Hi ladies! Welcome to Week Two of our online study! I hope you’ve had a chance to read the first chapter and answer the questions. Don’t forget to take time to comment about your thoughts and also, comment on what others in the group say.
Please be sure to look at the discussion questions posted below and answer those in the comments of this post. Please know that if there are some questions listed you don’t feel comfortable in answering, that’s ok. Share your answers and also feel free to add any comments or thoughts you had about the chapter as you went through it. Remember that the more you share, the more you can encourage and bless or challenge other ladies who may be the ones who need to hear what you say!
Ch. 1 – The Road Less Traveled Discussion Questions
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
YOUR HOMEWORK FOR THIS WEEK: Read Chapter 2 in Tour of Duty.
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Thank God for this bible study , My first initial reaction was a little shocking to me. I never realized how FEW there are of us military wives. So fully realizing that God set me a part and truley made me unique and gave me what has to be a special job “accordingly to his purpose”. This is a great peace and inspiration for me at the time in my journey.
Oh the expectations!!!!! I really thought it would be glamorous, exciting, and most of all Secure. That is mans’ version of secure. People would say you dont have anything to worry about you have insurance, a steady paycheck etc. 16 years later how that makes me laugh. I know now that the Navy dosent provide security. My God and Savior is the only security.
Over the years I prepare for deployment so much differently than the first ones. It seems the honey do list gets somewhat done but not with such urgentcy. The cars oil change may wait till after he leaves, the All Important Wives Check List gets a whole new priority. Now I am concentrating on our Sons needs and expectations and what God has in store for us. This is a new journey for me.
I would say the sitation that is really facing me right now is trying not to get consumed with Supporting everybody else’s needs as My husband readies for Sea duty. In the last few months My father in law died unexspectedly and my mother in law is so paniced with my husband leaving. And to be perfectly honest our church family is completely LOST IN WORDS that my husband is returning to Sea duty. Which is a little hard for me now. It seems that our support system is more concerned with the LACK of jobs that they think we can do. They are more afraid that our family dynamic is changing and what are they going to miss out on. I really dont know how to handle that currently. I know I have to start with PRAYER
As far as questions 6 and 7 I still have to think of those
The hardest part of deployment is that as I mention last week I am a realist. So time is the hardest for me. 6 months or a year is a LONG TIME and I know time can be the devils playground. I am secure in my faith to know that God is good all the time and is right ahead of me always! ” By his Stripes We Were Healed ” I just have to stand on the promises.
Prayers and blessing to you all.
Heather Winters
It is shocking to find out that there are such a small number of mil spouses when you actually think about it. But that makes us all the more special to do this job.
Katie
I too was and am still amazed at how few of us military spouses there are. I’ve been born and raised in a military town, so the military & its way of life wasn’t totally foriegn to me when I married my husband. I’ve know that I was set apart to be his wife, but I didn’t understand just how set apart I am. So thankfully for this study so we can all stick together!!
Jennifer
I have found myself trying hard to find Christian military friends. I suppose there are even fewer of us than I thought. I’d like the fellowship however being out of my comfort zone brings me closer to God.
Nicole
I have been seeking out more Christian friends as I work on getting back on the right path. I finally found a home church and have been throwing myself into as much as I feel I can handle to get to know people. I love the church I found since they have a military spouse fellowship.
Katie
Hi Heather, I too am struggling with the time factor. It seems like such a long time! I get frustrated because I think of how quickly his pre-deployment leave of 2 weeks went, and then how slowly the first 2 weeks of deployment seemed to go.
Michelle
I completerly agree about the time factor. The first week that he was gone seemed like the longest week ever!!. ANd a year just seems like Forever when I think about all our now 3 month old will be doing when he gets home (she will be just over 1yr.) So I just don’t let myself think about how far away it is, and do my best to give that hurt/worry to God b/c he already knows tomorrow. I cross off a day every day and I am already planning HIs coming home/her Birthday party and we are only 2 months into a 12 month deployment. For some reason the planning just makes it feel closer to me.
Krystal
Krystal, I can relate to your comment, we are in the same position. Our 5 month old will be practically potty trained by the time Hubby cones back in a year. I know God will bless us in other ways because our husbands missed this time of their lives. We have to hold onto the fact that if we lean on Him that there are bigger plans for our kiddos and their Daddy’s to connect with when everyone is reunited. I loose sight of this at times but writing this reminds of what I need to keep my mind and eyes fixed on.
Nicole
Michelle, we are approaching week two of his year deployment. Boy is it gonna be a long year. I’m done already and ready for him to come home. Geezers, we are just at the beginning!!! I have to admit with this study… I see the first week was so much easier than his last deployment. Can’t wait for the rest of the book, this is such a great journey to look forward to when we try to see it through God’s eyes… a work in progress:)
Nicole
Heather,
I am right there with you! My husband keeps telling me “it will fly by, before you know it i will be home,” but I can’t see how that will happen! It really is a looong time! He has only been gone for 2 1/2 weeks and it seems like forever! Also, I hope in time you will receive better support from your church family…that connection is so vital during deployment!
Ginger
Ginger
Thanks Ginger I fellow “realist”. Thanks for the prayers about my church family. I am really struggling with this. Recently they started like at me like I am an alien and after this week with three different church member making comments about “arent we still going to do our ” jobs” or “programs” I am really hurt and confused. So please keep praying. I am a greatly faith rooted person but I am at a loss how to fix this. God Bless Heather
Heather Winters
I completely agree about the time! It’s a battle all by itself.
Megan
You are so right Megan.
Heather Winters
1. I have the ‘superwoman’ complex in that I feel like I should be able to do everything myself and don’t need any outside assistance. But I need to remember that God doesn’t want me to do this, he wants me to rely on him. He has a plan for me, He wants me to be on the mil spouse path and that He has my best in mind.
2. I thought that he would be home when he wasn’t deployed, but I soon learned that he is gone way more than I could have ever imagined. I thought that there would be mil spouses every where I turned and that it would kind of be like the “Army Wives show”, but then I moved out into town and learned that is not the way it is at all.
3. I’ve not really started to prepare yet, (Since we don’t know when it is yet, just that its coming up). But I have started to seek out friends/groups so that I have a support system for myself and my son when daddy leaves. I’ve found a church home finally and I’m starting to get involved. My son is only 20 months old and I know that he doesn’t really understand what will happen, but I’m hoping that we have friends and activities that are positive in our lives so that we can keep busy.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
5. God’s best is his ultimate goal for us. We may not see it right now, and we go through ups and downs, but we’ll get to see what is God’s best one day. I think one of the big things of God’s best in my life is my husband’s underways and deployments. If we didn’t have those seperations which are hard and challenging then we wouldn’t have the love that God chose for us to have with each other.
6. It’s hard when someone young dies or someone you love dies, and I always find at those times that it’s hard for me to understand why. But I have to remember that God has a plan for them and He needed them to complete their job on Earth and join Him for their next job.
7. Secured is hard for me because of so many outside, opposing forces that could hurt my husband and his ship. I just really need to remember deep down that God has His plan for them and will keep His hand on them through their mission.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) Being alone and being without my best friend, my lover, my partner. This deployment coming up will be more difficult for us this time because we do have a son. I need to have a good support system of people to help me through things and remind me that God has a plan for me and this is part of that plan. Having people who can remind me of that will be a huge help so that they can help me focus on God if I get so upset that I might forget.
Katie
Katie! I too have the same complex! I hate to ask for help and I hate feeling like I need help. Though help is always appreciated its just hard for me to take. I a lot of times feel like I ‘need’ to do it to prove myself or to show my strength and hold it together on the outside when on the inside everything is crashing down! I love how even in the midst of craziness God is right there reminding us he is in control, he is our strength, joy, comfort etc.
I have a 19 month old son and an almost 7 mo old daughter and thought my daughter doesnt really know the difference at this point (he left when she was 3 months old) my son realized to an extent. One thing that has helped him is videos of daddy talking to him, a few recordable story books and pictures up everywhere. At first he cried everytime my hubs called bc he couldnt find him, he would go around the house saying Dada, dada! It broke my heart! But he is adjusting and those lil things have helped him greatly!
Prayers for you guys as you prepare! Glad you found this Study in advance! It would have helped me greatly going into deployment with this!
Misty
Thanks Misty. Hubs has been gone a lot recently and he seems to be doing ok with it so far, but some times I don’t know if it’s terrible two’s hitting or he’s missing daddy.
Katie
Today was actually the first day for us that my 19 mo old refused to talk to daddy… he wouldnt skype or talk on the phone. He seemed so frustrated that he wasnt here he actually would take the phone and throw it across the room and throw a fit. It totally broke my heart!
Misty
Misty I am praying for you. I understand there is nothing more heartbreaking than watching your child struggle with deployments. I am praying and sending my love to you.
Heather Winters
Katie and Misty-
I agree with the “superwoman” complex, because that used to be me and I still struggle with it. I have a dear (non-military) Christian friend who is also a more seasoned mother than I am. She taught me a very important lesson, and it was VERY hard for me to learn. She literally beat it into me…
During my husband’s first deployment, she would call and ask if she could take my then 4 year old son for a few hours. I would hem and haw and come up with excuses… she would make other offers too, that I would often try to turn down. She finally told me that it is important to remember that when people offer to help you, they are offering you a gift of themselves. If you always or often say no, first, you may make it more difficult for someone to offer help to you or others, but more importantly, we rob the person who is offering us help/support the joy of GIVING of themselves. Now, I am not at all suggesting that we always have to agree to whatever someone offers. But, I also think that we have to remember that the giver is getting something in return. The action brings glory to God for both parties. She also made sure I knew that she didn’t want me to “keep score” and figure out how to “repay” her. She offered because she wants to do so. The greatest gift we can give sometimes is to allow someone to help us when we need it. The way we “repay” the givers is to “pay it forward” to someone else when we are in the right place (when our children are older and we are the more seasoned mom, etc.) In her words, I needed to learn to “smile and say thank you, that would be great.” Not everytime, because sometimes it really wasn’t the best time, but to say yes when it makes sense.
I pray you don’t find this preachy, and don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with wanting to be able to do it all. And then I remeber Colleen’s words, and I do smile, and say “thank you, that would be great.”
Lisa
Such wonderful advice, Lisa!! I often don’t ask for help because I don’t want to feel like a burden to others. But especially living in a civilian community (husband is National Guard), I’m trying to remind myself that it can be an opportunity for people to have a perspective on military families & the needs they have when going through deployment. Thanks so much for sharing that!!
Becky
I think we were raised to be independent women. We were told we can do anything. Then comes real life and we learn we can’t do it all. It makes us feel inadequate to depend on others…or maybe I am the only one!
Natasha
Natasha,
I totally agree – I was raised to be an indpeendent woman & that I can do anything I put my mind to. I survived my husband’s first deployment as a navy wife in what seems like today, fine fashion. But after our daughter was born and motherhood, working full-time, marriage, & deployment all collided, I realized I could not to it all. I still find it hard, all these years and a few deployments later to admit that I can’t do it all and I really find it hard to ask for help!!
Jennifer
Jennifer,
I think we are all guilty of not wanting to ask for help! I know I am. We think we can do it and then like you said everything collides and here we are…:( We have set ourselves up for the perfect storm. Bad days for sure. Then as awesome as our God is, he puts some wonder people in our path. Might even be someone that you meet in town that just makes your day or a friend that asks the question is there anything I can do to help you. PHEW what a blessing!
Cindy Pruitt
While I do not have kids, I have the same problem. I was raised in a family where you were expected to take on everything or else suffer from Catholic guilt! lol. Even today I still take on too much and my first goal of my husband being away was to learn to say NO if it didn’t bring me happiness. Sometimes I feel that people don’t even want to help, I am back living at home and people get on with their daily lives and forget that I am married and that my husband is far away. Asking for help seems fruitless. This independent-ness and superwoman complex is also what gets things done when my husband is gone too and its what keeps me trucking along. So I guess its good and bad!
Stefanie
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
I wasn’t sure what to expect as I read through the chapter. However, as I read through, the one thing that continued to stick out was that HIS plan will always differ from our plans in life. I never thought I would be a military wife. My husband just joined the Army National Guard last year, and we are now going through our first deployment to Afghanistan beginning next week. Jesus holds us in His hands.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
My thoughts of marriage in the beginning were quite different from what we actually experienced. There were many things we had to get used to and adjust to. We went through difficult moments, moments I had never imagined. However, it was not until my husband and I started going to church and allowing God to be in control and in the center of our lives.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
We prepared by putting together legal documents, completed checklists, fixed certain things in the house, bought the things needed for his deployment.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
Currently the most I have experienced have been hills, I believe as this deployment progresses there will be many more conditions that our family will go through.
Will complete the rest later:)
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
Dina
Dina,
My husband is Army National Guard too and all through my life I always said I would never be a military wife. I thought and ‘planned’ so many things and they all turned out quite differently! Its so funny how we have all these plans but Gods plans are always bigger and always better in the long run!
Misty
Dina, it sounds like you have begun your life as a military spouse with many challenges. I hope myself and the other military spouses in this bible study are able to mentor not only as Christian sisters, but also as “battle buddies.” Know that it’s ok to not “absolutely love” the military and the lifestyle it brings. But as chapter 1 tell us, we have been “set apart” and hand-picked by God to be a military spouse. I pray that you will feel the specialness that comes from being hand-picked.
Deborrah
Dina,
We are a new mil family too. I never imagined us here. My husband and I became Christians in our mid twenties and serving God and allowing Him to have His way in our lives as made a huge difference!
Natasha
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you? – My initial thought was thank God for a bible study with other women that can honestly relate to me. I definitely feel like I am on the road less traveled. Though I know a few other military wives, none of my close friends even come close to understanding.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife? – 10 days after we were married my husband shipped off to Basic and AIT and was gone for 8 months. I was pregnant and very terrified and very alone and though I thought the military life would be fun, exciting and take me new places through out our life time, I was not ready to be thrown in to being alone so quickly after being married.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment? – We prepared by doing all the checklists, legal stuff etc but did not prepare my heart at all. I stayed in denial up till the point he left.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now? – I think at this point I am in the Uturn. I started out in the deepest of valleys and every time I tried to crawl up a hill I slid back down into the slump of the valley. By Uturn I am realizing I cant go on the way I have and I have to do something drastically different to make it through the next 10 months. My husband has been gone for 3 months but still stateside in training. So we have been able to text, talk and skype daily. He is leaving country in the next week or so and I know that if I don’t make that dramatic Uturn and run to God for his comfort I will absolutely fall apart.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life? – Thoughout the last several years I have seen that Gods big picture is always best and works out for our best. Though sometimes in the midst of adversity its hard to look past my circumstances and call out to him. Its hard to keep in mind that he has a plan even though what seems like tough trials. I have had to take the scriptures im reading and not only read them but post them around where I can see them often and be reminded that im not alone, I don’t have to do it alone and God does work all things out for my good.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? – I have yet to blame or resent God for this time of separation But I have a many times said this isn’t fair, why me etc. It is a daily and at times an hourly even every other moment conscious decision to choose to trust God despite my circumstances. Its way to easy to fall into the sad, lonely depths of despair so to say. Its easier to make the right choices if I stay reading his word, if I stay connected to others and if I stay focused on that big picture.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it? – Probably the Tenacity. Its easy to just to sit back and struggle through the day to day carelessly waiting for each day to end. Tenacity is holding fast, standing firm, being persistent and even stubborn. And that’s what I realize I need to strive for. Holding fast to Gods promises, Standing Firm on his strength and understanding and not my own and being persistent to push through and not just sink in and even stubborn, refusing to allow the circumstances to shape me for negativity and to use them positively!
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) – The hardest part for me so far has just been lonliness and tiredness. Being pregnant with 2 lil ones and doing it all alone is challenging to say the least! My biggest struggle is at times being overcome with how lonely I am. Feeling that no one understands or cares and giving into the negative at times. Things like this Study is exactly what I need to turn from those struggles. It’s a focus point, a place to turn in the midst of everything I’m going through and knowing that there are dozens of other women missing their husbands just as much and dealing with the same things. Its taking the study very seriously, reading the scriptures given intently and writing them down, meditating on them and pray, pray, and pray some more!
Misty
I’m praying for you as you make your Uturn. I’m sure that it will be an adjustment when he actually leaves the states.
Katie
Thanks! I am not looking forward to that part of this journey but I am hoping that this study and connecting with others will help ease the stress of it! Its pretty much any day now
Misty
I really like what you had to say about Tenacity for GOD. This is going to be my prayer this week for spouses involved in this bible study. That we would all hold fast to God’s promise to never leave us or forsake us, that we would be tenacious in our faith standing firm in our knowing that He knows the plans he has for us, plans to prosper.
Deborrah
Misty,
I too am thankful for this study. What I have learned from my group Bible studies is we are not alone even though we feel like it. My last study I did was online with women I knew well. The thing we found was we each felt like we were the only ones experiencing…..but we just never opened up to find out otherwise. Sometimes that is easier online than face to face.
Natasha
Misty, I am praying for your strength and happiness. I too over the years struggle with “no one understands me or cares” and what I sometimes realize is that people dont understand. I am sure they care but they really dont have a clue. This weeks lesson really touched me when I realized God set us apart. That gave me the confirmation that we are special with this unique job and our gifts. I try at sometimes to “bring people up to speed real fast and let them have it about our struggles as a military wife. But this week God is dealing with me to just smile and stand on the promise that I am wonderfully made and tack pride in their lack of understanding. Misty you are wonderfully made and God is always one step ahead of you. Love you
Heather Winters
Misty I stayed in Denial also!!! I felt myself pulling away so it would not hurt so much when he left! I feel now that is the worst think I could have done! I think the transition of him coming home is going to be harder because of that!
Krystal
Hi Ladies!
Answer to #1…This study is exactly what I have been needing! Last week was ROUGH for me. It was only week 2 of the deployment, but it might as well as have been month 2 for the way I felt. I was extremely emotional all week and I seemed to want to dwell on the deployment. I guess that is the best way to put it, I have been DWELLING in the deployment and not LIVING through it. That is definitely one thing this chapter helped me to recognize this week. God chose me for this and that requires action on my part, because there is a blessing in here, I just have to be willing to look for it and receive it.
#2..I’ve always kind of thought a Military wife to be this romantic notion. I guess I watched Officer & A Gentleman one too many times or something. It was this patriotic, romantic picture of the woman standing by her man, being so proud of him. seeing him off to war and keeping the home fires burning till he romantically comes home, stepping off the plane into my waiting arms….AND THEN Ben actually deployed and I realized its being lonely, scared to death that something will happen, being full of questions. It’s not being able to breathe while I’m hugging him goodbye with a million things running through my mind, and not being able to say a one. It’s getting tired of when I ask him why something is happening, his answer being “Its the Army”. There never seems to be that clear explanation or justification. But at the same time, it’s a good different, because the real thing is ALWAYS better, because it is just that..real. It’s learning so much more about each other when all we have to do is talk on the phone. It’s learning what it is to appreciate a relationship and never take for granted the time you have with him. I could go on and on..so I’ll stop for now
#3–Ben and I got married. We were already engaged and planning a wedding, but we decided we needed to make things official. It’s something we both wanted before he left, a sense of security for us both I guess.
#4- for me it’s definitely hills and valleys. One day I’m dealing well and the next I’m falling apart and so alone I can’t stand it.
#6- For me I haven’t ever blamed God or asked why…I guess I always think to myself, “well you signed up for this..you fell in love with a soldier” of course that is completely not so, as His hand was in this all along. But I guess I tend to not ask Him why so much as I tend to wonder HOW. How is He going to make me feel not so alone when I’m missing Ben holding me? HOW is he going to ease my fears when I’m worried for Ben’s safety? But honestly, instead of asking How, I need to be saying, ok God, I’m ready..Show me!
#7-I struggle the most with being Secured. At night when the busy pace of the day has slowed down is when I let my mind focus on the what if’s and the being loney, etc. I need to let Him give me rest and not fight it.
#8- What I’m struggling the most with is the concept of time. How long this deployment really is. Like I said, 2 weeks has felt like 2 months for me, and then I think of how little time has actually gone by and I get overwhelmed.
Michelle
Michelle! Praying for ya girl! THe first 2 weeks were the absolute hardest for me! I cried myself to sleep every night and would find myself crying randomly at the mention of his name, seeing other happy couples, etc. We too were engaged and planning a big wedding, but then we found out that we were pregnant and decided not to wait. He left for basic and AIT 2 weeks after we found out, 10 days after we got married. We are a little over 2 months in and i still find myself asking if it ever gets easier but I am hoping and praying that through this study I can retrain my thoughts and allow God to take control!
Hang in there and stay busy!!!
Misty
ok good, glad to know I wasn’t the only one crying randomly!!
I agree, we must stay busy and let God take control.
Michelle
don’t worry Michelle you’re not the only one – I’ve been so emotional since my husband left – it doesn’t take much to bring me to tears & then I get frustrated with myself because I shouldn’t let my emotions get the best of me; yet another vicous circle
jennk123
I made the mistake of trying to Multitask while talking to my husband once. He felt like I didn’t care about us being apart (he was at a 3month training). I learned quickly to cherish those short moments we had on the phone, chatting on facebook, or Skypeing.
Natasha
Michelle,
I know how you feel wondering how you will make it through! My husband has only been gone 2 weeks and, like you, it has felt like much longer! I think for me it will be much more difficult also once he is in theater(he is still state side for training right now). You are on the right track in saying “ok God I’m ready, show me.” We all need to say that…its alot easier to say though and much more difficult to allow it! I will be praying for you this week that God will give you peace and strength!
Ginger
Ginger
You are on the right track, do not get caught up in “well you knew what you were getting your married the military”. We never know what we are getting into if we did, lets be honest we wouldnt do it. But you know to Stand on Gods promises and keep asking How! God loves to reveal himself. It is ok to randomly cry. Prayers and blessings to you. Heather
Heather Winters
Ch. 1 – The Road Less Traveled Discussion Questions
1. My initial thoughts from the first chapter was one of simplicity. Reading Sarah’s writings of HIS plan for us, and being confident in those plans seemed so simple to read, yet not so simple to have faith and follow. The part of the chapter that stuck with me the most was her writings of “military spouses being set apart.” I never thought about my life as a military spouse that way.
2. I didn’t have any expectations when I became a military wife. I remember being so proud of my husband, and excited to help him do his best — uniforms pressed just right, boots shined, to work on time, etc.
3. Our deployment date keeps getting pushed back, which is making preparation for this deployment rather difficult. Also because we have so many other life changes going on at the same time (kids graduating high school and starting college, oldest returning from deployment) we seem to be focused on those things rather than preparing for the deployment.
4. I would say I’m experiencing U-turns right now, with some desert heat as I keep trying to detach myself in preparation for the deployment. One of those “games we play” prior to deployment hoping it will help make the send-off a little easier.
5. Our best involves the things we want to happen and usually wanting everything to be “rosey.” God’s best involves HIS plan for us which is good, but depending on our responses to HIS will, could involve some not so rosey paths. I’ve seen my quest for “my best” lead me into some brick walls and some not so pleasant paths.
6. Trusting God despite our circumstances requires us to to stand on faith and seek HIS way rather than our way. I don’t know that I have ever resented God for allowing something to happen that I didn’t like, but I certainly questioned why he would allow such to take place when I couldn’t see how it could possibly be HIS will.
7. I guess I am struggling with “E” — Equipped. After 24 years as a military spouse, and being a “type A personality” this is difficult for me. I know the resources to assist me through a deployment, but I am without friends at this installation to connect with and reach out to. Because my husband is deploying as an individual, and not as a unit, I won’t have a source of information except him (in theater). Also having not deployed for the past 5 years makes this deployment feel like the first one all over again. So what can I do? Well, I’m going to have to count on co-workers to connect with and reach out to. Expectation management and realistic expectations are key, so maybe once he’s arrived at his unit in theater we will have more information to help with the information flow. I think for now, all the unknown is making me feel unequipped.
8. The hardest thing about this deployment for me is dealing with a deployment after this long break in cycle. Especially when this break in cycle did not bring more “home time” as one would expect. I have been seeking God regularly regarding my feelings, asking HIM to help me identify exactly what it is I am feeling, and then to work through them. I don’t want to get past them without dealing with them, because they will just resurface later. I want to work through them with HIS help so I learn this life lesson and “grow through them.”
Deborrah
I like your answer to #5. My plans usually get me in a mess. I have learned to let God lead as I have found He knows better!
Natasha
I did the same thing with the prepration! I kind of shut down and pulled away so it would be easier to let him leave. I have to be strong for the kids at least that is what I thought and I wanted him to know I would be fine with him being gone. Now half way through the deployment I am just starting to really miss him and wonder how it will be when he gets back because I was so closed off when he left!
Krystal
Ch. 1 – The Road Less Traveled Discussion Questions
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you? The one thing that stuck out for me was that I did not realize taht the armed forces only made up one percent fo Americans. I sure thought there were more than that. I guess another part would be that we are set apart. I did not realize how others (non-military) looked at us. Just this past Sunday in church I had a friend walk up to me and asked how I was doing with my husband gone. I told her fine, one day at a time. Then she starts telling me how I make everything looks so easy and that she has the upmost repect for me. This coming from a women whos husband is fighting cancer and she is pulling from my strength. They have no idea what the furture holds for them, but they too are taking it one day at a time. It really made me leave there that day, thinking I am doing good for someone else and never knew it. What a blessing!!
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife? I really had no expectations when we joined the military, we were leaving a SMALL midwest town and headed to the big city. So I was more worried about how I was going to survive. But it is amazing how much there is out there in this great big world. Was a really eye opener to say the least.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment? Well we always have the “honey do list” that we take care of, but that really doesn’t stop even with him gone. But our 16 year old son and I keep up with everything that comes along. If nothing else call the repair man. No need to dwell on it, just take care of it and move on to the next day. We tried to spend as much time together as a family before he left since we knew that would be the thing we missed the most.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now? Yes there are always those highs and lows!! So far it has been more low than high, but things are looking up. We lost our family pet of 11 years about 3 weeks after my husband left so that was heartbreaking. But the days get easier and we are just thankful for the wonderful years that we had him. Now regrouping and moving on for another month.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life? I just always keep in my mind that it is in God’s time and not in mine. Things happen, things come and go and I just step back and know that God is in control and one day it will be revealed to me, but only in God perfect plan. So much has happened in the past 4 years, my dad and mom both passed away within 8 months of each other. I often wondered how I would be able to put one foot in front of the other again, and all I can say is that I am living proof that we can do all things with God strength and mercy. I feel like I am so much stronger now having gone through that. I miss them dearly but know that I will again see them someday.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? Again…I went through this when I lost mom and dad. I just kept asking why? I had a year there that I think I was running away from God instead of running to him. But once I made that U turn and headed back to him things all started to fall into place and get so much better. You just have to know that things happen for a reason and do not question why.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it? I would have to say the S-Secured, this is such a differnet world that we live in now verses a few years back. I pray contiually that my husband and all that are deployed will return home safe. I know that my God is bigger than the enemy, but the worry never goes away. I keep telling myself don’t go down that road, just PRAY. But since I am human I sometimes fall weak and take that road. But then have to remind myself that God controls all.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) I think it is just my husband coming home safe. All I can do is pray and know that God is in control. I am sure this is probably a big one for all of us. But with God’s help we get through each day until our loves one return home.
Cindy Pruitt
Wow!
We do have to be aware that people are watching us. They want to see how we react, how we cope. It is especially important that they know our strength comes from God. What a way to draw others near to Him!
Natasha
AMEN Natasha!I had no idea that this lady was even paying any attention to me or what was going on in my little world. It was a blessing to me for sure. However I did think about it as we drove home from church, WOW if she could see me on my not so good days.
Cindy Pruitt
I learned this really from our pastor’s wife. Her adult son had committed suicide and just before the funeral her husband told her, “people will be watching and listening to see how strong our faith is.” I have never forgotten that and try to live so that people will see how strong my faith is.
Natasha
So sorry to hear about the passing of your pet. That is such a loss. I remember being at home with my husband gone for the first time after our dog had passed away. It was the first time since we were married that I had slept in the bed ALL by myself – no hubby and no puppy! Praying that that hurt eases.
I totally agree with you and knowing that He is in control. I often wonder how, those that do not know the Lord can cope with some of life’s issues. It certainly isn’t easy all the time, but I can’t imagine not having the comfort of knowing that the Lord is in control and even though it doesn’t always make sense to me, it does to Him and all things happen in His timing. But of course, that doesn’t mean that I don’t ask those why questions on occassion or ask if He is sure about what He is doing because that isn’t the way I’d take care of things…
Jennifer
Thanks Jennifer. Last week it seemed worse than it is now, at least the house doesn’t seem as quite and empty.
I have no idea how I (we) ever made it when we did not realize that God was in control. So many things happen everyday and I am just so thankful that HE is in control. Agree on the question of why as well…guilty here also…:)
Cindy Pruitt
As I began reading, I was thinking of how you can’t truly receive the blessings of God unless you have a relationship with Him.
Last summer when my husband was at Ft. Jackson, I felt like a married-single mom of 3. Our home, our finances, our everything was my responsibility. During those 3 months apart, my grandmother passed away, I got a flat tire 30 miles from home with our new baby, and our electricity in the front of our house went out, not including the normal everyday stuff of coaching soccer and going back to work and school. Everyone asked me how I did it, how I got through those months without Jeff. My answer was, “God took care of me.” He provided me with a strong support system of family (blood and church). He placed people in my path that helped me, not took advantage of me. Needless to say, I was kind of freaked out when those 3 burley men approached me at Target about my flat tire! But they helped me out and offered all kinds of advice.
You see, I see those things as blessings, those that God placed there for me, the strength, comfort, and wisdom He provided, even the timing of our time apart. It was all God. I don’t think someone who doesn’t have a relationship with Him would recognize that.
Because of my relationship with Him, I know he will take care of me whatever the circumstance. To me, that was the overall “theme” of the first chapter.
I have to say that I had always dreamed of the whole white picket fence thing, 3 kids (2boys and 1 girl), dayshift jobs, lots of fun and love! Never in a million years did I expect to be a military wife.
God definitely has His own plans!
My husband and I started dating early; I was 13 and he was 15. We married my senior year of college and moved in with his parents for a few months. We moved back in with them when we were remodeling our first home. I was VERY pregnant at the time. Jeff travels alot for work (he missed Thanksgiving one year because he was in Japan, almost missed Christmas due to an ice storm). We opened our hearts to Jesus just days apart and were baptized together. Needless to say our lives are not ordinary. We did have those 3 kids, just not the girl!
Jeff has surrendered to the ministry. He is a deacon at our church where we both teach Sunday school. Our children are active in the children’s programs as well.
Our lives are far from perfect. We disagree and we get behind on our bills like most people. I think though that we are an example of what God can do if you let Him. HE is the center of our home and that has made all the difference in the world. Being equal, the comfortable lifestyle, the picket fence…none of that matters. We have learned that following God’s will is what matters most.
This study is what I am doing to prepare for deployment so far. At this time, my husband is non deployable as a Chaplain candidate, but we know that a deployment could be possible within the next year or so.
When time comes, I hope to use what I learn from this study and all of you as well to help prepare.
Losing my grandmother while my husband was at Ft. Jackson last summer was definitely a low point. I never thought I would have to go through anything like that “alone.” I don’t think I grieved the way I would have if my husband would have been home. I felt like I had to “stay strong,” especially for my two oldest boys and my dad.
I think knowing that God has a plan for us, that He has HIS best in mind for us in comforting.
I think back to how He showed me He knew best when my husband and I were considering having another baby. WE were trying to plan it around the military. We knew what the timeline would be with CHBOLC and felt WE couldn’t get through that time with a new baby. When we finally decided to let God take control, I was pregnant in no time and all of the Army “stuff” starting falling into place. God had plans to show how HE would get us through that time.
When we look back and honestly reflect on things that have happened, we can see how God worked in those circumstances. It makes it easier to trust and depend on Him.
We can focus on ourselves and our circumstances which can easily make us bitter. However, we must place God as our number one priority. In doing that, we allow Him to use us in ways that will bless others and it allows us to work through our situation in a healthy way.
I think that being SECURE, EQUIPPED, and TENACIOUS work hand in hand. If we are not equipped, we won’t be secure or persistent. The best way to be SET is to keep God the focus of our lives. To be honest, I’m sure I am weak in all those areas at times.
Although we have not faced a deployment yet, the hardest thing for me to do when my husband is away for trainings or work is to let go of my independence. I do not like to depend on others; I’d rather do things myself. I have been learning that needing others is ok. In fact, I have seen when I have denied someone’s help and they have been disappointed. Some people receive a blessing when they are made useful and I am becoming more open to that.
Natasha
I love what you said about focusing on ourselves rather than God and how it leads to bitterness. It is so true. I had never thought of it in that way either. It all makes more sense now!
Nicole
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you? We are set apart by God to be military wives. He knew before we were born that we would be in this position. It is a calling.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife? I don’t think I would have admitted this at the time, but I expected my husband to always be the emotionally strong one. I have come to realize that he is, amazingly enough, a human as well. He gets down, sometimes really down. I need to be emotionally strong for him. I need to depend on Christ alone for strength and not expect my husband to always be there to lean on.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment? Well, we don’t know exactly when he will be deployed, we just know that it is coming soon…so nothing I guess. I don’t even know where I would start when the time comes.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now? We haven’t dealt with a deployment yet, but we have been apart for large parts of our relationship. My personality is rather pessimistic at times, so I would say that the times that we have been apart because of army stuff have ended up being stormy wet roads, made wet by all the tears I have cried. Sometimes I am an emotional wreck.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life? God’s best for us is what will bring Him the most glory in our lives. Our best for ourselves is typically what we see as being the most easy and comfortable path. The main example of this in my life is actually the military. My husband and I went to college together and graduated with teaching degrees. In my mind the best thing for us would have been settling down and teaching and being involved in youth ministry together. When my husband decided God wanted him to join the army I was not happy. That did not seem like the best thing to me AT ALL. It is still hard for me, and I don’t know how long God will have us in this place, but I can see how He is using it for His glory and for our good. We are being stretched in ways that I don’t think we could possibly be stretched in if we were doing anything else.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? By focusing on His promises. He has a plan for my life: a beautiful plan that is a million times better than what my own plan would be. Also, by taking the focus off myself and my pain and focusing instead on how well my responses to my circumstances are glorifying to God. Often my responses are not at all honoring to Him. I want all of my words and actions to demonstrate my faith in the Lord so that those around me can be pointed to Him.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it? I think each of them is a struggle for me, but the one I struggle with the most is S-Secured. I do not like having unknowns, and I feel like ever since the beginning of my relationship with my husband I have been faced with one unknown after another. Will he make it through this phase of training? When will he have time for us to get married? What will it be like leaving all my friends and family and living in a new place? Where will we be sent? For how long? When will he be deployed? What will happen to him on his deployment? Not fun. I love Sarah’s statement: “No matter how big the unknown that looms before me, I can rest in knowing He already knows what’s coming next and will walk with me.” I don’t know the future. Only He does. I should not allow myself to dwell on things I do not know and can’t control. I should simply leave all of that in God’s hands and rest in His power and love.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) My husband is not deployed yet, but I anticipate that the hardest thing for me will be fear – fear for his safety, fear that he will come back and not be the man he used to be, fear of being alone, etc. Fear has always been my biggest struggle, but perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). I want this in my life, and this is what I would love prayer for.
Katie D
We do expect our men to be emotionally strong. I think we focus on our emotions because we are “left alone.” Yet, we must remember that this time apart is difficult for them as well. They are missing out on so much of “normal life.”
Natasha
I agree..i tend to forget this and sometimes when I’m talking to him about something going on here, I can tell he really misses it. I need to be stronger for him, I tend to dwell on how much I miss him and not how much he probably misses EVERYTHING…
Michelle
My husband and I also met at college and then he had the overwhelming feeling of needing to join the army. I asked the same questions about training, weddings, settling, and friends. It is amazing the way God worked it all out and when I let go things fell into place the way He wanted them to. I love meeting women with similar stories!
Nicole
I love that God already knew we would be military wives before we were born. It is comforting to know that this is his plan and He is with us every step of the way!
Cindy
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
WOW! I thought there were more of us than there actually are. That was the first thing that stuck out and the second thing was that my plan isn’t always God’s plan. I knew that already but it really hit me square in the face this last week. I am a planner and want to have everything laid out, but since my husband joined, there is no such thing as planning. I know God’s plans are always way better it is hard to let go though and just let things happen.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
My first expectations was that this was going to be an adventure, and yet still secure, steady journey.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
Joined this bible study. Talked to my sister. Found another military wife devotional. Made plans to keep busy as much as I can… AND PRAYED.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
All of them. I feel like it has been the biggest roller coaster of feelings I have ever had. Right now I would say that I am taking sharp turns all over the place. My emotions are on high alert and the littlest things set off the water works or anger.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
The fact that I married my husband is one of the God knows best moments. Not even that he is in the military or any of that. A year before we got married, mistakes were made and I didn’t know if I could continue to love him. I prayed and prayed. God put people in both of our lives that changed us forever. In one year, we went from a crash and burn to being crazy in love and on fire for God. In my mind my plan to leave and never look back was the best plan, but God had other, better plans. He brought us back together and we are stronger than ever. God has plans that almost never match up with what we want to happen. His are always better and bigger than we could ever imagine. Ours typically dim in comparison. They aren’t always the easiest paths or smoothest but in the end they are always better. ALWAYS.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
It is really really easy to choose bitterness. I have watched part of my husbands family choose bitterness and anger with God. I have to admit there have been days I am so angry that God separated us so soon, but I remind myself that this is God’s will and He needs my husband more than I do. I trust that God is going to bring my husband home safely and that He is watching over me.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
S-Secured, I have a huge fear of letting people down, and struggle a lot with inadequacy as a wife. I am still a newly wed and Momma still plays a huge part in my husbands life. They had a rough life before I met my husband and he is extremely close to his mom. I think that is awesome. We struggle with him going to her before coming to me with regular things and even with big things though. When things like this happen I feel incompetent and inadequate. I pray about it often. I have to actively listen to my husband, and pray. Right now prayer is the most important part.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
My biggest fear and always has been is being alone. Not just physically but, emotionally. I deal with stuff better when I have someone to lean on. My husband is my number one person that I lean on and when he isn’t here it is hard to do that. Nights are the worst, it seems like that is when I do all my thinking. Pray that my mind stays positive and strong.
Nicole
Bitterness is easy to buy into. We must remember that it does no good whatsoever to be bitter.
Natasha
I get the angry part, beging angry about having to be apart.
Years ago, at age 29, my husband and I experinced the miscarriage of our first child. Devastating doesn’t even begin to describe it. Our pastor called and wanted to know how I was feeling. Of course I told him I was “OK.” He asked me if I felt angry, and specifically angry at God. I had really never considered feeling angry at God, didn’t think it was “right” for me to feel angry. Pastor Mark told me that it would be perfectly normal to feel angry, even at God. And that if I did feel angry, it is OK. God has heard it all before. The Bible has stories of many people who have been angry at God. He wants ALL of what we feel. In the end, I did get angry. God understood. He loved me in spite of my anger and walked with me through a dark time in my life. A time I experienced two more times. I am a different person for experiencing that loss. I can now look back, and although I will never be “glad” that I lost those 3 babies, I am also grateful that God has blessed me with our two young sons in my life, and that I would not have had if life had been the “rosy” road I expected. I also rest in the fact that the babies I lost have never really known a home other than heaven, and that someday, I will meet them, too. God works in mysterious ways, and He does make everything work to the good of those who love him…
Lisa
Hi Ladies!
I am not going through a deployment right now, but I am doing this Bible study in hopes that I will be able to help another military wife. I go to an all military church (overseas in England) and I am hoping to do this Bible study with some of the ladies in my church when I am finished with it. Not only that, but this will all come in handy when it’s my turn… again!
1) What were your intial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this wee? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
I think that it was a good, gentle reminder that God is always there. He has our lives in His hands and that it is OK to surrender to God’s will. The one thing that suck out to me was this sentence, “We must get ready to stand and no longer allow deployments to weigh us down or let our emotions outweigh the peace, grace, and love God wants to give us!”. Amen!!
2) On page 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or your first became a military wife?
My early expectations were that I could carry on with my own life and job while my husband had his job. But the reality is that my life ended the moment I said “I do” because I no longer have a choice or a say in anything. I really had no idea what I was getting into because as I stated in last week’s questions and answers, my husband and I dated in the whole pre 9/11 world.
3) What were some of the things you have done to prepare for deployment?
I make sure that my children’s lives can go on as normally as possible. They are 6 and 3 so they are a little unaware of what is going on to begin with. I guess I just try to recapture some of the independant person I was before I got married and then it all seems to get a little easier to deal with. Also, prayer and devotion time make a huge difference to me. It helps me to get through my day when I have my daily devotions to do before I go to sleep. I go to bed feeling fulfulled which helps to take away my anxiousness about the deployment and the unknowns.
4) In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fogs, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
I would have to say that our deployments are like hills and valleys where one week, or even one day, is super hard and then the next week or the next day is super easy. You go up a steep hill to find a lovely valley to rest in, but then sometimes that valley turns into a trap and brings you low. But that is where faith and prayer come in. Also Sara Horn’s book “God Strong” was really helpful during last summer’s deployment. I recommend that as well!
5) In the section, “God has His best in mind for us”, we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” and “our best”. What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your life?
God’s best goes beyond the here and now. Our best does not carry on the way that God’s best does. I realized in our last deployment that giving it my best was draining me and taking a toll on my mental health and then I gave it over to God and let Him work His best through me. It took some time, but I became more easy going – not being such a control freak – I let God have the control and my family was better for it.
6) We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
For me, I think it really boils down to the strength of your faith. The Bible tells us that God loves us and that we should trust him. Remember Job, the man had it all happen to him and he still loved and trusted God. He is a wonderful example to follow in trying times. He may have questioned God, but he did not become bitter and resentful towards God.
7) Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
S-Secured is the one I struggle with the most. I am a bit of a control freak and I like to know what is going on, but the longer that I am a military wife, the less I seem to care where we go or what is going to be happening. I have just learned that it is easier to go with the flow and know that God has my back!
I thought that the SET way of looking at God’s plan for me during deployment was extremely refreshing. It is so postive and I am glad that I am doing this study because now I have a new way of looking at how God is working in my life during a deployment.
This is a bit personal but, funnily enough my struggle is not for my husband. It’s for my children (and myself). My stress level goes up because I am dealing with two young boys who do not understand that Mommy is alone and that she can’t be taking one young son to the potty and making lunch at the same time. That is my hardest struggle, even in non-deployment times. I feel spread a bit thin and then a deployment just makes it worse because my patience is not replenished as much as I would like. I pray, but it seems like I am always praying for endurance or more patience. Please pray for endurance through those times where even little things seem big.
Vanessa C
I am sorry for all of the typos. The site won’t let me edit my comments.
V~
Vanessa C
You are too sweet! Miss you all so very much and church! I could really use a ladies fellowship…and a have you ever game! I like it here but well you know how moving is!
Stephanie
I love that you have your devotion time at bedtime. What a way to clear your mind and refocus.
Natasha
Vanessa-
I too, worry less about my spouse (mainly because he is doing pre-trainging and will likely be in the rear in country) and more about my 2 young boys and if I can provide what they both need and keep my sanity, too. I get short with them sometimes. I always apologize, but I too, pray for patience and gentleness with my kids.
Lisa
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
Sadly, one of the big things that stuck out to me was the marble jar. I think I missed the point of the chapter!
Besides that, I really like the paragraph on pg 17 that starts out “Your life role….” I could really connect with this portion and even marked it so I’d find it later. Nothing like a little spiritual HOOAH! to brighten up the evening! (Or whatever it is in your branch, lol.) On the one hand, I get so tired of the “you poor thing” or “I sure couldn’t do that” lines, but at the same time I appreciate a realistic, God-centered portrayal of deployment life.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
I wasn’t convinced we’d ever face deployment. If we had stayed with his old unit, we probably never would have simply because he is getting reasonably close to his inactive reserve period. But less than a year after we married, we chose to change units and guess what? Within a couple of months, the entire division was called up! So really, I didn’t have much to think about early on in our marriage because he’s Nat’l Guard. I’ve tried to be reasonable with my expectations of marriage, and I feel that in civilian life I’ve done pretty well. But with no previous military life experience, it’s a total learning curve and expectations will always be at least a little unreal!
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
The usual! Mostly I just learned how to do his part of maintaining the house, from paying the bills to mowing the lawn and everything else in between. We went to the Yellow Ribbon banquet where I felt I started to build up a support network and connect with some of the other wives. This is the first major thing I’ve done to spiritually prepare for deployment.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
Just lots of uncertainty, some separation related grief and some confusion.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
A man named Larry Crabb put it best when he said “We are committed to our comfort. But God is committed to our growth and character development!” Probably one of the best examples of this were the summers I worked as summer camp staff at a Christian camp. The days were long, hot, and many times frustrating but those were the best summers I ever spent! I learned so much and became so much more secure in my relationship with God. Maybe I should go back there…Oh well! God has called me to a new “summer camp” of sorts.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
It’s a choice, like commitment. You just do. There are a lot of things I can (and do) complain about, whether outwardly or inwardly, but in the grand scheme of things the worst part about this deployment for me is the separation. (Husband has much worse issues on his plate, I know.) All in all, if I sit down and take some time to count my blessings, life really isn’t so bad after all!
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
Probably Secured. I need to have true faith in God, not circumstantial. I’ve really had a hard time with trusting Him in general. I had a civilian lady at church tell me that I need to trust God because Husband and I are believers and God will bring him home. (As though there is no other option!) I responded that there’ve been a lot of believing men and women that didn’t come home, so that apparently isn’t the deciding factor. God’s going to do whatever He wants. He can see from the beginning to the end. I just need to accept that it will all turn out alright in the end.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
The pat answer everyone gives for loneliness (particularly milspouses) is “just stay busy.” That simply doesn’t work for me because everything I do is just a big long playback of what Husband and I have always done, be it grocery shopping, mowing the lawn, paying the bills or watching a movie. Even new things I’ve tried I always end up thinking, “wow, this would be so much more fun if he were here!” I don’t know that there really is an answer to the void that his absence has created. I don’t believe God intended for marriage to be full of long separations but because of the sin in this world it has been necessitated. All I can do is count off the days, keep things running at home and be faithful to the promises I’ve made- both to God and my husband.
Esther
I agree, I find myself thinking of Ben during the day to day activities. It is definitely tough!! But I LOVE what you said about God not intending for long separations but because of sin in this world it is a necessity. God will definitely bless us and carry us through, but it’s important to remember he is not to blame for deployments.
Michelle
Esther,
I, too, marked the paragraph on page 17…what an encouragement for us to “keep on keeping on” in what we are doing. Also, i liked what Larry Crabb said…that is oh so true!
Ginger
I agree with what you said about staying busy. Like you, I think about my husband and how nice it would be to share those things.
Natasha
I am having a bit of a busy time this week. I hope it will be easier next week. We just made an international move and we just got our car, no household goods yet, but hubby leaves this week. Actually we will hit our 1 month of living here mark the day he flys out. I hope you all will forgive me…hopefully I will have my head together more next week..or maybe not all the boxes are suppose to arrive!
Stephanie
2. I didn’t have many expectations for being a military wife, but as another said I thought it would be romantic. World travel and all that.
3. Pray that is the only way to prepare.
4. I have experienced all of them. Right now he is home so other than the moving it is fine, but I will let you know in a few days.
5. It has played out in everything..currently where we are living.
6. Resentment is easier than trust and understanding, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
Stephanie H
praying things calm down for you and you are able to take a breath and enjoy the time hubs is home before he leaves!!!
Jennifer
1. For me what stuck out for this chapter is how few there are of us military wives. And just how few people truly understand the military life….leaving us as military families with a lack of support that we truly need!
2. When my husband and I married he was already in the Army…had been for many years. So I knew the risk I was facing becoming a military wife…I loved him so much I was willing to face that risk (although I would much preferred to avoid this deployment!!)
3. I probably did what most wives do when preparing for deployment….you make sure all the legal documents are in order (hope and pray you NEVER need them!!). I cried (alot), got angry, depressed and then thought “ok, God, I am never going to make it through this without you.” I started praying persistently, started reading books on deployment, became involved in the FRG, and joined this bible study…all in hopes of maintaining my sanity for this next year!!
4. I have experienced practically all of the hills, turns, fog, etc. at some point leading up to the deployment. Some moments I am in the valley thinking I will never survive…”why Me?”….some times where I think I will be ok, and days where I literally feel like I’m walking around in the fog…floundering. Right now, I feel hopeful…optimistic…and know God is in control…but there are moments where I find myself just feeling indifferent to the situation…”it is what it is” type feelings. Anyone else ever feel that way?
5. God is able to see the big picture…I can not! So my best is sooo very limited. I make decisions based on immediate circumstances or very short sited circumstances. Gods best makes plans for us based on what is best for our entire lifetime…and that of our children (and generations to come!) God has already brought me through so much!! After the divorce from my first husband I couldn’t see how anything good could ever be in my life; however, after bringing me through that He blessed me with the greatest most caring husband I ever could have asked for! God works through difficult situations for our good!! I am proof!!!
6. I can always trust God…in spite of anything I am going through…all things pass through His hands and He knows what I’m going through! So I can trust that He is in control and has a plan far greater than anything I could ever do on my own! Our God is awesome!
7. I think secured is the hardest attribute for me. I feel lonely with my husband being away and do not feel secure when I go to bed at night and he isn’t here. The only way i can struggle less with this is to pray and remember that even though my husband is not here…God is…and i am never really alone!
8. The hardest part of deployment is the feeling of lonliness (see answer 7), as well as, concerns for my husbands safety. I pray everyday…giving it up to God…yes, it takes me giving it up to Him EVERYDAY!! How quickly I forget that God is handling it!!
Ginger
I think we need to realize that our range of emotion is normal. We may not always open up to others about our feelings, but it is ok to have them. As long as we are honest with ourselves and God. I don’t think we should ever feel guilty for our feelings, we just can’t be led by them.
Natasha
totally agree!
Lisa
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you? I was/am super excited about this study. The one concept that stuck out to me in this chapter is that it allowed me to change my thinking to that of me actually being chosen as a military spouse instead of it being the opposite. I love what I do for my husband and country, but at times I wished I was someone different. It is not the first on my list of how I would have liked my life to be. On page 17, after reading chapter 2, I was blown away and actually excited about being a military wife again. I made me realize that I do have purpose and it is very important.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife? I had no expectations of anything. I came from a tuff childhood and marrying my highschool sweetheart/husband allowed me to get out of my house. I loved him very much as did he, but we would have chosen a different beginning. He went straight into the Army after graduation and it has been a very tuff road ever since. 14 years later I am a much wiser mother, wife, and student in life. It is only now that I see the importance of everything in the past.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment? Pray, Pray, Pray! I also became hard in the heart in order to handle the deployment. My family was hard so it was not difficult for me to get in this mindset.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now? Yes, I have experience many. Sharp turns and U turns seem like a trademark for us. I could not begin to start, but the one that really affected us most is the conception/birth of our third, very unexpected, daughter who is now three. Now, things are slow and nice. This time has been the longest that we have been together as a family. We are “supposed” to stay where we are for another 2 years, I am excited about that and worried at the same time as there have already been word about going somewhere else.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life? The difference between the two is that God’s plan is not the easy path for us as he is challenging us to become the person that he wants us and needs us to be, whereas, our best is our own, uneducated, vision of what we think that we should become in life. And in our best, we take the easy way out a lot.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? We can remind ourselves that bitterness doesn’t change the situation, but trusting in God can. He has put us in this perdicament, he can get us out of it.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it? I struggle with S-security the most. I have always felt the need to take matters into my own hands, I was never taught that there was someone else to lean on. In my spiritual growth I have come to realize that God is always there, no matter what.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) The hardest thing about deployment for me is taking care of everything. I trust that the Army has trained my husband to be the best that he can, therefore, I have no control over that end of deployment, I depend on God to protect him. I get easily overwhelmed and stressed about the needs of the children that I never take a break and mentally become drained. Please pray that I learn to take breaks for myself and that it is ok to do that. If I am not at my best, I cannot take care of my family.
Jamie
I love your answer to #6. Bitterness does no good. It is so consuming and harmful.
Natasha
Bitterness is so easy to come by. It seems only natural to resort to it. But what is difficult is trusting in God instead of being mad at him. This does not come 1st nature to me. Matter of fact trusting comes much farther dow the line of emotions. Thanks for your response!
Jamie
Praying that you take care of yourself and find time and a way to take a mommy break – when we don’t take care of ourselves then we can’t take care of everybody else. I am so loving this study and having to make time to sit and have my quite time with the Lord.
I know it is hard and difficult to take a break as a mom, et al. I find that friends and family are very helpful at watching my daughter when hubby is home so that we can have some couple time, but when he leaves it is a whole different story. If I ask for some time for myself they are not as willing and it like they question why do I need alone time or can’t I handle being a mom, etc and then I feel guilty about asking and then I wonder the same thing. Kinda a vicous circle so I usually don’t take a mommy break…
Jennifer
Thanks for your response! It is very difficult to have family that you are dependent upon in your time of need that doesn’t want to help you out. We are not solid as a rock, we do bend and we need someone to understand that and be willing to step in when needed.
I will not ask for help if there are conditions attached. My family is that way.
Jamie
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
Our best, will never compare to His best. I like the comfortable and easy way most times. His will takes us out of that and forces us to do things we never thought we could do. I believe this deployment is taking me out of my comfort zone and doing more for Him.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
I think through prayer and support from fellow believers, it will help us through our circumstances. Without someone to lean on for prayer and support we can slowly become introverted and lean less on God.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
Out of the three, I would have to say Secured-
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) The hardest thing is keeping my kids from missing their daddy so much that they are hurting. I try to comfort and tell them he will be ok, because God is with him always. My oldest has fears that daddy won’t return and my other two are to young to truly understand what is going on. They just want to see their daddy. For me it is the separation that gets me. I miss him and love him so very much. These next 9 months are going to prove to be very difficult for me in this area.
Dina
1. As I began this chapter I was very excited about this study and what the Lord will have me learn from it. I was really struck by the quote “less than one percent of Americans serve in our Nation’s armed forces.” I have grown up in a military town and although I was a civilian as a child, I knew many military families. Living in a military town you constantly hear about one branch or another on the local news for various reasons and friends of friends that are deployed, etc. I knew I was set apart to be my husband’s wife, but I did not really realize how set apart I am to be his wife & be a military spouse.
2. My early expectations were more like the description “a white picket fence” but I also knew enough about military life that I knew things would never be dull.
3. To prepare for deployment we try to get certain things around the house in order, but I am the one that takes care of the finances and other things around the house, so much of that doesn’t change when my husband isn’t home – except he spends less money when he is deployed, that is positive that I have to remind myself of – LOL !!! My daughter and I also try to be very flexible with our plans. We know there are places my husband would like to go, or things he would like to do, and even food he wants to eat that he knows he will not get while he is onboard the ship. We try to be flexible and just enjoy the time that we have together.
4. I think I can relate to and have experienced all of these conditions. The downhill, cruising along describes most days. I am busy with my daughter, friends, and our kind of basic day to day busy schedule during the day and I am on cruise control. The nights and weekends, things get a little foggy and quite because he isn’t here to be with us and that is when I really miss him!! There was a quick desert patch this past week when I had AC issues with the house, but thankfully the Lord provided with me neighbor to take care of it.
5. God’s best is His perfect will for not only my life but everyone’s life. I know what I want and what I think is best, but it usually isn’t what He has planned for me. I have seen this played out in my life and I have learned that even though it is sometimes difficult to follow His will, when I do follow His plan for me it always amazes me how things work out in and that are always better than I could have ever imagined.
6. I am very thankful that I can bring my misunderstandings and my why questions to the Lord. I do not think I have ever given way to bitterness, but I have definitely debated my point of view and expressed my unhappiness with some of my circumstances. I have learned, the hard way, that in the end all will be better and bring honor and glory to Him. The less I struggle with my point of view and the more I listen to Him, the better the rough patches go.
7. Secured is probably the letter in SET that I struggle with the most. I know God is in control and I know and love Jeremiah 29:11 but satan likes to keep those doubts and what if’s running through my mind – especially at night when I can’t sleep.
8. The hardest part of deployment for me is probably the feeling of loss/something is missing. I definitely keep myself and my daughter busy but I seem to have this feeling that something is missing; I know that I am missing my husband but , it is hard for me to describe. I am able to communicate with husband regularly with email & often phone calls so that is great, but it just isn’t the same as having him at home. I am so thankful to have this study to help fill that spot. The Lord has used deployments, detachments, etc to bring my closer to Him in the past and I know my relationship with Him will continue to grow and strengthen during this one. Pray for not only my spiritual growth during this deployment, but also that of daughter and my husband (he is not a believer).
Jennifer
Jennifer,
I totally agree with your thoughts on a missing part. Wow so many times I have tried to explain to my husband that I feel like a part of me is missing when he is not here. Of course he says he understands, but then I get that look. Saying..ok whatever you say honey…:) He seems to be able to separate work from home and do what he is out there to do. But also not sure that he doesn’t give me that impression so I do not worry.
Cindy Pruitt
Oh I totally agree on the missing something. And I can never figure it out. I know my husband is gone but its like a spot deep down in my soul has been taken from me and nothing will be complete until he comes home.
Stefanie
1. Initially I thought, “Wow, someone who finally understands my life”.
2. I think that my expectations centered on the idea that my husband would rotate between sea and shore rotations, which would mean less deployments and that we would build our family together as one.
3. Each deployment’s preparation is more stringent. Remembering all the documents and tasks that need to be done and adding the ones that I wished had been done on the last deployment. Getting our girls prepared for the time apart, etc.
4. After 13 years, I feel like I have experienced them all. Currently, one month after deployment is over, I feel like I am on a hill trying to regain the relationship of “old”
5. Sometimes our best doesn’t line up with His best for us. For me, moving our family away from my husband’s duty station (due to impending deployment) was an “I” decision. Taking a job that I really wasn’t interested in was an “I” decision. It’s so hard sometimes to admit that you acted alone, outside His will for you. But what amazes me about God, is that even in our mistakes and shortcomings He is able to change the outcome for His glory.
6. Waking up EVERY DAY and choosing to put my EVERYTHING to work for Him.
7. Tenacity… press on!
8. Becoming overwhelmed with the day to day. I need to trust God and realize He is here to help me through; that I don’t have to do it alone.
Andreca
1. What really stuck out to me was reading in print that really are very few military families out there. Military wives make up a very small group of wives in the world! Also that great reminder that God really does have a plan for us and it’s the best plan, even if it doesn’t seem so at times. He really does want the absolute best for me.
2. I really didn’t have any expectations, I was expecting life to carry on as normal. Obviously, I had a big awakening. Marrying a man in the military, throws normal out the window. I have to say though, already I’ve noticed it’s made me a better wife and friend.
3. Before his last deployment we learned to just soak up time together. Everything else falls into place.
4. I relate to the FOG, there were days when I felt like I was just functioning, not living or enjoying the day, but just getting through it.
5. So far the biggest thing I have noticed so far is my own growth as an individual. I have always lived very close to family and friends. I wasn’t sure how I would do so far away from everything I have ever known, but I have really grown. Initially, I was scared and had little faith. But God knew what he was doing and I’m molding into the spiritual individual HE wants me to be, because there have been so many times that I have only had HIM to lean on or communicate with.
6. I think it’s a learning process that I go through over and over again. I know I still have days where I am just mad at God or upset that something didn’t go my way, yet he holds me through that and teaches me again that trusting him is always good.
7. Definitely secured. There are just times when I feel so alone. Praying helps, crying helps, sometimes nothing helps.
8. When I slip into FOG mode. I have a child who is at home with me everyday, so he suffers on those days that I am barely functioning. I know my husband suffers too.
Megan
I also have experienced so much growth from being away from family and friends. My husband and I just got married six months ago and then I moved all the way across the country to be with him. I thought I was going to die and that I would sink into depression from feeling so alone, BUT this was exactly what we needed. We have had to depend completely on each other and on God instead of on the people who we were used to depending on. I am SO gratefel for this experience!
Katie D
1. I never really thought about the fact that God set me apart to be a military spouse until I read this chapter. It’s scary and exciting to know He had this planned all along.
2. I knew military life would be different and I would face challenges, but once I was “in it” so to speak, it was a lot different than I expected. It was a bit overwhelming.
3. I thought I was well prepared by doing the usual keeping busy, getting all the legal stuff in order and preparing home, vehicles, etc…but when “D” day came, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I left out the most important part of preparing and that was God,
4. Well, right now I am experiencing the hills, trying to get settled into a routine, knowing when I may hear from him, etc. We are only 13 days in.
5. If God gave in to what I thought was best for me, I would have missed out on a truly amazing man. My ex husband walked out on us. I prayed and begged and cried to God to change his heart and bring him back. I thought, “How could God NOT change his heart?? He hates divorce! He would never want to see the kids suffer like this.” Although there are still wounds there for both myself and my children, God gave us free will. He did however bless me with a wonderful new husband. A man I trust 100% with my life and my heart. I now know the true meaning of love between a man and a woman! I am thankful for God’s best and not my idea of best. My children have been blessed with a positive male role model as well.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
7. I struggle with security in knowing God is in control over everything. I tend to be fearful of what could happen and forget to trust in Him.
8. The hardest part of this deployment is feeling lonely and empty. I try to fill the emptiness by staying busy and doing positive things such as a daily exercise plan, taking my kids out for ice cream or visiting a friend, but it doesn’t fill the void left by my husbands absence. I am trying to rely on God and rest in Him more but I struggle in having a closer relationship with Him. I feel like there’s a block there and I don’t know what it is!
Stephanie
,Becky,
I too, am the wife of a National Guardsman and it can be difficult to live in the ‘civilian’ world when our spouses are off at long schools or deployments. I don’t have any family within 5.5 hours of our home, so I have been blessed with dear friends at our church home that we met several years ago in a couples’ Bible study. This core group, including Colleen, are amazing and offer me such incredible prayer support as well as good old friendship. I am grateful that I learned the lesson Colleen worked so hard to teach me, as I think it fits so well with Jesus’ teachings. Our Savior even asked for help from the 12 on occasion. I figure if Jesus can ask for help from friends, then perhaps that may be what He wants me to do when needed as well!
Thanks for listening…
Lisa
Ack! This reply was meant for another posting but got stuck on this one! So sorry!
Lisa
Stephanie,
You are not alone in the struggle to feel closer to God. I, too, am struggling and as you say, feel like there is a barrier or block there…I know it is on my end, of course. I know HE is there, but my faith seems to be more disjointed than it has in the past. I think it is because I have not been attending church as faithfully as I should and I am missing out on the community aspect of faith. That and I feel overwhelmed at work…I don’t like being too busy, or feeling too busy for my most important relationship, but that’s how I am feeling.
How about you? I’ll pray for you in that we can figure out how to get past the blocks we feel between us and Jesus!
Lisa
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
First of all, this bible study is more than I expected and is so wonderful and I am able to view my experience so different now. I didn’t realize there were so few military out there, less than 1%, wow!!
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
I was in a fairytale world and I came into being a military wife with my eyes closed. My husband was supposed to be getting out within the next year after we were married. We became pregnant our first year of marriage and got scared, so he reenlisted and here we are almost 8 years later. I never realized at this point that I would still be a military wife, but I love it!!
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
My first deployment that we faced as a married couple, I found out about 7 months prior before my husband left. I was very young and I stuck my head in the sand and I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen, but it did. This deployment, I have planned so much better especially since I have and older child and just trying to make things easier for him to understand. We have our finances better thought out this time around and I’m working on a deployment calendar for my kids.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
My husband has been gone now for a little over 2 weeks and we have already had issues with both our vehicles. I put one vehicle in the shop this morning and I was driving the other and the automatic window went out on me and now the window will not come up. Also, the first week he was gone our plumbing messed up. But I feel that the Lord is just preparing me for things in the future and to ultimately make me a stronger person in all this.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
God’s best is where we need to be in our lives and not our best. He only wants what is best for us! God puts us through different trials so we will grow in him and if we did it our own way we would go the easy path and maybe never truly mature in him and grow in him.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
God will never leave us or forsake us and no matter what we are going through, he hasn’t left us and he is walking right beside us as we are going through different struggles.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
E-Equipped…..I need to better equip myself with the bible and turn to God’s word as I struggle.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
The hardest thing about deployment is being a “single parent.” I truly respect single parents who face this on a daily basis because I know my husband will return one day. I pray on a daily basis for God to make me the best parent for my kids during this time especially since I’m the only one they are able to turn to.
Melissa
I have to confess that I am responding to my husband’s first deployment in the same way you did: putting my head in the sand and not really believing that it will actually happen. I think I am doing this because whenever I allow myself to actually think about the reality of it I feel like I am going to die. Thanks for sharing how you struggled. It is encouraging to me to know that I am not the only one AND that it is possible to change.
Katie D
4. While my husband is gone I’m raising our 5 year old daughter and almost 5 month old son. When my husband left our son was 6 weeks old. I remember thinking, “Who decides to have a second child knowing your husband is leaving for a year soon after the birth?” I then remembered that I became pregnant and THEN my husband came down on orders to Korea. God knew this would happen. Why He gave me this “hill” to climb I still do not know and may never. So since I was having a baby shortly before my husband was to leave and also had a daughter to raise, we decided as a family to move me and the kids home to my parents. That lasted all of 2 months. I am now back where we were stationed and am back in my home church. It was very hard to for me to accept and realize that “home” was no longer home and my family wasn’t what I needed in my husbands absence. Again, God knew this would happen. I believe He gave me the desire of my heart to show me that it wasn’t where I belonged. If I had stayed with family I wouldn’t be the same wife that my husband left behind. It wasn’t a good place spiritually for myself or my children. My family are good people, but good people don’t always lead good Christian lives.
Lindsey
1. I am so thankful for this Bible study! It has changed my perspective on things so much, and I can truly say that it did prepare my heart for deployment.
3. To be honest, I think the biggest I did to prepare for this deployment was have a different attitude. Last time, I went into it with a negative attitude, and this time I embraced it. Of course there were times that I wanted to kick and scream and say, “you’re really not leaving, are you!?” but for the most part, I have tried to embrace it. So far, it has made a big difference.
4. I’d have to say that right now I’m experiencing a hill because we are in the very beginning stages of the deployment, and my hubby is due to move on to a different location pretty soon. Just knowing that they are in another crazy country instead of the U.S is a bit unnerving.
5. As much as I trust God and know that His plan is best for me, it is still so hard to wrap my mind around circumstances sometimes. I could sit here and say, why God, why? But instead, I choose to just trust Him and try to see the good out of the seemingly bad situation. Once again, I think attitude is everything. God calls us to be thankful in all circumstances, and even view trials as joy. That means that this super difficult, trying time should be JOYFUL! And that is my goal.
6. I have to think back on all the things that God has pulled me through and out of already. I also have to view my life with humility- that the world does not revolve around me, and that people have and are going through extremely difficult sitations all the time. There is always so much to be thankful for.
8. I’d have to say that the hardest thing is parenting by myself. I get so frustrated with my 3 year old daughter, and sometimes I feel like I just can’t handle it by myself. But then I have to remember that God gave her to me, God blessed me specifically with the perfect daughter for me. He gives me the strength and peace to go through this alone.
Kelly
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?That I was chosen for this and God specifically new I’d be my husbands spouse and we’d serve in the Military “together”.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?That I would not no matter what be a single parent. My mom was a single mom and I promised myself I’d never have a child and raise them alone with out a father. Now, I know their is no other man that could be a better father to our child even when he is gone. And ironically my mom is taking on the “Dad” role even though she is working full time and helping me out with walking the dogs, making dinner. I’m loving this new found relationship with her.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment? Drove the dogs and a car to Ca. So our baby and I could have the option to stay with family while he is gone if we want too. Our church has also prepared volunteering for several things to help us out with this year.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now? All of it. My husband left last Friday and we flew to Ca to be with family (baby and I) The next morning my baby girl was hospitalized for whooping cough and turning blue. Then by mistake, the Dr.’s told me that get ready for this, that she was “not gonna make it” and they needed my husbands contact info SSI # etc… to contact his unit and send him home. Then after telling me my infant was going down this road he made a mistake and I was the wrong person!!! 2 days later after being home today I’m still tearing up about it and really bothered by it all. It’s been a terrible week. And I’m so thankful God brought me to be with my family, it really took “a village” this week to be there for us.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life? I’m stuck a little by this and really can’t see past last week to reflect on anything else right now. I know it will pass.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? Alot of people are telling me to write down all the names of the Dr.’s who told me the wrong information and contact the director’s of the hospital. I said I would, but in my mind I prayed for God to handle it all and keep other families from going through that expereince. And, to give me confidnece that He will handle it all for me and I just have to rest at home and help my lil girl recover.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) I joked with my husband alot saying “geeze, it wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t like you so much”. My husband is my best friend and I miss our lifestyle together. Though I try to do new things and maintain our hobbies we have together some, like taking our boat out on the lake…I just can’t do alone. He is brave and trusting though and did hand over the keys so I could try though:)
Nicole
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you? My initial thoughts were just that I am so excited and blessed that God led me to this bible study. I guess the one of the main things that stuck with me is just remembering that Since God did choose me for this he will equip me for it as long as I trust in him.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife? Patriotic, confident, respectable, but challenging
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
My husband and I did a bible study together “Preparing your marriage for deployment.” This Bible study made us talk about several important things from communication during deployment, how we wanted our marriage to grow, Funeral arrangements, who would be visiting during R&R (extended family wise) to setting up repair people for when things go wrong with the house.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
Mainly hills and Valleys I guess. Struggling to climb up the hills but with determentation I am at the end of another day, on top of the hill thinking “ok I can do this,” Then some random thing like seeing another married couple holding hands or the baby crying again while I try to take a shower and I am back in the valley, Then it is back climbing up the mountain again.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
Well God’s best is always far greater than I could ever imagine. One example in my life would be my husband. I never dated much in High School, as a teenager everyone knows spending Saturday nights at home with your parents is not what you want to do. At 14 I began praying for my future husband and of course I got my heart broke a few times before my husband and I just didn’t understand, why God hadn’t brought anyone into my life. Then I my my husband and God once again proved he always has what’s best for me in mind and h\His plans a far better than mine
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? Just reminding my self of how well he has handle other things for me and how much he loves me.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it? Tenacity. Just remembering to go to God and give him everything when things fall apart.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) The hardest thing is ofcourse being away from my best Friend the other hald of me. But it is also hard to be away from all of my close Girl Friends that I grew up with and my Family. My prayer right now is for God to send me a close Godly friend, to hangout with and confide in/
Krystal
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
I am so thankful that God knows everything that is going to happen to me and He will always be there for me.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
adventurous, patriotic, challenging, secure
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
A huge thing I did was move in with my sister so I wouldn’t be living alone. But I also prayed for at least a year prior to deployment, that God would prepare my heart.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
I think I went through all of those things. I felt alone, depressed, scared, etc.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
Well, since my husband was deployed, it helped our communication. So while we didn’t want to go through it, it was what we needed.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
God has proven His faithfulness to me over and over, even though He doesn’t have to.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
Secured. I can focus on making myself a better wife.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
Deployment was so hard for me. I was extremely depressed. I am so glad it’s over for me.
Sarah Ruth
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you? Mostly I am very excited to be sharing and discussing with other military wives! What really stuck out to me in this first chapter was on page 17, ” Never feel you’re just a military wife. Instead remember that you’re a supporter, an encourager, a confidante and a home fire burner. You motivate your husband, your children and everyone in your circle of influence- including other military wives.” I’m really struggling with finding my place in this world- the civilian and the military. My husband and I often discuss this “worry” because I never want to be known as just a military wife instead I’d rather be known as a contributor. I am thankful that God brought me into this life though because being a military wife also means that the doors are wide open to become and experience anything and everything. With each new move is a new opportunity!
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife? Hmm. I remember saying to my SIL who was a solider and is married to one, ” I hope my life doesn’t turn out like Army Wives!” Thankfully, my life hasn’t turned out like the tv drama. I think maybe I expected it would be easier to find military wives who were like me. But trying to find another wife who does olympic weightlifting or crossfit or likes discussing Paleo nutrition is pretty difficult.
If anything I thought my husband would be gone more often but with his MOS thankfully he is not. I was also surprised when SURPRISE! they want us to move across the country in the dead of winter. Sometimes I forget that the Army’s expectations (often times ) come first and that some of my expectations will have to come second.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment? I moved home, which has turned out to be more stressful than actually having my husband gone. We knew when my husband got into school way in advance when he would be leaving for school ect. Towards the end it was just torture I was so ready for him to leave so that we could hurry up and get it over with!
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now? I think I have experienced u-turns and the thick fog most often. It is how I feel I go around most of the time ( in a thick fog.) Course most of the time I have my eyes fixed so gazelle intense on the end in sight that I forget to stop and look around to see where I am! Often times I feel like I am riding a bike down a big hill going mach 10 because I am doing so much that the feelings and emotions of my husband being gone haven’t had a chance to rise.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life? LOL. My plan was to never marry someone in the military ( I dated one before and swore them off after that). So much for that plan! My husband is all that I prayed for and more though. It’s comforting at times to know that if something doesn’t work out the way I wanted generally that means God has something better planned for me. It’s also scary because I HATE NOT KNOWING! It’s the one thing that has driven me nuts since I was a child ( probably why I always found all my presents during holidays because I hated not knowing what I was getting!) I am a details person and my husband is a big picture person so he is constantly assuring me that all the little pieces will come together along the way but to just stay on the path.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances? I have been struggling with this, especially living at home. Dear God why did you bring me back here again? While I have always appreciated my husband, being back home has REALLY made me appreciate all the little details about my husband and my marriage. Its easier to be bitter when you’re surrounded by civilian families who get to spend the weekend with their spouse,ect. I just keep asking myself do I really want to spend my precious time and energy being angry or enjoying the time I have alone?
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it? Secured. I am a what if person. What if this happens or doesn’t happen?
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?) The hardest part is being home and living with my family again!
Stefanie
I have kind of been struggling with the possibility of moving back home when my husband is gone. I know it would be really hard. I tend to feel like a kid again when I go back there. I don’t like feeling dependant again after having experienced some life as a “real person.”
But I wonder if it would be even harder living on my own.
Katie D
With each new move is a new opportunity… I love your outlook on this!
Lindsey
1. I am very excited to begin this study, because with the deployment so close I am feeling less and less prepared. The thing that stuck out the most for me was that God controls both the good and the bad. It is often so easy to forget that He is still in control even when things are bad. I am hoping to find a balance during this deployment, and to truly take joy in the small blessings when they come my way.
2. My initial expectations were confident, secure, respectable, patriotic and challenging. So far, CHALLENGING is the word that sticks out the most these days. I had the image of military wives being strong and steady. I am learning now that it is a struggle for every one of us. Everyone has their good and bad days, and it’s just a matter of having the faith and perseverance to get through.
3. So far it’s been setting up a plan for paying bills, making plans for taking care of the house, organizing gear, packing bags, etc. There is still a lot we have left to do in a little over 4 weeks. Today we had a long talk about being open and honest with our feelings. Fighting before deployment seems to be unavoidable, but we both agreed that we need to communicate more than ever during the time leading up to the deployment, and especially during deployment. I never realized that he actually wanted to hear all the little details of my day—but apparently he feels left out when I tell him my day went “as usual” or “nothing exciting happened.” I think both of us agreeing to keep our communication lines open (especially since we fear little communication during the first 6 months of deployment) is going to help both of us get through this together.
4. The deployment hasn’t even started and I am already experiencing all kinds of crazy emotions. I desperately want a GPS to get through this, but I am learning to rely on prayer and faith to be my guidance during this time. Right now I’m experiencing the stormy wet roads. I hate driving in the rain. I was 19 when my car slid off the interstate and into oncoming traffic. All I remember was thinking that this was the end. I remember crossing over into oncoming traffic and having 2 cars pass me by. The next thing I knew I was back in the grassy median—safe—without a scratch on my car. I still get scared when driving in torrential rains, but I know that God is watching over me like he was that day. The next 4 weeks leading to the deployment are extremely treacherous for me. I want to get off the road and wait the storm out, but I can’t. I have to keep going and have faith that God is behind me. The hardest thing for me right now is moving forward knowing that in a few weeks, Jon will be gone for a year.
5. There have been lots of times in my life where things happen that I don’t think are in my best interest, but then in hindsight I find that they happened for the better. And sometimes “God’s best” is what is better for someone else. I cannot come up with specific events at this moment, but I know that the feeling of losing out on something can be difficult until you realize that there is a greater good to come from it.
6. I am accepting this deployment as a challenge. It is my chance to focus on my relationship with God and grow as a Christian. I am taking the time to trust God and let Him lead me to becoming a stronger woman. I cannot say that I do not still have lingering feelings of bitterness, especially when all of my friends and family have non-military spouses, but I am trying to make it a learning opportunity for myself, so that every day has a purpose and I can build on one great end goal.
7. The S for SECURED is the hardest for me right now. Because the deployment has not started, I still have much insecurity about what is to come. Everything is unknown right now, and that is the hardest part. It is difficult for me to even imagine the emotions I am going to be feeling in 3, 6, and 10 months from now. I need to quit trying to plan out the next year and just go day by day. I need to wake up each morning and end each day with God in my heart and accept each day for its blessings and challenges. For me, letting go of my control is the hardest thing to do.
8. Right now, the fear of being alone in a new town is the most challenging. I am very far from my family. It is at least a 2 day drive, and right now airfare is so expensive. I feel very isolated and alone. I need to trust that God will bring friends into my life to help me through this. He has already brought one great friend into my life (she is also doing this study and preparing for her first deployment). I am thankful that he has blessed me with this friendship, and trust that there will be many more to form during this deployment.
Lindsey
1. One thing that stuck out to me this week was when I read that if we knew when the rough patches and hard times were going to come we would not be able to enjoy the good times because we would be dreading the bad. As my husband’s deployment speeds closer I feel that I need to think about this and enjoy the time we have now before he leaves and stop dreading what is to come.
2. My early expectations were glamorous, adventurous, patriotic, difficult, secure, and respectable. I grew up in a military family so I kinda knew what I was getting myself into.
3. I am trying now to prepare for deployment that is 6 weeks away. Most of my preparations have to do with the house we just bought. Getting a security system installed and fixing things that I need my husband here to help with. Also, trying to take lots of pictures and video for my daughter to have of daddy while he is gone.
4. My husband does not leave for 6 weeks, but I feel like I have already experienced thick fog because it has taken so long to get official orders and even now we don’t know exactly when he will leave or where he will be. We also do not know how much communication he will have once he gets there.
5. I have always hoped that my best is also God’s best in my life and I have been disappointed over and over when things don’t work out. Handing over the control to God is a daily struggle.
6. I have come to the place in my life where I realize, especially with this looming deployment that I have to control over what happens and that I can only trust God and pray. Bitterness I have struggled with but I have found that it is really hard to be upbeat and happy with bitterness.
7. I struggle most with the T, tenacity. I try so much to be persistent in prayer, but when it comes down to it. Many days I would rather dwell on the negative and be upset than to pray. When I do pray I always feel a sense of peace afterwards, but I soon forget the peace God brings me and start the cycle over. I have started tp pray before I even get out of bed in the morning and am also hoping to start praying with and for my husband daily in the next six weeks before he leaves.
8. I am scared. I am a champion of worst case scenarios and it gets be in trouble. The second thing is the thought of my daughter not seeing her daddy for a whole year. She is only 17 months and I just think of everything my husband will miss and it makes me really sad. I am trying to stay very positive and trust that God will keep my husband safe. Prayer is going to be huge for me for the next year.
Johanna
I know that I have the problem of also focusing on the negative, it seems so easy when we are stressed to the max. I love that you are praying in the am. That may be something I try. Right now I started journaling before bed and praying after I journal. It has been helping get out some of my worries so that I can give them up to Him.
Katie
First, better late than never, crazy busy week last week. Read the chapter and commented but didn’t post my own answers, so here goes…
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
I was shocked to learn that there are so few military wives, less than 1%. Amazing! And it spoke to me that Sara says that God has “set us apart” as military wives… never thought of it that way, but kinda like it!
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
When we married, my spouse-to-be had just gotten out of the active duty Army since he knew a hardship tour to Korea would be coming up soon. He planned on returning to college to get a bachelor’s degree and I would work as a nurse during his schooling….Well, he HATED going back to school after the military, did lots of things over the course of the first 7 years of our marriage, and then, 1 week after our eldest son was born, took a position as a full timer in the MN National Guard. NEVER thought in the beginning that I’d be a military wife. Most of the time, I like it, particulary since he is in the Guard, it often is just like a regular job except he wears ACUs to work. Until the weekend training, traveling to conferences, 2 weeks Annual Training, and DEPLOYMENT. As I said, this is number 2 deployment for us. Then it gets tougher. Most of the time I love being a military wife. It is harder when the separations are long and since I live in the civilian world way outside of any major military base.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
Tried to make as many memories as possible prior to his departure… got the will updated, know where power of attorney paperwork is, etc. Stuff done as much as possible around the house, of course, like we all do.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
So far, knock on wood, this deployment has been relatively smooth, though we are only about 30 days in…a few shallow valleys, and the dreaded hill to his eventual homecoming. Foggy last week, had a disagreement on the phone (HATE that part) but thankfully the fog lifted the next day with better communication!
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
I think that the biggest difference is that my feeble human brain can only see the trees, and not the forest like God can. My focus is so very small, and his focus is so very big, and yet very personal. Of course, we would choose the easy road if given the chance. But I have been also blessed and shaped by the bumps in life and come through them stronger for it. I cannot see the purpose at the time, but God does. And sometimes it is not for me to know…And it would ruin the ride if I always knew what was coming next. Some of my lowest valleys have produced the finest fruit LATER!
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
First, I think it is OK to be frustrated or even mad at God from time to time. HE can handle it. Many people in the Bible have been mad at God before, and I believe HE accepts us as we are. I have seen over time how God works both in the good times and often in the bad times. I enjoy Him more having walked difficult roads WITH HIM. And it some ways, I truly believe that my marriage is markedly stronger for the fact that we are a military family and we DO have to work at staying connected, and that connectedness is a choice that we ALL make. Is it tough, yes! But ultimately worth it! I have my moments when I get frustrated at the situation, but we also knew what may come when he signed on the dotted line for our country and our family…and GOD will always see us through, no matter what!
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
I think I struggle most with feeling equipped. Don’t get me wrong, I KNOW we can get through this, we have before. But I think that in my weaker moments, Satan plays with me, making me question my ability and feeds that part of me that believes that I have to do it ALONE rather than depending on God to help me navigate deployment (and life in general) WITH HIM…
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
I think that the hardest thing for me during deployment is worrying about my two boys and being able to fulfill their needs while their Dad is away. I also struggle with balancing my work outside the home and my home life/parenting while Brian is away… I need to trust that I can bring it all to Jesus and lay my fears and failures at His feet and trust that in the end, HE will provide for my boys and I while Brian is gone.
Lisa
Good morning, ladies. I am a week behind because my sons and I went on a mission trip with their cousin’s church. I apologize that these responses are so late. Blessings, Holly
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
With my husband being a chaplain, we really did head down the road less traveled. But, I never felt that way because I have always felt like God has blessed us for making this decision. When bad things happen or things go wrong, I look at as Satan trying to knock me down and it is with God’s strength that I can overcome.
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
That Bill would love and protect me no matter what.
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
a. made sure to have alone time with Bill
b. prepared finance stuff and POA for me and kids (I remember the first time I got a temporary POA for a friend so that if something happened they would not go to foster care until the grandparents arrived…scary!)
c. prayed alot!
d. cried alot
e. sometimes moved home
f. talked to the kids and had family time and special time with individually with dad
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
My husband is not currently deployed but when he was last year, I see three that jump out at me:
a. hills – sometimes it felt like an uphill battle counting days. I tried not to do it because it was depressing. So, I would randomly place the anticipated number of days left throughout the calendar so that I could see it in one block during that month and if I was really blue, I could quickly calculate the exact number in just a moment.
b. valleys – Sometimes everything made me cry! Commercials, visiting home, watching the kids play ball, listening the kids make up silly inside jokes while we traveled, lying the bed in the dark, you get the picture!
c. Stormy, wet roads – I picture the times when things actually did go wrong and it mADE ME EITHER CRY OR WANT TO (oops) like this month, Bill left to go the field at 4:30pm on SUNDAY for 6 weeks and the next day I was leaving with our boys to see family and tour colleges for our oldest. From 4:30pm to midnight this is what happened…air-conditioners both froze and had to go physically track down the maintainence man on post, two different maintencemen came to the house, my dryer stopped working, had to go do laundry at the laundromat, and the electricity went out for 3 hours plus I still needed to pack and straighten the house before we could leave. Stormy and made me want to cry
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
Being a certified teacher I have felt like people/family/the world look at me differently when I choose not to teach…to stay home with the kids or volunteer or do PWOC.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
By staying close to him. When I feel like that it is because I have moved away not God.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
I enjoyed reading that section, but I don’t really feel like I struggle in those areas. I guess if I had to pick one it would be equipped just because I feel like I can always be closer to God through study and scripture.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
Being apart from Bill. I pray about it and talk to Bill about it.
Holly K
1. What were your initial thoughts about this chapter/this topic this week? What’s one thing that stuck out to you?
I new it was going to be a good book and the more I read the more that was true! I need to seek Him in all things!
2. On pg. 11, what were your early expectations when you were first married or you first became a military wife?
Well I really didn’t have any, my husband was in the gaurd thats not really going to affect me….but Sept 11 happened and that changed everything!!!!
3. What are some of the things you’ve done to prepare for deployment?
This deployment is the first long one since we have had kids so we did a little more. I got some books that would hopefully help the boys. Frank quit his part time job so he could spend as much time as pos with us before deploying. Now 4 mo into it I wish I would have found this book sooner.
4. In this chapter, we describe deployment as hills, valleys, sharp turns, U-turns, thick fog, desert heat and stormy wet roads. Have you experienced some of these conditions? Which ones? What are you experiencing now?
I think I have experenced all of of these. Right now it is thick fog, just hanging in there.
5. In the section, “God has His best in mind for us” (p. 13), we talk about the big picture and “God’s best” versus “our best.” What is the difference? How have you seen this played out in your own life?
I know that I need to figure how to live by this.
6. We talked about choosing bitterness versus trusting God. It’s easy to resent God for what He allows to happen to us. How can you trust Him despite your circumstances?
I have not had that big of an event to loose trust in Him but I do need to lean on Him more.
7. Which letter of the SET acronym do you struggle with the most? What steps can you take to struggle less with it?
S-Secured. Again I need to learn to lean on Him.
8. What’s the hardest thing about deployment for you? What do you need to do to turn this fear/challenge/struggle over to God? (And how can the rest of us pray for you in this?)
Well I think the hardest thing is dealing with the normal everyday life of working, Kids, Pets and house work. Than you have all the other things that your husband does… I have a hard time asking for help because I work long shifts and use the grandparents alot already just while I am working.
Krystal