We got an email from Lindsey today who has a great question about new dads, babies and deployment. I have recommended that she check out Military OneSource, but if you yourself have been through this situation, and/or you have any advice to give, please comment. Lindsey will be reading (and I’m sure other wives who will be experiencing this situation as well!)
My name is Lindsey and I’m new to wives of faith… i have been enjoying the 100 days of prayer an the news letter. I do have a question and i thought if anyone knew it would be possible, it would be ya’ll. <>
My husband is FINALLY due to return home in the beginning of November. While he was deployed we had our fist baby girl. I would like to know if anyone knows of a book that would help me ,help him with the transition or just specifically for him. I know it will be different to come home to a one year old than when he left.Wwe went and did as we wanted and things were a lot different as just husband and wife. I know hell be a great daddy an is looking forward to every second with her i just want to be able to help those awkward moments because they dont know each other. my biggest fear is if she is scared of him and reacts like she doesn’t know him… i know it will break his heart. PLEASE help. If anyone knows of any resources on this subject i would appreciate it so so much.
thank you all for the encouragement. I have moved home to be with my mother to help with our new baby while he is deployed an im no where near military wives… just to hear whats going on with others while im out of the loop is nice.
Lots of love from one military wife to the rest!
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Hello Lindsey – Congrats on the baby girl! I have a couple of hopefully helpful inputs. First, I do know that the men go through mandatory classes in Kuwait on their way home regarding re-integration and there is a special class that all new dads/dads-to-be must take before returning home. At least the Navy guys had to take them and I assume the other branches do this as well. So it might not be a bad idea to check with your ombudsman/FRG and see exactly what the classes entail and maybe they have some info for you as well.
Also, just in general, there is a good book regarding reintegration called “Down Range: To Iraq and Back” by Dr. Bridget Cantrell and Chuck Dean. Their web site is http://www.heartstowardhome.com, in case you can’t find the book. I found it very helpful, although I didn’t find out about it until my hubby was home for over a month. Sure would have been nice to have it beforehand to read. Actually, it was given to my hubby in Kuwait on the way home, but he never has read it, which is too bad.
Lastly, I think just being aware of what to look for regarding reintegration issues and then recognizing them and having patience with him and with yourself. Just take your quiet time with just the three of you and let him adjust at his own pace. I know that is easy to say and much tougher to do in reality. Remember that there are those of us out here praying for all of you. Also, reach out and talk to someone yourself if you are having a tough time too!
Angela
As Sara advised, Military One Source is a great resource. I went to the site and found an artice right away that dealt with a new baby during deployment. It covered before deployment, during deployment and returning from deployment. Here is an excert from the coming home portion, you may want to insert this into an email to hubby:Coming home As it gets closer to the time to come home, you can start thinking about your reunion. Things have changed since you've been deployed. Your family's routine is completely different and your new baby may be running the show. It can take days — sometimes weeks — as you and your baby get to know one another. Give your baby time to get to know you. Try not to be disappointed if the baby doesn't seem to bond with you right away. He may be shy or just overwhelmed by all the excitement of your homecoming. Take it slow — this is a big transition for both of you. Keep up the baby's routine. This is probably not a good time to plan a big trip or a visit from extended family members. Disrupting the baby's routine will only serve to distress her. Plan the trips or visits after you both have had time to settle in. Help with feeding, bathing, and routine chores. It can be difficult to step in and help with the baby. You might be unfamiliar with babies and it can be easy to let your wife continue to care for him. But helping with the daily chores, such as bathing and feeding, will help you and the baby get to know each other. Mom will appreciate the extra effort you're putting in and the chance to have a break. Spend time with your wife as a couple. Spending time alone with your spouse is important to your whole family. Take advantage of friends who offer to watch your baby or hire a sitter so you and your spouse can get to know each other again. Your installation's Family Support Center may offer babysitting to help parents get out and spend some time together.
Shauna
I have a friend that had a baby girl 6 mos. ago and he and his girfriend were deployed back to Iraq leaving the baby with her mother. Here's a little portion of how he's coping with the mother. I think perhaps the mother's mood swings are part of this separation from her baby; not to mention her guilt.
"I am having the most damn issues with my old lady we fight about everything and she wants me to be more open I think she wants me to be a female sometime and have all her damn emotions ITs killing me and she is such a little girl sometimes she is only 21 so I should of been aware I knew how I was when I 21 but damn I was trying to enjoy life and she makes it diffcult well I needed to vent for a second. OUR baby sadie was almost 20 pounds the
doctor says she is healty as 9 months old and she only six months she was holding things before
we left and jumping like crazy in the johnny jumper it was cute as hell."
What should I advise him. Thx. BGR
Bethel