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Author Archive for Catherine Fitzgerald

Love is Patient

Posted by Catherine Fitzgerald on Friday, February 5th, 2010 in Faith | Comments (1)

Ahhh, love is in the air. Yes, it is upon us once again. February, the month dedicated to the one emotion that can incite wars, produce Hollywood blockbusters, and cause even the most levelheaded of us to “act a fool,” as the kids say. Love. I love love. And usually, I love the month of February because it means the celebration of love. It also means chocolate and flowers. I love love, but I also really love chocolate and flowers.

Yet, this February I find myself not to be in my normal state of jubilation as I usually am this time of year. It is, of course, directly related to the fact that my love, the one I want to celebrate love with, and the one from whom I would love to receive chocolate and flowers, is deployed. When you find yourself in this state as a military wife, that once exciting celebration of love quickly can turn into a nasty reminder that you are alone on a day that is meant to be shared.

I’ve really been thinking about this a lot lately. How do we as military spouses navigate the sometimes murky waters of relationships when much of our relationship is spent apart? Relationships require time together, and that is something that is often in a dangerous deficit for us military folk.  The world is ready to give us answers that are both unhealthy and wrong. Their answers seem to revolve around us making impetuous choices that seek to destroy any semblance of true love. So, in an effort to answer this question, I had to go to the One source that would tell me truth.

When you want to know the truth about love, your best bet on any day is to go straight to 1 Corinthians 13. This is the definition of love. While I know this to be true for regular people, I wanted to find the definition for those of us who love a military man. I didn’t have to read too far. In fact, I didn’t even have to go past the first three words of verse 4:

“Love is patient…” 1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

The word patience in the verse means to “be long-spirited,” or to endure “longsuffering” (Strong’s Greek Lexicon). Long spirited, longsuffering, endurance. No other words can best describe what military marriage needs most of all, nor can any other definition reveal what love means to those in the military. Endurance defined is “the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc.; the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions.”

When we stepped in front of our God, our family, and our friends and pledged our love, we said that we would continue to love our partner despite “fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions.” Perhaps more so than our civilian counterparts, we have the opportunity with each and every separation to show the patience and endurance that love is supposed to have. Even in times when it can be painful to watch as others rejoice, we are given the chance to truly live God’s definition of love through our patience. Patience in the waiting for our love to return. Patience in the stressors of military life. Patience in the endurance that we as a military spouse have to maintain. It can be hard, I know, but when we love in accordance with His word, it produces a love worth celebrating any time of year.

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He sets the lonely in families

Posted by Catherine Fitzgerald on Thursday, November 19th, 2009 in Faith | Comments (0)

I remember the first time I really felt alone in this military life. We had moved to Florida, almost twelve hours from our families, and I hadn’t met anyone despite failed attempts at wives groups on base. Besides that, I had a new baby and a yearning to have some deep connections with people. It wasn’t until about a year of being there that slowly, God began weaving together a tapestry of lives. First, there was an amazing church He led us to. Then, He brought us a couple of single Marines and Sailors down the street, who were willing to clean the kitchen in exchange for home cooked meals. After that, He opened the floodgates of fellow military spouses through simply obeying Him when He called me to start a Bible study in my home.

On one particular day, that had no significance in terms of a party or celebration, I found myself scrounging to prepare a meal for roughly six Marines, one sailor, two toddlers, a Marine wife who called a couple days before asking if she could stay with us as she was house hunting and her mother. While some of the men sat on the couch playing video games, a couple of the guys were moving tables and chairs from the dining room into the eat kitchen. A hodge podge meal was thrown together and a hodge podge crew sat down to eat it. Like Jesus with the fishes and loaves, miraculously there was enough food to feed this group and then some. My front door had resembled that of a department store or a hotel, rotating around with a variety of people stopping by for various reasons throughout the day and the meal. The funny part was, this was a typical day in our house. There was always too much food, always unexpected guests, and always a feeling of home away from all of our “homes.”

God’s word says that He is, “a father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:5-6 NIV

It is easy to become saddened or discouraged when our military journey takes us away from our family of origin. But, God says He sets the lonely in families. Sometimes we are born into them, but better yet, sometimes we can choose them. What a wonderful blessing from a wonderful Creator!

As we settle into a year at our latest duty station, this time just two hours from our parents, I am amazed yet again as God has set me in a new family. Again, He has given me an amazing church, great neighbors and a plethora of military spouses that I know I could call on for anything. God knew how important my new family would be as my husband deployed a few months after our arrival.

Have you found yourself struggling with the difficulty of being away from your family of origin? Have you considered that God is ready and willing to set you into a family right where you are? What have you done to seek out His promise? Pray that God will build your family wherever you are. Then, start investing in the lives of those around you and before you know it, you will find yourself with a kinship that will outlast any military contract!

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Love & Military Wives

Posted by Catherine Fitzgerald on Friday, October 9th, 2009 in Marriage | Comments (0)

Lately, I’ve been thinking about what God’s word means to me as a military wife. One of the best things about the Bible is that it applies to all. There are no caveats, no small print, and no asterisks of exception. So, while I would like to pick and choose the passages that assuage my selfish self, God is constantly reminding me that He is talking to me too in every word He speaks.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is perhaps one of the most recognizable passages to both Christians and non-Christians alike. It is quoted at just about every wedding and can be heard at every sermon on the topic of love. It is a passage that I sometimes like to add a “but” too. For me, it is far too easy to blame this whole military life as the reason I can’t show true love to my husband at any given a moment. “But God, my situation is too hard to show love!” “But God, you didn’t mean it for people going through what I am going through!” Yet I know good and well that the Lord’s word is just as applicable to me, a military wife, as it was to the Christians in Corinth. I wonder what these verses would have sounded like if Paul wrote them to us military wives? Perhaps, it would go a little something like this:

Love is patient during long deployments, demanding training and an erratic schedule.

Love is kind after months of being a single parent with no help with the house, the kids, the finances, the pets, the cars, homework, grocery shopping, sickness, or dirty diapers.

It does not envy the fact that every so often you get to deploy to a place that sounds more like a vacation than work.

It does not boast that I get to eat Mexican food for dinner while you finish yet another MRE.

It is not proud…well, actually it is proud of what you are doing for your country and your family, but never in a self-righteous way.

It is not rude because you aren’t really a phone talker and don’t have much to say during our few phone calls while you are away.

It is not self-seeking as evidenced by the sacrifice I make, along with you, each and every day.

It is not easily angered when you come home late, miss another soccer game, or don’t get back on the date I was told. 

It keeps no records of wrongs because we know that our time together is so limited and precious that we can’t waste it on such pettiness.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth that through every deployment, every challenge, and every trial God is strengthening our marriage in a way our civilian counterparts can never understand.

It always protects our marriage from steering clear of temptations during separation,

Always trusts that God will bring us back together again,

Always hopes that it will be during our time on earth, but we know it may not be until we reach heaven,

Always perseveres through this military life because we have the strength of our Heavenly Father and an intense love for one another.

Love never fails because it is in it for the long haul, no matter what the cost, no matter where this military journey takes us.

Have you let this military existence become your excuse? God’s word is speaking as directly to our lives as He was to the Israelites, the Corinthians, the Thessalonians and every other group in the Bible. It is easy to allow our circumstances to excuse our behaviors that show a lack of love. But, we must never forget that the words written in the Bible were meant for us all without a mention of a caveat, minus all small print, and devoid of a tiny asterisk of exception for military wives.

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Plans Interrupted

Posted by Catherine Fitzgerald on Tuesday, September 8th, 2009 in Marriage | Comments (1)

He arrived home like virtually every other Thursday night before, late for dinner and by the looks of him, utterly exhausted. But, this Thursday, my dear Marine seemed to be especially on edge.

Every “tell me about your day” was diverted and dodged like it was incoming fire. Finally, after my insistence for him to just tell me how his day was, he curtly responded that we should finish our dinner. Annoyed, and a bit confused as to why he couldn’t share with me his usual daily report, I flippantly responded, “What? Are you deploying or something?” What I thought was an outrageous impossibility given the fact that he just got to his squadron but a month ago and had a series of qualifications to complete as a new pilot, I quickly realized might be probable reality by the abrupt change of his face color from peachy flesh to tomato red.

When I grasped what had just transpired, I felt the center of my stomach drop from within.  Simultaneously, a sudden gratitude that my husband had resisted my nagging question about his day rushed over me. At least by this point, I had a bit of food in my stomach to help process this unexpected news. Like any wife of an armed service member, my first question was simple, “When?” Sheepishly, I watched his face continue to change colors like a mood ring I used to have as a child. By now, it had taken on a cotton white tone.

His response almost incited the same response as the first 3 months of being pregnant with our now two year old daughter did. Five days. I thought I might lose the meal I had so lovingly prepared just hours ago and my husband so kindly allowed me to eat before breaking this news.

I didn’t even think it was possible to deploy in five days. Quickly, I ran through the pre-deployment checklist I had created for him to complete before his first deployment. It wasn’t supposed to be until next year. Alarm system? Not installed. Learn how to change a tire? NO! Show me where the salt goes in the water softener? Negative. I was sure I would end up with a robber, a flat tire, and hard water all thanks to this unexpected surprise.

Not only had my pre-deployment checklist not been completed, I had plans for our summer. Plans for some sort of routine and schedule after a wild and unpredictable spring. Plans for some  quality family time. But, alas, I was just another military wife with plans interrupted.

I would like to tell you I handled this oh so sudden news with grace and dignity, but no, I didn’t. On the inside, I became like a child flailing herself on the grocery store floor as her mother tells her she cannot have any candy. Yet, my heavenly Father lovingly picked me up off the ground, wiped the streaming tears away, and told me it was going to be alright, for He had plans for me.

As I went through my first deployment, I learned of His plans. His plan was to, “prosper [me] and not to harm [me]…to give [me] hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV). While I thought prospering meant He would simply allow my plans to come to fruition, His definition meant that I would be strengthened in my faith through a time of separation from my best friend and love. While I thought it would cause me harm to deal with such an unplanned deployment, He knew my heart was salved from months and months of worry and fears had I known in advance.

Hope of the future return of my husband filled my days as I learned that I was much stronger in times of plans interrupted through the One who gave me strength to endure. Those of us in this life will undoubtedly find ourselves with our plans interrupted, but we can always have faith that His plans for us and our lives will always succeed.

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Answering God’s call

Posted by Catherine Fitzgerald on Thursday, August 6th, 2009 in Faith | Comments (1)

When my then-fiancé told me that his lifelong dream was to be a pilot in the Marine Corps and that the only thing keeping him from pursuing that dream was the fear of bringing his soon to be new bride into the military life, I immediately launched perhaps the greatest “follow your dreams” speech in all of history. It was so good in fact that it worked and before I knew it, I was thrust into a life of moving, acronyms, and a completely new way of living and thinking. It wasn’t but two months after our beautiful wedding that my husband left for the summer to what would be the first in the series of training schools that he would attend.

Our first move to our first duty station was exciting. A new city. A new house. It would feel like we were finally “real grownups” in a town far from home. It was there that I first encountered what my husband feared about pursuing his dreams at the expense of his family. His schedule was tough. He was often gone overnight or for several days on training excursions. It seemed like boys playing in the woods to me and I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t ask off for my birthday. I had a hard time finding friends and often found myself alone, waiting for his arrival.

Looking for friends

Our next duty station was in sunny Florida where my husband would attend flight school. Again, the move was exciting. A new city. A new house. And to add to all the excitement, we would be adding a new member to our family as I was pregnant with our first child. But pretty soon, the excitement wore off and again, I found myself often alone, waiting for his arrival. I started searching and searching for friends. There was a spouse’s club and I tried to attend a meeting, but I tend to become a wallflower with unfamiliar people and unfamiliar situations. I looked for something to get involved with at the base chapel, but there seemed to be nothing.  I started praying and praying that God would just bring wonderful Christian women to my doorstep so that I wouldn’t have to go find them. God started whispering in my ear, “Don’t you think there are others out there like you? Those who desire to have fellowship with other women, but are too timid or can’t seem to find any.”

So, after praying and praying for God to simply deliver the true friendships I was searching for, He asked me to go completely outside my comfort zone. He told me to start a bible study. Speaking in front of a group of my peers is more terrifying to me than wearing a bikini. But, obediently, I answered the call God placed in my heart and just prayed He would work out the details.

I first had to advertise. I contacted the spouse’s club and asked them to send an email out. There was a group on a social networking site of military wives in my area, so I posted a note asking if anyone was interested in joining a bible study for military wives. After receiving a few responses from ladies I had never met, I decided to move on and plan our first meeting.

Stepping out in faith

That first meeting, I was petrified. I was praying that God would allow just one lady to show up at least, just so I wouldn’t have to eat the entire veggie tray by myself. God faithfully answered my prayer and then some! Nine ladies showed up and I didn’t know a single one of them! As we moved through our study, week by week, I watched as He just grew and grew the group. By the time my husband and I were preparing to move on to our next duty station, the group had grown to over 50 women and had an offshoot book club that met one night a week to reach the wives who couldn’t meet during our daytime meeting.

Facilitating a study for fifty women was often daunting, but it was one of the greatest learning experiences in my faith walk. It planted the desire in me to help other women do what I did and to take that leap of faith to answer God’s call for them. Here are some of the greatest lessons I learned from my experience that can help you if God has placed a similar call in your heart:

Pray about everything. If you are don’t know where to meet, pray. If you are worried no one will come, pray. If you have no clue what to study, pray. God’s word tells us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:5-7 (NIV) Rejoice in that peace that works out even the smallest of details!

Seek help. One of my first greatest blunders (and there were many) was trying to do it all on my own and let me tell you, nothing will wear you out faster than trying to coordinate a lot of women with a lot of opinions by yourself. Remember that, “two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” Ecclesiastes 4:9 (NIV) Having different perspectives on what to study, how to run your weekly meetings, and how to deal with issues that arise is truly what will make you grow as a group. Give each member a task or responsibility to ensure that everyone is involved and feels a sense of ownership and pride in the group.

Be prepared for obstacles and hiccups! If there is one thing Satan hates most, it is faithful believers being obedient to God’s call in their lives. Satan will try to plant more stumbling blocks in your path the more you pursue following God’s will. It may be that your group remains smaller than you anticipated or that the ladies don’t get as involved in the study as you like. You might encounter unnecessary squabbles in choices in study material or meeting logistics, but “keep your head in all situations, endure hardship” 2 Timothy 4:5 (NIV). If you do, you will be as amazed as I was at how faithful God is and how he can use the least of us to do His mighty works!

If God call’s you to bring women together in His presence to study His word, answer it! There is nothing more rewarding than watching God use you as His hands and feet to bring Christians together in fellowship. It may be scary, it may require some work, but I assure you, God will ultimately bless you and grow you in ways that you never could have imagined!

Want to connect military wives in your community? Start a Wives of Faith group.

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