For the last two years my marriage has been under attack. The hard part is. I didn’t realize it until last week.

Two years ago my husband changed jobs in the Army. We went from big Army to a special operations unit. With that comes a whole load of new trouble. We knew going in that it would be a change. We were willing to make that change. It all sounds good up front. Deployments are only 3-4 months, lots of specialized training, stuff that normally gets you excited. The part that didn’t register with me is deployments are only 3-4 months long but then you have to factor in all the TDY, training, and work ups that are done in their off time. In the last two years he has been gone more than he has been home.

During all of the frequent deployments and TDY trips I became angry. Angry that my husband gets to leave for any given period of time and I am stuck doing the same thing day in and day out. There isn’t much change in routine when you are a stay at home parent.. One of the boys struggles with A.D.D., so any change in schedule throws our son off. I didn’t see much hope for me. No sense of adventure was ever going to come my way. I got stuck in the “why me” part of military life.

I was easily annoyed with my husband. When he’d come home I’d look for a reason to be mad at him. With frequent separations it was easier to keep my husband at arms length then to let him back into my heart. What I didn’t recognize was that Satan was planting roots in my anger. He wanted me to stay mad at my husband.

I will never forget a conversation my husband and I were having about his frequent deployment/TDY schedule. During that conversation he said to me “I know you are mad at me. I’m okay with it. I know it’s hard to be the one that’s left all the time. It’s not easy being the one that leaves all the time either.  At some point I would like to have my happy, smiling wife back.” OUCH. That hurt. I got mad at my husband for that. I was completely happy being angry and miserable.

Off and on through the last two years I have struggled. I have struggled to let my husband back into my heart when he’d come home. I’d struggle with allowing him to parent the kids and then I struggled with always being the bad guy parent. I have felt like a caterpillar that was in a cocoon waiting to become a butterfly. I wasn’t sure how long I would have to fight my way out of this but I was getting tired of fighting through it.

It wasn’t until I listened to Sara host the Walking by Faith Bible study that I realized my marriage was under attack. Sara prayed for military marriages that are under attack. When she prayed that simple prayer it was like a light bulb went off in my head. Satan had been at work. I don’t like his work. He was helping me stay distant and angry with my husband. Satan didn’t want me to heal and move forward. He wanted me to claim my marriage. God is bigger than that. Even though I was angry and happy being miserable I would pray that God would help me heal and move forward. I longed for that connection with my husband. It’s the connection that isn’t describable by words, it just is.  But I wasn’t ready to let go of my anger. God helped me heal. I know he aligned things so I would hear Sara’s prayer that day.

No matter what we face in our marriage, God is bigger than it. Deuteronomy 31:8 says “ ‘The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.’” God hasn’t allowed us to go into a dark place that He Himself isn’t present. He is holding our hand through it all.

One of the greatest lessons I have learned over that last couple of years is I have to forgive myself, heal and move forward. When there is a hurt I have to forgive just as God has forgiven me. Part of forgiveness is giving up the right to hate someone for hurting you.  God forgives us just as we are and moves on. He doesn’t store it up for ammunition later. We need to allow God to help us heal, forgive and more forward.

Our marriages are under attack daily. Hold fast to your marriage. Claim it for all that it is or it can be.

Popularity: 3% [?]