Our local connoisseur of fabulous cheap finds, Mary Hance (also known as Ms. Cheap to all you Tennessean readers) has published a book, Love For a Lifetime: Daily Wisdom and Wit for a Happy Marriage.  One of her reader favorites is how to start your marriage:  After you say I Do, you move 2,000 miles away from your family and start your life together.  That way you don’t have the excuse to run from your marriage when life comes at you.  Both of you learn quick and early on to depend on one another, and that is the best way to start your marriage.  This is a befitting description for us military wives who dive into marriage in a similar fashion.  Call it “love makes you blind,” but I like to think of it as the lifelong adventure I was born to experience.

We military wives say I Do in many ways either on a whim in the county courthouse, in a local church, on the beach, or even over the Internet (yes, there was a military wedding where he was in a combat zone and she was in her hometown).  Each marriage is unique as it starts off.  My husband and I wanted the church and reception type of I Do so that it included our family and friends.  Recently, upon watching our wedding video with our children, my husband and I reminisced about the early days of our marriage, and how eight years later, our marriage has flourished, has endured the seven year itch and has been tested with deployments, children and other matters that you least expect when you say I Do.

The tests of marriage will always occur.  It’s true that you cannot run home to your parent’s house or a friend’s house to seek support especially living 2,000 miles away from your hometown.  God can only provide the strength you seek in these moments of weakness.  Philippians 4:13 says it best with “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Unfortunately, some tests of our marriage come in hurtful ways and at our weakest moments.

• Mismanagement of your finances has placed undue pressure on your marriage.
• Someone else got the promotion your husband hoped to get, and as a result, he turned to alcohol.
• A female officer falsely accuses your spouse of sexual assault, and he loses rank.
• Your husband is on deployment when miscarriage occurs.
• Online pornography intrigues your husband.
• Going out to local bars seems like innocent fun until the next morning.
• Your next PCS move is unexpected and separates you both for a year.
• Your anger and frustration mount as you maintain the home front, and when home, he does little to no household chores.

There are many other ways that the enemy attacks your marriage besides these bulleted points, but our weakest moments can be the turning point needed to build character the way God intended in our marriages.

Ephesians 6: 10-18 encourages us to protect ourselves against spiritual attack.  When it comes to our marriage, the oneness is challenged by the long distance separation of deployments, the pressures of parenting, the care for aging parents, a demanding job, and/or the mismanagement of time invested in your marriage.  No wonder military marriages are challenged.  When we are our weakest is exactly when we must summon our strength, yet when we let our guard down is when the enemy makes the most of this opportunity. Unguarded strength is a double weakness.

How do you combat these spiritual attacks?

1. Prayer is a powerful weapon.
2. Attending a Wives of Faith group meeting is another wonderful way to support, encourage and reach out to one another.
3. Should you need to talk on a personal level, it is important to discern and find a Christian advocate to help you see God in the picture.
4. Believe that this character building time will produce amazing fruit of the spirit in you and your marriage.
5. Have faith.

The enemy works through people and things and presents timewasters to distract us.  Often, the enemy starts with our minds, and a low self-esteem is indicative of poor time management (especially true if you are seeking a job/calling as referenced in Dan Miller’s 48 Days to the Work You Love).  We spend a lot of time thinking and trying to change our spouse when we should change ourselves first.  We forget about our role as wife, and we find frustration in our husbands who lack initiative in stepping up to their role as head of household.  In Ephesians 5: 15-16, we are warned to live purposely.

Are you making the most of your time?

Where you invest your time is telling of your priorities in life.  It’s comforting to know that you do have a plan.  Marriage is a lifelong plan of commitment to this one special person God sent into your life.   Over Valentine’s Day weekend in our Sunday School class, we went around the room and told the story of how we met.  Granted, it was a good load of laughs, and you could see each couple’s spark about how they met either while in school, through mutual friends, at a social event or even online (rare but becoming more common with military marriages).  One grandmother even played matchmaker to one couple who now have five children.  The marriages ranged from 1 year to 16 years.  Each marriage started off the same way – saying I Do.

While I Do represents the beginning, the journey has a telling story depending on your daily decisions, purposeful living and management of self.  If you make the most of opportunities through wise time management and the sword of the Spirit, there won’t be double weakness but an amazingly unbreakable bond of strength that will enhance your marriage until death do you part.

What are some words of wit and advice regarding the secret to a military marriage?  Please post your comments below (especially any romantic Valentine ideas)!

Stephanie Arredondo is the Wives of Faith board treasurer.

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