Kori Yates | Wives of Faith

Author Archive for Kori Yates

Marriage Resources

Posted by Kori Yates on Thursday, April 12th, 2012 in Marriage, Resources | Comments (0)

Books? Websites? Conferences? One thing about I have come to understand about life is that knowledge can be a wonderful thing. Military life is no different. As an encouragement to you and, hopefully, to your marriage, I have come up with a list of resources in these areas that could be mighty helpful. From conferences just for military couples to books written by and to military wives, this list can be a good starting point for all of us. I know in the searching I have learned much. What I also know is that many of you have additional resources in all of these areas that you have experience with or know something about. To that end – I would love for you to share!

I know in the Chat Group documents on Facebook some resources are listed, but I would like to have all women who might happen to drop by the website be able to access some great ideas for encouragement and support in military life and in their military marriage. Can’t wait to see what you all know! I am creating my own little database so that I can have it should I need it or need to share it with another. So here is what I have:

Websites:

(some of them have articles and some of them actually offer DVDs and other materials to military couples)

- www.12conversations.com/military-couples/

- www.militaryministry.org/families/

- www.americasfamilycoaches.com/military

- www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/military_marriage.aspx

- www.realwarriors.net/family/care/maritalcounseling.php

Books:

- God Strong: The Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide

- The Survival Guide for Marriage in the Military

- Operation Military Family: How Military Couples are Fighting to Preserve Their Marriages

- Called to Serve: Encouragement, Support, and Inspiration for Military Families

- Defending the Military Marriage

- Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives (there is also a sequel to this)

- Hope for the Homefront: Winning the Emotional and Spiritual Battles of a Military Wife

- Olive Drab Pom-Poms

Conferences/Retreats:

- www.militaryfamily.org/your-benefits/marriage-divorce/marriage-enrichment/

- www.sandycove.org/docs/operationoasis.php

- www.ocfusa.org/resources/conference-centers/

- www.theartofmarriageops.org/

Bring on the resources!!

Popularity: 2% [?]

MarriageCare Update

Posted by Kori Yates on Friday, March 23rd, 2012 in Marriage, Resources | Comments (0)

MarriageCare at Wives of Faith continues to encourage and support military wives and their marriages mainly through blog posts and prayer.

Recently publishing an article on Vow Renewal, MarriageCare would love to have some feeback on vows and marriage retreat curriculum used by Chaplains in all services. We would like to look at providing more resources both for wives and service members to strengthen their marriages.

Additionally, we would like to periodically do a video blog to allow a more personal connection with Wives of Faith members. The chat group on Facebook has been a great addition and a wonderful alternative to a forum (with the exception of being able to find information or threads on specific topics). It has been a great avenue for developing more “community.” We would love some suggestions on postings that are beneficial for members, i.e. articles, books, etc.

Lastly, MarriageCare is working on developing a list of resources for military wives that would be helpful in their marriage, Bible studies, and military life in general. Some websites already do this pretty well, but I feel like we could get more specific. I would love for members to share what they have used so we can compile a better resource. I know some of this is already on the chat group, but would love to transfer that information as well as new information to the website. MarriageCare at Wives of Faith continues to strive to encourage and support military wives through blog posts and other resources as they work to become what God intended them to be as well as strengthen and build their marriages.

Please comment below with your ideas, and I look forward to hearing from you!

~Kori~

Popularity: 2% [?]

Vow Renewal

Posted by Kori Yates on Thursday, March 15th, 2012 in Marriage | Comments (2)

Image courtesy of: http://wedding-planning-checklist.biz/2012/02/wedding-rings/

Vow renewal is a topic I had never thought about except for those who have hit maybe fifty or sixty year anniversaries. My husband and I have only been married about eight years. The idea of vow renewal seems a little unnecessary.

Then I was asked a question one day about where to find vows for renewing a military marriage, say after a deployment. I had never looked for such a thing. The research started. I found all kinds of answers. Some vows I found were people just wanting to be romantic because they never got the fairytale wedding they always wanted and used a vow renewal ceremony to do that. A few were adamantly opposed to vow renewal. They figured they made that promise once, why would they need to do it again? And then, I found a third group. This last group renewed their vows, but many of them had been through a traumatic experience like overcoming a terrible illness or working through infidelity in their marriage. Some had even been separated for long periods of time. They were physically back in the same place and simply wanted to reaffirm their commitment.

This third group made sense to me. Military life can bring about some traumatic experiences and some long separations. The toll on marriages can be tremendous. In “normal” life, marriage can be a challenge, one we only succeed in through the power of an Almighty God. Military marriage – well, that can be a whole different ball game, but the same God is the only way we survive.

Our vows on our wedding day were meant whole-heartedly, believing in the spouse God had given and making a covenant to
both them and God that we would last a lifetime. But no matter what we know when we get married, life brings about many things that we never anticipated. It can be hard, and it is certainly work regardless of how much love we feel. Being geographically single for a year at a time, moving for the fourth time in three years, helping a spouse work through the trauma of combat, or watching our friend’s marriage fall apart, they are all things we did not anticipate and yet this is what life has brought us.

The vow renewal I didn’t think would be necessary for another forty or fifty years becomes very meaningful at the end of a struggle or even in the midst of it. Renewing my commitment to both God and my spouse happens in my heart daily, but a more formal time when we verbalize the words in front of those who have walked this path with us doesn’t seem like such a crazy idea after all.

So – I said my vows to my husband almost eight years ago. But if we had the ceremony today, these are the words I would choose.

“When we joined hands eight years ago, we promised to love and cherish each other for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health as long as we both shall live. Today, I understand so much more about what those words mean – to love you through formal balls and deployments, paydays and reintegration, PCSs and promotions. Today, I promise to do everything in my power to combat the evil that could so easily destroy our marriage and to actively seek the joy that God has promised. It means that, regardless of what this military life brings, I will remain faithful to the covenant I made on our wedding day through the strength and power of God alone. That is my promise to you.”

Have you renewed your vows? Did you write your own? Have you been a part of a unit that has done this as a part of reintegration or pre-deployment? What are your thoughts on vow renewal? Do you have any resources you have used for this? Any of them military specific?

Me? Well, when my husband comes home today, I plan to plant a smacker on him and remind him of the promise I made years ago. God has reminded me again of the blessing He has given through my husband and the responsibility He has given me in this marriage. I plan to fight for my marriage, and continue to pray because God is the only one who can truly sustain it.

Popularity: 6% [?]

Welcome to my Crazy Life!

Posted by Kori Yates on Monday, March 5th, 2012 in Marriage | Comments (2)

I remember the song from the 90’s and over the past couple of days it has played in my head over and over. Does this ever happen to you?

Through the past few weeks, maybe months, stuff has happened. I mean, just this past week my husband had his birthday, both my children had their birthdays, we flooded the kitchen in our rental house, and had to fix a flat tire. That doesn’t count the trip to the commissary in the pouring rain with children or the fact that I looked for days for two wash cloths I know I washed. I found them – in the bottom of my unmentionables drawer. How is that?

Times like this happen, though, and in a marriage it takes some work to get through it without biting someone’s head off. My husband and I had done pretty well till we got to a discussion the other night about a new dress my daughter received as a gift and where she could wear it. What seemed like such a simple topic turned into a heated argument.

We were battling some spiritual warfare, and we knew it. God has a plan for us here in this place. We moved here just over a month ago and are just getting our feet wet. God is starting to move, and as we have so often seen, Satan starts getting in our business. He seems to do the same thing every time we get ready to jump into where God is working.

Crazy stuff happens in everyone’s life, and dealing with it in a marriage is an art we have obviously yet to master. We are getting better, though. We have begun to pray about such things, as through past experience we know it is coming. Recognizing when it shows up has helped, as well as stopping to rearrange our outlook – these things have become vital to peace and joy in the journey. These can be hard to come by when you are standing in the kitchen working on a birthday cake while five fans and a humidifier are going to dry out the kitchen floor, by the way.

The kitchen floor will get replaced (thank you, God for an emergency fund), the kids had a great birthday, and they were able to plug the tire instead of us having to buy a new one. In the end, all of this stuff is simply temporary, distractions to the will and plan of our Savior.

In our marriage we have learned to maintain our relationship with Jesus, talk to each other regularly, recognize the spiritual warfare, and pray. Paul gives us similar instructions, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances. For this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

How do you and your husband work through the craziness of life together?

Popularity: 3% [?]

No Fear

Posted by Kori Yates on Monday, January 30th, 2012 in Marriage | Comments (1)

Fear has been something God has laid on my heart lately. I know we all face it whether our marriages are struggling or spouses are deployed or whatever. Fear tries to creep in sometimes. As part of Wives of Faith, I want us all to be encouraged by the ever-present, all-powerful nature of our God and the peace He has to give.

In the Spring of 2002, I sat in my living room afraid. I had moments of fear before this, but it was on this day I learned that I was living in continual fear. My marriage at the time was in turmoil, to say the least. We had transitioned from active duty life to that of the reserves in order for him to attend school.

Our marriage had never been absolutely wonderful, but by this time, almost six years into it, the marriage had not gotten better. I remember the beginning of this fear. Starting only months into our marriage, he would get angry over seemingly small things and I started to worry about my actions or words triggering his anger. Thankfully, he never expressed that anger physically. When he left on his first deployment, I did not worry so much about the anger, but about other women in his life.

This fear continued when we transitioned to reserve life for a few years. He would head for reserve duty and I would feel the fear inside me as he would pull out of the driveway. I did not know who he would see or what he would be doing during these times. I had heard stories from him and others. By Sunday when he was supposed to come home, I would feel that fear again at having to face him not knowing what had happened in between.

The fear began to come every day when I would see his name on the caller ID at work or head home to meet him in the evenings. I also began to fear he might not be home or ever come home again. Fear became a normal part of life.

I knew Jesus. He and I had a relationship that was grounded over years of time together. As I struggled, I would talk to Him frequently asking to be rescued or for Him to heal a marriage I am not sure was ever functional.

The summer of that year brought me to my knees like no other time in my life. I came home one day to find that my husband had left and did not plan to ever come back. The nightmare I had envisioned was here. This moment changed me forever, though. My first husband left and sure enough never came home, but you know what? God still loved me and had amazing plans for my life.

I had lived in fear for nothing. God can handle anything. In that moment, I came to understand the peace that God can give. Whether my husband came home or not was a choice he would have to make, but my responsibility was to continue to follow Jesus.

I wish I would have gotten this fact before that moment. I had no reason to fear. I had Jesus the whole time. If I would have let Him, He would have simply wrapped His peace around me and reminded me that life is not about the circumstances that surround me. Life is about Jesus.

Granted, my heart was broken. I felt like a failure in the marriage category and I had no idea what God wanted me to do from that point forward, but God healed those wounds. He still had a plan for me.

I write this not simply to tell a story, but to speak to your heart. Are you living in that world of fear as well? Are you wondering if your husband will choose not to come home or ask for a divorce? Are you overwhelmed with fear that he may not come back from war or that he might not be the same man that left? Do you experience fear as you move from one location to another as you attempt to find a new place to fit or a new home in which to live?

Joshua knew all about such concerns. Moses had died; subsequently, Joshua was just put in charge of the entire Israelite nation and God had given Him the job of leading the people into the promised land. Talk about fear creeping in. God told Joshua, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

How was He supposed to carry such responsibility, be asked to do so much, and have no fear? He had given Joshua the answer just a few verses before: “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.” God had already given Joshua instructions, just as He does us. He gives us His Word to study and follow. That is all he expects of us.

Fear is still fear – and God is still God. I beg you to read again the words of Jesus: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

I still struggle sometimes when fear wants to creep into my heart, but peace can be ours regardless of the circumstances around us because of the Savior. Trust His words to be true today and allow Him to restore your hope as well as your peace. That is my plan – No fear!