Wives of Faith

I hope that things are getting into order for you as we get the first weeks of school behind us.  Stop by the blogs of these wonderful ladies to treat yourselves to some quiet time and fellowship with God after the flurry of activities the end of summer brings.

At In the Hands of the Lord, Mari writes about her journey of adopting an older girl from China and their family’s recent move to Japan. She is also a homeschooler, for those of you who may want to reach out to fellow homeshooling moms. The blog design is beautiful and has great P&W music on the playlist!

Beth is also a homeschooler (2nd generation) and military wife. She is a woman who sees blessings amid the negative things that happen. For more music and a great lesson in recognizing God everyday, visit her September 5th post at Living, Laughing, Loving, Learning.
She writes:

You know that old saying, It never rains but it pours?
So often we equate that with negative thoughts.

It poured a bit during Andy’s three weeks away.

But, on the flip side of that old saying, sometimes you feel like you are in a drought. A drought of blessings, or at least a drought from seeing and appreciating like you should.

This week, and especially this weekend, the blessings have just rained down – poured out. I want to cry, because my eyes are able to see them. Read the rest here.

Allison, a new mom, has a beautiful and moving post at her blog, 6976 miles, about attending a memorial service with a friend whose husband was KIA.

As we arrived at his particular grave before the service started, I slowed my pace in the muddy grass while the rain thumped on my rain jacket. His site is on the corner of a large plot of other graves, all lined up with such precision you could measure angles by them.

I hope God will bless you with these posts. Be sure to let the bloggers know that you have stopped by with a comment.

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“Count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”
James 1:2-3

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Obedience. Such an important concept when we’re parenting, and such an important concept in the Christian faith. And an unpopular one, if I’m honest with you.

Just as it’s sometimes (or in some children’s cases, most of the time) difficult for our children to obey us, their parents, it’s often difficult for us as adults to obey God, our Heavenly Father.

Today as I opened my Bible, I got excited when I saw the name of Naaman. I love that story!, I thought. Who wouldn’t love a little biblical schadenfreude every once in a while, right? Oooh, let’s watch the proud man have to dunk himself in the muddy Jordan River!

So I read 2 Kings 5. I’ll link it to Bible Gateway here, and you can choose your own Bible version this morning on the drop-down menu.

I think we’d all agree that the necessity of obedience is crucial in the military. Many of you are former military as well as being military wives, so you know this better than the rest of us. Naaman, however, was the army commander. I don’t think he is overly concerned with his own obedience, because he’s the one in charge.  Obviously he answers to the king, but it sounds like they have a good working relationship. Probably more collaborative.

So to imagine this tall, powerful military man, who suffers from an uncomfortable and even painful and ugly skin ailment, ticked at the prophet Elisha for not coming out and meeting him, AND being told to bathe in a lowly muddy river, not once but seven times? It’s no wonder he balked at the instruction and got upset!

How many times have we disobeyed the Lord ourselves? When we choose fear over faith. When we don’t follow that inner Holy Spirit nudge to talk to someone or pray for someone or even pick up the phone and call someone. I know for me it’s too many times to count.

I love what Naaman’s servants (the NLT actually says these men are his officers!) tell him, and I’m so glad Naaman listens. In verse 13 they say, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” (NIV).

So Naaman obeys and is healed.

In the book of 1 Samuel, the prophet Samuel declares, “To obey is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22).

Obedience is better than sacrifice. Obeying those inner promptings of the Holy Spirit, God Himself, is more important than sacrifice.

He wants our obedience.

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From Ralene

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Bringing Home Baby

It finally happened. After umpteen hours of labor, you delivered a bouncing baby (insert sex of child here). At first glance, you fell head-over-heels in love, cherishing each little cry and every cuddly moment. With breathy excitement, you load your bundle of joy into the car for that first trip home. Walking into your home with baby in your arms, you can’t believe the blessing God has given your family.

And then reality hits.

Laundry needs to be done, dishes washed, groceries bought, kids toted off to school, bills paid…the list goes on. And sometimes, all that with hubby in the field, on TDY, or deployed.

How does one survive life with a newborn? How do you get everything done? Forget everything…just anything? Between the exhaustion, baby’s cries, and whatever else demands your attention, where do you find the time? We look at the Proverbs 31 wife and wonder how we’ll ever succeed without losing our sanity.

Here are a few tried and true tips:

1. Admit that perfection is a thing of the past.

Perfection is not only unattainable, it’s also the quickest way to the loony bin when you have a baby. So, as with any “problem,” the first step is to admit it—then work through the stages. Yes, the dishes may need to be washed every day, but vacuuming can be relegated to once or twice a week—along with scrubbing the toilet. Laundry is a constant chore, but ironing can be done on an as-needed basis for now.

2. Become the List Mistress.

If you thought pregnancy brain was bad, wait until you get a load of total-exhaustion-baby brain! That’s right. You’ll barely remember your precious little one’s doctor appointments, much less that you need to buy milk and pay the phone bill. Become a lover of lists.
The most important list is a daily To-Do. Start with a piece of paper (size dependent on how busy you are). Divide that paper into three parts. In the first section, list the things that need to be done today—the doctor appointments, bills, and anything else scheduled. In the next one, list the things you WANT to accomplish today—daily cleaning assignments, phone calls, etc. And in the last section, on-going projects and low priority tasks that aren’t due for awhile. Most important—know the difference between the three!

3. Pre-plan!

You have enough to worry about. Don’t make things harder on yourself than necessary. Plan out your meals for a week, then figure out what you can do in one sitting. Make enough salad to last a week. With Hamburger Helper, brown two pounds of hamburger instead of one, and put the extra in the fridge for spaghetti or sloppy joes another day. Try to plan your appointments and grocery shopping on the same day. Group your necessary phone calls. In contrast, break down your cleaning into manageable daily tasks. Don’t try to over schedule. Babies take time and you won’t have the energy.

4. Eat healthy and exercise.

You may wonder what these have to do with getting everything done, especially when exercise actually takes up MORE time. Well, it’s simple. Salty, greasy, or overly-sugary foods will slow you down, zap your energy, and keep you from losing that frustrating baby weight. Instead, eating healthier foods and drinking lots of water will help you feel refreshed and confident—giving you a better outlook on your day, and life in general. Exercising three times a week will go a long way to help you build stamina. Plus, exercise releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy! Happy people get more done.

5. Make time for YOU.

Another psychological influence to get you on track. Sometimes we get so bogged down in what we’re supposed to do, we forget to make time for ourselves. The old adage is true—all work and no play makes Mommy go crazy. Okay, I tweaked it a little bit, but it’s still true. While life with a newborn doesn’t lend itself to lots of free time, and it gets cut even more if hubby is gone, it’s still necessary. Find a fellow mom and swap kids once every other week for a couple of hours. Take the opportunity to do something for yourself like going to the salon or taking a long bath (most likely you’ll want a nap). WARNING! This is not the time to do extra cleaning or grocery shopping.

6. Keep your relationship with God fresh.

This is probably the most important of all the suggestions. We all practically live off of Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But only if we let Him strengthen us. How do we do that? Prayer. Immersing ourselves in the Bible. Taking time to listen. God wants us to lean on Him. He wants to help us. We just have to be open to it.

Life is ever-changing. Babies are ever-changing. We can keep these new changes from throwing our entire world into chaos with these few steps.  Of course, don’t forget, seeking encouragement and support from your friends here at Wives of Faith is also an option.

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I’m diligently reading and researching time management on a quest for the best information out there for all of us, but I didn’t want too much time to pass before posting again. I also found my quest derailed by a little thing I’m calling my Broken Tooth. I have a crown on a back molar, and it chipped and cracked on Monday during lunch.  So I had to make time in my research and writing schedule (such as it is) for a couple of dental visits.

The idea of “making time” for something like the dentist makes me think of Richard Swenson’s book Margin—which, if I can find, I’d like to read again. (It’s actually stored in my husband’s boxes of pro gear in the garage, but he has about 15 boxes out there. And it’s hot. And I’m choosing to spend my time writing instead of hunting down one book out of all those boxes.)

Anyway, Dr. Swenson’s premise is that we need margin (think of the margin on a typed piece of paper, that blank space surrounding the text) in our lives as a reserve of sorts, for the overflow of life events that occasionally spill over. We need some room for those times of crisis.

Thankfully, in my case, it’s not really inconveniencing anyone but me (as far as time) and my husband (as far as money) for the dentist. But what about those who work full time while their spouse is deployed? They spend all day working, and all evening taking care of the kids and the house. Where is their margin?

I also surmise that many of us find ourselves frittering away our free or unclaimed time, doing tasks that suck our time without any return on our investment.

While I grant that it’s going to be harder for some of you to figure this out, let’s work together on something practical before next week, so we can move along from there.

So here’s your assignment (if you’re so inclined to join me): Write down what you do for one day and how much time it takes. Extra credit if you do it for more than one day.

I bet we’re going to be surprised by what we find. I predict we’ll find our “time suckers.” I’ve done this exercise before, but for the purposes of this blog series, I’ll do it. (Obviously, I need it if I’m still struggling with how to manage my time!)

Next time, we’re going to talk about priorities and the fairy-tale idea of a balanced life.

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There I was.  She spoke English to me and I respond in Italian.  What?  We were in a restaurant in Germany.  The sweet waitress had just asked us in English (with her thick German accent) what we would like to drink, and I looked at her and ordered in Italian.  She looked at me and attempted to repeat;  I looked at her, not understanding why she was giving me a funny look.  Then it hit me–she asked me IN ENGLISH and I responded IN ITALIAN! Poor girl!  We laughed and I corrected myself and it is still something we chuckle about today.

You know, sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself. Often it is the best way to deal with a situation, and I have no doubt God had a chuckle too when this occurred.

Being in Italy was challenging, but I found that when I attempted to order or give a greeting in Italian the people were patient and smiled.  They did laugh sometimes but I could tell is was a laugh of appreciation as I tried to speak their language.  For me it was a common courtesy, and I wanted to honor Christ.  It was hard sometimes though. I did not like some of their customs, I just wanted to speak English, I wanted someone to speak English to me and, oh girl–AND I wanted to wear my RED, WHITE AND BLUE colors everywhere!!!!  But alas, I couldn’t.

God allowed me to laugh a lot at myself though with my frustrations and bloopers.  Like when I told the money man at the toll booth “Griao” instead of “Grazie, Ciao.”  I was trying to say “thank you, goodbye” but it came out as “thbye” in Italian! Oh, my girls and I giggled all the way to base and then we told everyone!  After that our standard greeting for some friends was “Griao!”

So, I encourage you to learn some phrases in another language if you have not.  If you have, keep it up and learn some MORE. You are letting the local people you respect them, their culture and language.  You are then letting God know you will honor Him wherever He sends you and in doing so others will see Jesus in you!

Let me know your funny mishaps and any words you have created.  Oh, by the way, you should see my spell check going crazy with my “griao!”

Love you all to pieces!

Griao!

Rachel

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We are getting down to the wire. I left my career in May (with my husband’s blessing) to start the Non-Traditional Licensure Program to become a teacher. It was with the understanding that I would most likely be able to find a teaching job by the time school started. That’s tomorrow. And I didn’t. Thomas agreed to that route because he knew that his orders would run out at the end of September. He is a member of the National Guard, but works full time at his unit under temporary active duty orders. When they have money.

That money runs out in September. Sometimes it doesn’t get dispersed until January. Government money running out means that our source of income–and now, the one income–is gone.

It’s so easy for us to think of Joy as happiness. It’s easy for us to be joyful during the times when money isn’t much of an issue. It’s even easier to forget that the Joy of the Lord is available to us when times are difficult. I (and my family) have been more at peace this summer than ever.  We’ve managed to make it on only one income. We haven’t even had to give up that much. Much that really mattered to us, anyway. To be completely truthful, though, I do miss eating out as often!

In the face of seeing our income reduced by 90%, I find myself worrying as the  date approaches. I’ve been looking in the classifieds and job searches online. It’s this fretting and fussing that has the potential to sap every ounce of joy from my life. Earlier this summer, it wasn’t as hard to take the leap of faith that would let me stay home this summer with our soon-to-be-five-year-old.  Now that the summer is over, doubt and fear try to replace that faith. It’s a constant battle.

Waiting on God’s timing has always been the hardest thing for me to do. We have hope that Thomas will find a different job. We have friends that are helping us. We also hope that because of some newly added responsibility, funding for a full-time position will come open with his unit. But we are waiting. And seeing what I can see from my vantage point is scary. What I have to depend on is that God can see everything, even the things that I can’t.

Here are some verses that have become important to me over the past few weeks:

“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”  Psalm 36:7 KJV

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV

“Always be joyful. Always keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil [doubts and fears]* to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.” Job 11:13-15

* I clarified evil in brackets here to make it applicable to this post and my family’s situation. It is not part of the original text. This verse was spoken to job from Zophar the Naamathite. He rebuked Job for questioning God’s authority and for allowing his doubts and fears to pull him into despair.  We are commanded not to fear the future or worry for our provision (Matthew 6:34).

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From Liz:

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My Deployment Meltdown

The Lord was looking down on me when I had my deployment meltdown on August 9, 2010. It was an accumulation of months of stress and two accidents that I had no control over. My husband had been deployed for almost eighteen months and was due home in nineteen days. I was so excited about his return that I never expected to be overwhelmed by my emotions.

A couple of days earlier I got into an accident in my husband’s car. It wasn’t a serious accident, I actually hit a rock. I was at a park I had visited many times and I never saw the rock coming. The rock was two feet tall and heavy enough to carve itself into the side of the door. This was the first time I ever had a car accident with a rock. Thankfully, my husband took the news in stride and reminded me to be more careful.  I took this accident as a sign that I needed to slow down.

The second accident happened when a tree fell on the power lines. The tree fell down in the middle of a bright sunny day. We had no power for most of the day. I took my son out to dinner and put him to bed. I realized the house was engulfed in darkness. For a moment, I felt completely powerless. I couldn’t use the oven, washer, air conditioning, internet, and TV. I used my cell phone to call my family and broke down in tears. I had my first deployment meltdown. I was strong for almost all of my husband’s deployment except for that moment.

After I was finished talking to my family, I sat in the dark. I thought about my next step. I wondered if I should plan a vacation before my husband’s homecoming. I prayed for guidance from the Lord. I prayed for strength, because I had never felt so weak before in my life. Everything seemed to be out of my control. I knew the Lord had a plan for me but I needed some clarity. Moments after I finished my prayers, the lights came on. I was relieved to have our power back. The light of my faith had been turned on.

I know the Lord will give me the strength to survive the next nineteen days. It will be wonderful to be reunited with my other half. I know we have both grown in our faith and love for our Lord, Jesus Christ. We are reminded of the Lord’s strength in scripture, Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Halleluiah!

God Bless!

Elizabeth Ornelas

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We are pleased to announce that Ralene is joining our ranks on the blog team as our Newborn and Baby writer. We at Wives of Faith have seen a need to serve those of you who are just beginning your families, or are in the early stages of motherhood. Because Sara and Pattie are several years removed from mothering babies and preschoolers, we were thrilled when Ralene stepped forward to volunteer.

Welcome, Ralene! Here’s her story:

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When Sara first invited me to guest blog about life with a newborn, I was beyond thrilled. I’m always eager to share my knowledge and experience…sometimes without even being asked. (Yes, God and I are working on that.) As the initial excitement wore off, I began to wonder—why would anyone listen to me? Who am I to advise others when I’m still trying to get it right myself?

But that’s what Wives of Faith is all about. Supporting and encouraging each other as we travel through the brave territories of motherhood and military life. So, I figured you all would want to know a little about me. Brace yourselves for a rollercoaster ride!

It all started on a stormy day in May of 1981…

Just kidding! I’ll skip ahead a few years.

On June 21st of this year, my husband and I celebrated seven years of marriage. When we first tied the knot, he was in the National Guard. After our first year, he was deployed to Kosovo for fifteen months. When he came home for his R&R I got pregnant with our first child. The first seven and a half months of the pregnancy, I was living alone. We were in a college town, so I didn’t have a lot of people around me who understood what I was going through.

Since we were pregnant, it was best for him to go active so that I wouldn’t lose my healthcare. As soon as he got home, we PCSed to Fort Hood, TX. Let me just say three things about the temporary housing we were in—no air conditioning, no elevator, and three flights of stairs. Yeah…

So after two weeks, we got our house. We received our keys on a Friday, our household goods were delivered on Monday, and I was admitted to the hospital due to severe eclampsia on Tuesday. So, with nothing in the house unpacked or put together, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

And then, three months later, I was pregnant again. The day after we found out I was pregnant, my husband got another set of orders. His unit would be deploying—to Iraq. Given that we had just moved there, and with all the issues I’d had with my first pregnancy, hubby and I decided that it would be best for my daughter and me to move in with my parents for this deployment. So, we gave up our house and moved across the country.

The biggest difference with this pregnancy and this deployment was that I actually suffered from depression. I wasn’t diagnosed or anything, but I knew. I had a hard time functioning on a basic level—even had a hard time finding the desire to play with my daughter. I was angry. And I took it out on the Lord—wanting nothing to do with Him. It wasn’t until I had a long talk with the pastor’s wife next door that I came to terms with my depression and with God. Talk about divine intervention! God knew just what I needed to hear.

Six months after moving in with my parents, I gave birth to beautiful daughter #2. Hubby missed the birth, but he was able to come home about two weeks later. Too bad his R&R was marred by the fact that both girls had RSV. Scary stuff! Thankfully, though, the Lord was on our side.

A year later we found ourselves in Kansas. Another eighteen months and we decided to try one more time for a boy. This pregnancy was a whole new ball game. I had two pre-school age daughters who I think are literal balls of energy. I don’t know how they go-go-go all day long!

With my husband’s job here, he goes on monthly TDYs for at least half of the month. So, while he’s not getting shot at, he is constantly coming and going, which can be just as taxing on the family life. Somehow we made it through and, in June of this year, we welcomed a bouncing baby boy into the family!

And that brings me to today, and this message to you: Whatever your circumstances, whatever your frustrations, dilemmas—and of course your joys and praises—I’m here because I’ve been there and I’m still discovering. Newborns are precious gifts from the Lord, but they are also a lot of work and a constant learning experience. The way I hear it, I’m going to be making mistakes and pulling out my hair for the next 18 years. Apparently, it never gets easy—but, oh, is it worth it!

I invite you all to join me in supporting new mothers, and experienced mothers, with newborns. If you have questions, let me know—leave a comment or send me an email. If I don’t know the answer, I know how to find it! And feel free to contribute to the discussion by leaving a comment. We’re here to learn from and encourage one another. God bless!

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I held the menu in front of my eyes and stared at it, unseeing. My husband of one month had gone to sea that morning for the first of many separations, and these women invited me to dine with them. Despite the kind gesture, I brooded anyway.

“Get the Caesar.” The captain’s wife interrupted my gloomy reverie.

“What?”

“You like garlic?” she asked. When I nodded, she continued, “Get the Caesar salad. They make it right here in front of you, it’s sensational, and no will care your breath smells like garlic for the rest of the night. I always get the Caesar when Jay is underway.”

I had to admit, she had a great point! I will always remember that moment as the time when I began to learn that living life as a military wife doesn’t mean waiting until your husband comes home to experience joy, but finding it wherever you can, and relishing it, just as I absolutely relished that Caesar salad that night.

In fact, during that inaugural deployment, I made a list of all the things I could do while Rob was gone that I wouldn’t do if he was home. For example, I skipped shaving my legs for a few extra days at a time. I didn’t worry about cooking the perfect meal. I watched all the chick flicks I wanted to, stayed up waaaaay too late scrapbooking, hosted sleepovers with other women and their daughters, etc. I’m sure you have your own list!

The point is not that we wait until our husbands leave to have a lot of fun. More importantly, we recognize that there is joy in life—all of it—not just the days when our husbands are physically by our sides. If we spent each deployment on the sidelines, waiting to enjoy life again until he came home, not only would that be an unfulfilling existence for us, but just imagine how much pressure that would put on our husbands to make us happy!

Our husbands do bring us joy, and none of us would wish them away just so we could have a Girls Night Out. But our happiness is not up to them. It’s up to whom we put our trust in. If we’re going to have joy, we simply must put our trust in the One who never changes, never leaves us, and never disappoints: Jesus.

Psalm 28:7 says, “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”

In her book Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist says: “I have always, essentially, been waiting.” We military wives can relate to that, right? Two pages later, she says:

“I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another” (Cold Tangerines, p. 17).

I love that. I really do. For military wives, that Big Moment we wait for may be R&R, or a homecoming. But I am convinced that God wants us to experience joy in seemingly ordinary, but profound moments between those events, as well.

Navy wife Denise McColl illustrated this concept in her book Footsteps of the Faithful.  She shares a story about how painful a particular good-bye was for one deployment when her family was stationed in Guam. But by that afternoon, she was making plans with her friend and neighbor to take their kids for a day trip to Cocos Island or a day at the water park.

Denise contributed to my book Faith Deployed, and it is dedicated to her because before the book was published, and mere months after her husband retired as a Navy submariner, Denise lost her battle to cancer. How tragic, I thought, that she died so soon after her husband came home to be with her for good! But consider how much more tragic it would have been if Denise had forfeited her joy during deployments or until her husband’s retirement. That would have been far, far worse. Instead, Denise experienced the joy of the Lord and found pleasure in everyday moments. Her life was not spent waiting. She was an active, joyful participant throughout her years.

This week, today, where can you find joy?

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Jocelyn Green is the award-winning author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives and co-author of Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq & Afghanistan. Visit her Web site at www.faithdeployed.com.

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