If you have ever been through deployment you know one is not the same as the next. It’s almost like being pregnant and giving birth. While the overall situation was the same, 9 months of pregnancy and a baby at the end, each pregnancy and birth was very different.

Several years ago when my husband went to a Special Operations Unit, I thought the idea was splendid. I romanced the idea of shorter deployments and the idea of never having to be apart for a year. I will admit that shorter deployments are nice. The count down isn’t as long and I can see the end fairly quickly. The part I wasn’t ready for was all the emotion that goes with deployments. It doesn’t matter if the time apart is 3 months, 6 months, 9 months or a year, there are a ton of emotions to go with the deployment.

When you first send your spouse off you have the initial “OH MY GOSH HE’S GONE” Syndrome. I don’t pick up anything he left out for at least a week. You have the tears and the days where you want to pull the covers over your head and tell the world to go away. Especially if the people that call or come by aren’t military friends or family. It’s been my experience that civilian friends and family don’t understand our deployment life. They really don’t understand the hide under the covers day. This phase of deployment also starts the point where I feel like I am holding my breath waiting for my husband to return.

Once a few days have passed, I decide it’s time to take deployment by the horns and conquer it. I am in “CONQUER THE DEPLOYMENT” Phase. At this point I decide to move furniture, by furniture, take classes, a new bible study, or the kids have a new adventure with sports or something of the sort. This is the part of deployment where people will look at you and simply say “I don’t know how you do it.”While you appreciate the comment and smile you secretly want to dust their house or wash that mark off the wall.

Then we get to about mid tour and I get to the phase of deployment called “I DON’T WANT TO DO THIS ANY MORE!” During this junction in the road I have decided, for my husband, that he simply needs to leave the military as fast as possible when he gets back. Whatever way will get him out and we won’t have to endure another deployment will work just fine for me. This part of deployment is frustrating for me. I want my husband home yesterday. I can’t go back to stage one and eat Chips Ahoy and pull the covers over my head because of phase 2. I have signed us up for all of these new things that are taking place and are still in full swing.

After a few weeks pass the frustration of phase 3 starts to leave. The return date gets closer and I start in on phase 4. “I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN.” I begin to think I can finish this deployment a sane mama and wife. I begin to think that this deployment while difficult, didn’t kill me and I am may be stronger for it. It’s almost close enough to start counting down the days with all those cute countdown tickers in the signature lines. Now I start to rearrange furniture and cupboards, drawers, whatever I can get my hands on. My husband wouldn’t feel like he was at home if he didn’t have to relearn where I put everything while he was gone.

Then we journey towards the phase of deployment called “WELCOME HOME!” My husband’s return is so close I can taste it. I must buy anything and everything new. Bras, panties, clothes, get my hair done, clean the house, rearrange a few more things, and OH YA! clean the garage. During the phase 2 and 4 everything that left the living space of the house has made it to the garage and stayed there. I must clean the garage so my husband can walk through it. The kids and I start to make WELCOME HOME Banners and I will tell anyone that will sit still for 2 seconds that my husband is almost home.

Now we get to the fun part. T-2 days and counting. I’m sure I have never really slept at the T-2 phase. I keep thinking of things I need to do or should have done. I’m to excited to sleep and start to think about which new outfit I will wear when I pick my husband up. I envision his face as he sees us. I can almost feel us holding each other tight. We are almost done with deployment.

FINALLY! It’s R DAY. Reunion Day. Today is the day I thought would never come. He is within my hands reach and we are in the same town, same space, same time zone and will be together again. I no longer have to be a single parent or great fixer of all things. I no longer have to be macho mom. I can just be mom. When I finally get to hug my husband I feel like I can breathe again. I can exhale and relax just a little bit. I can lay in the bed without extra pillows and fall asleep with my head on my husband’s chest. Our home is our home again.(with exception to the things my husband has moved because he wasn’t sure where they went)

Now just like giving birth you forget about how much deployment hurts. The longer my husband is home the more I start to think that if we have to do deployment again we will be okay. The deployment was hard but we grew as parents, a married couple and individuals. While I’m not hoping deployment comes knocking I know we would get through it again.

“He gets angry once in a while, but across a lifetime there is only love. The nights of crying your eyes out give way to days of laughter.” Psalms 30:5 The Message.

(cross posted at http://adventuresofafrazledmilitarywife.blogspot.com)

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