In the Spring of 2002, I sat in my living room afraid. I had moments of fear before this, but it was on this day I learned that I was living in continual fear. My marriage at the time was in turmoil, to say the least. We had transitioned from active duty life to that of the reserves in order for him to attend school.

Our marriage had never been absolutely wonderful, but by this time, almost six years into it, the marriage had not gotten better. I remember the beginning of this fear. Starting only months into our marriage, he would get angry over seemingly small things and I started to worry about my actions or words triggering his anger. Thankfully, he never expressed that anger physically. When he left on his first deployment, I did not worry so much about the anger, but about other women in his life.

This fear continued when we transitioned to reserve life for a few years. He would head for reserve duty and I would feel the fear inside me as he would pull out of the driveway. I did not know who he would see or what he would be doing during these times. I had heard stories from him and others. By Sunday when he was supposed to come home, I would feel that fear again at having to face him not knowing what had happened in between.

The fear began to come every day when I would see his name on the caller ID at work or head home to meet him in the evenings. I also began to fear he might not be home or ever come home again. Fear became a normal part of life.

I knew Jesus. He and I had a relationship that was grounded over years of time together. As I struggled, I would talk to Him frequently asking to be rescued or for Him to heal a marriage I am not sure was ever functional.

The summer of that year brought me to my knees like no other time in my life. I came home one day to find that my husband had left and did not plan to ever come back. The nightmare I had envisioned was here. This moment changed me forever, though. My first husband left and sure enough never came home, but you know what? God still loved me and had amazing plans for my life.

I had lived in fear for nothing. God can handle anything. In that moment, I came to understand the peace that God can give. Whether my husband came home or not was a choice he would have to make, but my responsibility was to continue to follow Jesus.

I wish I would have gotten this fact before that moment. I had no reason to fear. I had Jesus the whole time. If I would have let Him, He would have simply wrapped His peace around me and reminded me that life is not about the circumstances that surround me. Life is about Jesus.

Granted, my heart was broken. I felt like a failure in the marriage category and I had no idea what God wanted me to do from that point forward, but God healed those wounds. He still had a plan for me.

I write this not simply to tell a story, but to speak to your heart. Are you living in that world of fear as well? Are you wondering if your husband will choose not to come home or ask for a divorce? Are you overwhelmed with fear that he may not come back from war or that he might not be the same man that left? Do you experience fear as you move from one location to another as you attempt to find a new place to fit or a new home in which to live?

Joshua knew all about such concerns. Moses had died; subsequently, Joshua was just put in charge of the entire Israelite nation and God had given Him the job of leading the people into the promised land. Talk about fear creeping in. God told Joshua, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

How was He supposed to carry such responsibility, be asked to do so much, and have no fear? He had given Joshua the answer just a few verses before: “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.” God had already given Joshua instructions, just as He does us. He gives us His Word to study and follow. That is all he expects of us.

Fear is still fear – and God is still God. I beg you to read again the words of Jesus: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

I still struggle sometimes when fear wants to creep into my heart, but peace can be ours regardless of the circumstances around us because of the Savior. Trust His words to be true today and allow Him to restore your hope as well as your peace. That is my plan – No fear!

This book was not what I was expecting.  Rebecca’s testimony written in book form is a powerful reminder of God’s redemption for any of our mistakes even, or maybe especially, the ones society says are most unforgiveable. It’s an engaging and well written read, and her style is that of talking to you over a cup of coffee. I expected it to be more of a “help” book in the sense of what to avoid, or the things that she did that maybe the wife at home was not;  instead it’s more of a warning to “good, Christian girls” to not think themselves above such behavior/sin.

My favorite quote was “God will not lead you into sin, just so He can glorify Himself by bringing you out of it” –  to which I say Amen and applaud her willingness throughout to take responsibility for her actions.

I would have liked more on both fronts – details of what went on and what she would change. Not so much more sordid details about how, when, salaciousness, etc.; but more about her heart at the time and what lead up to her willingness to set aside her standards. I would have liked to read more about how God pursued her even in her sin leading to deliverance.

Although Rebecca grew up in a military household, this is only briefly mentioned in the first chapter. Nevertheless, as a military wife I found this book to be a good reminder of God’s redeeming grace in any situation and a warning/reminder that any of us are capable of sin beyond what we believe but there was nothing truly specific to our military life or the unique challenges of military marriage.

I would still recommend the book as a good read; and while it is not specifically a  “military” book, I believe it has much to offer military wives.

_______

Rebecca Halton grew up as a  military brat who writes a feature for Operation We Are Here: http://www.operationwearehere.com/bratchatwithrebecca.html).

In her book Words from the Other Woman, she tells her story of having been the adulteress in an extramarital affair, even as a Christian. Rebecca says, “I really think it would be valuable to military wives because two of the mistakes I made were lack of boundaries and not seeking worth, value, fulfillment in Christ. Both of which (in addition to some other things) made me more vulnerable, both of which I hear or see military wives struggle with, especially during deployments.”

My husband’s random question caught me a little off-guard.

“Like, would you saw off your own arm to keep from freezing to death?”  (Referring to the movie 127 Hours.)  “ Or would you chase down the guy that stole your phone right from your hand?”  (Referring to a story we recently heard.)

I surprised myself by saying, “No.  I wouldn’t do any of that.  If someone were to describe me, “brave” and “courageous” probably wouldn’t be the words that first come to mind.”

As I heard those words come out of my mouth, I felt sad and ashamed of knowing that I might lack courage in any situation.

As I reflected on this conversation from the night before, out of nowhere (I love it when God does this!), God spoke to me: “Be strong and courageous.  Be strong and courageous.  Be strong and courageous!”

I instantly knew that the verse these words come from would be my “theme” as I confront 2012.  “Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

2011 was a rough year for my family for a number of reasons, and many work-ups and a deployment loom in 2012.  There is a lot to be afraid of in the coming year.  I’m not threatened by freezing to death in our warm duty station (unless my husband still insists on keeping the heat off), and I don’t anticipate having my phone stolen from my hands (since I generally can’t walk and talk at the same time).

The situations I will face this year are not unique to the military wife, but they are extraordinary.  And I can be strong and courageous as I face them with my Lord by my side.

____

I am posting this in the hopes that I will be able to get a little bit of help from you. As the MemberCare Director for Wives of Faith, I (along with everyone on the Leadership Team) are constantly brainstorming aboout how we can better serve you, our members. So, I thought to myself, who better to ask that question of than you, the members of Wives of Faith. If you could, just take a few moments and answer any or all of these questions for me, that would be greatly appreciated. You can answer in a comment below, or if your prefer, you can email me personally at jessicac@wivesoffaith.org

Here are the questions:

1. What does it mean to be a member of Wives of Faith?

2. What are the benefits of being a Wives of Faith member?

3. Are you familiar with our ministries? (Survival Sisters, online bible studies, CareBlast, newslettter, Coups for Troops, Tour of Duty Live)

4. What are we leaving out that we should be doing?

Your answers help us plan ahead and be able to better minister to and encourage military spouses.

Thank you!
Jessica

image courtesy of Berkeley University library

Today is Veterans Day, which began as Armistice Day on November 11, 1918. It marked the end of The Great War (World War I). Today it is a day we as Americans honor our nation’s military veterans and thank them for their service.

The US Department of Veterans Affairs has a lovely history of the day on their website here.

I thought it fitting to share a famous poem from this era with you. The poppy is still a symbol of the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

In Flanders Fields
by John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.