From time to time, we like to profile a Wife of Faith. Please meet one of our wives currently living overseas, Laurie.
How long have you been a military wife? What branch of service is your husband in?
I have been a military wife for six and a half years, however my husband and I will celebrate our 12th anniversary in May. My husband is in the Air Force, and is Active Duty.
Where all have you been stationed?
Our first base was Keesler Air Force Base in MS – this was nice because it was a 2 hour drive home. Then Hickam AFB in Honolulu, HI, yes HI, it was a wonderful 4 years in Paradise. Finally, we are stationed currently in Adana Turkey, at Incirlik AB. We just received notification we will be moving to Moody AFB in GA later this summer.
What is it like being stationed overseas? What have been the challenges? What have been the benefits (what have you enjoyed)?
Hawaii is considered overseas; after all, the continental US is 5 hours by plane away. However that assignment was like being on vacation – it was wonderful. I had a great job teaching 6th grade, and my career thrived. I had our second child in Hawaii and she is all about Island style, everything is slow and easy with her. She truly posses that Aloha spirit, she is loving and kind. We had visitors at least 3 times a year and life was truly a easy feel.
The main challenge in Hawaii was playing too much! And I have to say that if we needed to be home in a hurry we could not, it would at least take 12 hours to get to our home of record. Other than that it was fabulous.
We have been in Turkey for almost 2 years. I have to say that coming into this experience I felt a sense of anxiety, and excitement for the unknown. I studied Islam so that I could better understand my environment, and respect the culture. Turkey is 99% Islamic. I read book after book, looked online, applied for teaching jobs and studied the local area and what I could see and do. I was excited about the historical travels that we could do since I am a huge history buff.
Then came the reality. When we arrived we found that the local temperature was 115. We did not ship a car because we were told not to – big mistake. We lived in a house that was full of mold, dust and it was like living in a cave. I did not get picked up at the school to teach, which was one of my biggest challenges, because I know that without a shadow of doubt that teaching is one of my spiritual gifts and one of the main things in life that God has called me to do. However, I tried to resign myself to the knowledge that there is a plan, but in the first 6 months I could not see it. We went from having two incomes, mine being the larger to one, and a salary cut of around 3,000 a month. Our dream of doing the expensive travels to Egypt, Greece, Rome, and the Holy Land had to be put aside
My husband worked every weekend, holiday and down day in the first 18 months and any leave he requested was denied at the last minute and we were stuck here. The first Christmas we had to fly home to say goodbye to Jeff’s Grandfather because he went to “live with Jesus” as my 4 year old says. It took over 50 hours to get there. On that note, let me add that we are at least 36 hours by plane to get home. The final challenge has been that we were told before we came that Jeff would not deploy while here, but that proved to be incorrect when he received word that he was deploying for 6 months in October of 2010.
He was all set to leave in December the week before Christmas. Due to unforeseen difficulties, we actually did not say “see you later” until December 26th. I completely give God the credit here. I was so depressed about spending Christmas alone that it was unbelievable. That was my Christmas Gift from God.
An additional challenge is living here in an Islamic culture. There is very little tension between our local community and the base. However we are sometimes on lock-down due to terrorist threats, and anti-American protests. We have learned to cover up and try to blend in. Let me also say that Turkey is very liberal compared to our neighboring nations in the freedom of women. The women here choose to cover their heads or not. However you must cover your head in a Mosque. As a Blondie I stand out, so I feel very uncomfortable going out of the local area without Jeff.
You also never go anywhere alone. That is not due to Islam but common sense. I have learned that for the most part Islam is a peaceful religion it is the extremists that make it bad. There are other small things like learning to order several items online, running out of school supplies or other items and not being able to get them, and very limited resources.
The benefits to living overseas in this location are, well, really good. I have learned about Islam, and have had the opportunity to experience a new culture. Not to say I agree with it, or I am a believer, but that I can understand a little of it now. I also want to point out that a lot of our beliefs are the same. I have made, as I do in any location, lifetime friends, and I get to be there to welcome a new life into this world in about a month. I have walked on roads built 3,000 years ago and I’ve seen ruins of churches from the Romans, and early Christians. I have seen Paul’s well and walked roads in Tarsus. Before I leave I plan on going to Ephesus, Antioch and Capadoccia, where the early Christians had cities to hide from Islamic extremists. I also plan on going to Rome before I leave.
I have learned to love the easy life style: No texting, no cell phones for this family (until Jeff left), driving a right side driver beater car 
, and learning to stock up on basic necessities because we never know if we will get fresh meat or milk in the commissary. You learn that life can be very simple and I really like it.
The biggest benefit that I feel that I have here however is learning to be patient, learning to trust in the greater plan and to be accepting of what I have everyday. I feel that with each base each experience there is a lesson. These are the lessons I have learned here. I also believe without a shadow of doubt that being overseas can increase our bond as a family. You have to learn to count on each other and try every day to make the best of every situation. You learn the true meaning of Air Force Family, in friends, neighbors and co-workers.
What have you struggled with during deployment? (Loneliness, raising children, etc.) How have you gotten through it?
The hardest part of this deployment has been learning to let go. I can’t control or plan everything and I have to take it day by day. My son is 9 and a half ( I am not allowed to leave off the half ). He has had a rough year to begin with; however, when we told him in November that Jeff was leaving, we started seeing a change. He is moody, angry and sometimes emotional. He has acted out with some pretty serious misbehavior at school, completely ignored any instructions that I might give him, and finally let his grades drop from A’s and B’s to C’s and F’s by not turning in the work he completes. I have tried grounding, spanking, and taking everything he wants away.
The base has limited resources and has other than a dinner once a month, only the options of going to mental health or the chaplain. There is not a support group for spouses or children dealing with deployments. I lay in bed at night and pray, and I have worked through 2 books, one on how to be a good Mom and then the Bible study Tour of Duty. I do have friends that have been supportive and listened as I vented about what was going on. The biggest difficulty, though, has been just being so far away from any family, and not having Jeff here for big events, birthdays, anniversaries, or Easter. We do get to skype often, and he can call us through DSN lines, so that has helped.
We count down the days with Daddy’s Kisses from a jar and our jar is almost at the bottom so we know it won’t be long until he gets here. And finally at dinner each night my kids pray for Jeff. My 4 year old says “Jesus and God, thanks for Grand Dad (he passed away in December of 2009, but she still remembers that he is with Jesus) and bring my daddy back home because I love him with all my heart.” This sometimes makes me cry. She has missed her daddy so much and still cries for him almost everyday. All I do for her is hug and kiss her through it. We do have a Daddy Doll that goes with us everywhere.
What has God taught you during deployment?
He has taught me to let go, of everything, to take time for myself and to just trust that it will all be okay. This mainly came when I finally gave up working in a job that I really did not like and I now stay at home with the kids.
What would you share with others going through it, particularly those who are living overseas?
I would say that you have to create a network of your military family that will be there for you. Sometimes the squadron is not your main resource, but when you need to don’t hesitate to seek help from your husband’s chain of command. I would also suggest finding strength from Bible verses, I can’t say it enough, the ones in Tour of Duty have hit the spot just at the right times.
Anything else you’d like to add?
I truly feel that there is a season for everything. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God gave me Jeff when I needed him the most. I also know that being in the military was God’s plan for us. We entered later in our 20′s but the season was right. I think that you have to learn to listen for that still small voice that can come in the moments that you need it the most.
Thanks Laurie for sharing with us today! Post a comment or question for Laurie below. And if YOU’D like to share what God’s doing in your life as a military wife and as a Wife of Faith, email us at hello@wivesoffaith.org and tell us a little of your story. If we decide to profile you, we’ll send you questions to answer and ask that you send in a picture of yourself or your family to include.
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