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“Just Another Army Wife”

Posted by Kim on Thursday, June 30th, 2011 in Devotionals | Comments (4)

One evening before heading out to our first Mess Dinner after my husband’s promotion, I asked him to give me an explanation about rank within his unit. He gave me a simplified answer, explaining that each Troop has a Troop Leader (Officer) who is in charge and under him, a Troop NCO (Sergeant or Warrant Officer).

What struck me in this was that the Troop Leader almost always has less experience than his NCO. He is a Lieutenant, a trained Officer and has gone to school to be a leader, but he may have less than 5 years in the military.

The NCO on the other hand, has worked his way up to that position from a Private. He usually has 10-15 years experience at his job. And he knows the soldiers under him better. He has the opportunity to spend more time with them and so can make more informed decisions on their skills and what they can handle.

Despite all this, at the end of the day, the Troop Leader makes the final decisions. That’s what he’s been trained to do. In the dynamic of the Military Regiment, it’s his job. And unless his orders are illegal, his Troop is expected to follow them whether they agree or not.

This may sound unfair, but as my husband pointed out, it works if you have a good Troop Leader. A good leader has a great deal of respect for his NCO. He consults with him before making big decisions and listens to his opinion. He also has to care more about the soldiers under him than anything else on the job. He will defend them, motivate, encourage and support them. The decisions he makes need to be based on what is best for the entire Troop, not just his own career. Nothing would get done without a Leader, or if the NCO refused to obey or belittled him in front of the Troops. They need to present a united front to those under them.

So on the ride into the Dinner, I realized something. This is exactly how God intended the family to work. To the world, it sounds unfair, outdated and old-fashioned. But the Bible teaches it! (1 Corinthians 11:3). The way God makes it fair – he tells husbands they need to be good Troop Leaders.

My husband the leader of our little Troop, but as his “NCO”, I have more experience with the day-to-day working of our lives and our children. I spend more time with them and I know their skills and struggles well. The day-to-day operations of our family, they are left to me because he can’t always be here to make every call and he doesn’t need to be. He trusts me completely. He respects and listens to my opinions. He knows that I have a better understanding on how things work in the home and trusts my judgement. And as our leader, he cares more about his family than anything else. Every decision he makes will be based on what he feels is best for us, not for him.

We talk our big decisions through and we almost always agree completely on the course of action. But if we don’t, he does have the final call. As any Troop Leader will tell you, that’s a lot of ownership, a lot of stress and a lot of sleepless nights. He will be the one who must answer to his Commanding Officer on how well he led his Troop. I need to pray for him, support him and stand united with him to our children.

My greatest blessing is that I have a husband who desires to follow God. What I need to do now is stop seeing myself as ‘just another army wife’, but instead being happy that is who I am! I was created to be the partner for a man who loves me as Jesus loves the Church.

I am my own person, I have my own dreams, goals and ambitions, but those seem to be accomplished best when I remember who I am first. A child of God and a wife to the one who was created to love me.

Kim is a child of God who believes in Grace and is grateful that His mercies are new every morning. I am a 30 year old wife of a soldier in the Canadian Army. We’ve been married 10 years and have 3 amazing kids. We have survived 3 deployments to Afghanistan as well as numerous other training and domestic operations. While I went to school to be a Social Worker, right now attempting to mother my children is my full time job. www.kimberleymills.blogspot.com

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Tune Out Financial Stress and Tune In to God

Posted by Stephanie Arredondo on Thursday, April 14th, 2011 in Money, News | Comments (1)

Psalm 50:15 “Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”

Given the recent hype in the news about a government shutdown, it’s lending to financial stress upon military families, especially for those with deployed loved ones. Politicians are making news with their ideas and comments. The Department of Defense is cautious. Critics of the federal government and the military are surfacing with more harsh words. Cutbacks in the military could occur at a time that the U.S. economy is in the early stage of a recovery. Consumer sentiment is cautious as oil and food prices rise based on inflationary influences. Perhaps the home situation is challenged with loved ones searching for employment. Stress is high for many these days, and yet is it a reminder to tune out this static and tune in to the One who delivers us without fail?

God has a unique way of capturing our attention. While the politicians and others determine what’s to occur with government issues that are beyond our control, it is important for military families, especially military wives, to pray and focus on what God needs us to focus on.

Mahlon Hetrick of Christian Financial Counseling wrote the book, Family Money Management God’s Way, and he addresses how most people do not know how to find abundance in their budgets and are not listening to what God has to say. (Hetrick, 19) Perhaps the politicians would benefit from this wisdom as well, but the fact remains that if you are not tuning in to God, then you are neglecting an opportunity to honor Him.

For short term military money matters, it is good to consider the following:

Pray and pray incessantly for our country and its financial challenge (Our National Debt isn’t sustainable, and we need for all to address it and address it soon.) Proverbs 3:5-6
Review your finances for the next month and develop a new spending plan (If this is a challenge or you need more advice, please see article.) I Corinthians 14:40
Cut unnecessary costs such as having your nails done, eating out, going to the movies, going to Starbucks, buying that pair of shoes, etc.. and get creative with certain cost-cutting measures Proverbs 16:3
If in debt and if you are making monthly payments that you believe you cannot make, it is wise to contact the business now, state your situation and ask if there’s another payment option. Many will cooperate if you initiate the phone call. For example, my husband and I worked out a payment plan for a medical bill from our son’s surgery (and no added interest expense). Psalm 1:1
For those whose financial situation is overwhelming and especially if you have a deployed military member, it is wise to seek your church home, pastor or military chaplain. By discussing your situation, certain churches will determine ways to provide love and support so as to ease the financial strain. Proverbs 15:22

For long term military money matters, it is good to consider the following:

Develop a game plan for the future because even if the government shutdown occurred, you have a personal financial management issue that you need to address. Matthew 25:14-30
Save up an emergency fund of at least three months of living expenses

Psalm 50:15

Pay down debt and remain debt-free. One good way to address this is to list all of your debts (small and large) and determine a game plan to pay them off. Romans 13:8
Review your current career and determine a five year plan. Do you need to add in more income? Do you need to cut back on certain costs? Can you do without it? These are the tough questions, and I will be the first to admit that my husband and I struggle with the wants and needs….it’s good character-building for your marriage. Proverbs 21:20
Keep God in the picture and pray with your spouse about how you can honor Him. I Corinthians 4:2

If you and your husband need a moral boost, it is wise to post Bible quotes or slogans to help you during this financially stressful era in our country’s history. Just Do It! Adjust your attitude from Can’t live without it to I can get along without it!

While there is no easy solution today, there is the One who without fail will be there and will provide the calm. He will deliver us from this financial challenge. He wants us to be blessed if only we will seek Him, live within our means and adjust our attitude through our finances. We must honor Him to all Glory and Honor, Amen!

Stephanie Arredondo is Board Treasurer for Wives of Faith, has years of experience and knowledge in the industry and writes a blog - Alfa Sugar – that lends financial perspective in modern America from one military spouse.

Disclaimer: This article is the opinion of the person writing it, and any financial decision made as a result does not make the writer or Wives of Faith liable for any action taken. Please consult your personal financial advisor for more information.

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Unguarded Strength is Double Weakness

Posted by Stephanie Arredondo on Monday, February 14th, 2011 in Marriage | Comments (1)

Our local connoisseur of fabulous cheap finds, Mary Hance (also known as Ms. Cheap to all you Tennessean readers) has published a book, Love For a Lifetime: Daily Wisdom and Wit for a Happy Marriage. One of her reader favorites is how to start your marriage: After you say I Do, you move 2,000 miles away from your family and start your life together. That way you don’t have the excuse to run from your marriage when life comes at you. Both of you learn quick and early on to depend on one another, and that is the best way to start your marriage. This is a befitting description for us military wives who dive into marriage in a similar fashion. Call it “love makes you blind,” but I like to think of it as the lifelong adventure I was born to experience.

We military wives say I Do in many ways either on a whim in the county courthouse, in a local church, on the beach, or even over the Internet (yes, there was a military wedding where he was in a combat zone and she was in her hometown). Each marriage is unique as it starts off. My husband and I wanted the church and reception type of I Do so that it included our family and friends. Recently, upon watching our wedding video with our children, my husband and I reminisced about the early days of our marriage, and how eight years later, our marriage has flourished, has endured the seven year itch and has been tested with deployments, children and other matters that you least expect when you say I Do.

The tests of marriage will always occur. It’s true that you cannot run home to your parent’s house or a friend’s house to seek support especially living 2,000 miles away from your hometown. God can only provide the strength you seek in these moments of weakness. Philippians 4:13 says it best with “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Unfortunately, some tests of our marriage come in hurtful ways and at our weakest moments.

Mismanagement of your finances has placed undue pressure on your marriage.
Someone else got the promotion your husband hoped to get, and as a result, he turned to alcohol.
A female officer falsely accuses your spouse of sexual assault, and he loses rank.
Your husband is on deployment when miscarriage occurs.
Online pornography intrigues your husband.
Going out to local bars seems like innocent fun until the next morning.
Your next PCS move is unexpected and separates you both for a year.
Your anger and frustration mount as you maintain the home front, and when home, he does little to no household chores.

There are many other ways that the enemy attacks your marriage besides these bulleted points, but our weakest moments can be the turning point needed to build character the way God intended in our marriages.

Ephesians 6: 10-18 encourages us to protect ourselves against spiritual attack. When it comes to our marriage, the oneness is challenged by the long distance separation of deployments, the pressures of parenting, the care for aging parents, a demanding job, and/or the mismanagement of time invested in your marriage. No wonder military marriages are challenged. When we are our weakest is exactly when we must summon our strength, yet when we let our guard down is when the enemy makes the most of this opportunity. Unguarded strength is a double weakness.

How do you combat these spiritual attacks?

Prayer is a powerful weapon.
Attending a Wives of Faith group meeting is another wonderful way to support, encourage and reach out to one another.
Should you need to talk on a personal level, it is important to discern and find a Christian advocate to help you see God in the picture.
Believe that this character building time will produce amazing fruit of the spirit in you and your marriage.
Have faith.

The enemy works through people and things and presents timewasters to distract us. Often, the enemy starts with our minds, and a low self-esteem is indicative of poor time management (especially true if you are seeking a job/calling as referenced in Dan Miller’s 48 Days to the Work You Love). We spend a lot of time thinking and trying to change our spouse when we should change ourselves first. We forget about our role as wife, and we find frustration in our husbands who lack initiative in stepping up to their role as head of household. In Ephesians 5: 15-16, we are warned to live purposely.

Are you making the most of your time?

Where you invest your time is telling of your priorities in life. It’s comforting to know that you do have a plan. Marriage is a lifelong plan of commitment to this one special person God sent into your life. Over Valentine’s Day weekend in our Sunday School class, we went around the room and told the story of how we met. Granted, it was a good load of laughs, and you could see each couple’s spark about how they met either while in school, through mutual friends, at a social event or even online (rare but becoming more common with military marriages). One grandmother even played matchmaker to one couple who now have five children. The marriages ranged from 1 year to 16 years. Each marriage started off the same way – saying I Do.

While I Do represents the beginning, the journey has a telling story depending on your daily decisions, purposeful living and management of self. If you make the most of opportunities through wise time management and the sword of the Spirit, there won’t be double weakness but an amazingly unbreakable bond of strength that will enhance your marriage until death do you part.

What are some words of wit and advice regarding the secret to a military marriage? Please post your comments below (especially any romantic Valentine ideas)!

Stephanie Arredondo is the Wives of Faith board treasurer.

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The Hardest Promise to Keep

Posted by Amber Parham on Tuesday, February 8th, 2011 in Daily Encouragements | Comments (2)

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.” Jeremiah 31:3 ESV Read More→

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Post-Holiday Finances for the Christian Marriage

Posted by Stephanie Arredondo on Wednesday, January 19th, 2011 in Money | Comments (1)

“Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the best part of everything your land produces” Proverbs 3:9

With the holidays past us and a new year upon us, it is crunch time again for our household finances. Savvy marketers know how the consumer behaves during the holiday season. As a result of these tempting sales such as buy two and get one free to save $5 when really you are spending $10 more than originally intended, these sellers convinced you to part ways with your dollars for this must-have product/service. Past activity at the mall and/or AAFES is now appearing on the credit card bills. Those little unforeseen extras from the holidays such as travel expenses or last minute gifts are a part of mounting expenses. Just when you feel like you can slow up and ease into the New Year full of promise, New Year resolutions and a clean slate for 2011, it’s a realization that past spending behavior is directing you differently than desired. There are bills to pay, and the total amount is higher than you anticipated. Panic can set in, and financial pressure is trying for a marriage especially for military marriages that endure enough stress as it is. Is this how our Lord wants us to honor Him as a result of this holiday season?

Have you and your spouse honored God with your wealth and with the best part of everything you produce? This question offers a rhetorical reply of yes! Yet, the credit card bill can bring reality to your homefront. In fact, more than 55% of divorced couples cited money problems as the primary reason that they had marital problems (Citibank survey). Mismanaging your finances reflects directly on your marriage and ultimately your relationship with God. What is yours, mine and ours represents this family unit. Even if the head of household is in a combat zone, we wives are to manage well our household affairs and wealth.

Most women defer money matters to their spouse. Most wives do the bulk of household buying. With more women working in the workforce and earning income, there is more emphasis on the part of marketers to target women because of the increase in buying power. As time constraints hinder couples from having effective budget meetings to see what’s going on with the household finances, women can be intimidated by the topic. Sometimes the wife feels lost as to how to manage the household. Fear can set in along with anxiety.

This sentiment is not what God intended for us and our marriage. Fear is the opposite of what God desires for us. Our finances may cause anxiety, and this is the critical time when we are to seek God.

During one deployment, my husband was overseas for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s. I managed our household finances and would correspond with him via e-mail about them. He wanted to be involved and yet did not want to worry about the details. These e-mails ended up stressing him out because we were discussing our household finances, and he had to keep his head in the game. So, I stopped these e-mails and instead worked hard to make him proud. I paid the bills. I watched the spending. I tithed. I saved. I did the grocery shopping. I worked the budget. I gave my best when it came to managing our finances.

Prior to his departure, we developed our financial game plan so that I would confidently manage the day to day knowing what our goals were. Eventually, we learned how to coordinate our efforts. This took a lot of pressure off of him while humbling him to depend on me. I felt engaged and more of an active participant in the deployment process. It made me get closer to him and strengthened our marriage even though we were miles apart. We would pray about our finances in addition to other prayers. As a result of our efforts and upon his return home, we agreed to celebrate by making a donation to The Salvation Army. It felt so good to give our best.

What is the best part of everything you produce? Take it and honor God with it.

Regardless of your financial situation, today is a good time to talk and pray with your spouse about your finances. Even if there’s credit card debt or other financial hardship, I can promise you that if you both give your best and honor God with your wealth, you will see a direct benefit to your marriage that you’ve never experienced before. It is an amazing blessing to you and your marriage.

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Should you need more financial resources, there are many that I have listed below. While this is not an endorsement of their products and services, I offer these resources as a way for you and your spouse to consider options that best fit your needs. In my opinion, there are limited financial resources available to the Christian military marriage/family.

The one that I believe is best for many is the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University link Introduction to Dave Ramsey Military Edition as well as the Dave Ramsey Military Resource Center for Military Families that is offered through various bases or FRG programs.
Military OneSource Financial Services offers financial consultation via phone.
DoD Article on How To Confront Financial Issues Early is a good read for both the military member and spouse to understand why it is important to manage your finances soundly.
USAA is another pro-military financial resource company to consider as they are not just an insurance company but also offer banking, financial counseling and other financial services.
Military Money offers an interesting online resource of information for military families.
A few books to consider are Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey, Money and Marriage God’s Way by Howard Dayton, Family Money Management God’s Way by Mahlon Hetrick, The Household Money Organizer, and A Woman’s Guide to Family Finances by Ellie Kay.
Your local library or bookstore offers simple financial educational resources.
The best resource for further financial understanding is you educating yourself. That means spending your time calling, asking questions, doing calculations, and even attending classes or information sessions.

Best Wishes to you and your spouse as you both embark on a journey well worth it to your marriage and ultimately to honor God. Please post below any resources worthy to share.

Stephanie Arredondo

Wives of Faith board treasurer