little ease.” (Found Art, p. 19)

Strangely enough, even when the change will be good for us, it can still be hard. Remember the story about Moses calling down all sorts of awful plagues on Pharaoh in order to convince him to release the Jewish people from slavery? The second plague was frogs. Exodus 8 tells us that they came up out of the water and covered the land. Pharaoh pleaded with Moses to ask God to make them go away.

“Moses said to Pharaoh, ‘Be pleased to command me when I am to plead for you and for your servants and for your people, that the frogs be cut off from you and your houses and be left only in the Nile.’ And he said, ‘Tomorrow.’” (Exodus 8:9,10)

Tomorrow? Really? If it were me, I’m pretty sure I would have said, “Right now!” Wouldn’t you?

The Bible doesn’t tell us exactly why Pharaoh wanted to keep the swarming, slimy frogs around that night. Did he think they were cute?  The decision is shocking to me. But perhaps there is a lesson to be learned from the frogs and how they relate to the changes we need to make in our own lives.

How many times have you thought about a bad habit you’d like to break or a new discipline you’d like to develop in yourself, but decided to put it off? I know I’ve done this more often than I’d care to admit. For some reason, even if we know our habits (frogs) are bad for us, it’s easier to keep them around than to make a change. Maybe, just maybe, those little frogs start to seem like pets after a while. Could it be that after we’ve had our habits for some time, we don’t mind them anymore?

The new beginnings that happen to us, we can’t do much about. The new beginnings which happen within us, however—those are completely up to us.

If there’s something you need to change in your own life, don’t wait until next January rolls around to make a New Year’s resolution. Don’t spend one more night with the frogs, like Pharaoh did. Ask God to help you (claim Philippians 4:13!). Make that change and watch as a new beginning –a very positive one—emerges for you.

Jocelyn Green is the author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives (along with 14 contributing writers) and co-author of Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq & Afghanistan. Visit her Web site and blog at www.faithdeployed.com.

Merry Christmas to all of our Wives of Faith! May God’s love fill you with warmth and the reminder that no matter what your situation today – whether you have all of your family around you or saving a place at the table for one who has yet to arrive – that His love is enough.

But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Each morning as I open the box on my vanity to reach for my watch I quickly glance at three coins that sit on top of a pile of bracelets. Although I don’t believe in magic, I call them my magic coins because they represent three separate yet very connected moments in time when the frosty winter air of deployment became like the long-awaited breath of spring.

While my husband was deployed, I kept busy with my daughter to pass the long and lonely days. The thrill of winter wore off about six or seven months into our deployment so we started spending a day here and there at the mall. We would head to the play place for some fun, grab a bite to eat at the food court and then she would fall asleep in her stroller and I would window shop for a few before heading home. One time in particular, an elderly gentlemen stopped us and greeted my daughter by asking how her day was and telling her that she must be a special little gal. He proceeded to hand her a quarter, told her to put it in her pocket so she wouldn’t lose it and then parted with a smile.

This happened two more times in nearly identical fashion with two more elderly gentlemen looking to be about the same age. The second gentleman gave a half dollar. The third gentleman gave a dollar coin. Three separate days, three different gentlemen, three coins increasing in sequential value.

Coincidence? Is there such a thing? Sometimes I jokingly say that some things are just “happy accidents,” but those “happy accidents” are really “purposeful blessings.”

Clearly, Hebrews 13:2 comes to mind: “Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.”

These coins may not be supernatural, but they are a constant reminder of the supernatural power of my God in Heaven. He is always there. Deuteronomy 31:8 says, “The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

It’s especially easy to be afraid and discouraged during a deployment or even during major changes in our lives, but let us not forget the supernatural power of God, the power of the cross or even the presence of the angels among us.

I recently attended a woman’s conference with my friend at her church. It was a two-day event with food, and a great speaker. I learned so much and there were several stories and illustrations that stood out to me, and one of them I wanted to share.

Annie Chapman was the speaker and she gave this illustration. She showed the audience a twenty dollar bill, just like the one in the picture shown above. She asked if anyone would like to have the twenty dollar bill. Of course everyone in the audience raised there hands, because who wouldn’t want someone to give them twenty dollars? She then took the clean, crisp twenty and crumpled it up, and asked if anyone still would like to have it. Everyone again raised their hands, because it is still twenty dollars whether it is wrinkled or not. She then took the twenty dollar bill,threw it on the floor, stomped on it, and picked it up and asked again who would want the bill now? Again, everyone raised their hands. She said of course we would still take a crumples old twenty dollar bill no matter what it looked like… Why? Because it’s still valuable!

Just like that twenty dollar bill, we may feel dirty from sin, or the things of this life. We listen to Satan’s lies that we are no good, or that we have no worth. But no matter what we have done in the past or what other people tell us we are, we are like that twenty dollar bill, we are still valuable to God. He still loves us and can use us no matter how dirty we feel. So don’t buy into Satan’s lies that you are nothing, remember that you are still valuable to God!

In Joyce Meyer’s book, Battlefield of the Mind, she writes about being positive and how it can have a profound effect on our lives. Her seemingly simple words filled my mind with powerful wisdom.

“Positive minds produce positive lives. Negative minds produce negative lives. Positive thoughts are always full of faith and hope. Negative thoughts are always full of fear and doubt.”

That’s something I already know, but the problem becomes when I fail to put it into practice! We must change our thinking patterns. Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” If you are finding yourself neck deep in negative thinking and things just aren’t going the way that you think they should then remember this morsel of wisdom from Proverbs and be full of faith and hope. God has promised us that ALL things work together for the good of those who love him.

I want to encourage you today to put aside all negativity so that you might banish fear and doubt from your mind. In doing so, you will create a pathway for faith and hope to waltz right into your heart and mind. Arm yourselves with God’s good word so that in times of negative thinking you will have weapons of mass destruction to blow away Satan’s lies.

Let this empower you today! Let’s be victorious, ladies!

Coping with R&R

This is a new feature we are offering for our monthly newsletter. So often, military wives have found themselves in years gone by chatting with each other over the back fence, sharing recipes and trading tips of navigating the military life. The back fence may not be there all the time now, as more and more military wives are spread out and away from each other, but we can still share and offer each other help with the situations we find ourselves in.

Question: My husband is coming home on leave in 3 weeks, and I am, of course, extremely excited about it. I am also rather apprehensive.

We have 3 small children. The youngest, our little girl, will turn one while my husband is home, and we have a 2 year-old boy and a 3 1/2 year-old boy. I’m really concerned about discipline while my husband is home, as far as how much he should do. Two toddler boys are bound to get into trouble in two weeks time!

I am mostly concerned about the transition back to just mommy after having daddy here for 2 weeks. I’m really into a routine with the children, it almost seems as if it would be easier for him to just skip the leave and come home for good in January. I feel guilty about feeling that way, but the boys are going to be a wreck when he goes back after leave. Have you run into any other wives with similar situations?

I just continue to pray that we can have a sweet time together as a family, and that I will have the strength and wisdom to help the kids when he has to go back.

Any thoughts you or any of the other wives of faith ladies have would be greatly appreciated!

- Janelle

Here’s what we shared with Janelle. Please add or offer your own advice, especially if you’ve lived through this situation!

Answer: Here are two different thoughts I had about your situation. First, I’ve known some wives with children as young as yours who took time during the R&R to go away as a family on a trip so they weren’t necessarily at home the entire time and the kids didn’t get used to their daddy being home and in the normal home routine and environment only to leave again. That’s one idea, but in today’s economy, may not be possible, and your husband may just want to come home and relax. The Armed Forces Vacation Club offers some great deals in condos, though, like in Florida, (among other places) and may be a fun idea to check out… (www.afvclub.com – we’ve used them twice and had a great experience).

The other thought ties into that. Talk with your husband and find out what his expectations are for the two weeks. Does he want to see a lot of people? Does he just want to rest and lay on the couch? What does he want to do? Talk with him about your concerns for the kids and together as a couple, figure out what parts of your routine are important to keep while he’s home (for example, bedtimes, nap times) and what can be let go temporarily.

Let me say this: resist the urge to try and make these two weeks perfect. As wives, we like to control things as much as possible to keep from going crazy, but sometimes, it’s our trying to control things that actually does end up driving us crazy!

Keep your expectations reasonable and simple. Don’t plan a ton of activities and make it your goal simply for the family to have some good quality family time being together. Turn off the phone, step away from the computer. Don’t worry too much about routines being upset and what things will be like once your husband leaves again. You’ve done a great job so far with this deployment and it will be fine on the other side of R&R as well, as long as you believe that yourself. Do make sure that the two of you have some alone time together while he’s home, and don’t feel guilty for leaving the kids with a babysitter or another family member, even if it’s just for a few hours one evening. You are both parents, but you are husband and wife first and you need that time together.

Your feelings about him skipping the R&R are also completely normal, lots of wives feel that way. He also probably has mixed feelings about coming home, knowing that just about the time he gets used to being back, he’ll have to leave again. See this time as a blessing for your family to be together once again and a reminder of how much you love each other and the importance of not taking the little things for granted.

Ask God to give you peace about this time and go ahead and start praying that He will help your children as well, and give you wisdom as their mom. Remember this verse from Psalm 56:3 “When I am afraid, I will trust in you, O Lord.”

Trust that God is going to take care of all of you during this time, just as He has. I’ll be praying for you!! Let me know how things go!

Have a question for The Back Fence? Email your question to info@wivesoffaith.org and please include “Back Fence” in the subject line.