Like us on Facebook! Follow us on Twitter!

Archive for Marriage

No Fear

Posted by Kori Yates on Monday, January 30th, 2012 in Marriage | Comments (0)

Fear has been something God has laid on my heart lately. I know we all face it whether our marriages are struggling  or spouses are deployed or whatever. Fear tries to creep in sometimes. As part of Wives of Faith, I want us all to be encouraged by the ever-present, all-powerful nature of our God and the peace He has to give.

In the Spring of 2002, I sat in my living room afraid. I had moments of fear before this, but it was on this day I learned that I was living in continual fear. My marriage at the time was in turmoil, to say the least. We had transitioned from active duty life to that of the reserves in order for him to attend school.

Our marriage had never been absolutely wonderful, but by this time, almost six years into it, the marriage had not gotten better. I remember the beginning of this fear. Starting only months into our marriage, he would get angry over seemingly small things and I started to worry about my actions or words triggering his anger. Thankfully, he never expressed that anger physically. When he left on his first deployment, I did not worry so much about the anger, but about other women in his life.

This fear continued when we transitioned to reserve life for a few years. He would head for reserve duty and I would feel the fear inside me as he would pull out of the driveway. I did not know who he would see or what he would be doing during these times. I had heard stories from him and others. By Sunday when he was supposed to come home, I would feel that fear again at having to face him not knowing what had happened in between.

The fear began to come every day when I would see his name on the caller ID at work or head home to meet him in the evenings. I also began to fear he might not be home or ever come home again. Fear became a normal part of life.

I knew Jesus. He and I had a relationship that was grounded over years of time together. As I struggled, I would talk to Him frequently asking to be rescued or for Him to heal a marriage I am not sure was ever functional.

The summer of that year brought me to my knees like no other time in my life. I came home one day to find that my husband had left and did not plan to ever come back. The nightmare I had envisioned was here. This moment changed me forever, though. My first husband left and sure enough never came home, but you know what? God still loved me and had amazing plans for my life.

I had lived in fear for nothing. God can handle anything. In that moment, I came to understand the peace that God can give. Whether my husband came home or not was a choice he would have to make, but my responsibility was to continue to follow Jesus.

I wish I would have gotten this fact before that moment. I had no reason to fear. I had Jesus the whole time. If I would have let Him, He would have simply wrapped His peace around me and reminded me that life is not about the circumstances that surround me. Life is about Jesus.

Granted, my heart was broken. I felt like a failure in the marriage category and I had no idea what God wanted me to do from that point forward, but God healed those wounds. He still had a plan for me.

I write this not simply to tell a story, but to speak to your heart. Are you living in that world of fear as well? Are you wondering if your husband will choose not to come home or ask for a divorce? Are you overwhelmed with fear that he may not come back from war or that he might not be the same man that left? Do you experience fear as you move from one location to another as you attempt to find a new place to fit or a new home in which to live?

Joshua knew all about such concerns. Moses had died; subsequently, Joshua was just put in charge of the entire Israelite nation and God had given Him the job of leading the people into the promised land. Talk about fear creeping in. God told Joshua, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

How was He supposed to carry such responsibility, be asked to do so much, and have no fear? He had given Joshua the answer just a few verses before: “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.” God had already given Joshua instructions, just as He does us. He gives us His Word to study and follow. That is all he expects of us.

Fear is still fear – and God is still God. I beg you to read again the words of Jesus: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid” (John 14:27).

I still struggle sometimes when fear wants to creep into my heart, but peace can be ours regardless of the circumstances around us because of the Savior. Trust His words to be true today and allow Him to restore your hope as well as your peace. That is my plan – No fear!

Popularity: 3% [?]

Book Review: Words from the Other Woman

Posted by Holly Massie on Monday, January 30th, 2012 in Books | Comments (0)

Words from the Other Woman  by Rebecca Halton is a slim, easy read in which she tells her account of being a “Redeemed Adulteress.”

This book was not what I was expecting.  Rebecca’s testimony written in book form is a powerful reminder of God’s redemption for any of our mistakes even, or maybe especially, the ones society says are most unforgiveable. It’s an engaging and well written read, and her style is that of talking to you over a cup of coffee. I expected it to be more of a “help” book in the sense of what to avoid, or the things that she did that maybe the wife at home was not;  instead it’s more of a warning to “good, Christian girls” to not think themselves above such behavior/sin.

My favorite quote was “God will not lead you into sin, just so He can glorify Himself by bringing you out of it” –  to which I say Amen and applaud her willingness throughout to take responsibility for her actions.

I would have liked more on both fronts – details of what went on and what she would change. Not so much more sordid details about how, when, salaciousness, etc.; but more about her heart at the time and what lead up to her willingness to set aside her standards. I would have liked to read more about how God pursued her even in her sin leading to deliverance.

Although Rebecca grew up in a military household, this is only briefly mentioned in the first chapter. Nevertheless, as a military wife I found this book to be a good reminder of God’s redeeming grace in any situation and a warning/reminder that any of us are capable of sin beyond what we believe but there was nothing truly specific to our military life or the unique challenges of military marriage.

I would still recommend the book as a good read; and while it is not specifically a  “military” book, I believe it has much to offer military wives.

_______

Rebecca Halton grew up as a  military brat who writes a feature for Operation We Are Here: http://www.operationwearehere.com/bratchatwithrebecca.html).

In her book Words from the Other Woman, she tells her story of having been the adulteress in an extramarital affair, even as a Christian. Rebecca says, “I really think it would be valuable to military wives because two of the mistakes I made were lack of boundaries and not seeking worth, value, fulfillment in Christ. Both of which (in addition to some other things) made me more vulnerable, both of which I hear or see military wives struggle with, especially during deployments.”

Popularity: 2% [?]

When Marriage Hurts

Posted by Sara on Thursday, January 19th, 2012 in Marriage | Comments (9)

Editor’s note: We at Wives of Faith believe strongly in marriage and in strengthening military marriages. Kori Yates is our MarriageCare director, and I can tell you after our leadership team meeting the other night, encouraging and strengthening military marriages is her passion. We will be hearing more from her in upcoming weeks; until then, please enjoy this post from Sara Horn, originally published 23 June 2009, republishing 19 Jan 2012. ~Pattie~

==================================================

I watched the episode last night of Jon & Kate Plus 8 (along with the millions of other train wreck observers) and was extremely sad to see their announcement that they’ve separated. Even though word had leaked out that they’d filed for divorce earlier in the day, still, a big part of me wanted to see the news proved wrong. Unfortunately it wasn’t.

Right before I went to sleep last night I posted on my Facebook page: “Jon and Kate keep saying they were putting their kids first. Maybe that was the problem! Your spouse has to be a priority. Make your marriage a priority!”

I didn’t know that when I woke up this morning I’d have 15 comments! Obviously, this couple has touched a sensitive spot with many, and hopefully have made many look in the mirror at their own marriages and examine their own challenges more closely.

The struggles and challenges Jon and Kate have faced aren’t any different than the trials that millions of other couples have had to deal with – the only difference is, like their larger-than-the-norm family, so has the size of public scrutiny been for them.

I suspect that on a much smaller level, there are military couples who know exactly what this couple is going through – word travels fast on a base or post when a marriage is in trouble and we saw a sad example of it just this week on Army Wives. Denise faced the scrutiny and the judgement of her friends and the people around her after making a series of bad choices and her husband was ordered to go home to “deal with his domestic issues.”

Of course, we can’t know what any couple is dealing with unless we have been where they are. Many are quick to either condemn or say “don’t judge” but I think both of these are extremes. Condemning certainly doesn’t show love but “not judging’ often is code for “it’s none of our business” and I’ve seen way too many marriages in the church “not judged” and not helped either. There was a couple in our old Sunday School class many years ago who suddenly stopped coming. No one really paid attention (or followed up with them) and many months later someone said this couple had separated and gotten divorced. Too many couples fall through the cracks like that. Sometimes it takes more than prayer; it takes a friend letting that couple know you care about them and their marriage.

Marriage is fragile

Jon and Kate’s situation has only reminded me all the more how fragile marriage is, and I hurt especially for the military marriages I hear about that are falling apart. Since starting Wives of Faith, there have been several wives who’ve come to me with struggling marriages. Not all of them have been saved. Ladies, we have to fight for our relationships! And we can’t give up!

Marriage is hard, especially when children enter the picture. My son means the world to me but so does my husband and I made a commitment to him before I was ever a mom. Make your marriage a priority. Whether it’s your first, second or third! If you’ve failed before, it doesn’t mean you have to fail again. You may have to work really hard to put your marriage first, especially if your husband is gone a lot. But it’s crucial to take time out for each other and focus on your marriage. Because when you’re on the same page with your marriage, the challenges that come with being a parent can seem a little less large.

As a wife, be careful not to take everything over and use the excuse because your husband isn’t there. You can still involve him in choices and decisions (I still remember trying to show my husband color samples of siding over web cam LOL), and letting your kids know that their dad’s input is still important.

I can’t imagine being in Jon and Kate’s shoes, having to deal with a struggling marriage with a million voices weighing in on their decisions. As several have said, though, prayer still works and God still heals marriages. I know He can heal theirs, just as I’ve seen Him heal others.

If your marriage is just fine right now, than that’s wonderful! But take the time to protect it. Don’t take your husband for granted and make it a point to value him the way you want him to value you. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m sorry.” Be willing to admit when you’re wrong. Realize that marriage is not always smooth sailing; you will have ups and downs, and some are bigger hills than you may have ever expected! But it’s only after you get over those hills and you look back at what you’ve been through and seen how God has carried both of you that you realize God knew what He was doing when He put the two of you together.

I know many of you reading this may be struggling with problems too big for you to handle by yourself – PTSD, out of control financial problems, infidelity. Let me encourage you to seek help; talk to a pastor you trust or contact Military OneSource. As a military spouse, you are eligible to receive free counseling and Military OneSource can connect you to a counselor in your town and you can receive up to 12 sessions free per topic. Also, if you need prayer for your marriage, let us know (info @ wivesoffaith.org). We have several ladies who are prayer warriors and will be glad to pray for your need. I’ve seen marriages healed when ladies joined together to pray. God still works miracles!

Marriage can hurt, but God can heal.

Proverbs 31:10 – “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.”

Popularity: 10% [?]

Courageous: A Film Review

Posted by Holly Massie on Monday, October 3rd, 2011 in Entertainment, Faith | Comments (0)



“Where are you, men of courage?” This is the line from the movie I’ve been thinking myself lately! Unless you live under a rock, you’ve probably at least heard of Sherwood Baptist’s new production, Courageous.  I had the privilege of watching it with my children this week and it is an inspiring film about fatherhood and what it means to be a man of integrity. Hopefully it will still be in theaters when my hubby gets home. I hope my review isn’t too vague, but I don’t want to give you any spoilers!

The story follows four policemen and their new friend Javier as they struggle with what it means to be a father in today’s society. Is it okay to just be “good enough,” provide a paycheck and not beat your wife and kids? What impact is fatherlessness, and even fathers at home who aren’t leading their homes, having on our society? The movie touches on these themes and what it means to honor your wife, your God and your fellow men through action, thought provoking scenes and dialogue.  Each man is a slightly different kind of father:  One has a baby out of wedlock and is ashamed, another is seeking to walk in integrity and in God’s plan but still wondering about his own father he never knew, one is what most would consider a “good” dad but who realizes his shortcomings and apathy through tragedy, another is a hardworking blue collar guy struggling to make ends meet and lead his family, and the last wants to do what is right but isn’t sure just where his moral compass lies.

Courageous doesn’t pull any punches right from the beginning. Plenty of police action, gang violence, and intense scenes make this a great guy movie, but not necessarily the best for the “whole” family – leave little ones at home until you’ve seen it at least once and then make the decision what age is best for your family; there’s a reason for the PG-13 rating(no bad language, alcohol, sex and drug use are mentioned but only to discuss the ramifications).  This film is a warning shot across the bow for men, so to speak.  Be sure to take tissues though as it’s definitely a tearjerker! One secular site I read calls the film “emotionally manipulative”— but let’s face it, what movie isn’t?! The difference is this movie is up front, while many secular movies are more covert about it.  You will cry, laugh hysterically (careful not to snort soda out your nose!)  and be challenged in your integrity and faith.

The acting isn’t necessarily the greatest, we’re not talking Oscars here and there aren’t any big name actors this go round, but Sherwood has definitely come a long way from Flywheel and in my book the message outweighs the method.  If you’ve seen other Sherwood films you will recognize several actors, and I would say look for the nods to their previous films (i.e. many of the vehicles have plates from Jay Austin Motors of Flywheel, there’s a reference to Fireproof, etc.).  Several secular sites say the film is heavy handed and didactic but I did not feel that so much as that it is obviously directed to men of faith, although there is much here for men who are non-believers (including a strong salvation message).

Take your older boys and husbands– or send them on a guy’s night out and be ready to discuss things! Young ladies can be encouraged by one father’s protection of his daughter. Both my eldest son and my daughter’s steady beau were deeply impacted and felt it to be a life changing movie and their new favorite!  Men will be challenged to rethink their fathering, how they were fathered and where they want to go, to seek out what DOES the Bible say about fatherhood? How should men in the Church be caring for the “fatherless”?  Women can come away with some of the same challenges related to mothering as well as how best to encourage the men in our lives to be those men who stand up for what is right no matter what.   There are also follow up books called The Resolution (similar to the Love Dare idea from Fireproof) for both men and women. Already in my Amazon cart! J

This film is definitely one we will be purchasing and discussing again, and it’s worth seeing even if it’s not a favorite if only to springboard discussion on what it means to be a real man for your family and your church.  I am praying that it will have a profound impact on our family and that men in the church would indeed rise up in our day and age to be men of God.  What will your legacy be?

(You can check out http://www.pluggedinonline.com for a complete review)

 

Popularity: 4% [?]

“Just Another Army Wife”

Posted by Kim on Thursday, June 30th, 2011 in Devotionals | Comments (4)

 

One evening before heading out to our first Mess Dinner after my husband’s promotion, I asked him to give me an explanation about rank within his unit. He gave me a simplified answer, explaining that each Troop has a Troop Leader (Officer) who is in charge and under him, a Troop NCO (Sergeant or Warrant Officer).

What struck me in this was that the Troop Leader almost always has less experience than his NCO. He is a Lieutenant, a trained Officer and has gone to school to be a leader, but he may have less than 5 years in the military.

The NCO on the other hand, has worked his way up to that position from a Private. He usually has 10-15 years experience at his job. And he knows the soldiers under him better. He has the opportunity to spend more time with them and so can make more informed decisions on their skills and what they can handle.

Despite all this, at the end of the day, the Troop Leader makes the final decisions. That’s what he’s been trained to do. In the dynamic of the Military Regiment, it’s his job. And unless his orders are illegal, his Troop is expected to follow them whether they agree or not.

This may sound unfair, but as my husband pointed out, it works if you have a good Troop Leader. A good leader has a great deal of respect for his NCO. He consults with him before making big decisions and listens to his opinion. He also has to care more about the soldiers under him than anything else on the job. He will defend them, motivate, encourage and support them. The decisions he makes need to be based on what is best for the entire Troop, not just his own career. Nothing would get done without a Leader, or if the NCO refused to obey or belittled him in front of the Troops. They need to present a united front to those under them.

So on the ride into the Dinner, I realized something. This is exactly how God intended the family to work. To the world, it sounds unfair, outdated and old-fashioned. But the Bible teaches it! (1 Corinthians 11:3). The way God makes it fair – he tells husbands they need to be good Troop Leaders.

My husband the leader of our little Troop, but as his “NCO”, I have more experience with the day-to-day working of our lives and our children. I spend more time with them and I know their skills and struggles well. The day-to-day operations of our family, they are left to me because he can’t always be here to make every call and he doesn’t need to be. He trusts me completely. He respects and listens to my opinions. He knows that I have a better understanding on how things work in the home and trusts my judgement. And as our leader, he cares more about his family than anything else. Every decision he makes will be based on what he feels is best for us, not for him.

We talk our big decisions through and we almost always agree completely on the course of action. But if we don’t, he does have the final call. As any Troop Leader will tell you, that’s a lot of ownership, a lot of stress and a lot of sleepless nights. He will be the one who must answer to his Commanding Officer on how well he led his Troop. I need to pray for him, support him and stand united with him to our children.

My greatest blessing is that I have a husband who desires to follow God. What I need to do now is stop seeing myself as ‘just another army wife’, but instead being happy that is who I am! I was created to be the partner for a man who loves me as Jesus loves the Church.

I am my own person, I have my own dreams, goals and ambitions, but those seem to be accomplished best when I remember who I am first. A child of God and a wife to the one who was created to love me.

Kim is a child of God who believes in Grace and is grateful that His mercies are new every morning. I am a 30 year old wife of a soldier in the Canadian Army. We’ve been married 10 years and have 3 amazing kids. We have survived 3 deployments to Afghanistan as well as numerous other training and domestic operations. While I went to school to be a Social Worker, right now attempting to mother my children is my full time job. www.kimberleymills.blogspot.com

Popularity: 14% [?]

Older Posts »