I know there are many spouses who struggle to start and maintain good sleeping habits, particularly when they’re going through a deployment. When Cliff was in Iraq, it was a constant challenge for me to go to bed on time and once there, not let my thoughts or my worries wander very far.
Since then, I’ve looked for ways to fend off the sleeping monsters, if you will. Because I have a little boy, I’ve never been open to taking any kind of medication because I’ve always worried I might not be able to wake up or be alert enough should something happen where Caleb might need me. But there are a couple of resources out there I’ve found that give some good ideas on ways to wind down and develop good sleeping habits.
The first is one I think I’ve shared on this site before: Sleep Better Now: 5 Weeks to Improving Your Sleep with Dr. Gregg Jacobs is a CD I found on Military OneSource that’s both informative and helpful. The best part of course is that it’s free (you’ll have to be logged in to order).
Dr. Jacobs offers some great tips, strategies and techniques for sleeping better. He talks about what healthy sleep is, the importance of sleep scheduling and controlling your environment before you go to sleep, how stress can impact your sleep (us wives already know that one!), and ways you can change how you think about sleep and how you can improve your sleep. If you are struggling with sleep issues, deployment or not, order this CD.
For a biblically-based resource, you may want to try the Wesley Sleep Program. This is a program that’s been developed by Billy Wilkins, one of the three original members of the Christian band Third Day. It comes with an audio CD and a short little book that shares Billy’s thoughts on sleep and gives more insight into the program he’s developed. During some of the talking portions of the CD, he walks you through four common sleep problems that may be the cause for your trouble in sleeping, and he explains in the book why this is important. There are also some great scriptures from the Bible that are read, offering reminders of God’s love and peace which helps to relax. The CD ends with a lengthy portion of soothing, calming music composed by Billy. We first tried this CD out while my husband and I were sitting in the car line at school, waiting to pick our son up, and I can attest to my husband’s peaceful snoring in the driver’s seat – it works! 
I hope these two resources can help if you’re struggling, and if you are, it’s important that you not let it continue, but that you either find healthy ways yourself to get a better night’s sleep or you talk to someone about it, either a doctor or a counselor. When our bodies are tired, our minds will tire. Not a good combination when dealing with deployment or just life in general.
If you’ve struggled with sleep issues, take a moment to comment and share what you found has helped. Your tip may help someone else!
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I know this is a strange suggestion, but for me, I was always afraid of being alone in the house at night during the deployment and even on his guard weekends, I would be up til all hours. We got an alarm system shortly before my husband left. It had a keychain with a panic button on it. It resides on my nightstand. I slept WAAAY better because I felt protected and my fears stopped keeping me awake at night.
Megan
I sleep with a baseball bat by the bed, a "Rambo" knife in the nightstand and the house alarm armed. None of those help (except when I would heear a strange noise and search the house with baseball bat in hand).
What helped the most was repeating the following scripture:
Psalms 4.8 "I will lay down and sleep in peace, for You alone O' Lord make me dwell in safety." Some nights I would have to repeat that over and over again, until I believed it. After a while, just a few times of saying it adn I would be fast asleep.
Jaime
This has been my main struggle during this deployment. I will be the first to tell you how my struggles with sleep have affected the quality of my days. As much as I have tried to convince myself that I am fine, I can visibly see the evidence in photographs that have been taken of me throughout this deployment. Let's just say that the only cure for my bags and dark circles can be found in a good night's sleep! More importantly, I have a difficult time maintaing patience with my daughter and even thinking clearly when I am stressed. Then the every day becomes more of a challenge than it should really be.
It has been hit and miss as far as what has helped me sleep better. My home security system has actually caused stress at night, but has given me assurance when I come home from being away for errands or out of town. Reading good books that take me to another time and place has helped. Prayer and my Bible have been the best help so far. I've revisited the popular stories of Jonah, Esther and Moses. I've found strength in God's promises and peace in His provision. I, too, haven't taken any sleep aids for the fear that I would be needed to help my daughter in the middle of the night.
Even though we are nearing the end of our deployment, I HAVE to check out the resources you've listed. I can't help but think ahead and hope for some sweet sleep during AT and the one weekend a month nights! Thanks for your thoughts and valuable resources!
Stephanie
I've found that a piece of chocolate at bedtime can help me relax & go to sleep, but it also causes cavities. After my husband's last deployment, I had my first cavity in years. I guess that was too much chocolate. Chamomile tea is also a natural relaxation aid. I feel like I've had a phenergan when I drink a cup at bedtime. If you're anxious during the day, it'll help relax you as well; although, I've found that it doesn't put me to sleep during the day. Maybe because I sleep so good at night!
Amber
Jaime mentioned Psalm 4:8 – I love that verse, and repeated it {A LOT} during deployments, and still now if my husband is gone, or even just working really late. Our kids have the Steve Green Hide em In Your Heart CDs {these are great!!}, and that verse is one of the songs. They love for me to sing it to them…and then I say it to myself too.
I haven't ever heard the two things you recommended, Sara, but thanks! I wonder if these might be helpful for the guys too while deployed, or when they return home.
Jennifer Howe
Psalm 4:8 for me too! I would be up til 3 or 4 in the morning b/c I was literally scared to go to sleep. My fear was overpowering. I had a friend advise me to get in bed and pray out loud, prayers of protection, thanksgiving…sing worship songs. I tried it and I would fall asleep. For some crazy reason it also helped me fall asleep if I went to bed when my kids did (yes, early). I still have a hard time every now and then, but I think that is just normal.
Shauna
This has been helpful. I went through a 16 month deployment without any problems sleeping. My husband is currently gone for only 2 weeks and I'm continually waking up at 4 AM. A patient mommy this does not make!! I will be taking Psalm 4:8 to bed with me tonight and researching out the other resources you mentioned, Sara! Thanks for all the suggestions!!
Linda
We're facing deployment now…my husband's scheduled to go to iraq with the army national guard mid-august. we just got married a month ago (today). We were supposed to get married in july, but found out in early march he'd be leaving and moved it up. I've been doing really well until he went to drill this weekend, the first since we've been married. I know in my head that God has our best interests in his hands and this is all going to work out for the best, but I am terrified. Our whole relationship was long distance (montana to missouri), with lots of time of the phone and visits of a week or two at a time. Those eight months were excruciating, and we had 24-hour access to phone, webcam, etc, and could pretty much hop a plane every 4-6 weeks. I'm not worried so much about his safety (although that does rest in the back of my brain) as I am missing him. I'm so filled with grief and dread over his leaving that I can't sleep. Because i don't understand my emotions, I don't know how to share them with him. I end up being very clingy, working for his attention, but he can tell something's up and tries to get it out of me when all I need is him to hold me. I end up bottling things up again until i can relax enough to cry. I'm exhausted and depressed but I can't sleep or think straight. We finally are together, and in a few short weeks i'm going to lose him for longer than I've known him. how do i direct my thoughts to peace and wholesome thought? I need to find someone who's been through this and can help me understand my feelings. I'm a thinker, not a feeler, and I feel as if i'm going to explode.
Joni
Hi Joni,
I think God woke me up to read your comment. Let me say first that everything you're feeling is normal. It's normal to want to spend time with the person you love and it's normal to miss him when he's gone. The dread that comes before deployment (along with the fear and the sadness) can really paralyze us if we don't take intentional steps to keep moving.
We all cope in different ways during this time of pre-deployment. Some women will go into business mode, focusing on the tasks at hand and the checklists of everything that needs to be (and they think needs to be) done. Others go into denial mode, refusing to even consider that their husbands are leaving them. Still, the rest of us just cry. ;/. We all cope in different ways and one way is not necessarily better or worse than the others, it's just how we feel. So I say all of that to let you know that you're ok, you're not crazy. (In case you were wondering, lol.
)
One of the positives in this situation you've said yourself is that you've already dealt with long-distance. My husband and I dated and were engaged with a lot of long-distance during that time, and I think it's a big indicator of how strong a relationship is because you have to 1)be very committed and 2)be very good at communicating in order to keep that relationship flourishing. So you and your husband already have a great start in this area that is going to add to a strong foundation for you to stand on in this deployment.
I also believe (and have learned this from my own experience with deployment) that we have to be very intentional of where we place our focus and where we place our hope and that needs to start before the deployment does. As women, it is so easy for us to put all of our focus and hope on our husbands; but God wants our focus and hope on Him. Because our husbands can't always be there to give us everything we want (and even when they are with us, they don't – they're human after all
), but God is there and He is our constant friend, offering us an unlimited amount of assurance and hope.
This is the time where you need to step out from under the cloud of emotions that is engulfing you right now and look at this deployment in a new perspective – not as a trial that will test you or test your marriage, but as an opportunity to grow your faith, grow your prayer life and strengthen your relationship with your husband.
It's hard to see sometimes, especially when you've only been married a short time, but this deployment is just one season of what will be many seasons in your life and your marriage. I've been married for almost 12 years and the more time passes, the more I see that, but I also remember what it was like when we were first married and how time seemed to stand still.
It sounds like from your comment that you've been bottling up a lot of what you're feeling, but now is the time to be talking things out. With your husband and with God. It's ok to talk about your fears and your feelings but then let's figure out ways we can cope and move past those when they overwhelm you. For me, I've had to learn to trade my fears for faith – when I am struggling with a fear, like my husband leaving for deployment (which he'll be going again this fall), I have a long conversation with God and I "trade" my fear of my husband being gone for the faith that God is in control, that He is with me, that He has a plan and purpose for me and my husband and our family. Reading God's word really helps with this because you can trade those fears and replace them with God's promises.
I believe God has set military wives apart – He knew before you did that you would be a military wife, that you would go through this difficulty of having to say goodbye to your husband but He also knows that He has a great plan for you during this time. He has given you the heart for this but He wants you to lean on Him for help. And that I believe is how we all truly find our peace and our joy, despite the hardships and struggles that come through deployment.
I hope this helps you a little and I'm so glad you found our site!
Blessings, Sara
Sara Horn
I would literally just WEAR MYSELF OUT every day until one day I realized I didn't have to so much. We're on day 102 of this deployment and I still wake up a couple times a night, but mostly I sleep alright.
Just keep busy!
Brandi