Friendship | Wives of Faith

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Change is in season

Posted by EbonyS on Monday, May 17th, 2010 in Faith | Comments (5)

One evening, I was flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch while I was waiting for my show to come on. A few interesting things caught my eye, so I would watch for a few moments and then change the channel. Didn’t want to get too invested in a program that was only ending in a few weeks.

While shopping at the mall, I spotted the cutest outfit. It was made of wool and obviously intended for winter wear. Should I buy something I could only wear a short time? Would I even be the same size next winter? Would it be in season? I admired it for just a second and moved on to the rack of fresh, new summer clothes.

Some time ago, while at the commissary, I met a nice woman. We hit it off right away and had one of the most interesting conversations. She mentioned that she was PCSing in just a few months to a place overseas. Might as well have been the next base over. We finished our conversation without any effort on my part to get an email address or phone number. Should I invest my time in a person that was not going to be around for long? Was it worth my time? She certainly wasn’t interested in friendship, right?

We are in a season of finales.

Spring leads into summer, school ends when the weather gets too warm, and shows on TV bring their programs to an end until the fall, and some will be gone for good. And orders. Flurries of orders come down to families all over the world, adding a finale to this point in their lives as well. Everywhere we look we see “The End” written in our chapters.

Do you ever wonder what would have happened if…? If only you watched that show, you wouldn’t be so far behind when you decided to watch it anyway in the fall. If only you had purchased that outfit; there’s a party this winter and you would have looked fabulous in that wool suit. If only. If only you had reached out to that woman at the commissary; you could be sitting on a porch somewhere in 30 years drinking lemonade and giggling over that very first conversation you had. Silly little examples, but the bigger things would fit in here just the same.

What keeps us from investing in the short-term? Fear, selfishness, pride. Any number of things can keep us from taking risks, especially when it comes to friendships. But is it my intention to drudge up old memories and shoulda-coulda-woulda’s? No. I only highlight them to share this: There will always be a multitude of laters, next times and maybes when it comes to stepping out at the end of a season, and many times that one step will determine the theme of your next chapter. Would you rather know what’s there? Or wonder what you missed?

Remember the old adage, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” When we venture, we turn our ‘what if’ into ‘what IS’ and we put our faith in to practice, growing in new areas. Look at the theme verse for Wives of Faith:

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1 NIV

Life is naturally patterned with seasons – Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall; special things about them all. Chapters end and begin every day. Let’s try something new by, well, trying something new. We have no excuses, only opportunities.

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Know and Be Known

Posted by Leeana Tankersley on Tuesday, April 13th, 2010 in Hope | Comments (0)

When my husband Steve and I moved to Bahrain, literally days after we were married, I was all of a sudden transported to a world where I knew no one. And because Steve and I had dated seven weeks before getting engaged and then spent the better part of our engagement apart (me in San Diego; Steve in the Middle East), you could safely say that Steve and I didn’t even totally know each other.

During those first few weeks in Bahrain, I spent long hours decompressing from the hectic pace of my western world and embracing the landscape of my new life. I would pull open the heavy green drapes in the master bedroom of our Persian Gulf-facing flat, and I would stare out at the whipping water and just let the peace of it all seep into my soul. At a time in my life when I should have felt the most alone, and I was truly alone, I didn’t feel lonely at all.

One year later, when Steve and I returned back to San Diego, back to my hometown, I was excited to be returning to a place that was familiar and comfortable to me. Immediately, I was blindsided by how much had changed in just one short year. I assumed re-entry into my former job and former relationships and former church would be somewhat seamless, and I was devastated when I realized how much I had changed and how much “home” had changed in my absence. At a time in my life when I should have felt the most surrounded and known, all I felt was utter isolation.

Loneliness is a strange condition, having less to do with the state of our surroundings and more to do with the state of our souls. Thus, confusing and counter-intuitive. Over and over again, I have learned this lesson.

I’ve been a mother now for just over a year. My introduction to motherhood came in a double-dose with the arrival of boy/girl twins. Certain days, the better days, are an adventure. Other days, the lonelier ones, cause me to feel as though I am death spiraling toward an irrecoverable soul oblivion.

Here is one thing that has helped immeasurably:

I meet with a group of eight women every week. Some are married. Some are single. Some with kids. Some without. The common denominator in the group is simply the desire to know and be known. Somehow this shared pursuit binds us together beautifully, mutually supporting and being supported.

Every meeting, we each spend a chunk of time updating the others on the state of our souls. Though rarely comfortable to engage in this level of authenticity, this practice of truth-telling has become essential to my survival. One of our group members reminded me recently that, “when we share our burdens with others, the weight is divided among the hearers and we are left with so much less to carry.”

The most powerful part of the evening—and this never ceases to amaze me—comes directly after each woman shares. The entire group looks at the woman who has just opened up her soul and says in unison, “We see you. We hear you. We love you.”

A sure antidote to the ache of isolation is the awareness that someone sees me, for loneliness breeds whenever I begin to feel misunderstood, taken for granted, overlooked, invisible, or just plain useless.

Each week, my group of women puts words to the message God is forever whispering to me throughout my day. “Leeana, I see you. I hear you. I love you.” They have become his eyes, his ears, and his heart to me.

On the days when I am tempted to run headlong into my own head and begin spinning scenarios of personal invisibility and irrelevance, I send an email to my group. Just the simple act of reaching out allows these women the opportunity to reach in, and the load begins to lighten the minute I press send.

Loneliness has so much more to do with believing the lies of “you’re not worth it,” “you don’t matter,” and “you’re on your own” than it has to do with the number of people on your speed dial. On the days—and they will come—when you’re feeling that the lies may very well overcome the truth, practice the courageous disciplines of opening up, reaching out, and letting in. Small miracles are surely forthcoming.

__________

Leeana’s first book, Found Art: Discovering Beauty in Foreign Places, begins as she steps off the plane in Bahrain, the pin-dot island in the Middle East where she and her Navy SEAL husband spent their first year of marriage. Found Art follows Leeana as her life and her soul are changed forever. She blogs at www.gypsyink.com.

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Home Away From Home

Posted by Stephanie Arredondo on Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010 in Hope | Comments (0)

Loneliness can set in at home when your loved one is deployed. It’s an eerie feeling that creeps into the very heart of your home in the form of new noises noticed in the middle of the night that keep you awake or an unfamiliar echo down the hallway or the odd feeling of quiet upon returning home. As military wives, we dread this time period because it means a definite change in the household structure has occurred, and our life is now different even though it isn’t. We are embarking on a new adventure alongside our spouse yet are left to take care of what’s been left behind – the homefront.

There’s an old saying that “Home is where the heart is.” Home has different connotations for each individual because of culture, background, life experiences and other factors. Home can mean simply a brick home loaded full of furniture, toys and other important mementos. Home can be a humble apartment dwelling where you are somewhat settled in. Home can be your family’s home where you return for frequent visits and feel your soul nourished just from those familiar smells that you can’t quite capture in your new home dwelling. Home can mean being around loved ones who just love you and make you feel safe. Home can mean a fresh start in a safer environment conducive to your living needs. Home can create an environment of fortitude and refuge while the craziness of the world halts outside your doormat. Home is what you make it to be, what it means to you and/or what your soul demands to be fed.

So often, we overlook the best home away from home that nourishes, replenishes and builds back up our soul, and that home is your church home, be it a local church, military chapel on base, chapel post or other. One question beckons: “Can you call church your home away from home?”

In Ephesians 2:19-22, we learn how we are members of God’s household. More important, Ephesians 4 captures the importance of unity in the body of Christ. Even if you relocate more frequently than the number of years you’ve been married, even if you have lived in the same place all your life, or even if you are in a new location knowing no one, you can seek this home away from home more so than what you realize.

But, you say, I am alone, I don’t know anyone, & I am scared. How can I call this place my home away from home? We at Wives of Faith are eager to assist you with this very issue. Our top goal in the coming years is to open and support Wives of Faith chapters so that many military wives like you and I can meet, share, pray, and support one another in addition to your church home.

Your church home is a place where you and your spouse seek spiritual development and growth. Without it, you are lost, yet you feel lost when sitting in church without him. It’s an awkward feeling walking into church alone, guiding your children down the hallway to their Sunday school classroom, being by yourself and enduring the sympathetic looks from your peers. Yet we need to walk this walk with other Christians so as to strengthen our faith and combat on the homefront what comes our way.

Our spouses rely on us to keep the torch lit at home, and that means attending church without them. Our children need our strength of example to attend church especially during deployments. Our loved ones feel relief and encouragement when others from the church reach out to us. Our peers need to know how to best pray and support us during this trying time of separation.

We are not lost. We wives of faith are a part of something far greater than what we even realize. Your church home represents the body of Christ, and that includes you and your spouse regardless if it is one or both in attendance.

In addition to regular church attendance, it is important to gather with a group of women who can relate 100% to your experience. Wives of Faith has been blessed to grow via local chapters, our web site, Facebook page, Twitter page, and our monthly newsletter. There are so many items demanding the attention of your time and talent that it is easy to overlook attending church or participating in a group such as Wives of Faith. Consider the positive benefit of joining a Wives of Faith chapter: fellowship with military spouses encountering similar challenges, encouragement for being a military spouse, support for you and your children, and spiritual development and growth of your faith. In addition to your church home, Wives of Faith can provide a home away from home.

Stephanie Arredondo is the Wives of Faith Board Treasurer.

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Love That Carries You

Posted by Sara on Friday, October 9th, 2009 in Deployment | Comments (0)

Mark 2. It’s a story in the Bible that I’ve grown very attached to. I’ve spoken on it several times, but I first learned about it from a friend at a very impressionable time in high school.

Mark 2 is the story of Jesus healing the paralytic. I’m sure you’ve heard it before; so had I. But when this friend related it to me, the way he spoke about it really hit my heart. There was a paralytic who, for his entire life, could do nothing more than lay on a mattress. His friends, who were believers, tried to talk him into going to see Jesus, but he was too embarrassed by his condition to try. I wonder if maybe he doubted that it would help. He was hopeless. Despite his refusal, his friends CARRIED the man on his mattress to go see Jesus. When they got to where He was, there were thousands of people gathered around the house, waiting to see Him. Never discouraged, the friends carried the paralytic onto the ROOF; busted THROUGH the roof and lowered the man down to see Jesus. Here the Bible says, “When Jesus saw THEIR faith, He said, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

Because of THEIR faith? WOW. That gives me such encouragement. How many times in my life have I been grouped into inaccurate or negative stereotypes? How many times have I been assumed guilty by association because of who I hang out with or am surrounded by? “Oh, she’s just another young mom.” “Oh, she’s a military wife.” “Her husband’s not around; she can’t understand what marriage is really like.” But to be grouped in with the friends from this story? Friends who have so much faith, that I would reap the benefits? I would gladly be associated with them! I would gladly be passed off as one of them.

There are times in my life when my emotions get the best of me; when I don’t have the strength, the patience, or even the words to pray. These are the times when I need these friends the most. Friends who will spread out the prayers for me and speak the words I cannot find. These are the times I need friends who are faithful despite my pity parties and Debbie downer moments. Friends who will pick me up and break through a roof, just so I can see the face of Christ! This is the love and support that I have found in my friends and my family. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by strong women who not only pray for me, but with me too. My prayer is that I can be one of these friends, one of these women who have faith so strong they can carry a friend during a hard time, down a tough path, or even through a roof.

Visit Gina’s blog, “One Day at a Time.”

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God will still use me

Posted by Stephanie on Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 in Faith | Comments (1)

Jehovah Shalom. The Lord is MY peace. I am going to step out on a limb and admit that I do not always allow that to happen, but this hasn’t always been the case. You see, we just finished up our first deployment and sadly enough I think there’s times when I allow the effects of deployment to steal my peace. The peace that I once had on a daily basis. That pure sense of contentment and satisfaction with life. More specifically, the peace I have had with others in my life outside of my immediate family. Those who I once thought would do anything for me and ended up conveniently busy a few weeks or mere months into our deployment.

Honest to goodness this has cut me to the quick. What once was never an issue with me has put me in the depths of a raging sea of anger and frustration. I feel unappreciated and insignificant.

However, I am busting my tail to have the same transformation as Gideon in Judges chapter six when he saw the angel of the Lord and built an alter to the Lord calling it, “The LORD is Peace.” He later defeated the Midianites with an army of 300 untrained soldiers. He had a wholeness in his relationship with God. Talk about some serious business here ladies! You should read the story…I would have been like, “Really God? Cause this battle ain’t happenin’ on my watch! Later!”

So what have I learned? What does God say?

I’ve learned that what the Lord has extended to me, I need to willingly and generously extend to others. I need to do it no matter if I feel like it or not. I need to do it out of devotion to Jesus.

Colossians 3:12 says this: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

God will give me what I need to have peace with others. Romans 15:5 says this: “May the God who gives you ENDURANCE and ENCOURAGEMENT give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus…”

I want the unlimited Shalom, the peace of Christ, to rule in my heart today!

My pastor, Ken, recently said this: “Satan makes the lost feel saved and saved people feel lost and in doing so he steals the Shalom of the Lord from both.”

So, I second what Shannon said. I’m going to dust myself off and let Satan eat it! The Lord is MY peace.

Shalom,

steph

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