When I thought about the “love” topic for February on WOF, at first I thought of nothing but showing love to my husband.  I am sure this is pretty common, especially to young, relatively newly-married couples.   Some of you probably have kids to take care of while your husband is deployed.  Some may have older family members requiring some form of daily care.  One thing I must admit I never really considered leading up to my marriage to a military man was how his parents would deal with his constant absences.

My husband left his parents’ home at 18 and except for visits, has always been thousands of miles away, so I just never really thought about how they might react to his deployment.  I know many of you can sympathize with having a mother-in-law (MIL) who has a hard time letting go of her son.  One of the many (!) things God is showing me during this time is that He will use the most unlikely people to help me grow!

I am blessed with a husband who has repeatedly said and demonstrated that, after God, I am his priority and our two-person family is our own, individual unit.  Praise God for my husband’s strength and wisdom here!  That said, we both want to honor our parents.  This issue is a tricky one, and often difficult – as evidenced by all of the MIL horror stories we hear about!

But I do not think this is just a MIL issue.  Chances are, most (if not all) of us have at least one difficult family member/relative.  Do you find this relationship gets more difficult when your husband is deployed?  Perhaps that person is a worrier, or perhaps you just find yourself more busy and with less time to help this particular relative, or perhaps you are simply not able to meet their needs.  You are not alone!

It is a difficult situation.  However, God does not call us to merely sit still and complain about difficult situations!  We are to show love – His love!  So while I may not feel completely comfortable with my MIL, I am still called to love her as the special lady God created her to be.  Actively, prayerfully, and in how I think of her – the attitude of my heart.

How we show this love usually depends on the person we are dealing with, as well as logistics; something like “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman might help you think about how you can best show this person love.

I am also learning that faithful prayer is so powerful!  Praying for someone’s good goes a long way towards helping to love them.  It also reminds me that God loves them.  So I have been praying pretty much daily (I will admit to having missed a day here and there) for my in-laws, as well as my own side of the family.

Finally, I made a list of my MIL’s good points – the things I appreciate the most about her.  And really, these are the things that matter.  It’s like when you get annoyed or upset with your mom or your best friend; you can’t stay that way because the person is too special and too important to you.  You love them.  This is the work that God is doing in my heart as I seek His help and wisdom.  Really, this is the way I should love everyone – focusing on their good, and the fact that they, too, are created in the image of God!

It may be baby steps, but God sees my heart, my motivation, and my efforts to seek Him.  A total transformation, and an ability to love more like Christ, will take time.  Because really, the goal is to let go of my self and let God’s love shine through me.  I am seeking a kind of love for others that is not human, so it has got to come from the Lord.

God will use every opportunity to help us grow and mature, if we let Him.  He tells us in Philippians 2:4 to look to the interests of others.  Even if it is not your MIL, most of us have at least one difficult family member.  I believe God wants us to let Him use that unlikely person to help us grow.  And what a witnessing opportunity!  Like anything else in life, we get better at this with practice.  I want to glorify God with my actions, so here goes.  One step, and one day, at a time.  I praise God that He is big enough to shine through my weaknesses and bring glory to His name!

Are there any difficult people in your life that you struggle to show love?  Do you find that it is worse while your husband is deployed?  How has/is God helping you in this situation?

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Nikki is married to an amazing man in the Navy.  She works in international affairs and adores warm weather.

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