This week we are talking about our husband’s past. A lot of things from the past can affect our futures. A lot of things from the past are carried into our marriages. This is why it is so important to pray for our husband’s past. We may think we know everything about him, but we may not know how those things in the past have affected him, and how it affects him every day.

“The past should not be a place where we live, but something from which we learn. ‘Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus‘ (Philippians 2:13-14). God is a redeemer and a restorer. We need to allow him to be both. He can redeem the past and restore what was lost. He can make up for the bad things that have happened (Psalm 90:15). We must trust Him to do those things. We can never move out of the present into the future of what God has for us if we cling to and live in the past.”

“Your husband’s past not only affects him, it affects your offspring as well. More is passed down to your children and grandchildren than just the color of your hair and eyes. We can leave a legacy as painful and damaging as the one we experienced ourselves. We can bequeath a heritage of divorce, anger, anxiety, depression, and fear, to name a few. Whatever you and your husband can free yourselves from will mean more freedom for them. As long as you dwell in the past, you not only lose some of what God has for your future, but for your children’s future as well.”

I so agree with what Stormie is saying, because I have seen it happen in my own family. My dad did not have a very loving father. His father was very mean, critical, and verbally abusive. My father brought that into his own marriage and sadly did a lot of the same things. It affected (and is still affecting today) my mom, my brothers, and myself, and my parent’s marriage ended in divorce. But the thing that has made a difference to me, is not living in the past. Not thinking about all the things that happened before, and how they may have “ruined” my life, but looking to change things not only for myself, but for my husband and son as well. I do not have to follow in my family’s footsteps, I can choose to make a difference, and determine that our family will not be the same.

I have learned from the mistakes of the past, and moved on to face a brighter future, and you can too! No matter what your past is, and no matter what your husband’s past may be, God knows it all, and you can both pray about it and determine to change and make a change so that you will not carry it on and so your children will not carry it on. It takes, faith, patience, and hard work, but it will be worth it to break free from the chains of the past. If you have a husband who has had a bad past, pray for him. God knows exactly what he is going through, and God knows EXACTLY how to help him. Only He can heal those hurts, not you. And when he does your family with be on a path to a more beautiful future, and a beautiful legacy as well.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” -Jeremiah 29:11

“The events of your husband’s past that most affect his life today probably occurred in his childhood. Bad things that happened or good things that didn’t happen with family members are the most significant. Being labeled in a certain way by a relative or peer carries over into adulthood. Such words as ‘fat,’ ‘stupid,’ uncoordinated,’ ‘failure,’ ‘poor,’ ‘looser,’ ‘slob,’ ‘four-eyes,’ ‘slow,’ or ‘idiot’ take their toll and imprint themselves into the mind and emotions well into adulthood. While no one can pretend the past didn’t happen, it’s possible to pray that all the effects of it are removed. No one is destined to live with them forever.”

“God says we are to cry out for deliverance, walk in His ways, proclaim His truth, and then we will find freedom from our past. But sometimes there are levels of freedom to go through. Your husband may think he’s gotten free of something and it will rear its head again, leaving him feeling like he’s right back where he started. Tell him not to be discouraged by that. If he has been walking with the Lord, he is probably moving into a deeper level of liberty that God wants to work in his life. Your prayers will surely gird him for the journey to greater freedom.”

“Being set free from the past can happen quickly or it can be a step-by-step process, depending on what God is teaching. The problem is, you can’t make it happen on your timetable. You have to be patient and pray for as long as it takes to keep the voices of the past at bay so that your husband can make the decision to not listen to them.”

I don’t know about you, but I learned a lot from this chapter! There are so many things that can have strongholds in our husband’s lives, and the past I would say is the most important one. I am so thankful we can go to God for things like this, and that He has the power to change, heal, and set free!

Prayer:

“Lord, I pray that You would enable (husband’s name) to let go of his past completely. Deliver him from any hold it has on him. Help him to put off his former conduct and habitual ways of thinking about it and be renewed in his mind (Ephesians 4:22-23). Enlarge his understanding to know that You make all things new (Revelation 21:5). Show him a fresh, Holy Spirit-inspired way of relating to negative things that have happened. Give him the mind of Christ so that he can clearly discern Your voice from the voices of the past. When he hears those old voices, enable him to rise up and shut them down with the truth of Your Word. Where he has formerly experienced rejection or pain, I pray he not allow them to color what he see and hears now. Pour forgiveness into his heart so that bitterness, resentment, revenge, and unforgiveness will have no place there. May he regard the past as only a history lesson and not a guide for his daily life. Wherever his past has become an unpleasant memory, I pray You would redeem it and bring life out of it. Help him to release the past so that he will not live in it, but learn from it, break out of it, and move into the future You have for him.”

Power Tools:

-Isaiah 43:18-19

-II Corinthians 5:17

-Ephesians 4:22-24

-II Corinthians 4:16

-Revelation 21:4

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This week we are talking about our husband’s reputation. A reputation is something someone is known for, and everyone wants a good one. Stormie says,” A good reputation is a fragile thing, especially in this day of rapid communication and mass media. Just being in the wrong place at the wrong time can ruin a person’s life.” How true! I think sometimes in the busyness of life we get so wrapped up in things that we forget how important our reputation is. We don’t really think about it, or how we can improve it or maintain it.

“A reputation is not something to be taken lightly.”

“A good name is more desirable than great riches…” -Proverbs 22:1

“It’s something to value and protect. A person who doesn’t value his reputation may someday desire credibility and not find it. Our reputation can be ruined by wrong things we do, by the people with whom we are associated, or by disparaging words spoken about us. In all three cases, evil is involved. One unfortunate court case, a significant round of gossip, an evil influence, an unflattering newspaper article, or fifteen minutes of notoriety can destroy everything a man has worked for all his life. Prayer is our only defense.”

A reputation… such an important thing. It’s amazing in how short a time a reputation can be ruined. It should make us think, and make us watch ourselves more carefully. Here are some things we can do as a wife.

“A virtuous wife, the Bible says, has a husband who is respected. (Proverbs 31:23) Does that just happen? Is ever virtuous wife guaranteed a husband with a good reputation? Or does she have something to do with that? It’s true that a man gets a certain amount of respect for having a good wife, but I believe one of the good things she does is pray for him and his reputation.”

Sometimes I have noticed the way a military wife can bring attention to her husband, and it’s not always good attention. In the military, what a wife does could make or break his career and very badly hurt his reputation. As military wives we need to be careful of what we do and what we say, because not only does it affect us, but also our husbands. When you are praying for your husband’s reputation include yourself as well. Pray that you will be careful with your husband’s reputation and never bring him shame.

“Prayer for your husband’s reputation should be an ongoing process. however, keep in mind that he has a free will. If he is not sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit, he may still choose to go his own way and get into trouble. If something like that happens or has already happened to tarnish his reputation, pray for God to redeem the situation and bring good out of it. He can do that, too.”

Prayer:

“Lord, I pray that (husband’s name) will have a reputation that is untarnished. I know that a man is often valued ‘by their praise‘ (Proverbs 27:21), so I pray that he will be respected in our town and people will speak highly of him. I pray that there would never be any reason for bad things to be said of him. keep him out of legal entanglements. Protect us from lawsuits and criminal proceedings. Deliver him from his enemies. Defend him from those who rise up to do him harm (Psalm 35:1).”

“I pray that my husband will bear good fruit out of the goodness that is within him, and that he will be known by the good that he does. May the fruits of honesty, trustworthiness, and humility sweeten all his dealing so that his reputation will never be spoiled.”

“Preserve his life from the enemy, hide him from the secret counsel of the wicked. Keep him safe from the evil of gossiping mouths. Where there has been ill spoken of him, touch the lips of those who speak it with Your refining fire. Let the responsibility of those involved be revealed. Lead him, guide him, and be his mighty fortress and hiding place. May his light so shine before men that they see his good  works and glorify You Lord (Matthew 5:16).”

Power Tools:

-Psalm 64:2,3

-Psalm 31: 17,18

-Matthew 5:11,12

-Proverbs 25:8-10

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This week we will be talking about integrity in our husbands’ lives. So, what is integrity?

“Integrity is not what you appear to be when all eyes are on you. It’s who you are when no one is looking. It’s a level of morality below which you never fall, no matter what’s happening around you. It’s a high standard of honesty, truthfulness, decency, and honor that is never breached. It’s doing for others the way you would want them to do for you.”

Wow! Integrity is a lot of things wrapped up in one. It takes a really wonderful person to have integrity, and to keep that integrity no matter what they may go through. Do you have integrity? What about your husband? Do you pray for him to have integrity?

What is a man of integrity? “A man of integrity says something and means it. He doesn’t play verbal games so you never really know where he stands. He knows to let his ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and his ‘No’ be ‘No.’ He will not play both sides of the fence to please everyone. His goal is to please God and do what is right.”

“…for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God.” -Luke 16:15

“A man of integrity will keep his word even if it costs him something to do so. When placed in a possibly compromising situation, he will continue to stand strong in what he believes. Above all, he is a man of truth; you can depend on his solid honesty. A man ‘who walks with integrity walks securely‘ (Proverbs 10:9), because his integrity guides him and brings him into the presence of God.”

“Integrity happens in the heart. Therefore, being a man of integrity is something your husband must choose to do on his own. But you can prayerfully help him fight the enemy that seeks to snare him, blind him, and keep him from making that decision. Even when he makes the right choice, there will be a negative reaction to it in the realm of evil. Your prayers can help shield him from anything that causes him to doubt and waver, and give him strength to do what’s right-even when no one’s looking.”

If your husband is not a man of integrity, don’t nag him about it. Instead pray for him and encourage him. God will work in his life!

Prayer:

“Lord, I pray that You would make my husband a man of integrity, according to Your standards. Give him strength to say ‘Yes’ when he should say ‘Yes,’ and courage to say ‘No’ when he should say ‘No.” Enable him to stand for what he knows is right and not waver under pressure from the world. Give him a teachable spirit that is willing to listen to the voice of wisdom and grow in Your ways.”

“Make him a man who lives by truth. Help him to walk with Your spirit of truth at all times (John 16:13). Be with him to bear witness to the truth so that in times of pressure he will act on it with confidence (I John 1:8,9). Where he has erred in this and other matters, give him a heart that is quick to confess his mistakes. Don’t let him be deceived. Don’t let him live a lie in any way. Bind mercy and truth around his neck and write them on the tablet of his heart so he will find favor and high esteem in the sight of of God and man (Proverbs 3;3,4).”

Power Tools:

-Proverbs 28:6

-Proverbs 11:3

-Psalm 7:8

-Psalm 26:1

-Psalm 25:21

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“A wife’s prayers for her husband during these times may not change some of the things he must go through. After all, if we never suffered anything, what kind of shallow, compassionless, impatient people would we be? But prayer can help him maintain a positive outlook of gratitude, hope, patience, and peace in the midst of it, and keep him from reaping the penalty of a wrong response.”

I know how hard it can be to go through a trial or tough time. It’s hard to remain faithful and encouraged. But if you do the reward is great!

“Whether it feels like it or not, when we serve God, His love attends every moment of our lives-even the toughest, loneliest, most painful and desperate. He is always there in our midst, working things out for good when we pray and look to Him to do so.”

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28

“His purpose for our trials is often to bring us humbly before Him to experience a breaking in our inner, independent, self-sufficient selves, and grow us up into compassionate, patience, spiritually strong, God-glorifying people. He uses these situation to teach us how to trust that He loves and cares for us enough to get us through the tough times.

This is so true! My parents divorced when I was fifteen, and I had such a rough time. I didn’t know how I would get through it or if I would ever come out of it. But even though it wasn’t a pleasant experience, I can look back and see now that God had a purpose and a plan in all of it. It helped me grow as a person and in my walk with Christ.

Maybe you have heard of the illustration of the potter. The potter works the clay until it is something admirable and beautiful. When you or your husband go through a tough time, that is God molding and making you into a better and beautiful person. It may hurt, but the end result is beyond beautiful.

If your husband is going through something right now, encourage him. Use this opportunity to tell him of past trials you have had and how God helped you through. Pray with him and for him, and remain positive. God brings you to a trial but he will also bring us through and out of a trial.

“I can’t think of any trial that my husband and I have gone through that didn’t grow us deeper in the things of God, even though it was miserable to endure at the time and we had little appreciation of where we were headed. But as we prayed through every rough spot, we found our faith growing and our walk with God deepening. And when our attitudes were right, so did our love for one another.”

“If your husband is going through a difficult time, carry it in prayer, but don’t carry the burden. even though you may want to, don’t try to take away his load and make it yours. That will ultimately leave him feeling weak or like a failure. Besides, God doesn’t want you doing His job. He doesn’t want you trying to be the Holy Spirit to your husband. Even though it hurts to see him struggle and want to fix it, you can’t. You pray, encourage, and support, but God uses trials for His purpose and you must stay out of His way.”

“Pray that your husband will be able to press in closer to God until nothing can separate him from His love-not what he is going through now and not what will happen in the future.”

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39

Prayer:

“Lord, You alone know the depth of the burden my husband carries. I may understand the specifics, but You have measured the weight of it on his shoulders. I’ve not come to minimize what You are doing in his life, for I know You work great things in the midst of trials. Nor am I trying to protect him from what he must face. I only want to support him so that he will get through this battle as the winner.”

“I come before Your throne and ask for grace for my husband. Strengthen his heart for this battle and give him patience to wait on You. Build him up so that no matter what happens he will be able to stand strong through it. Help him to always ‘Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.’ (Romans 12:12) Give him endurance to run the race and not give up.

“I pray he will look to You to be his ‘refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed’ (Psalm 57:1).  May he learn to wait on You. I pray that he will find strength in You and as he cries out to You, You will hear him and save him out of all his troubles (Psalm 34:6).”

Power Tools:

-I Peter 1:6-7

-Psalm 55:22

-Psalm 55:16-18

-Psalm 71:20-21

If you would like to discuss the Bible Study with others, please join the message boards here:

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