Like us on Facebook! Follow us on Twitter!

Author Archive for Jamie

Trusting God When We Worry

Posted by Jamie on Friday, September 10th, 2010 in Faith | Comments (3)

I am in my 2nd month of my husband’s deployment and have had a real roller coaster in terms of emotions! This is exhausting!

I started back to work a couple of weeks ago. I have no idea why I thought it would be easier and would somehow keep my mind off my husband! I mean, it does in that I am focused on work, but my mind is “tired” and distracted. I had a hard weekend as I struggled with the realization that I cannot let worry wear me out.  I was short and irritable with co-workers at times, clock-watching, and I viewed my desk as a potential minefield! And it’s only the beginning of the school year!

So, I had to really take time to spend with God, worship Him and search my heart for a mustard seed’s worth of faith to sustain me. It’s easy to give into worry—worry about my husband, worry about the future, worry about moving to his post next summer, worry that I am too tired already to start this year off right—and HARD sometimes to make a conscious choice to TRUST God. And that is all it takes.

I know with my mind that God has a plan for me and knows the outcome of every single aspect of my life and my husband’s life. But when I give into worry it’s like that’s not enough. I want God to let me in on it, give me a heads-up, maybe a sneak peek at the plan to allay my fears. Is it not enough for me that He sent His Son for me and promises to be there no matter what? Am I questioning His Holiness and greatness?

I was directed to John 11 by my rector. I have read the story of Lazarus many times but there was one aspect of it that spoke to me. When Jesus talks to both the disciples and the sisters Martha and Mary, He speaks plainly to them but they still misunderstand. He tells the disciples that Lazarus has fallen asleep and He must return to Judea to wake him up. The disciples are like, Well, you don’t need to go back to Judea as you already got in trouble there and if he’s just asleep, he’ll wake up. Jesus patiently explains He is talking about death, not actual sleep. Then a similar misunderstanding as Jesus asks Martha if she believes in the resurrection and she says, Yes Lord, I know that Lazarus will be raised with the dead at the last day. Jesus is speaking of Lazarus’ actual resurrection. This struck me because our finite minds cannot comprehend His holy mind. When I worry, I am assuming I understand God’s workings and plans. Which I don’t—I can’t. All I need to know is echoed in what Jesus says next to Martha in John 11: 25-26.

25 Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26 and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

I am just like the disciples and Martha in not really understanding what God is telling me. I don’t need to worry, I don’t need to tell God what to do, or how to do it, or that if He had been here or done this, none of this would have happened. That is not my concern. I just need to believe. I just need to know that God is there. Worry indicates I don’t trust God. Since I gave my life to Him, why wouldn’t I trust Him? This came to me as I just read and prayed and worshiped the God who is always there.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Deployment this Summer

Posted by Jamie on Thursday, August 5th, 2010 in Deployment | Comments (7)

Please welcome Jamie to our blog team! She’s a teacher and new Army wife who is facing her husband’s deployment to the Middle East. Here is her story:
==============================================================================

What I did this summer…

I am a teacher and I will return to school next month. One of my usual “icebreakers” and easy ways to assess writing skills is the “what did you do this summer?” And I usually answer the question myself to demonstrate what I am looking for in their responses. So what did I do this summer? I married a soldier . . . a man who has given up his basic freedoms and comforts to fight a war in a country thousands of miles from his beloved South. Our first year of marriage will be spent 11-and-a-half hours apart and on different continents. There is no way I would be able to do this but for the bond which unites us in Christ . . . I have no doubt in my head and heart that God called me to be this man’s wife and to support and love him during this deployment.

The first day he left brought pain, numbness and an ache I felt in my bones. I had to channel each thought of loneliness and hurt into a prayer to God. It was work . . .not talking to God . . . just work to take my hopeless thoughts into hopeful prayers . . .but I did it. Or rather, God gave me the strength to do that. As the day went by and tears filled my eyes as I thought of each moment spent with him and each moment I still wanted to spend with him, lost time, the empty 12 months stretching out before me, I countered each thought with a prayer and a verse I found for him.

Jeremiah 15:20-21: “And I will make you to this people a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you, but they shall not prevail over you, for I am with you to save you and deliver you, says the LORD. I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked, and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless.”

I found this verse for him but found it actually applied to me. I am not fighting a war with insurgents in a foreign culture, but I am fighting a battle in my heart to be strong and positive and let God handle my grief. I can’t handle it. I can’t do it by myself. But I can do it with God redeeming me and delivering me from the ruthless fear that was attacking me. I have to be a wall of bronze . . . not just for me and my walk with God but for my husband. I must be strong for him and our marriage. I must give the grief to God and let Him turn it into grace.

And so the second day, I stopped the crying, showered, and went for a walk. I organized the email and phone chains to support my husband and I sent love and prayers almost 8,000 miles away. The third day I actually met up with friends and again, sent love and prayers. And I send love and prayers to all the wives during deployment.

Popularity: 2% [?]