About a month ago I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease. At first, the diagnosis was terrifying, and as the minutes ticked by at a painful pace I started become increasingly depressed. How was I going to get through this? Being a celiac isn’t a temporary thing, it’s a life change. Complete and total discipline. (more…)
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I’m diligently reading and researching time management on a quest for the best information out there for all of us, but I didn’t want too much time to pass before posting again. I also found my quest derailed by a little thing I’m calling my Broken Tooth. I have a crown on a back molar, and it chipped and cracked on Monday during lunch. So I had to make time in my research and writing schedule (such as it is) for a couple of dental visits.
The idea of “making time” for something like the dentist makes me think of Richard Swenson’s book Margin—which, if I can find, I’d like to read again. (It’s actually stored in my husband’s boxes of pro gear in the garage, but he has about 15 boxes out there. And it’s hot. And I’m choosing to spend my time writing instead of hunting down one book out of all those boxes.)
Anyway, Dr. Swenson’s premise is that we need margin (think of the margin on a typed piece of paper, that blank space surrounding the text) in our lives as a reserve of sorts, for the overflow of life events that occasionally spill over. We need some room for those times of crisis.
Thankfully, in my case, it’s not really inconveniencing anyone but me (as far as time) and my husband (as far as money) for the dentist. But what about those who work full time while their spouse is deployed? They spend all day working, and all evening taking care of the kids and the house. Where is their margin?
I also surmise that many of us find ourselves frittering away our free or unclaimed time, doing tasks that suck our time without any return on our investment.
While I grant that it’s going to be harder for some of you to figure this out, let’s work together on something practical before next week, so we can move along from there.
So here’s your assignment (if you’re so inclined to join me): Write down what you do for one day and how much time it takes. Extra credit if you do it for more than one day.
I bet we’re going to be surprised by what we find. I predict we’ll find our “time suckers.” I’ve done this exercise before, but for the purposes of this blog series, I’ll do it. (Obviously, I need it if I’m still struggling with how to manage my time!)
Next time, we’re going to talk about priorities and the fairy-tale idea of a balanced life.
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I held the menu in front of my eyes and stared at it, unseeing. My husband of one month had gone to sea that morning for the first of many separations, and these women invited me to dine with them. Despite the kind gesture, I brooded anyway.
“Get the Caesar.” The captain’s wife interrupted my gloomy reverie.
“What?”
“You like garlic?” she asked. When I nodded, she continued, “Get the Caesar salad. They make it right here in front of you, it’s sensational, and no will care your breath smells like garlic for the rest of the night. I always get the Caesar when Jay is underway.”
I had to admit, she had a great point! I will always remember that moment as the time when I began to learn that living life as a military wife doesn’t mean waiting until your husband comes home to experience joy, but finding it wherever you can, and relishing it, just as I absolutely relished that Caesar salad that night.
In fact, during that inaugural deployment, I made a list of all the things I could do while Rob was gone that I wouldn’t do if he was home. For example, I skipped shaving my legs for a few extra days at a time. I didn’t worry about cooking the perfect meal. I watched all the chick flicks I wanted to, stayed up waaaaay too late scrapbooking, hosted sleepovers with other women and their daughters, etc. I’m sure you have your own list!
The point is not that we wait until our husbands leave to have a lot of fun. More importantly, we recognize that there is joy in life—all of it—not just the days when our husbands are physically by our sides. If we spent each deployment on the sidelines, waiting to enjoy life again until he came home, not only would that be an unfulfilling existence for us, but just imagine how much pressure that would put on our husbands to make us happy!
Our husbands do bring us joy, and none of us would wish them away just so we could have a Girls Night Out. But our happiness is not up to them. It’s up to whom we put our trust in. If we’re going to have joy, we simply must put our trust in the One who never changes, never leaves us, and never disappoints: Jesus.
Psalm 28:7 says, “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”
In her book Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist says: “I have always, essentially, been waiting.” We military wives can relate to that, right? Two pages later, she says:
“I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another” (Cold Tangerines, p. 17).
I love that. I really do. For military wives, that Big Moment we wait for may be R&R, or a homecoming. But I am convinced that God wants us to experience joy in seemingly ordinary, but profound moments between those events, as well.
Navy wife Denise McColl illustrated this concept in her book Footsteps of the Faithful. She shares a story about how painful a particular good-bye was for one deployment when her family was stationed in Guam. But by that afternoon, she was making plans with her friend and neighbor to take their kids for a day trip to Cocos Island or a day at the water park.
Denise contributed to my book Faith Deployed, and it is dedicated to her because before the book was published, and mere months after her husband retired as a Navy submariner, Denise lost her battle to cancer. How tragic, I thought, that she died so soon after her husband came home to be with her for good! But consider how much more tragic it would have been if Denise had forfeited her joy during deployments or until her husband’s retirement. That would have been far, far worse. Instead, Denise experienced the joy of the Lord and found pleasure in everyday moments. Her life was not spent waiting. She was an active, joyful participant throughout her years.
This week, today, where can you find joy?
***
Jocelyn Green is the award-winning author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives and co-author of Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq & Afghanistan. Visit her Web site at www.faithdeployed.com.
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Today I thought I’d share a site with you that helped revolutionize my spiritual journaling.
First, let me say that it’s my firm belief that you have to find a style that works for YOU. I only offer suggestions here as a starting-off point for you, either to begin or to encourage your own creative ideas.
I began a spiritual journal last summer after coming across a post by Ann Voskamp of A Holy Experience, who posted about how to start a spiritual journal. She writes beautifully about journaling as a spiritual discipline, and better still, she has lovely photographs of her own journals to give a visual representation of what can become a very personal practice. This particular post reawakened the desire in me to track my spiritual life so I can STAY on track with my spiritual life, and not let it go by the wayside, neglected.
I found an unused journal in my box of unused journals that closely matches the size of my Bible. I printed out portions of the journal entry so I’d have a couple of the examples and the suggested guidelines, and glued them into the first several pages of my journal.
Then I began:
After my crazy summer this year, I’ve returned to the discipline of my spiritual journal, and I can’t tell you how much it helps me focus on my Bible reading and meditation.
Journaling is a personal passion of mine. I hope these blog posts about journaling will encourage you to pick up pen and notebook and write!
If you’re a journaler, I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts!
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I’m helping Pattie out with the blog spotlights for a while. Here are three military wives that you might like to add to your reading list. I hope you enjoy these blogs as much as I did.
Lori Bell founded the National Association of Military Moms and Spouses (NAMMAS) in September 2009. The NAMMAS site is packed with articles on topics ranging from Career & Business to Relationships. She’s also the Military Spouse of the Year for 2010.
One of my favorite posts My Husband’s Better than Yours: How to Deal with Bratty Military Wives offers a humorous approach to deal with the variety of personalities that we are certain to meet. Discover the Power of Finishing What You Start offers 5 great reasons why along with a challenge to pick that old project back up.
Lori wants us all to learn how to ‘prosper where we are planted’. Stop by to browse the useful topics or become a member of NAMMAS.
Monica, a Chaplain’s Wife and homeschooling mom, tells their family’s story at Daily Dwelling. Her latest posts follow her commitment to get back in shape after having children.
”I feel as if I have been pregnant for the last five, no six years. And it has taken a toll on my body. So, with my husband’s help and support, I’m going to get back in shape. Now that I’m six weeks out from giving birth and have been cleared from exercise it’s time to get to work!”
Holly, at Household Six fills her posts with scripture and grace. My favorite quote is from her post Love Gifts…!:
“Just as Rilla lovingly laid her precious bird at my feet with a wag of the tail and happy eyes (promptly pitched over the back fence!) hoping I would understand that she loves me, I need to be willing to see the love of others even when it’s not obvious!
And most of all of the Lord even or maybe especially when He seems far away, deaf, slow or uncaring! Asking Him to open my eyes….”
Be sure to stop by and tell these ladies “Hello!” If you have a blog that you would like to be spotlighted, stop by this post.
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Do you journal?
I’m not talking about online journaling, a.k.a. blogging, for which we have a post (go there and post your blog! We’re starting back with spotlights soon and can’t wait to get to yours!).
I’m talking about pen and paper, writing with our hands, thoughts recorded, journaling.
I have been a passionate journaler for about ten years, although I started keeping a diary of sorts in the fifth grade, after reading Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl. Then I wrote in spiral notebooks through junior and senior high school, lapsed in college (and I’m sad about that), picked it up for a little while in my early married years, and then full-speed-ahead in 2000 after reading Nicole Johnson’s Fresh-Brewed Life for the first time.
I love writing my thoughts down on paper. It helps me process and remember, hash out and evaluate, without burdening my husband with things that he doesn’t need to worry about. I don’t write every day, and I don’t always go into great detail. But often when I’m finished, I feel calmer and more centered.
I have two journals that I keep on a regular basis: One is my daily journal, in which I write about my day, and in the back (I work both ends toward the middle) I keep lists of books I’ve read, movies I’ve seen, and I tape in notes and encouragement from friends. The other journal is my spiritual journal, for sermon notes, Bible study observations, and prayers.
So I’d love to hear from you. Do you journal? Why or why not? Would you be interested in journaling prompts from Wives of Faith?
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Today is July 1, the halfway point of 2010!
I was reminded of this fact this morning as I was thinking about all that’s happened for my family this year. At the beginning of this year, we didn’t know what 2010 might look like – we were in a season of winter, and I’m not just talking about how it felt outside! My husband and I were seeking God’s guidance and His help and we were living day to day on His assurance that He never leaves us or forsakes us.
Fast forward six months – new state, new home, new job, new opportunities, new challenges (and new deployment coming up at the end of the year, one of those challenges! 
).
Though our situation has changed a little, our dependence certainly hasn’t. And I loved the verse we posted yesterday on the WoF Facebook page -
“We’re depending on God; he’s everything we need. What’s more, our hearts brim with joy since we’ve taken for our own his holy name. Love us, God, with all you’ve got – that’s what we’re depending on.” – Psalm 33:20-22, The Message.
What does it mean to take His name? Remember when you got married? I remember the hours and days I spent daydreaming about being Mrs. Horn. Mrs. Cliff Horn. Mrs. Sara Horn. I would write it out in doodles all over my notebook as I sat in class (I was in college, 7 1/2 hours from my love), and my heart would skip a beat every time I thought of it.
Can we have the same feeling when we think of God’s name? We should, if we’ve commited our lives to Him. The day we confessed our sins and asked Him to be our Lord and Savior, we took His name. And He loves us passionately.
But, just as we can sometimes experience in marriage, our own passion for the One who’s name we’ve taken can sometimes wane. We get distracted with all of our to-dos, and we miss out on just being with our Love.
You may have started out 2010 with a resolution or a goal that you would spend more time reading God’s Word and spending time with Him in prayer. How’s that going? Has it fallen by the wayside a bit with all of the distractions life seems to bring us?
Let me encourage you to see July 1 as a new opportunity to start fresh. If there’s things that have happened in the last six months you wish you could have done differently, than take the next six months and do it! Take your new start and make your first priority your relationship with God. Whether you’re in the midst of PCS’ing or deployment, God (and His name) never changes. He is our constant in a sea of chaos. He is our rock when everything else is sand.
I know we’ve been a bit quiet here on the website this summer (several of us have been going through moves and transitions ourselves) but I want you to know we are making plans for the fall (and changing up the website this summer)! If you’d like to be part of it, please contact our MemberCare Director, Jessica at jessicac@wivesoffaith.org. She’s looking for volunteers to help support our ladies, and we’ll soon be launching our new message board, which will need moderators! And we’re always looking for new bloggers to join us! We’ve got some great new starts going on!
Blessings to YOUR new start!
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Recently I indulged in some escapist entertainment by watching the original 1984 movie The Karate Kid. Some of you might remember seeing this movie in the theater; others grew up watching reruns of it on cable TV.
Daniel LaRusso is a teen boy who moves from New Jersey to California with his mother. She had the promise of a job in the land of palm trees. While she seems to adjust to her new job quite easily, her son hasn’t had an easy time at all.
During one particularly poignant scene, Daniel is yelling about how much he hates it in their new home state, and he’s obviously upset. His mom is telling him, “I want to understand. How can I help?” and he says, “I don’t understand the rules here.”
Wow. Talk about an “aha” moment! I know that feeling. Don’t you? I’ve felt it as a girl, as a teen, as a young woman, even as a pastor’s wife and military wife.
I don’t understand the rules.
Of course, as the movie’s story goes, Mr. Miyagi overhears this meltdown and befriends Daniel, eventually rescuing him from a brutal beating and teaching him karate. While Mr. Miyagi’s methods have been made fun of throughout the past twenty-six years, the first thing he asks Daniel to do is wash and wax his classic automobiles. He has to “wax on” with his right hand in a circle, and “wax off” with his left hand in a circle. Mr. Miyagi is very specific about that, and while Daniel eventually gets angry about the plethora of chores he’s doing around Mr. Miyagi’s garden, he learns the muscle movements he will need to compete at the karate tournament.
While I’m sure there are more profound analogies out there, or even expositions on the zen of karate or Miyagi-isms, I’d like to hone in on the idea of “wax on, wax off.”
How often do we think we are going to do something a certain way, only to be told we must do it another? Hopefully you don’t have to think really hard about it. For me, the first thing that comes to mind is our recent move. Not everything went according to plan, and the way we thought we were going to wax the car was not the ”wax on, wax off” that ended up happening.
I believe our awesome God works in us and through us so often through the things we experience. He hones and refines us, as in Isaiah 48:10, which says
See, I have refined you, though not as silver;
I have tested you in the furnace of affliction.
He’s going to test us. Can we “wax on, wax off” as He directs, or are we doing it any old way we want?
For my part, I feel like I’m being refined during this transitional time, where we’re not home in North Dakota, and not yet at home in Texas, but are living in my in-laws’ home in Missouri. I don’t always understand the rules anywhere I am, but that’s ok. I have God, and I’m learning to “wax on, wax off,” to be the woman He wants me to be.
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This week we’re reading and talking about Chapters Seven and Eight in GOD Strong. God knows my hurts and I can have joy in my circumstances. Those are two ideas that we can sometimes have trouble understanding. But what helps me most when I am going through hard times is to remember that Jesus went through hard times too and that we have the Holy Spirit to comfort us when we are going through them.
It’s easier I think sometimes to ask “Why” rather than “What?” We like having reasons for why things happen and sometimes we like having reasons so we can blame something else or others for it. I hope you’ll pay special attention to the section in Chapter 7 on pages 156 and 157. It will explain this next thought: I don’t believe God uses deployments or any other struggles in our lives to punish us, I think He uses these challenges to bring us closer to Him, to remind us over and over that we can’t do anything without Him in our lives.
When we can realize that each obstacle we face can be an opportunity for us to grow closer to God, we can embrace joy in any of our circumstances. That doesn’t mean we walk around with happy faces like Stepford Wives or something, we will still experience sadness and heartache and disappointment. Having joy within means displaying peace on the outside. And if there was anyone who was a great example of having joy despite his circumstances, it was Joseph. Be sure to check out pages 175-177.
So here are your questions for this week:
1. Almost all of us who visit this site have been through at least one deployment and if we haven’t, we can expect to at some point. Instead of looking at the Why’s of why these deployments happen, let’s look at the What’s. What are you learning or have you learned through deployment? What has God taught you? What incredible tings have you discovered about Him and/or about yourself?
2. How do you keep joy in the midst of tough circumstances (like deployment)? What encouragement would you give another military wife who is struggling with this today?
There are thousands of wives who read this site and I heard from one just the other day, overwhelmed with the responses and support she’d received from others in response to a comment she’d made. Share your thoughts and share God’s hope with someone else today.
Blessings -Sara
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This is for the super military wife who always thinks of others before herself.
Be kind to yourself today.
When you’re in the grocery store buying your family’s favorite cereal, stop by the flowers and buy yourself a bouquet. Take it home and put it in a pretty vase and set it on your kitchen table. Just because.
When you’re looking at the To Do list that doesn’t seem to be getting shorter, make a new list of everything you have already done. Remind yourself of just how much you’ve already accomplished.
When you’ve gotten the kids to bed (finally) and you’ve started the last load of laundry for the day, sit down in your favorite chair for 10 minutes and treat yourself to the quiet. And breathe.
Be kind to yourself today.
When you find yourself wishing for the 20th time in the last twenty minutes that he would call just so you can hear his voice, eat a piece of chocolate. Or two. And go for a walk in the sunshine.
When you’re struggling to figure out what to do for dinner (again) and wondering why we have to eat anyway, order a pizza and call it gourmet Italian fine dining. Then sit down and watch your favorite chick flick. And laugh.
And when you just don’t know the answers to anything anymore, read what Jesus said in John 16:33. And go for a walk in the rain. With an umbrella. And smile. And maybe stomp in a puddle. If you feel like it.
Be kind to yourself today.
Sara Horn is the founder of Wives of Faith and author of GOD Strong: A Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide.
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