A few years back I attended a Women of Faith conference. The title was Amazing Freedom. I was very excited about this event. I thought we would talk about what a great country we live in, how we can express our faith freely, and maybe even talk about military life. I had experienced some road blocks in my life when expressing my faith. So I was looking for ideas on how to overcome those objections.
I nestled in my seat for the sessions and was completely surprised at our discussions. We were talking about freedom, but it was freedom from things like depression, or needing to forgive yourself or someone else. I felt like our discussion wasn’t anything I could relate to. I was disappointed. I wanted to talk about our military life, our freedom of speech and things that pertained to me. What I didn’t realize is that the topics that were being covered that weekend I did need to hear. God knew that I needed to hear them.
Most of my life my mom has struggled with depression. She has been on and off of medication throughout my adult life. Until the Women of Faith conference I never realized how much her illness impacted my life. I also realized that I held it against her. I wanted her to succeed in life and step up to challenges in spite of her illness. I wasn’t willing to allow her to use it as an excuse or even recognize that some things in her life are the way they are because of depression.
It would be months later that I would come to terms with my mom’s depression. I needed to forgive her and let go. I needed to allow her to be my mom the best way she knows how and not hold on to expectations that she couldn’t meet. I needed to be free from those binding images and regret because we didn’t have a “Leave it to Beaver” life.
What I came to understand is that my mom’s depression is my mom’s depression. It isn’t mine. It doesn’t have to define who I am. I hate seeing her struggle with it. But that part of the struggle is hers. I can’t own it or take it over. I have to allow her to deal with it. I can’t change the past and I couldn’t continue to hold a grudge against her because I wanted a better past. I can succeed in life. I no longer have to use my past as an excuse for where I am today. I can change the future. I can change how I relate to my children, husband, friends and family. I can change how I see my mom. I can change how I interact with her. That is just what I did. I changed. Instead of trying to change my mom and the surroundings I changed the way I saw things.
Through those months I enlisted the help of a wonderful therapist. I also sought refuge in God. I knew that counseling would help me work through some of the things but I also knew that the forgiveness I needed to give my mom and myself would only come by trusting in God. Over time God allowed me to see things differently. He gave me the strength and peace to forgive myself and my mom. I now know what it’s like to have peace from our Heavenly Father. He knew me all my bumps and bruises. He knew my whole life history. When I came to Him because I didn’t know where else to go, He helped heal the hurt, the frustration, disappointment and guilt. He took those feelings away and gave me hope. He gave me amazing freedom.
Shannon is the founder of FMWCN and has been married to the military for 10 years. Together she and her husband have 4 children.
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