I know it’s been a while. I don’t blame you if you don’t recognize me. Let me reintroduce myself. I’m Amber who used to be pretty regular at doing Blog Spotlights and would occasionally send Pattie some Daily Encouragements and a Blog Post or two. I wish I could say that I had disappeared because God was doing amazing things in my life and he was keeping me so busy that I just didn’t have a minute to sit down and type a few words. But, I can’t say that. Something else was keeping me away.

I was really surprised to see that I wasn’t the only one that felt like she had disappeared. My favorite Peanut Butter Ball chef admitted that she hadn’t been able to come here and write in her post Forgiveness. I really understood about wanting to, but not being able to do it.

What was keeping me away, you ask?

I was afraid. But, let me start at the beginning. A little over a year ago I quit my job. I didn’t find another one. I had been volunteering at church, but the ministries that I’m involved in do not allow me to attend Sunday School or Wednesday night  church. Then, about five months ago, I got pregnant. Now, your first thought may be that I was afraid that we wouldn’t have the money. That was a concern, but not what was foremost in my mind. You see, two years before I had my son I had my first miscarriage. Then I had another. So my knee jerk reaction was to worry that I would lose this child too. I didn’t want to be afraid. I knew that it wass wrong to fear and that I needed to have faith. I needed to believe God’s promises. Over and over I begged God to take away my fear. I cried out to him to protect me and my tiny little baby. I finally began to ask him to show me why I was so much more afraid this time, after I’ve had one successful pregnancy, after I had passed the most dangerous stage for miscarriage, after every visit to the doctor showed that our baby was growing and thriving.  Why was I paralyzed by fear?

It wasn’t until a week ago when I was diagnosed with iron deficiency anemia that things began to make sense.

There are two periods of my life that I will immediately name as the times that God grew my faith the most. My husband’s deployment and when I was pregnant with my son. I am no stranger to fear. This time something was different.

While I was working it was easy for me to stay fed. I mean that figuratively and literally. I listened to Christian radio everyday on the way to work and back, I ate lunch with my friend with whom I shared great food and even better conversations about religion. God even worked through our patients to minister to me, and at the time we were attending a church where I was able to ago to Sunday School as well as serve the church. My spiritual platter was spilling over the sides.

This time around, my life had transitioned into a much different routine.  We started going to a larger church where I served gladly! I sing with the praise and worship team, I work with AWANA on Wednesdays and I started substitute teaching at the school. I felt like I was giving a little bit back of what had been given to me. It’s work that I love doing. But I didn’t realize that little by little I was depleting my spiritual health, until it was too late. I was sick. Very sick. And I knew that my heart was yearning for something but I was so far gone, I couldn’t tell what it was that I needed. Then I was attacked by Satan’s most dangerous weapon: Fear. The fear that consumed almost every minute of my day was a disease. Not a physical illness, but a spiritual one.

When we get sick  we try to take care of ourselves and we take medicine. When my doctor called with the results from my bloodwork, she told me to eat right and take iron. Honestly, my eating habits have been pretty sorry lately. I’ve always tended to be nutritionally conscious. Blame it on being raised by a Home Economics teacher. But, combined Morning (meaning All Day) Sickness and first trimester fatigue depleted my reserves quickly. I wasn’t taking in the nutrients I needed to thrive.

After I prayed to God to tell me why I was so scared this time, he revealed to me that just as I was physically undernourished, I was spiritually anemic too. My Daily Bread routine had been reduced to occasional Bible readings. Reading my Bible was good. But it wasn’t enough to fight off spiritual attacks and minister to others. I realized that I had been starving for the food, the bread of life,  that I had had in such abundance before.  Just like our bodies require certain amounts of nutrients and calories for us to stay healthy, our spirit needs constant replenishment for those times that we use up our spiritual stores of energy like when we are facing times of trial or an onslaught of spiritual warfare.

God showed me that to get well, to get rid of the disease of Fear, that I need to make some serious effort to continually nourish my mind. I have to quit relying on spiritual snacks to supply everything I need and pull belly up to the banquet table. I’m going to have to feed myself a well balanced diet of the Word by reading daily, listening to teachers and making a point to interact with my Christian friends. And I’ll supplement all that with a good dose of Christian music.

I’m struggling with Fear even as I type this. But I’m getting better everyday. If you are struggling with fear in your life, pray that God will show you how to fill your mind with his love and hope leaving no room for fearful thoughts.  Reach out to someone that you can trust to help you through your trial and above all be willing to accept the truths of God’s instruction in your life.

Scripture to snack on.

God is love. 1 John 4:16

If we have love, there is no need to fear. 1 John 4:18

God will deliver us from our hunger and thirst. Psalm 107:5-6

Jesus is the Bread of Life. John 6:32-33

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