Welcome to the beginning of our summer online study of Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment! (If you are just finding out about this, you are more than welcome to participate with us – however, registration is closed, so you will not be able to be added to a small group or receive the weekly emails.)
Please review the video and the information below for a welcome, ground rules and some thoughts on building community and making friends while we’re going through this study. Be sure to READ TO THE END because all of your discussion questions are located at the bottom of this post!
Welcome!
122 of you have signed up to participate from all over the country. Some of you have only been married for a few months, others of you more than 20 years. All of us have a desire to seek God first when it comes to deployment.
An online study is a little different than meeting in a small group face to face. So please be mindful of Op Sec! Don’t share specific movement dates,or specific locations for your service member or for you. Iraq and Alabama are ok – Al Asad Iraq and Auburn, Alabama are too specific.
Feel free to use your first name, but please do not use your full name, do not share email addresses or phone numbers in the comments. A member roster will be emailed this week to all of our participating study members who indicated they wanted to receive a member roster. If you do not receive this, please contact me (sara@wivesoffaith.org) and I’ll try to help.
Be kind and loving and respectful when talking with one another. Understand not everyone may have the same experience with church as you may, and some ladies may be very new to a relationship with God.
Leave rank at the door (and in your comments). We are all spouses supporting our service members.
While the majority of our participants are wives, we do have a few fiances and girlfriends joining us as well. Please be respectful and supportive of their feelings as well.
Please comment at least 3 times each week – ask a question, respond to someone else’s question, share your thoughts about what you’re reading/studying. There will be many discussion prompts for you each week to pull from.
If you get behind, don’t give up!! Just jump back in where we are and plan on going back and catching up when you can.
All of our participants who finish with us at the end of July will receive a special Tour of Duty study achievement certificate.
Community
For this summer study, we have recruited small group leaders we are calling Tour Guides, who have been assigned to contact and keep up with the assigned ladies in their groups. This will be one way for you to connect directly with other military spouses. You will also have the member roster as I mentioned above – let me encourage you, as you get to know ladies on the website, or if you see ladies listed in your state, to contact these new friends directly. The more active you are in talking with ladies each week, the more support and community you’ll experience. You are not alone!
A BIG Thank You to my co-leaders, Jessica Crow and Alicia Shepherd!
Jessica has been part of Wives of Faith for almost 2 years and has served as our MemberCare Director for just over a year. Her husband is in the Alabama National Guard, currently serving his third deployment to Afghanistan, and they have two adorable children, a boy and a girl. She is a leader for her husband’s unit’s FRG. Visit her beautiful blog at The Crow Family.
Alicia joined Wives of Faith at the beginning of this year. She is an Army wife and mother to two beautiful kids, also a boy and girl. Her family is stationed at Fort Carson, Colorado. Her husband just recently left for a deployment.
Both Jessica and Alicia have taught the Tour of Duty study – Jessica, with a group of friends in her home, and Alicia with a group of ladies from her husband’s unit as they got ready to start their deployments. I am thrilled to have both of them helping with the study this summer. They will be online, responding to comments and if you have any questions, feel free to contact either of them (Jessica – jessicac@wivesoffaith.org or Alicia – alicia@wivesoffaith.org).
I also want to welcome our Tour Guides for this semester – Holly Massie, Joanna Rummel, Judi Fuller, Kim Wade, Kelly Hurtado, Pamela Price, Sarah Gravely, Alaina Fitzner and Tonya Van Winkle. These precious ladies have all been through the study before as well and have agreed to be small group leaders for this semester. They will be connecting with the ladies they’ve been assigned once a week, and I’m grateful for their willing hearts and how they will serve military spouses in this way. Thank you ladies!!
OK, LET’S GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER!
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR THIS WEEK (answer these in the comments below):
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
2. What has deployment been like so far?
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
YOUR HOMEWORK THIS WEEK: Read Chapter 1 in Tour of Duty.
Popularity: 27% [?]
Hi all, my name is Niki and I live in NC. My husband returned from a deployment back in January of this year. We have two kids. We are an Air Force family.
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
>> We have been married 11 yrs (6/1/2000)
2. What has deployment been like so far?
>> I’ve only had a total of 4 deployments so far in our 11 years of marriage. We were blessed that he wasn’t deployable for about 6 years. Our first deployment was very short, it was only 3 months long but he came home at 2 months as I was pregnant with our second child and I started having complications. The lord definitely blessed us with his being able to come home. His next deployment he got hurt a little working on tying down a humvee but thankfully it was only a minor injury. His 3rd deployment only happened by chance, we only got a 10 day notice as he was replacing someone that needed to come home. The only thing that happened during this deployment, happened at home. Someone decided to celebrate New Years eve and shot a gun in the air. The bullet came through our roof. Thankfully no one got hurt, but I was sure scared out of my mind when my kids showed me new years day. This last deployment was the hardest so far. I wasn’t allowed to know where he was going.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
>>I am hoping to gain more insights, friendships.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
>> I would say it looks like being a single parent. When our husbands go away for any amount of time, we have to rely on ourselves to get the job done. We generally don’t have family around to help out so we have to do things for ourselves or rely on the kindness of strangers. When our husbands are home, we are able to rely on them for help with the things are generally in their “territory” such has mowing the grass, washing the cars, changing the oil in the vehicles.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
>> It’s been a wonderful and terrifying journey so far. But I feel very blessed to have married a man serving in our military. It has taught me a lot about myself.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? I think it means that you have to trust god to help you. Yes it is hard to do this because when our loved one is deployed we are worried sick and wishing that they could come back.
Niki
Yes with the single parent!
Stephanie
It sounds like you have had quite a lot of bumps, glad to hear it was only a minor injury.
It is definitely the unknown of what can happen. Praise God that He’s got us or we would be so lost.
karla
Amen to everything you said Niki!
Vanessa C
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
almost a year and a half
2. What has deployment been like so far?
He just got home from deployment a month ago. It was really hard on me for him to be gone, because of different situations in my family. (The loss of my Grandma)
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I am excited to learn from others as well as help others.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
It’s a challenge. We have to be both husband and wife, father and mother. We have to do all the household chores. We have to kindle our relationship from thousands of miles away. It’s difficult. But we are strong!
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
It’s been a learning curve, for sure. This past year has been extremely difficult. My Grandma passed away while my husband was still deployed. It was so hard to deal with, without him here to hold me. That and having to moved our wedding date up by 6 months!
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
Our understanding and reasoning as humans are flawed. We can not do it alone. It’s extremely hard to trust God, especially for people like me who are control freaks!
Sarah Ruth
I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. I know loosing a loved one is always difficult and without having your spouse there physically to support you through it is rough.
We had to move our wedding date up 6 months too. It was the first of many events that showed me I needed to leave the planning up to God because things weren’t happening according to my plans.
Hannah
Thanks Hannah. And yes, you have to leave the planning up to God! The military is impossible to plan around! LOL!
Sarah Ruth
1howlong have you and your husband been married?
I have been married for 1 1/2 years
2. What has deployment been like so far?
Deployment thus far has been pretty hard for me, i am living alone without my hubby for the first time and when i go to sleep at night i have a hard time sleeping.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I want to grow closer to God esp during this time of solitude where i really have time to be with my father i know the bible talks about the married woman spending more time with her husband and the single woman having more time for God, i feel like even though i am happily married, during this deployment i have more time to spend with my first love Jesus
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
it looks many diff ways almost like going through each season, winter summer spring and fall, i am hoping that through each season i will learn to trust in the Lord no matter what it looks like
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
My Journey is just gettin started this is my first deployment as a married woman and im hoping that i learn to adapt to all the changes and support my man by staying postive despite any situation
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? it means To Trust God even when it looks like things are falling apart it also means not to over anaylazie everything in your human understanding because it will drive you crazy and it isnt always the way things are just because my mind is preceiving it one way Gods ways are not my ways and he always has my best intrest at heart no matter what it looks like !!!
How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? this is hard Why? because i am so far away from the man i love, and not able to be with him those kinda thoughts make it hard for me to recieve the word found in proverbs 3:5-6
God bless you ladies
Mia
Thank you for the reminder that this time is a time to spend with my first love, Jesus. I need to keep that in the front of my mind!!
Jennifer
Hi everyone. I’m so excited to be a part of a group of ladies that are in the same situation I am! Being the wife of a reservist, I’m very rarely surrounded by other military wives.
1. My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years!
2. How is this deployment going? This is our second deployment, and this one is much harder than the first!! For one thing we now have 3 kids which is a whole lot more than two, even though it doesn’t seem like it! For another thing, my two oldest now understand a lot more about it, the risks, etc. I have a lot more really tough questions from them, and a lot of complicated emotions and behaviors that show up from their buried feelings. My 3 year old is more like they were back the first time, kind of oblivious, just missing daddy but has no idea how longs it’s been, etc. However he is very challenging in general. But overall, this deployment is going fairly fast and quite well. We’ve been blessed by the church and Christian school that we’re a part of (my husband is a teacher/coach there for his civilian job). I think we’re hanging pretty well, but my patience wears thin with the kids a lot, so I’m hoping this study will help.
3. What do I hope to get out of this small group experience? My last answer leads right into this one. I’m hoping to find some ways to deal with my kids’ behaviors that is more beneficial for everyone. Sometimes they are completely irrational and talking it out doesn’t do much to help. I want to be able to handle that and any stress in a calm and graceful way that is a blessing to others and that teaches my kids to do the same. I’m also looking for commraderie. As I said before, I haven’t known many military wives and I’m really looking forward to having that special bond.
4. What do I think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife? I think the bottom line is supporting my husband in a way that allows him as little stress as possible as far as things back home. Allowing him to go without reservation as to whether we’ll manage ok without him but also letting him know he’ll be greatly missed. And showering him with compliments and praises and telling him how proud of him we are. The more capable I am, the more he can focus on doing his best and getting home safely to us.
5. How would I describe my journey as a military wife to this point? As I mentioned I am married to a reservist, so I can relate a lot to what Sara said in the intro video. It was just his once-a-month on the weekend job with 2 weeks in the summer. I never considered it a family mission. Like Sara’s son, my kids always said “Daddy’s going to Navy today.” It was more like a 2nd job. When we got the news of the first deployment, I was stunned. My husband had tried to prepare me that it could be coming, but it was always just some thought out in space. I grew a ton during that year and learned how independent and resourceful I could be. And now I feel the love for our country that my husband does, and I feel like our whole family is serving our country. It is a part of who we are now. We are very proud to be a part of this amazing military and country.
6. “Lean not on your own understanding” to me means that our feeble little minds could never understand the Father’s mighty purpose and his big picture. We can only see the perspective of our little corner of the world. We can trust in Him to take care of everything and to do what’s best for everyone. He loves us so much. This is hard during deployment for me, because our issues and needs seem so big and in my face. It’s hard to step back and get a biblical perspective. However, keeping up with quiet times helps a lot. And my little devotional book I love called Jesus Calling which is written in a way that sounds like Jesus talking directly to me. It reminds me that he wants that close personal relationship with me and that he really does want what’s best for me.
Jennifer
I also related to both you and Sara when you talk about the Navy being a “second job” When my husband joined we talked that it might be a possibility but we thought it would be way down the road. If felt like he had just gotten his uniforms and his name got pulled for a deployment pool.
I was challenged by your comment about quiet time, thanks for a good reminder.
Rebecca
Jennifer. I can so relate. I am married to a National Guardsman, although the Army is his full time job as a “Active Guardsman” he works (when he is home) at an armory about 45 minutes from our home. I don’t know very many military wives, either. We are just starting our second deployment, and I also have young boys, age (almost) 11 and 5 years old. I, too, get short with my boys, and I want and need to be able to stay more focused and be more gentle with them and myself.
Lisa
Hi my name is Stephanie. My husband and I have been married almost 9 years and I have been a military wife almost 9 years. So far he has only had 1 deployment in his 11 years of service but many TDY’s.
Out of this expirence I would like to connect with other wives that are in a similar situation and learn how to better cope with my husbands absence as it will be much more frequent starting…soon!
I think the tour of duty is very different for each person and family, but for it has not been too bad. My husband left for a TDY when our youngest of 5 kids (twins) were 2 months old. Those 3 weeks felt like forever, but once he was home I appreciated what he helped with even if it wasn’t my way it was at least getting done.
I could never describe my journey as a military wife in only a few words or sentences, but it has been great overall and I would never ever change it!
I find the only way I can get by as a wife and mother is not to lean on my own understanding. I have been though some stuff and after that the only thing one can do is to trust that God knows much more than I ever could!
Stephanie
My hubby too had training 3 weeks after our daughter was born this last Feb. now that she is 4 months old he is leaving for the year tomorrow. I was so happy to have the extra hands I didn’t care if he dressed her in a dress that doesn’t fit her anymore I just let it slide saying “nice shirt you put on her” (we use cloth diapers and they are different colors) he walks out of her room and he says ” yeah I though so, the diaper matches…look” Me: “oh good job honey”.
Oh my!!! God has humbled us wives with seperation. To overlook the things that don’t matter
Nicole
Hi Ladies! My name is Holly and my husband and I have been married for almost 5 years. We have 3 kids, a 3.5 year old and 15 month old twins. Needless to say, we live a busy life!
We are heading into our first “deployment”, he leaves in 2 weeks. However we are not foreign to life without daddy because his job takes him TDY a lot of the time. This will be a change though because it will be an extended amount of time with no daddy/hubby around. As of right now I am dealing with the emotions of knowing he is leaving soon and being overwhelmed by knowing what is coming and hoping we overcome it well.
I signed up for this study because I feel this is the optimal time to be working through how I can rely on God for everything, even more so in the midst of a massive challenge. So I am hoping to get a clearer path of how to strengthen my walk with Christ. Also I would love to meet and make new friends with the same goals and lifestyle as me.
I think the tour of duty for a military wife learning how to lean on God in the midst of our challenging lifestyle. There are so many things that we can’t control and are faced with many difficult situations and the only constant in the midst of them is God. Sometimes it is really hard for me to even remember that God should be my rock in all times. This ties into Proverbs 3:5-6, that even though I don’t understand why and how, God is there to always be our support. He sees our futures and has the strength for us.
Holly
Holly,
What a great time to start the study! Before deployment! I wish I had this several months ago! We are a little over 2 months in and I have a 18 mo old, a 6 mo old and having #3 in November! Emotions were out of control for me before deployment knowing what was to come and also the fear of not really knowing what was to come! Knowing we need to lean on God and actually doing it in the midst of the craziness of deployment are what I hope to work out!
Enjoy this study!!!
Misty
Oh my goodness Misty you have your hands full!!! I am 4mo into our deployment and I have a 4yr old and a 2yr old.
Krystal
1. How long have you and your husband been married? We have been married for 6 years this Aug!!!
2. What has deployment been like so far? It has had its ups and downs…really hasn’t been as bad as I expected.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
To become closer to God and make some new friends
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
I think it can be stressful when it comes to everyday activities, we have to stand in the gap where our husbands/boyfriends are missing. Such as mowing the grass….when you aren’t use to fitting that into your normal schedule it can become stressful to try and fit that into our already busy life.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? Well up into this deployment I was just use to my husband working full time for the national guard and doing his one weekend a month and two weeks during the summer.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? Just because you don’t understand it doesn’t mean it isn’t Gods plan for you. Sometimes we have to be patient to understand what God is doing in our lives. This has been easy for me in this deployment. I have faith in God and know He has control of everything in my life and He would not give me something I couldn’t handle.
Brea Chamberlain
I love your comment about how just because you don’t understand something doesn’t mean it isn’t God’s plan for you. That is so hard! I am a bit of a control freak and I want to understand and have a handle on everything that comes my way. When I don’t I can get rather anxious. BUT at the same time, it is so comforting to know that I don’t NEED to understand. God is in control and does a MUCH better job of keeping things going than I do.
Katie
Hello! My name is Juls and…
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
I’ve been married to my sailor for 5 years, together for 7 and half.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
We have done two deployments together, one as boyfriend and girlfriend, and one married with kids. Each one brought it’s own set of challenges, high and low points.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I think it’ll be nice to see to see others thoughts, and I personaly believe, that after a certain amount of time wives who have a bit of experience, should lend help newer wives.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Work! Isn’t that terrible? Don’t get me wrong, We just celebrated my The middle of my husbands career, and I feel honored and blessed to share in the next half too, but Honestly, with kids, When I hear “deployment” “workup” “underway” etc., I know I’m getting ready for some fancy juggling.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
I love being a military wife. I am exceedingly proud of my husband, and his sacrifice to be away from the kids. I often struggle with handing the reins of head of the household back to him, as per God’s plan for marriage, and it really can be a tight rope balance sometimes. I know I have matured so much in the past few years, and it’s make me more appreciative of the opportunities we’ve been able to take advantage of, and especially the fact that My husband is employed right now, when so many are not.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
I am a very analytical woman. I read, or try to read into everything. I like to be in control, to plan ahead and have multiple backup plans, and that doesn’t always work in the military. I don’t always understand God’s timing, and that is an area I really need to work on. to me this passage is about being still and calm and trusting that God knows what he’s doing, and that I don’t, and furthermore, that I don’t have to understand, because he does. If give my children an instruction, I will surely hear “but I..” and then I have to say “NO! just listen” But why Mommy? “You don’t have to know why just do it” and I think I do that to God…A lot.
Juls
I completely understand about struggling with giving control back to DH when he returns home and the need to control things or have multiple back up plans, with multiple back up plans! Being still is something I am constantly struggling with.
Jeni
I totally understand about the control thing. I like to be in control and live around my calendar. But so often in deployments, you feel out of control and overwhelmed. Maybe it’s God’s way of showing me that I am never in control, He is.
Sarah
Yeah, I should know by now, yet some how I still grasp at control with all ‘my plans’ and ‘backup plans’…guess I’ll learn one of these days.
Jeni
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
We have been married 15 years tomorrow (6/8) and dated for two years before that.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
So far, not too bad, today has been a bit rough for some reason but I think it is because of our anniversary coming up.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I would love to meet some new sisters and to take the time to take my relationship with Christ to a whole other level. In the last few years I have let the day to day stresses of kids, pets, husband, sports, etc take center stage.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
I think a tour of duty looks a lot like regular life times 2. You become mom and dad and for a bit all the while making sure your spouse still feels like they are part of it all. It looks like sleepless nights, wet eyes, extreme highs and lows, and out of whack kiddos. It is about keeping your focus on Christ and off of all the things that you know can wrong.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
Long ;o) We started out as Infantry and then my dh got out after the birth of our first child because he couldn’t stand to be away from us. A couple of years after that he began to feel the call to ministry and because he also still felt a longing to be back in the military, he decided to join the Chaplain Corps which meant he needed his Master’s Degree (94 semester hours). So, after being out for 8 years we came back in a year ago and finally feel like we are where God intends for us to be.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
To me, it means to put your fears and your joys into God’s hands and to let Him do the work. We are not always going to understand how or why something happens but we do know Who it comes from and that He has it all under control. It is always hard to give up control but I find it easier during stressful times simply because you have no choice. You just cannot do it yourself and remain sane.
Tina
Happy Anniversary!!! =)
Karla
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
July 21st will be our 10 year anniversary =). He has been in the Navy for almost 5 years. We have a daughter (9 yrs), a son (2 yrs) and another baby boy due in November.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
This is our 3rd Deployment. It’s been easier this time around than the past two deployments, yet time seems to be going way to slow.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I really don’t have any expectations. I’ve never been one to join Bible studies, but I had to listen to the voice inside me when I was directed to sign up. =) I know God has something planned for me to receive from this experience and I await to see what it may be.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Supporting and understanding our husbands all while keeping things strong at home in their absence.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
As a pastor’s daughter, I was always involved with a Christian community. That changed when my husband joined the Navy and we were stationed far from family. I recently met several Christian military wives (yes, for the very first time) and realized how much I missed being around people who believe like me. I’m starting to feel like I’m home again. =)
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
It means we must follow God’s commands even when we don’t comprehend. I believe this is easy during deployment. Perhaps I should say, it’s what makes deployments easy for me. I had the privilege of developing a close relationship with God at the age of 5. As a child it’s amazingly easy to give trust and have faith. God has never let me down. He was there through my childhood, teenage and now adult years. Even the struggles of the Navy life can’t shake the God outta me!
Melissa
I love this post. I also came to know the Lord at a very early age. I am a Navy Wife also. The devil has tried everything he could in 7 deployments but he hasnt shaken God out of me either. Prayers and blessings to you. Heather
Heather Winters
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
3 1/2 years
2. What has deployment been like so far?
It has been a peaceful transition for us. We are only a month in on our first deployment. Things have already come up here and there but God has given me the strength to deal with them and not become too stressed or worrisome.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I am looking forward to sharing the stories and experiences of how God has gotten each of us through a difficult time.
I am excited to learn from others and help others as well.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
I think it is something that requires full dependence on God. It is a difficult change in roles for the spouse back home. You are required to pick up the extras that are no longer able to be carried out by your spouse. It is a time of personal growth that hopefully will strengthen us and our relationships.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
It has definitely been a learning experience. It has required me to learn flexibility and the ability to accept that things won’t happen according to my plan. It has allowed me to grow in my relationship with God and to look forward to His plans instead of being disappointed when my plans fail. I was always a “planner” I need to have things planned out in advance and I needed things to go the way I planned. Obviously the army doesn’t always stick within “my plans” so I quickly learned that if I was going to survive this army life I needed to give my planning to God and just go with the flow for what He has in store for us. It has lifted a great burden from me and allows me now to enjoy the journey; although sometimes “enjoy” requires me to remind myself of James 1:2-4.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
To me it means to be fully dependent on God. To not rely on your own abilities but to rely on God. Control is a hard thing to let go at any point. The tendency sometimes is to get caught up on being the “independent spouse” and to want to rely solely on your own abilities.
Hannah
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
We have been married for 8 years, together for 11.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
This is our 2nd overseas deployment and has gone better than our first. This one I have leaned on the Lord more readily and he has blessed me with the friendship of one of the other wives in the unit, something I did not have before as my husband has yet to deploy with his unit. As well as several Christian sisters who are committed to surrounding me in prayer.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
To grow, be challenged. I hope to join with like minded ladies who ‘get’ what I’m going through, to build relationships with other wives.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
It looks different for each wife, who even though they are going through similar circumstances of deployment, each brings a uniqueness to it. In general though, it is staying behind, taking care of the home and family. Making sure life continues while our soldier is gone. Supporting & praying for our soldiers, worrying about them, idealy leaning on & trusting God, which is sometimes easier said than done. Its a million and one little things, that we do not think about or take for granted when our soldier is around. It can be an opportunity to grow.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
It has had its ups and downs. I am proud of my husband, proud of what he does. It has already been a growing experience for me, I have a deeper faith, a keener trust in the Lord. It has helped me learn to let go and let God move.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
It means to not make decisions and react to the limited knowledge I have of the situations. To know that God is in control, I can let go, I do not have to have plans A,B,C and D. To prayerfully seek the Lord in all I do. This is so easy to say, especially in deployment, but as circumstances change, when information is lacking, if you have not heard from your soldier, when well meaning but people say thoughtless things, when the weariness sets in, it becomes hard to lean on the Lord, yet these are times we most need to. For me I have found that there are 2 times when it is easier for me to lean on the Lord during deployment: at the beginning when I am ‘full of energy’ and not worn down yet and when I’m so weary all I can do is cry out for Him. It is when reality sets in, when the days are long, the kids have fought one too many times, when I should lean on Him before becoming weary, that my pride gets in the way. Its so easy to talk about, yet difficult to practice…
Jeni
Oh, I so agree that intellectually it is easy to talk about “letting go and letting God” but in practice it is so much harder. I hope to practice this more and yack about it less!
Lisa
Hi! My name is Cindy! My husband is in the Army. We currently live in Washington State. We have been married for 5 1/2 years. We have two beautiful children, a 3 year old boy and a 9 month old girl!
My husband is not currently deployed. He has been on one deployment since we have been married and several before we were married. He is currently preparing to deploy in the near future. The first deployment was hard and though I have a better idea of what to expect, I fear the next deployment will be more difficult as we have children now and did not before.
I am hoping to get to know some other ladies and to be able to share experiences and encourage one another. I look forward to connecting with other ladies with this common bond of God and the military.
I think a tour of duty for a military wife is difficult. I also think it is an opportunity to totally depend on God in all things.
My journey as a military wife has been unique. I started out as a brand new army wife, but was married to a senior enlisted soldier, so I had to learn fast. Then I was thrown into a deployment situation right away. Our next duty station was in a remote location while my husband taught in an ROTC program at a university. So, though it was a wonderful blessing to have my husband home for so long, it was and adjustment being away from a military post. Now that we are back in what I call the “real” Army, it has been another adjustment coming back to all the military lifestye! And now we find ourselves preparing for another deployment. It is good to know that God is with us in each season of this military life!
I believe that it is sometimes difficult and sometimes easy to lean on God during deployment. In reality, most of us naturally try to do everything ourselves! The little things are usually easy to lean on God, the tough things are not always. Personally, I have to ask God to everyday to give me the strength to lean on him.
I’m excited for this study!!
Cindy
1. How long have you and your husband been married? My husband and I have been married for 17 years :0)
2. What has deployment been like so far?Well, this is our ver firt deployment and so far it has been a very eye opening experience for our entire family. We are all just trying to cope with the fact the my husband is not here. It is getting better as the days go by and I know that we have tons of support out there
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? Well, i am hoping to make some lasting friendships with other military wives who are both positive and uplifting. I also hope that I can be a source of encouragement and supposrt to others.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
hmmmmm…..not sure
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
i really like my role as a military wife. I am very proud of my husband and just recently, of our daughter, who joined The Army National Guard and is also gone at training at the moment. So My heart is completley overflowing right now. I am so very proud of the sacrifices that they both have made.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
Well, I think that it means that we as humans naturally try to be independent and just do things our own way in this life and i think that God is telling us that we just need to relax and let him lead us and evrything will be ok, if we just TRUST Him. As far as how hard it is during this deployment, well, I think that goes back to being respectful and submissive to the rules and regs of military life….we must TRUST and have FAITH that God will brings us all through it ok.
Laurie
1. How long have you and your husband been married? We have been married for almost 2 years
2. What has deployment been like so far? He got home las April from a year tour and is leaving this Friday at 4am for the next years deployment. I’m hoping to lean more on God and truly have joy with our 4 month old infant while he is gone.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? To know that God is in control and give him thanks for this time alone.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Well after church on Sunday’s study on Jonah, my husband leaned over to me and said ” This is what God wants me to do, you have to let me go”. So now that I have all this new found peace and pride for my husband about it…I’m not really sure. Sounds crazy I know but I had a hard time after the birth of our baby coming to terms with him leaving and me raising our lil one this year. So kinda not used to peaceful feelings over the whole thing. Gets some getting used to.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? I didn’t become a military wife until I was 30 years old. My husband and I meet and fell head over heals for eachother. I have seen and worked in the civilan lifestyle and as a military wife now. Truly the grass isn’t greener on either side with out God. The stability and opportunity to be out of your comfort zone and to accomplish happiness is a journey that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? I think it is hard because God gave us emotions and feelings which is what makes women so kind and beautiful. So to accept that we do not have control over our lives yet responsible for our actions on emotional stability well,, a lil challenging during such trying circumstances. But at least we are not alone:) And other’s have done it before us.
Nicole
Nicole- I know what your going through. DH left for his last deployment when our youngest was just 4 months old, and returned 2 weeks before his first birthday. We used many ways to keep him in touch with the baby. We put pictures of daddy into chewy soft picture books, and he also did quite a few United through reading dvds (where they read stories to the kids and send a video home) so he would see daddy reading a story before bedtime. I sent daily updates and a picture a day via email. To tell you the truth, I found it slightly less stressful without him there in some instances. For example, I didn’t have to worry about keeping him awake in the middle of the night when he had to get up early. I was free to co-sleep and night nurse in bed without worrying about how it would effect romance, and by doing this I was able to get almost full nights sleep (and way more sleep then i’d had had with my first baby) I was also free to try new things withe the baby, like cloth diapering, because I knew that If I started while he was gone, and succeeded, he would have further reason to support my decision, instead of hemming and hawing. It all worked out in the end. Let us know if you have any questions or need links to resources for ideas while he’s away
Juls
Juls-We’ve often joked about that…how things might be easier the next year for me. I don’t know how but I actually talked the hubby into cloth diapers about 2 months ago. We love them!!! The next adventure I’m looking forward to is trying to make her food. I doubt I could get him on board with that totally. I see it being more of an inconvenience to do while running errands, going on outings etc… where I don’t mind as much. Oh and I’ve already been sneaking in some co-sleeping naps this week knowing I’m getting ready to do what I want with her:) hehe and guess who I found doing the same things this am with her. Yup Daddy. He just laughed at me and said ” well if you’re doing it lately I figure what the heck , and gave her her bottle letting her fall asleep next to me” I responded with “it’s the best isn’t it”! Funny that you mention all those things in your response. Nice to see we experience the same things. Thank you
Nicole
Sooo, how did you get him past the “poo in the washer is disgusting” stage? lol That’s where we’re at! Other than that he’s willing to try cd’ing. We’ve got a few months before we need to make a decision since I’m still pregnant.
Esther
Esther- Poo in the washer isn’t disgusting , because poo doesn’t go in the washer, it goes in the potty. And if it does end up in the washer…ta-da! It washes out! In fact, I washed diapers Monday night, with some poo still on, and then washed my husbands dress whites. They came out squeaky clean and white and smelling clean and fresh. This isn’t the proper venue, but If your interested in cloth I can send you some links to check out
Juls
That was the key to success we use a diaper spray http://fuzzibunzstore.com/proddetail.php?prod=202 take a look at it here. Also it was really helpful to read blogs about how people do it all. We can get on email with eachother and I can explain to you how we do it. I can explain what we do when we travel also. It is really alot easier than going back and forth to the store all the time fo diapers the baby grows out of sometimes over night!
Nicole
That was the key to our success check out this diaper spray we use. http://fuzzibunzstore.com/proddetail.php?prod=202. We can get on e-mail together and explain everything. i read alot of blogs which helped tons. Also I can tell you what we do when we travel. It’s so much easier than running to the store all the time when she all of a sudden has a growth spurt and doesn’t fit anymore in them. We used disposable diapers for the first 2 months though and since then been on cloth. They are easy and great!
Nicole
Esther,
There was a roster sent out last week with our e-mail addresses on them. Feel free to email me anytime:)
nicole
Nicole, I really wanted to try Baby led weaning, and I knew My husband would freak out about letting a 5 month old eat a whole slice of mango, let alone whole pot roast! I just went for it and send him pictures of baby’s first broccoli stock, or eating his first slice of whole toast at 6 months old. The baby was (is) still alive when he got home lol.
Juls
Juls and Nicole, I’d love to see what you have for links and personal experience. Is there a good way to exchange emails or something? Not sure what is recommended on public boards like this.
Esther
Hello! My name is Rochelle I just came across this website by googling it this evening in hopes of finding other wives to relate to my situation and here I am! Although, I didn’t make the registration date, I felt that sharing my experience might help another.
My husband actually just left for his deployment yesterday morning to Afghanistan. This will be our first deployment as a married couple. We currently are stationed at Andrews Air Force Base, Maryland.
1. How long have you and your husband been married? We have been married one year as of May 2011.
2. What has deployment been like so far? It’s only been a day that he’s been gone but it’s already so hard.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? I’m hoping to gain more knowledge of the word of God to help strengthen my faith.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife? It’s very scarey, lonely, and stressful.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? My husband found out months ago about his deployment to the desert for 6 months and we still couldn’t get as prepared as we truly wanted to be. My husband is the flight leader for the group he’s taking over to the middle east so I think that pressure alone was enough to take his stress level overboard. My husband already struggles with anger and the stress didn’t help our marriage at all. Also, with the lack of understanding why his work schedule changed to late hours, more gym time, less time with family made me frustrated I added to his stress jar. Preparing for his departure wasn’t fun in our household. We fought more and argued for hours about EVERYTHING it seemed. Every day was a new challenge and it started to build a wedge in our marriage. Communication was already a challenge for us so it didn’t make it any easier. We both started to walk out the will of God and were making some bad decisions being selfish and thinking of our own feelings and saying the meanest things to eachother. Needless to say, we even fought the last night before he left and now I’m struggling with all types of insecurities at this point. I’m hoping to learn every aspect about deployment from all these wonderful experience wives who have been there and done that. Maybe if I get some clarity through those who have experienced a similiar situation as mine that I can be the example God wants one of us to be in our marriage, I know it only takes one to start somewhere. I want to be strong for my husband and be the support he needs.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? I love this scripture because God is already telling us what to do in plain form. It’s the taking action and following it that makes it hard. Sometimes we just want to take control because we think we can help or change situations when we truly can’t do it without God’s strength and wisdom to guide us. I have to work on this one.
Rochelle
My brother and his wife live on Andrew AFB.
I don’t think you can ever be as prepared as possible for deployments, even when you know way in advance that it’s coming. I know we’ve had a few times where we ended up arguing before deployment even over something very stupid.
I totally agree that sometimes it’s hard to take action when we’re told to do something. I know for me, I tend to be a control freak sometimes and I struggle with letting go and letting someone else take charge.
Nikki
My heart hurts for you right now. I am praying that God comforts you and gives you peace as you start out on this deployment. my husband and I have only been married for 6 months. I can relate to the stressful communication and arguing you have mentioned. For me, having no idea what military life was like, I had a very hard time understanding my husband’s long and stressful working conditions. I just wanted a “normal” (whatever that is) marriage. I know that, like you, I ended up adding to his stress level. God is definitely helping me in this area but it is so hard! Thanks so much for being so open.
Katie
My heart also goes out to you. If it makes you feel better, from the wive’s I’ve known & my own personal experience, you can never be completely prepared for deployment and the arguments happen. My husband, of 8 years & together 10, has been out of state at the mob station since early-mid April and getting ready to leave end of this month and we still had a ‘stupid fight’ due to lack of communication, insecurities (my part) and plain selfishness. I knew/know as we get closer to him leaving the country, he would emotionally pull away, he has to so he can focus on mission or missing us will be a distraction. But b/c I am human & can be insecure sometimes, I reacted selfishly to a situation I knew was coming. Thankfully the Holy Spirit interceded and kept it from spiralling out of control into something we would regret later. My point to this rambling is that you are not alone, its very common and better than having women who understand is the fact that as believers we have the power of Christ to overcome our selfishness & insecurities. I’ll be praying for ya’ll.
Jeni
Hey everyone! Sorry I’m late in joining the conversations…I have been sick this week.
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
it will be 10 years in November. But we have been together for 14 years. (high school sweethearts)
2. What has deployment been like so far?
A lot of ups and downs. This is our first, so it’s definitely a learning experience.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I am hoping to connect with other military wives going through the same thing as me.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
a difficult, scary sometimes lonely process that in the end makes us stronger.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
So far my journey has been fairly easy. My husband has been in the Navy for almost 5 years and this is our first long separation since boot camp. We were blessed to be stationed in Ventura County, Ca at an air unit. My husband is a CS (culinary specialist) and the air unit flew C130 cargo planes..so if they went anywhere my husband stayed home and worked in the base galley or at the barracks. After 3 years in California we PCS’d to Florida and he is now stationed on a ship. The last year has been the most difficult so far, but it’s getting easier by the day.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
I think it means we need to give everyday, all of our plans to him. We don’t always know the why, and sometimes we arn’t ment to know that. I think it’s really hard to do this during deployment, I want to be in control of everything in my life esp, when something rocks the boat so to speak like a deployment.
Jessica
I’ve been so hungry to get started on this bible study in preparation for our upcoming deployment. It will be our 6th deployment, though it’s been 5 years since the last. The deployment will also be the longest deployment for us, and one without friends or other spouses to connect with. We have 5 children ages 22 to 14.
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
We’ve been married 15 years this August.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
Our deployment will start early Fall, so I don’t really have an answer for question. I am concerned this deployment is going to be quite difficult with all the kids, but one out of the house, and the deployment scheduled to be our longest to date.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
It’s been 5 years since our last deployment so I am hoping to remind myself of how to be prepared, not just physically, but spiritually.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
A tour of duty for a military wife is one that requires her to be prepared. Often we think this means we have to do everything on our own, when in fact it doesn’t. We need to have a team of resources that we can tap into to assist us with the various situations we can need assistance with. Making sure our “battle books” are squared away and has all of our important information in them will help make our “tour of duty” go more smoothly.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
After 24 years as a military spouse, I can’t complain one bit. The military has been good to me, and though it has offered up many challenges, I can’t imagine any other life.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? “Not to lean on your own understanding” means we need to rely on God and the paths he prepares for us. Often during a deployment (or other challenging situation) we doubt the path he has prepared for us and wonder how he could possibly “allow” us to be in such a situation. Surely it wouldn’t be His will for us. That’s when we have to read further to vs 6 where it says “think about Him in ALL your ways…” Bottom Line — we must put our whole faith and confidence in our Lord God Almighty and accept with our whole heart, mind and soul that He is OUR Father and wants only the best for us and will ALWAYS guide us down the right path.
Deborrah
Well Tour of Duty friends, less than 24 hours till “D-Day”. Last minute things in the garage are being taken to storage that I won’t need over the year. My Hubby is creating a list of things he will never be able to complete today! I’m watching him go through his own process of this and just letting him be, throwing him a sweet smile every now and then while sitting on the couch with our baby.
All the laundry is done and I’ve put away all his clothes for year. It’s Bitter sweet that I won’t be doing “double laundry” for a year. He just pulled me into the garage to give me a quick lawn mowing “101 class” on the lawn mower and the gas it uses even though I’ve mowed the lawn a few times already this month while he was at work:).
I’ve never done anything online like this before and already so so greatful for this website and study. I’ve only read a few pages and already how powerful the study is and how influential it is going to be. So uplifting to know that I can ask so many military Christian women to “please pray for us” tomorrow morniing and know that this is God’s plan for our family.
Nicole
Dear Nicole,
I will be praying for you and your husband. With God’s help, you can not only survive but also thrive during this deployment. I know it will fell lonely and stressful, but I always reminded myself that I was blessed to have a loving husband that I did miss. I found a book called Love Talk Starters. I would copy a question from the book and we would take turns answering it. Sometimes I would answer first then send it and other times I would send it to him and he would answer it first. It was nice because my love language is quality time and this was a way for us to connect in a special way.
God bless you both!
~Holly
Holly K
My husband has been deployed almost 8 weeks and remember that day before so well. Good for you letting him show you how to start lawn mower (One of the first things I told my husband when we found out he was leaving was that I was getting a “lawn boy” to mow the grass!).
I understand about the laundry. I have even left some of his laundry out just because it makes me feel like he isn’t gone. I’d be embarassed if anyone came over to the house and saw 8 week old laundry sitting out but it makes me feel like he is closer (the crazy coping things we do).
Praying for “D” day for you, and that you will experience the comfort and presences of Christ as you go through these first few days.
Rebecca
Thank you for the prayers ans suggestions i will certainly try them. He just got on the. plane. God strong…right ladies!!?? Pitty party for a bit this am then back on track:) I hope!
Nicole
1. How long have you and your husband been married? 4yrs last month!
2. What has deployment been like so far? Our first deployment was short (3mos), so it was a nice way to be “inducted” into the deployment cycle. That deployment was full of missions that took him away for weeks at a time, so that was hard never hearing from him, but luckily it went by quickly. Our second was a year, and we were able to talk much more than the last one. Our third one is coming up in a few months, and this time we have a newborn. I ended up quitting my job so I could stay home with her and give her the stability she needs. I know this third one is going to be the hardest of all of them because of her.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? I want to strengthen my relationship with Him and learn to lean on Him more than I do now. I find that it’s easier for me to learn when in small groups, especially when I can obtain knowledge from other women who are in my shoes.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife? Craziness! My last two “tours” were all about me and my husband, but now it’s about us and our daughter. I have watched other mothers go through deployments with little ones so I kind of know what they go through, but honestly, I’m clueless when it comes to a tour of duty with a newborn.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? I was an Army brat who fell in love with a Soldier six years ago and became a spouse
I have watched my Soldier grow into an amazing leader and have even watched myself mature and grow because of him. I started out young and naiive, and now I find that those women are now coming to me for support. Now I know it’s going to be about being a mother figure, as well!
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? I have always tried to lean on my own understanding, because that is what makes sense to me. It’s hard for me to just give up and put all my faith on someone else, but I know that He will help me get through it. After the past two deployments I have learned that things happen for a reason. My faith has become stronger because of those deployments, and I need to really focus and learn to trust in Him for this next one, otherwise the stress of trying to lean on my own understanding is going to take over. It will be hard for me to do at first, but I know that with your help, I will be successful!
Katie
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
My hubby and I have been married for nine years. We were Active Duty Army for almost 9 years with the 101st Airborne. My husband now works with the Florida National Guard full-time. This will be our 4th deployment, however, it is our first deployment with the National Guard, and we are in a completely different environment than when we lived on a military base.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
He is leaving this summer. The other year-long deployments were sort of “survival” mode. I did what needed to be done because there wasn’t anyone else to do it.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
Being able to connect with other women in my similar situation. When we lived on an Army base, I was surrounded by women who were also married-single-parents. We could relate to each other and encourage each other. Now, I have virtually no contact with any military wives because we live in the “civilian” world now.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
While I am proud of my husband and for the sacrifice he willingly takes on each and every day, I am not looking forward to the degree of exhaustion, both mental and physical, that comes with being a married-single-parent. BUT…….. I know that God will not give me any more than I can handle so I look forward to using this coming year to grow in my walk with Him.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
That might be correct, but I feel like the Army has forced me into that position. So, when he’s home, I try to step back and not be so in control of everything (which is hard!). I feel like I have survived these deployments, only because I had no choice. Some days I feel like I’ve accomplished great things, and then other days, I just want to stay in the bed. It’s such an up and down roller coaster of emotions. My husband has already started to “detach” emotionally and we find ourselves walking on egg shells around each other. But, that is part of how he deals with it. It’s frustrating for me but I guess it’s unavoidable. My hubby’s not a “talker”, and that’s all I want to do! 
Looking back, even with the deployments, I have truly enjoyed being married to a soldier. My husband loves what he does and he’s good at it! 
We have been absolutely blessed!
I have struggled at times with lonliness, sadness, and just being plain old overwhelmed! But luckily, I am a very independent person. My husband says I’m “too” independent!
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
Trusting in God’s ways and God’s timing, has always been difficult for me because I’m a control-freak. Having to depend on someone else, even if it’s the Creator of the universe, is very difficult. That sounds so ludacris as I type it. In my weak-minded human brain, I sometimes forget that God already has ordered my steps, long before the foundation of the earth! I easily forget how BIG God is and I have to remind myself of that. HE CAN HANDLE IT! I CAN’T! It seems a simple enough idea – that even though I don’t understand a situation, I need to trust in the Lord, because His ways are so much higher and BETTER than mine. To put that into practice is hard for me. But I hope to learn how to do that during this deployment. To let go and let God…….
Patti
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
My husband and I were high school sweethearts, and will be married 3 years this July!
2. What has deployment been like so far?
This is our first deployment- I am giving birth to our first baby (girl) THIS Monday- he is unable to make it home for the birth, but we’re ok with it now. I have had several complications with this pregnancy so moved back home so that my parents could take care of me. It’s been a lot harder than I thought- not living with my military friends on post, moving back home to our small town, having our pets live with his parents, and just getting through this pregnancy without him by my side.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I’m hoping to meet other women who are going through a deployment as well- especially being back home without a “support system” (our family/friends try to help, but they don’t always know what to say/do)… and to learn from others who have been there before.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
It’s definitely not an easy “job” and I’ve realized that not everyone is cut out for it, but it’s an honorable job regardless. It’s being independent and “holding down the fort” back home, while supporting our husbands in any way possible.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
We’ve been in the military for almost 3 years- which have included moves, finding jobs, friends, churches, etc. I’m absolutely honored to be my husband’s wife and stand with him and follow him. I’m proud of my husband in every way possible and just taking everything day by day… especially through this deployment.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
It’s definitely hard to lean on God… I have always been a christian and have always struggled with NOT leaning on my own understandings and ideas… I’ve given everything over to God as I know he’s in complete control, but there are definitely “those days” in a deployment where I’m about to give up… it is definitely hard, but I can’t imagine doing this without God!
Sarah
Sarah, Congrats on having the baby. I am sure the addition will help keep you focused while your hubby is away. I moved home twice…well to our hometown anyway…I got my own place. I truly treasured the time my parents, in-laws and the extended family had with our boys. They are super close to both sets of grandparents and all their cousins. In fact, the insist on coming homne every summer a month or more. My boys are now 16 and 12. Every year they get to spend time with their cousins, go to church camp, and just be “home”. I would not trade that time for anything. I pray that you and your child can have that same type of experience and can begin building those bonds.
Good luck and God bless!
~Holly
Holly K
Hi everyone!!!
Even though Sara was so sweet to introduce me in the post I thought I would go ahead and tell a little about myself. I am so glad to be apart of this study again and I am looking forward to getting to know y’all
So here goes with the discussion questions for the week:
1. How long have you and your husband been married? My husband and I will celebrate our 10th anniversary next week! (We are high school sweethearts and have been together for 17 yrs.)
2. What has deployment been like so far?
This is our 3rd deployment. We are counting down now to R&R. Each deployment has had its own challenges especially with my husband being in the reserves and not having the community or support of a local base. This deployment I entered into with a different mindset. I knew that God had a purpose for it and I wanted Him to use this time to bring me closer to Him and ultimately to bring Him glory.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I am excited about the connections that are already being made and those that will be made over the course of this study. Being able to host this study in my home a few months back, I was able to watch ladies grow in their walk and build relationships that otherwise may not have happened.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
my best analogy is roller coaster…there are ups and downs but we can learn so much from them and grow from our experiences
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
I have been on this journey for 10 years…we have been through 3 deployments, numerous annual trainings, more schools than I can think of, etc. We have missed more holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and everything in between than I care to think about…but even through the seperations God has been faithful to strengthen my marriage, to give me peace, to comfort our children, and to reveal so much about His character to me. When I think about this journey and how my emotions are always changing, I am reminded (and comforted) knowing only one thing remains constant and that is Christ. In Him is our strength and hope. If it was not for this journey I may not ever know those things and so for that I am can say I am grateful.
As I have said, I am so glad each of you are participating in this study. We each choose how we are going to look at this journey that God has placed us on, and I so glad that your choosing to prepare your hearts, your minds, and your families spiritually for this journey.
If I can ever do anything for you, be it answer a question, or pray for you, or whatever your need, please email me anytime. jessicac@wivesoffaith.org
Jessica
Oh my, do I ever know about missed anniversaries. My husband has been a full-timer in the Minnesota National Guard for just under 11 years. Had I known (nearly) 18 years ago that we would end up a military family, I think I would have chosen NOT to get married in August!!! Annual Training is ALWAYS in August! We joke about it now, but we usually only get to spend the day together every 3 years or so!!! Oh well, we have learned that we just celebrate our marriage on other days, as well.
Lisa
lol DH has missed every one of my birthdays for the past 6 years.It’s a running gag now.
Juls
Juls,
That’s funny, I was just teasing my husband about ‘managing to miss’ the 5th birthday in a row and how some husbands would give anything to ‘get out of it’ while he can count on Uncle Sam to make sure he misses it.
Jeni
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
♥ Blessed with two children in 3rd grade and 6th grade.
We met on a blind date 17 years ago introduced as “future husband and future wife”…fell in love and have been together for 15 years this August.
2. What has deployment been like so far?
At this moment it’s HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY because we are ALMOST done with the year of deployment. We are in the final “double digit” countdown…it was VERY rough in the beginning and I totally fell apart and had to figure out how to find a balance and peace inside myself without having “my person” by my side…it was sooo sad for the first 3 months, but getting together with other gals going through this and finding on line support through facebook was VERY helpful.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I want to help-as a tour guide I want to let the ladies know ” I get it”, I was there and I am still standing…help in whatever way I can and be a positive part of their experience. Also I want to close this chapter of our lives and know that in the grand scheme of life it is just a blink…and not get caught up in the misery of the situation we just lived for the past year.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Well considering we are moving in 3 weeks, my husband is deployed, and my house looks like it exploded the word that comes to mind is pure chaos and exhaustion….but PROUD AND STRONG through it all.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
AMAZING…this journey as an Air Force wife has been incredible..the people we’ve met along the way, the experiences we’ve had…and then the deployment. Someone told me “when you go to bed at night know that you did your best, you did enough, and not dwell on what didn’t get done”..take one day at a time…be flexible..and most of all know that you’re in this together…as a family and we all have to make sacrifices…
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
Put God as the center..don’t trust “YOU” trust HIM…I found this after I hit my absolute low. Ladies I want to share with you that it’s OKAY to NOT be okay with deployment, but what we have to do is find that “place” in our hearts that gets us through leaning on God and making HIM the center. It was very hard for me until I started to “get it” and let HIM in…and I have always been a very strong Christian..so I thought..until our life was turned upside down and the other half of “us” was gone…then…I hit rock bottom…but with God I found my way…♥
Welcome ladies…thanks Sara for this incredible opportunity to meet such fabulous women and share in their journey.
Alaina
I absolutely love how you and your husband met. It makes me smile.
Hooray for being able to see him so soon! What a happy thing!
Katie
Hi everyone, my name is Lisa. We live in Minnesota and I have been married for 17 years to the love of my life, Brian. He is a full time Minnesota National Guardsman. He just deployed for the second time on May 24th for 12 months. He will be in Kuwait. In 2003-2004 he was in Afghanistan. We have 2 wonderful boys, Carl (10, will be 11 in a few days) and Isaac (5). Carl was 3 1/2 years old when his Daddy left for 15 months the last time. He has gone to countless schools, meetings, training sessions, etc over the years. We have been a MN National Guard family for nearly 11 years now. It is all my boys have ever known their dad doing.
So far, this deployment is going reasonably well. It was excruciating as we knew it was coming for 18 months, (the last one we had 15 days notice). OK,15 days is much to short and 18 months is WAY too long. Anyway, it is a bit better now that deployment has actually started. He is only gone for about 5 weeks on pre-training, then home over July 4, then the big separation begins…I know I can do it, I’ve done it before, and learned alot about myself and about how God supplies no matter what.
As a wife of a Guardsman living in the civilian world, I am anxious to get to know other military wives/significant others who are on this crazy journey, too. I hope to learn from and share with others what is good and not so good about deployment and the trials and joys of being a military wife.
Hmmm, what does a tour of duty look like for a military wife…huge challenge!!! For me, and many others, it is being, as someone else stated a “married-single parent”. I’ve done it once with one young boy, and now we have two. Before, the ratio was 1:1 and now there are more of the kids than me! No, really, for me, it is hard to be “on” 24 hours a day 7 days a week no matter what. Don’t get me wrong, we have plenty of fun together while Dad is away, but I miss having someone to fall back on. I miss the teamwork of parenting. God had it right, parenting is best (in my opinion) when there is a mom and a dad actively involved in rearing the kids. I miss him terribly, but what I always worry about the most is that I will be able to give my boys what they need on a daily basis, and that is tough, because I am a MOM and they also need Dad. I can’t be both, I’ve tried. Yes, I stand in the gap for him when he is gone, but I can’t fill that for our boys. And I miss all the other stuff, help with the laundry, mowing, etc.
My life as a military wife has been reasonably good. This isn’t what we thought we would be doing when we married, but I lived with my husband for several years in his “jack of all trades, master of none” stage and it is NO FUN living with someone who is not doing what they love and are meant to do. My husband is a great soldier, and he (almost always) loves what he does. We will have about 4.5 years left and he will then have 20 years of active duty service and he can retire at a very young age. Overall, I love being a military wife. It is harder when he is deployed, as civilians don’t get it. During deployment, I wish we lived on or close to a base where there is a community of women who know what it is like. That is why this study is so appealing, AND that it is a community of Christian women.
Proverbs 3:5-6 are challenging words. They are easy to talk about, but difficult to put into practice. It means that I need to let go of my need to analyze and control things and trust that God has a divine plan for me in every situation, if only I’ll slow down long enough to listen to what He is trying to teach me or show me. It means that God will light my path and it will become clear when I “get out of His way.” It is easier to do when things are going more smoothly, and more difficult when I get to feeling overwhelmed with responsibilities at home and at work.
Geez, didn’t know I was so long winded. Sorry for the long post! Looking forward to this study and getting to know you and Jesus, better.
Lisa
Lisa,
I can related to the “jack of all trades” stage. We have been going through something similiar to that for the last few years with my husband. Even thought deployment and the distance between us is difficult I can hear in his voice how much he loves what he is doing. I’m praying that an opportunity will open us for him to go full-time once he get’s back (He’s a reservist), I don’t share that too often because most people think I’m crazy
My husband is also in Kuwait. He is been there a couple of weeks and so far so good for him.
Rebecca
Rebecca,
I don’t think you are crazy! I’m with you. I do know the feeling though. Sounds you and your husband are a team like you should be. Your attitude will really help when things are hard and I know from experience that your husband will love and appreciate you for it!
Take care, stay strong, and God bless you!
~Holly
Holly K
Thanks for the encouragement, Holly. I made the “mistake” of sharing that with several civilian friends and they just didn’t get it.
Rebecca
Rebecca,
I think that marriages are stronger when both parties feel that they are supported in their life’s work. Our husbands love the military life, and
They are good at it. Plus, there are perks to being full-time, especially in this poor economy. We don’t have to worry about lay-offs or insurance, etc. I”ll pray that a full time reservist position opens for him in the future. Sounds like he’d be a grat asset to the full-time staff.
Lisa
Lisa
Great post!!! You really touched me. I am a mother of a boy too. I also struggle at times with what my Wyatt is missing out on when his dad is deployed and we have survived 7 deployments. I also agreen that a Father and Mother parent team is the way God designed it. I also believe in the spiritual teaching of the Husband is the head of the house. With that said God always reminds me of how he set my family and other military familes Apart. Apart from the rest of the world. He has given us wives especially of boys the most unique gift and job of setting the divine example if a strong woman. One of my greatest blessings is knowing and hearing my son say “My mom can do that”. Thanks for listening.
Heather Winters
Heather,
Well stated. I agree completely.
Lisa
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS FOR THIS WEEK (answer these in the comments below):
1. How long have you and your husband been married? 20 years
2. What has deployment been like so far? We have survived and thrived during three deployments (Korea, Kuwait, and Iraq)
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
Just a reconnection with God by focusing on deployment and what God will want for me glean and how He wants me to grow and depend on him.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
From my experience, it has been empowering, lonely, given me opportunities to grow closer to God and my husband,and allowed me to overcome some things that I had feared.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
I have loved being a military wife. IT has allowed me to depend on my husband and be away from other family. IT has allowed me opportunities that I would never have had. I have moved 9 times in 13 yrs and have experienced three deployments…something I would not have chosen for myself and our children, but God provides and continually blesses us.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
To me, it means to seek God. That things should be filtered through Him. During deployments, it is sometimes easy to do this because you have to be patient and it gives the time to regroup and focus on God through prayer and study. Sometimes in the course of military life, it is difficult. Things happen so fast and I find myself reacting instead of seeking. I think because of my age I am more relaxed and willing to be patient but when I was younger, God was an after thought many times.
Holly Killough
Holly,
I agree that deployment is both empowering AND lonely! Sometimes it is amazing what God can do when we feel like “how is everything going to get done?!” and yet we survive and keep on trucking! But sometimes so lonely, because we would rather be trucking through this life with our husbands at our side, and not doing it alone.
Deborah
1. How long have you and your husband been married? We have been married 16 years this coming September.
2. What has deployment been like so far? It has not been to good to say the least. We just lost our English Bulldog (T-Bone) he was a part of our family for the past 11 years. So things have been sad around our house. But time heals all and with God’s help it will soon pass. He will never be forgotten, but it will get easier.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? It will be nice to hear how others deal with things as they come up. It helps to know that you are not the alone out there and that just maybe they might be going through the same things or even thinking the same things you are. This is not our first deployment, but it never seems to get any easier.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife? It is like a roller coaster for sure. Some days are good, some days are not so good. It seems to work if you take it one day at a time. Most of all rely on God to see you through each and every day.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? It has been great for sure! We are from a small town back in Missouri and we have seen and done more than we ever would have. Our son has been able to experience so much more in life. We have met so many wonderful people and remained friends with most of them. It has just been a blessing. However the time apart is always hard, but we know it is part of being a Navy family.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? To me it means just trust God and do not question why. All things happen for a reason and only will he reveal them in his time. Sometimes are harder than others and sometimes I would love to just throw in the towel, but I know we are following the plan that God has laid out before us thus far. Psalm 119:105 “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”
Cindy Pruitt
Psalms 119: 105 I love it! I was thinking of scriptures this morning and that is the one I needed.
Heather Winters
When my husband deployed the first time neither of us were Christians. Our daughter was 10 months when he left and 2 when he returned. She is now 5 and we have a 4 month old son as well. I am hoping to gain a peace and comfort. I want to do this God’s way instead of my own like I did before. My husband and I have been married for 7 years, but we’ve been “us” for 11. We are now both Christians and I’m eager to see God work through this deployment. My husband isn’t technically deployed but he’s doing a one year unaccompained in Korea. These verses in Proverbs 3 to me mean to not lean on yourself, but on God. And acknowledge him in everything, absolutely everything.
Lindsey
Dear Lindsey, I know what exactly what you mean. We were not a God centered family for the first deployments but now we are. I promise you it has made the difference, well God is the difference. You have such a great peace. My husband and I do bible studies on the phone or email or we just share a scripture a day. What a strong couple you make when you are both God centered. Thanks for sharing
Heather Winters
My name is Heather Winters, my husband and I have been married for 15 years, together almost 17. We were highschool sweethearts and we have been so blessed to grow up together and by the grace of God grom in Him together. My husband has been active duty Navy for 16 years and will once again return to sea duty in a month. We have a 13 year old son, Wyatt.
We have survived 7 deployments. I believe we have experienced every kind of deployment. They are never good but God has shown me his grace through them all. I have not always relied on God in all of our deployments and the result was allowing the devil to kill steal or destroy. But God is greater.
I hope to learn, teach and encourage through this bible study. The one lesson that being a military wife has taught me is how big God is!! I think it is so easy to put God in a box when we never get out of our comfort zone. That is one luxury I think military wives never get, A comfort Zone. And whether you acknowlege Him or not God goes on every military move.
I think a tour of duty for a military wife in undescribable. I think we have every emotion and decision and conflict and blessings all in one. Remember only the strong survive and with God we can all be survivers. Phillipians 4:13
My personal journey as a military wives takes days weeks months to share that testimony. I have always been a realist. I call a spade a spade. So 6 months to a year or longer is a lifetime to be separated from your mate. And time can be the devils play ground. I have always said that when your spouse leaves” The Roof WILL Cave in”.
But by the grace of God he has always given me wisdom to either work around it or the strenth to put it back up again.
Proverbs 3: 5-6 I sometimes think that after 7 deployments I got this figured out……. and then the enemy shows up… I’m learning that I am just a mere vapor. God the creator of all my savior always knows best. And the mercy he shows on the days that I scream , curse, cry and run. When you think that no one is coming for you…….He is already there!!!!!!!!!!!! My love and prayers to you all.
Heather Winters
I love your thoughts on Proverbs 3:5-6…this is so true!!!
Cindy Pruitt
Hello Ladies!
Sorry if this is lengthy! My name is Deborah and we live in North Carolina. We are on our 2nd deployment. My husband is navy reservist. (Sara, I am wondering if our hubbies were together for the 1st one! We had just signed up and he was pulled with the sea bees out of CO., prepared in Cal. in 2007!)
We have been married 13 years, as of last week! He had done his active duty before me, so the military life is relatively new. We have 2 girls, who love their daddy to pieces!
This deployment,so far, has been a little easier in some ways. I had a better idea of what to expect and I am near my family again. The last deployment we were completely away from family. We also had a longer pre-deployment period that has helped us separate.
I am hoping to meet new women in the same life circumstances, learn from their experiences and struggles, and refocus my eyes on Jesus.
A military wife to me….challenging, often chaotic, spontaneous, emotional rollecoasters, lots of laughs and tears, constantly relearning how to love on my husband and children in effective ways-vs-destructive ways,sometimes isolated since friends and families, though well meaning, don’t realize the struggles we go through.
My journey so far…draining juggling kids activities, 2 jobs, and housecleaning!! I feel like there isn’t much left of me at the end of the day.
We can’t lean on our own understanding because military life doesn’t fit into the way life is supposed to go! There is often no rhyme or reason how the military makes decisions, run things, or when they will pull your spouse for training, etc.
My first deployment I laid in bed crying after my husband told me he was being deployed, and I told God, “you never give us more than we can handle, and I can’t do this!” And I heard a quiet voice tell me, “no you can’t do this, but I can if you will let me.”(after reading Sara’s book, ‘God Strong”, I have come to realize that God never said that He won’t give us more than we can handle,He said, ‘You can do all things through me that strengthens you!’)IF I can quiet myself down, and reflect on what God HAS done, than I remember what He can do. And I don’t have to do it ALL.
Deborah
Deborah-
I wanted you to know that I so identify with your sentiment
“A military wife to me….challenging, often chaotic, spontaneous, emotional rollecoasters, lots of laughs and tears, constantly relearning how to love on my husband and children in effective ways-vs-destructive ways,sometimes isolated since friends and families, though well meaning, don’t realize the struggles we go through.”
I too, struggle to love my husband and children in effective positive ways rather than destructive ways. I fear yesterday with my kids was rather destructive. Had one of those days where I had too much to do and not much cooperation or much respect…
Thankfully it is better today…
Thanks for sharing.
Lisa
1. How long have you and your husband been married? Will be five years September 19th.
2. What has deployment been like so far? My husband went to Title 10 Status on June 1st. This is our first deployment and it has been very confusing for me. There are no military families or installations close to me so I’m just kind of winging it, I guess you’d say. I purchased the Tour of Duty bible study just this past Friday and found this site through it. I have to say, so far I’m impressed. I absolutely love the study. Wish I could have found it a few days sooner so I could have joined the summer study.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? To get advice and maybe some direction from other wives in deployment or who have been in deployment. My focus is to grow in faith while my husband is away. I feel that is where I need to get my strength from to support my soldier and my family.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife? Confusing, scary, and long.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? I have truly enjoyed my military wife experience thus far. My husband enlisted in the Army National Guard in Kentucky four years ago. It took some adjustment but he truly loves serving his country and I stand beside him 100%. I do not have any military families or installations nearby. We live in Southern Illinois and he joined in Kentucky. He drills in Marion, KY, and most of his units soldiers are from that area. They are over an hour away from our home. Finding support and/or other wives has been a chore.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? It means to lean on God, put your faith in him to provide the strength we need to make it through the rough road ahead. I’ve found it easier then I thought and I am so thankful for a savior who can offer me the comfort and answers during the hardest times of my life. Maybe not as quickly as I’d like them sometimes, but when I am supposed to know, He makes sure I do. I struggled at firs with understanding, patience, how to cope and reorganize my life without my husband home. Since really turning my concerns over to the Master I’ve really found peace in my heart.
Mindy B
Finally finishing the discussion questions
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Moving lots and making friends that you will have quick friendships with and hopefully long friendships with since they will know what you are going through. Experiencing up and downs in your relationships with your husband, but growing (hopefully) stronger as time goes by, gaining a sense of pride of family, God and country by being a mil spouse.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
It has been anything but boring. We spent our first year of marriage living on two different coasts. We’ve gone through a deployment while I was pregnant. We’ve moved cross country twice. I’ve met so many amazing and strong women (and men) and I’ve learned that I have a voice and I’ve grown as a person. I’ve done things that I never thought I would.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
It is so hard to not try to do everything yourself. We as mil spouses have some button in ourselves that says “I’m superwoman, I have to do this all on my own.” I know for myself I have a hard time asking for help. But recently I’ve gotten back on the right path and have been trying to share my burdens with God so that he can help me. It’s never easy to admit that we might not be strong enough to do something, but God is our strength.
Katie
I’ve been listening to a lot of Toby Mac to help perk me up during deployment! I highly recommend every one of you ladies, listen to “Hold On” it’s a really great pick-me-up! 0:). I think good music in general is great for your attitude/outlook!
Leslie
1. How long have you and your husband been married? Jus a little over a year (2-12-2010)
2. What has deployment been like so far? Ruff so far but it has just started and its our first one being married
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience? Words of encouragement; Help from Gods word
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife? Long and lonely and a chance grow
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point? Short but busy have moved twice in the last year
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? I feel it means to lean on God . Its hard to do because its nature to question why so far why so long . But I know he has a plan and we are learning from this deployment
Amanda Harrison
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
Frank and I have been married 12yrs
2. What has deployment been like so far?
well we have 2 little boys that are 2yrs and 4yrs old so it has been exhausting! I work 3 12 hr shifts and I have to take call so… Frank has been gone since just after the first of the year and will return this fall. My 4yr old is challenging, he does not like to listen and is very strong willed!! I try to keep them busy but sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch tv!!
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
I hope to learn how to become closer to God and to rely on him for my strength to get through this! I also would like to learn what to expect when my husband returns home!
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Challenging, lonely and filled with questions.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
Well Frank had just got back from boot camp when we met and 3 mo later left for school. He as had many short 3 mo training assignments and has been deployed one time but it was different because he went back and forth overseas and to a station point in the US so I got to go visit when he was in the states. Plus that was long before we had children! Now is much much different!
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
I think that you have to give it all to Him and it is hard to do that! Our lives are so busy and it is hard to stop and give Him all the control! I have a had time giving up control in a normal situation and when your spouse is not there everyday to lean on I think it makes it even harder to give up that control. And so that is what I am really hoping to learn from this study! I know I need to give it all to God and let him lead me not to lead myself!
Krystal
Hi Ladies,
I am sorry to be answering these questions so late, but we just got back from vacation from a place where they did not have computer access in the rental home! So here goes!
My name is Vanessa and we are stationed in England. My husband is in the Air Force and we have been here for almost two years. We are loving it! We have two young sons and I am so blessed with the family that God has given to me. I have been saved for 30 years, but in my mid-teens my family fell away from the church, so I was backslidden for the past 20 years. I will be celebrating my one year re-commitment to God on Sunday. I feel so fulfilled now and I am so happy that God never gave up on me! Amen!
1) How long have you and your husband been married?
Eight years.
2) What has deployment been like so far?
Deployment is like a rollercoaster ride for me, the ups and downs and the worries if we’ll all make it to the end of the ride in one piece. My worry though is more for my children and the effect that it has on them. My husband was deployed last summer and the previous summer as well. We PCS’d in between deployments and the challenges of trying to keep it all together brought me back to God and back to church.
3) What do you hope to get out of this small group experience?
I am hoping to gain insight of how Godly women handle deployment and I am looking for positive examples /influences on my life because the military lifestyle is hard and discouraging. Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of positive things about being a military spouse, but I just can’t seem to get past the disappointing moments sometimes. Ex: Another work weekend or another swim meet that I will be attending alone or another school play where only one parent is there.
4) What do you thik a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
We are the glue in our families. A tour of duty for us is a constant test to see how strong that glue is and as I found out last summer, I needed God to replenish the glue because I couldn’t do it on my own anymore.
5) How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
My husband and I met in Feb. 2001 and I have seen how our lives went from carefree to the “He can be called at any moment to go”. For me, it has been a long, hard road. I was a very independant woman before I met my husband, I had a career, a life that was my own. The whole reality of losing my identity and being a spouse, or a dependent, where they don’t even ask for your SSN anymore, to becoming a mother on the island of Okinawa, away from family and friends, to returning back to the States and living away from family while my husband did a year long remote to Korea, to us having back to back summer deployments two summers in a row was A LOT for me to handle. I feel that in the past eight years as a military wife there has been no rest, but that is where I am growing as an adult Christian because I am learning to find rest in Jesus.
6) Proverbs 3:5-6: What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
We are not to lean unto our own understanding because we are to trust God with our lives and the plan He has for them. He gave us “understanding”, but He wants us to chosse to trust Him with our lives and our family’s lives.
Again, it was because I couldn’t trust myself anymore that I went back to church and back to God. So for me, the choice to go back to His fold was easy. Why was my choice easy? Because I grew up knowing that He would always be there for me, through good times and bad.
I can’t wait to see where this Bible study takes me!
Vanessa
Vanessa C
I have seen that some of the other ladies have put their husbands time in service on here and my husband has been in for 21 years. I met him just as he was starting his 10th year in. He has said that the past 10 years have been far harder than the first ten because of Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation New Dawn.
I don’t know when he’ll deploy again, but he could go at any time and that is almost as bad as knowing.
Vanessa
Vanessa C
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
Almost 3 years
2. What has deployment been like so far?
We’ve only had 3 weeks to prepare, so it has been very chaotic. In that short time, we had to pack up our house and travel over 1,000 miles to say temporary “goodbyes” to family.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
Since, this is my first deployment, I don’t want to travel this road alone. The bible study title really stood out to me. I feel as if I am about to enter into a deployment of my own.. a spiritual battle, and I will need the support of others and God’s word to come out victoriously!
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
I’m really not exactly sure. I think that flexibility is key. I have tried not to have any expectations… that way I won’t be disappointed.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
I have only been a military wife for a few months. So, again… I have little frame of reference.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
This verse means 110% faith in God. This does not mean I come up with a Plan A or B. It means that I allow God to drive my life. He is my commanding officer. No matter what trials come my way, I will trust that He knows what is best. I can’t see the big picture, so I can’t lean on my own finite understanding. I’m sure this will be difficult, especially because I have a hard time trusting God when I am living with my husband every day. I can’t imagine what life would be like without seeing my husband every day for a year. That will be difficult!
Lori
One more thing to add… my husband leaves for deployment to Afghanistan 1 week from today. Can you pray for us? Thanks!
Lori
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
12 years this Sept
2. What has deployment been like so far?
Our deployment actually ended in April, but it was easier because he was able to communicate daily.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
to prepeare myself for future deployments (Nov ’12) and gain support of like minded women who love God.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
A conglomerate of emotions..
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
It has had its ups and down. I have done 7 deployments to date. Beofre I recconnected with Christ each deployment was tough!
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why? It means that I have to trust God whole heartedly, it means that despite how my emotions my wnat to tell me things are that I must remember that He is always working for my good. This is very hard, for me during deployments. I think the lonliness and extreme fatigue start taking their toll and I fall victim to the “woe is me”.
Andreca
1. How long have you and your husband been married?
9.5 wonderful years
2. What has deployment been like so far?
So far, so good. We’re still early into it and have been able to communicate almost daily, so that’s certainly helping to keep us connected. I’m keeping myself and my daughter busy, but also allowing for “downtime days” at home, so we seem to have a good balance going.
3. What are you hoping to get out of this small group experience?
To connect with other women who know what this is like, and to learn from them. It’s nice to be with people who “get it”.
4. What do you think a tour of duty looks like for a military wife?
Staying strong. Not emotionless, but strong. Realizing that we CAN do this, with God’s help. Taking care of the house, the kids, and our health. Supporting and encouraging our husbands. Finding the good in every day, even if some days take more effort than others.
5. How would you describe your journey as a military wife to this point?
Adventurous. I’m proud to be part of this community of Army wives. It’s been interesting as I’m navigating friendships and new relationships. I spent so long in a “bubble” with my Christian friends, that I’m learning to break out of my own comfort zone, as God is putting people in my life that I would have never chosen on my own, but I’m so thankful for them. Christ is really teaching me about loving others right where they are – without necessarily giving advice, or judgment – just love and support.
6. Read Proverbs 3:5-6. What does it mean not to lean on your own understanding? How easy or hard is this to do during deployment? Why?
One of my favorite verses!!! It means that I have to remember that God is in control and He sees the big picture. I can’t make assumptions about why someone is doing something, or not doing something, or why my husband isn’t online…..trusting in Him means letting go. It’s scary sometimes, but also comforting to know that I’m not in charge. I’ve been reading in Job lately and how his friends, although well meaning, were wrong about why Job was suffering – they “assumed” they knew. Just like we do, when we assume we know the whole story. That’s MY understanding, though – not HIS.
Stacy
Greetings and Blessings to Everyone!
So happy God led me to this study! What a great journey to make with friends!
1. My amazing, wonderful, handsome, sexy, loving husband and I have been together 10 years and married for 8. God has repeatedly shown us that we are meant to be together forever. Cliche yes, but HE does complete the triangle of my marriage. God at the head and my husband and I always looking to Him first. (and yes this was written on a very good day!) lol
2. We are on our third tour. Deployment is deployment. It just is. We have good days and bad days same as when hubby is home. It is however MUCH better to go through those bad days when hubby is here to hold me through it. We have four boys, well four young men. 23, 20, 16 and 14 all wonderful gifts from God. Two are in college and the other two wish they were away at college. lol They know the chores double when Dad’s gone.
3. What do I hope to get out of this small group experience? Friends, lifelong friends to walk this journey with me. Sharing testimonies, experiences, to learn from each other all the while leaning more fully on the Father.
4. A tour of duty looks like something that you experience. Its full of every posssible emotion and situation the world can think up to throw at you, and its up to you to keep moving forward and living up to what God has in store for each of us during this time. There are bad scary things, but there are also exciting new challenges to build us up. God can use this time to mold us even more quickly than others.
5. My journey as a military wife has been such a learning experience. I’ve grown up alot and I thought i was grown. LOL I’ve gotten to see and share things and places with my family that I wouldnt have ever thought possible. We live at the North Pole. How incredible is that? My husband makes it all worthwhile. We get to treasure and cherish each moment just a little more fully i believe than others. God allows us to see each other more clearly and completely, knowing our limited time is precious. My journey is something I would never trade ever and cannot wait to see what comes next.. the good and the bad. God keeps me at the ready!
6. Proverbs 3:5-6 We have to let go and let God lead us. Trust Him to know whats best for everything in our lives. Deployment, marriage, kids, friends, family, work/play, anything that we spend time and thought on should all be under the direction of the Father. How hard is it? EXTREMELY HARD! The enemy constantly wants us to think we have to do this on our own. He gives us just enough pride to make us think its possible. Then delights in our frustration as we usually fail miserably. Pray without ceasing.. that is my motto for proverbs 3:5-6 =)
karla