Please welcome Jamie to our blog team! She’s a teacher and new Army wife who is facing her husband’s deployment to the Middle East. Here is her story:
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What I did this summer…
I am a teacher and I will return to school next month. One of my usual “icebreakers” and easy ways to assess writing skills is the “what did you do this summer?” And I usually answer the question myself to demonstrate what I am looking for in their responses. So what did I do this summer? I married a soldier . . . a man who has given up his basic freedoms and comforts to fight a war in a country thousands of miles from his beloved South. Our first year of marriage will be spent 11-and-a-half hours apart and on different continents. There is no way I would be able to do this but for the bond which unites us in Christ . . . I have no doubt in my head and heart that God called me to be this man’s wife and to support and love him during this deployment.
The first day he left brought pain, numbness and an ache I felt in my bones. I had to channel each thought of loneliness and hurt into a prayer to God. It was work . . .not talking to God . . . just work to take my hopeless thoughts into hopeful prayers . . .but I did it. Or rather, God gave me the strength to do that. As the day went by and tears filled my eyes as I thought of each moment spent with him and each moment I still wanted to spend with him, lost time, the empty 12 months stretching out before me, I countered each thought with a prayer and a verse I found for him.
Jeremiah 15:20-21: “And I will make you to this people a fortified wall of bronze; they will fight against you, but they shall not prevail over you, for I am with you to save you and deliver you, says the LORD. I will deliver you out of the hand of the wicked, and redeem you from the grasp of the ruthless.”
I found this verse for him but found it actually applied to me. I am not fighting a war with insurgents in a foreign culture, but I am fighting a battle in my heart to be strong and positive and let God handle my grief. I can’t handle it. I can’t do it by myself. But I can do it with God redeeming me and delivering me from the ruthless fear that was attacking me. I have to be a wall of bronze . . . not just for me and my walk with God but for my husband. I must be strong for him and our marriage. I must give the grief to God and let Him turn it into grace.
And so the second day, I stopped the crying, showered, and went for a walk. I organized the email and phone chains to support my husband and I sent love and prayers almost 8,000 miles away. The third day I actually met up with friends and again, sent love and prayers. And I send love and prayers to all the wives during deployment.
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Jamie,Your story and my story are almost the same- when my husband was deployed, I had just started school (5th grade, in August, but we were year round), although we were in our 2nd year of marriage in California. He is home now – and the only thing that got me through it was Jesus, my friends, and trusting God that he would make it home in one piece. It was a long year, and he did make it home, and is still home. I was ready to shake off all of those lessons that I learned that year, but the funny thing is that I've needed every single one of them in the adoption process that we're going through for our beautiful baby girl. The Lord does that- use those lessons to keep building up that character of Christ in us. Our family will be praying for you. In Christ's love- Allison
Allison
Thank you Allison–it will indeed be a long year and it starts each day with opening myself to God and His lessons/strength! I teach high school and that will keep me busy! I'll be praying for your family and the adoption process.
jamie
Welcome to the blog team, Jaime. I enjoyed getting to know a little more about you through your story. I have been through two deployments with my husband and I can relate to everything you said. In our first five years of marriage, my husband and I were only together for a total of two years, which was not consecutive. My prayers are with as you are in this time without your husband now, but I know God will be there with you every step of the way. He feels your pain, and knows your grief. Take heart, because He will not fail you.
Ralene
Ralene,
thank you for your thoughts and prayers…I need them! We weren't together during courtship so we're used to the long distance part –just not the long separation part. Keep in touch!
jamie
My husband is currently deployed and I am 100% clueless as of what to do. I'm trying to be strong and support him but it's difficult because I don't know what he wants. I been praying and reading the word but I'm just scared that this deployment is gonna tear us apart. My husband is so rude sometimes and I don't know how to react? I want to stand up for myself but it just causes more trouble. I'm so confused.
Vanessa
Vanessa, my heart hurts for you. Please email me (pattie@wivesoffaith.org) with your snail mail address- I have something to send you. And I'll be praying. You are NOT alone. We're all here to support you!
Pattie
Vanessa,
Is there an FRG for your husband's company or battalion? I would start there…ask your MWR if there is a group and maybe ask for counseling resources. I am new to all this as well. My FRG leader has been great and I got the book "Surviving Deployment" through Military OneSource and "Faith Deployed" by Jocelyn Green. Check out Sara Horn's info on God Strong on the menu bar at the top of this page. Also know you are not alone, God is in charge and hears your prayers. Sometimes the answer is not always immediate but you must trust that He hears you and will answer.
jamie