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Archive for military wife – Page 2
This week we are discussing our husband’s purpose. I really liked this chapter a lot and I hope you do too!
“Everyone has a purpose. It’s the reason we exist. It’s our life’s mission, objective, or plan. Generally, we’re here to glorify God and do His will. How that specifically translates in our lives is unique to each of us. Your husband needs to know the reason he exists. He needs to be sure his life is not just an accident, but that he’s here by design. He must be certain he was created for a great purpose. When he discovers that purpose, and is doing what he was created to do, becoming what he was created to be, he will find fulfillment. This can only contribute to your happiness as well.”
I just really love this. I think everyone needs to know what their purpose in life is. I believe that this does not just mean your job, but who you are and everything you do in life. Our husbands have an amazing purpose and it is our job to help them find it and support them along the way.
“If I’ve learned anything being married two and one half decades, it’s that a wife can’t put pressure on her husband to be something, but she can pray for him to become it. She can pray that he be molded according to God’s plan and not anyone else’s. Then, who he becomes will be determines by whether he hears God’s call on his life or not.”
“He has saved us and called us to a holy life—not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace. This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time.“ -II Timothy 1:9
“You can always tell when a man is not living in the purpose for which God created him. You sense his unrest. You get a feeling something is not quite right, even if you can’t put your finger on what it is. When you’re around a man who is fulfilling his calling and doing what he was created to do, you’re aware of his inner direction, confidence, and deep security. How do you feel about what your husband is doing with his life? Do you lack peace about it because he is on a path that’s unfulfilling, beating him down, or going nowhere? If so, the pray, ‘Lord, take my husband from this place, reveal to him what You’ve called him to be, and open doors to what he should be doing.’ Praying that doesn’t mean your husband will be pulled out of what he’s doing and dropped into something else. It can happen that way, but often what takes place is a change in man’s perspective.”
“Whatever God has called your husband to be or do, He has also called you to support it and be a part of it, if in no other way than to pray, encourage, and help in whatever way possible. For some women that means creating a good home, raising children, being there for him, and offering prayer support. Other women may take an active role by becoming a partner or helper. In either case, God does not ask you to deny your own personhood in the process. God has called you to something, too. But it will fit in with whatever your husband’s calling is, it will not be in conflict with it. God is not the author of confusion, strife, or unworkable situations. He is a God of perfect timing. There is a time for everything, the Bible says. The timing to do what God has called each of you to do will work out perfectly, if it’s submitted to God.”
How incredible to think that our calling fits into whatever our husband’s calling is! God doesn’t make mistakes. He knew exactly who you would marry and what each of your callings would be. No matter what our husbands do, we need to work to support them in prayer and encouragement. As military wives that would be mean not groaning and moaning over another PCS or another deployment. If this is your husband’s calling, then God has a plan in it. Even the deployments! Who knows how God could use your husband or YOU in a new place or while your husband is away. Pray for your husband daily and remember that God has a very special purpose for him.
“If you husband is already moving in the purpose for which God has called him, you can count on the enemy of his soul coming to cast doubt–especially if he hasn’t realized the success he has envisioned. Your prayers can help cast away discouragement and keep it from taking hold. It can help your husband to hear and cling to God’s revelation. It can cause him to live his life on purpose.”
Prayer:
“Lord, I pray that (husband’s name) will clearly hear the call You have on his life. Help him to realize who he is in Christ and give him certainty that he was created for a high purpose. May the eyes of his understanding be enlightened so that he will know what is the hope of Your calling.”
“Lord, when You call us, You also enable us. Enable him to walk worthy of his calling and become the man of God You made him to be. Continue to remind him of what You’ve called him to and don’t let him get sidetracked with things that are unessential to Your purpose. Strike down discouragement so that is will not defeat him. Lift up his eyes above the circumstances of the moment so that he can see the purpose for which You created him. Give him patience to wait for Your perfect timing. I pray that the desires of his heart will not be in conflict with the desires of Yours. May he seek You for direction, and hear when You speak to his soul.”
Power Tools:
-I Corinthians 7:7
-I Corinthians 7:17
-II Thessalonians1:11
-Ephesians 1:17-19
-Psalm 20:4
Questions:
1. Have you been praying for your husband at least 5 minutes a day?
2. Last time we talked about our husband’s fears, were you able to pray for him in this area.
3. Did you find out any fears you may not have known about before?
If you would like to discuss the Bible Study with others, please join the message boards here:
http://community.wivesoffaith.org/
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This week we are going to talk about our husband’s fears. It’s funny because when you think about men you don’t really think about them being fearful. You think about them being courageous and brave, but men and especially husbands can be fearful too. Here are a few things Stormie says about our husband’s fear.
“There are many things in this world to be afraid of; only a fool would say otherwise. But when fear seizes us, tormenting and ruling our lives, we have become captive to it.” Fear is something I understand well. I have struggled with fear and worry and panic attacks since I was little. I understand the panic, the overwhelming fear, and the desire to just be safe. But God does not want us to fear, he wants us to trust. And in order to help our husbands we need to understand fear, and how it works.”
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” II Timothy 1:7, KJV
“Men are often susceptible to that because without even realizing it, they get attacked by the “what if’s.” “‘What if I can’t make enough money?’ ‘What if something happens to my wife and children?’ ‘What if I get a terrible disease?’ ‘What if my business fails?’ ‘What if I can’t be a good father?’ ‘What if I become disabled and can’t work to support my family?’ ‘What if I’m overpowered or threatened?’ ‘What if I can’t perform sexually?’ ‘What if no one respects me?’ ‘What if I’m in an accident?’ ‘What if I die?’ Fear can take hold of a man (Psalm 48:6) and cause his life to be wasted. If he is “seized with great fear” (Luke 8:37), it can keep him from all God has for him.”
Wow! So many things are husband can be fearful of. I never realized how much a man can be fearful and to think we can lift up our husband in prayer to help combat these fears, and we can encourage him to go to God with his fear and give them over to Him.
“There is a difference between a fearful thought that comes to mind as a prompting to pray for a particular thing, and a tormenting spirit of fear that paralyzes. You don’t want to undermine the promptings of the Holy Spirit to your husband’s heart, but you do want to support him as he battles destructive fear. The only kind of fear we are supposed to have is fear of the Lord.”
“When you have fear of the Lord, God promises to deliver you from your enemies (II Kings 17:39), protect you from evil (Proverbs 16:6), keep His eye on you (Psalm 33:18), show you His mercy (Luke 1:50), give you riches and honor (Proverbs 22:4), supply everything you need (Psalm 34:9), reveal all you need to know (Psalm 103:17), give you confidence (Proverbs 14:26), a satisfying life (Proverbs 19:23), longevity (Proverbs 10:27), and the desires of your heart (Psalm 145:9). What more could you ask? Pray for the comforting, securing, perfect love of the Lord to surround your husband and deliver him from all his fears.”
Prayer:
“Lord, You’ve said in Your Word that ‘there is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.’ (I John 4:18). I pray You will perfect my husband in Your love so that tormenting fear finds no place in him. I know You have not given him a spirit of fear. You’ve given him power, love, and a sound mind (II Timothy 1:7). I pray in the name of Jesus that fear will not rule over my husband. Instead, may Your Word penetrate every fiber of his being, convincing him that Your love for him is far greater than anything he faces and nothing can separate him from it.”
“I pray that he will acknowledge You as a Father whose love is unfailing, whose strength is without equal, and in whose presence there is nothing to fear. Deliver him this day from fear that destroys and replace it with Godly fear (Jeremiah 33:40). Teach him Your way, O Lord. Help him to walk in Your truth. Unite his heart to fear Your name (Psalm 86:11). May he have no fear of men, but rise up and boldly say, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?’ (Hebrews 13:6) ‘How great is your goodness, which You have laid up for those who fear You’ (Psalm 31:19).”
“I say to you (Husband’s name), ‘Be strong, do not fear; your God will come, he will come with vengeance; with divine retribution he will come to save you’ (Isaiah 35:4). ‘In righteousness you will be established: Tyranny will be far from you; you will have nothing to fear. Terror will be far removed; it will not come near you.’ (Isaiah 54:14). ‘You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.’ (Psalm 91:5,6). May the spirit of the Lord rest upon you, ‘the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the Spirit of cousel and might, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of Lord’ (Isaiah 11:2).”
Power Tools:
-Psalm 34:7
-Psalm 34:4
- Psalm 23:4
-Isaiah 41:10
-Psalm 27:1
Questions:
1. Have you been praying for your husband at least 5 minutes a day?
2. Last time we talked about our husband’s mind, were you able to pray for him in this area?
3. Did you notice any changes?
If you would like to discuss the Bible Study with others, please join the message boards here:
http://community.wivesoffaith.org/
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Overcoming anxiety during deployment
Posted by Sara on Monday,
January
24th,
2011
in 8 Week Tour of Duty Online Study, Deployment
| Comments (9)
“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7, HCSB
As I write this, I’ve experienced yet another night of little sleep. Or, to be more accurate about this night, hardly any! After a week of mostly intentional late nights, staying up to finish specific projects, I think this most recent lost night of sleep has more to do with my sleep cycle being messed up (I took a couple of naps over the weekend because I felt so tired which is unusual for me ), rather than me being anxious, but I’m sure stress plays a role on some level.
Anxiety and stress are definitely common when it comes to deployment. Over the last few months, I’ve heard from many military wives who are struggling with this, specifically emailing me about the panic attacks they’re experiencing and their frustration in not knowing how to make them stop.
I only recall experiencing an actual panic attack once and it wasn’t during deployment, though it was during a very stressful time (and I’m sure there have been other moments during deployment that have come pretty close.) My husband and I were both finishing school and he was working as a marketing director for a retirement home while I worked as a news director at the university we both were finishing our degrees at. I don’t remember what exactly was happening that week, but I was stressed with my job, with my classes, with life and it was all reaching a boiling point. He called me and invited me to come over to his work and have lunch with him in their little dining area. I remember breathing a little easier after his call, as I headed over to see him. That’s what I needed, just a quiet little lunch, just the two of us, where I could talk and get out some of whatever was bothering me with work.
But that wasn’t to be. As I followed Cliff into the dining room, he led me not to our own little table in a corner somewhere, but over to a long table filled with his coworkers and his boss. Apparently, we were having a group lunch. I felt completely blindsided and as someone who can be shy and uncomfortable in new situations, I was thrown for a loop. Suddenly, I felt like the temperature in the room had just hit 100 degrees. My hands felt clammy and my heart raced. My stomach churned and I struggled to breathe. And inside I felt enraged, angry that my husband would do this to me. As I sat down, I felt an enormous urge to get up and leave. Not just leave. But RUN out the door. And after what felt like an incredibly long time, though it literally was probably only two minutes, after barely taking a bite of my food, I did get up and leave, much to the frustration and confusion and probably embarassment of my poor hubby. I was having a panic attack.
Panic, anxiety, stress, can certainly all be experienced during deployment, one of the most stressful things we can go through. Being separated from your loved one is hard emotionally, and when you’re by yourself to take care of the house, take care of the kids if you’re a parent, and offer support to the spouse who is away, that’s a lot to hold up. I always shake my head a little at the news articles that come out at least once a year, ringing the alarm of some recent study that’s discovered deployment causes spouses and children more stress. Uh, DUH! 
So what do we do? How do we overcome this emotional challenge which can also affect us so physically? I wanted to share with you some of the things I’ve been trying to do to help alleviate my own stresses I’m dealing with as we are almost 100 days into our second deployment. Here’s my disclaimer: Please keep in mind – I am not a doctor, nor am I trained in psychology or counseling so as with any advice, check with an actual doctor for your specific concerns or treatments.
Experiencing panic attacks, or stress, or anxiety, is not necessarily a reflection of your faith. Let me repeat that: Experiencing panic attacks, or stress, or anxiety, is not necessarily a reflection of your faith. You are not a terrible Christian for experiencing worry. You have not disappointed God for feeling stress. I think sometimes we can make things worse than they are when we struggle because we tell ourselves we’re just not praying enough, or we’re just not trusting God enough. Where we are spiritually can play a part I think in how we handle stress, but there are also other things at work, such as your physical condition, and your environmental conditions that need to be considered.
Let me share a few thoughts with you that I’ve been thinking about when it comes to managing my own stress during deployment. I pray that maybe something I’m trying may be something that helps you.
Sleep – When you’re not getting good rest, your emotions can be the first thing to go. We handle life’s stresses better when we’ve slept more than 5 hours. It’s important to set a routine and stick to it. This I think has been my struggle of late. We had a good routine going when my husband first left but since the holidays came and went, it’s been harder getting back into that routine.
If you have kids, set a time when they’re in bed, and stick to it. And if need be, make them go to bed earlier than they normally would. I know one mom who made her kids go to their rooms about 30 minutes early. They could read or play quietly, but they had to be in their rooms. This gave her some quiet time as she picked up and got ready to start the next day.
If you’re a nervous nellie like I can be, hearing every creak and groan in the house, run a white noise machine, or turn the fan on at night. A dog is one of the best security features you can have. I have to tell myself that if he doesn’t hear it, than it’s not worth me hearing either. Check the locks and tell yourself all is well. Trust that God is watching over you. Remind yourself – He doesn’t sleep!
Sleeping pills or aids can also help, but if you’re like me as a parent, you don’t want to take something so strong you can’t wake up in a moment’s notice for your child. A friend of mine suggested taking melatonin – it’s a vitamin that’s a natural hormone that helps with sleep which you take 30 minutes before you’re ready to head to bed. You can find it in the vitamin aisle of any grocery store or pharmacy.
Diet and Exercise – It sounds so basic but it’s so often overlooked. How are you eating? How much are you exercising?
After reading someone else’s tips on struggling with low feelings during winter months especially, I’ve started back taking a regular multi-vitamin. Watching how much fattening foods you’re eating can also make a difference. Vegetables and lean meats are the much better choices and they do have an impact on how we feel emotionally.
Exercise, exercise, exercise. Even if it’s getting out for a walk for 10 to 15 minutes a day – and if it’s too cold outside, find a gym, or a rec center, or the Y, or even a mall! Whatever you do, make a point to move. It will help. My son and I are trying to walk at our YMCA a few times a week. I’m hoping to get back to taking Zumba classes, at least on Saturdays, soon.
Drinking water can also make a difference. When you’re dehydrated, it’s easier to feel down, which can evolve into feeling anxious. Sometimes, especially during winter, we don’t even realize we’re not getting enough water in our systems. I’m trying to drink a big glass at least in the morning when I start my day and around dinner time. I try to drink it at my desk at work but for some reason I get distracted and don’t always do it. I used to drink water all the time before using plastic water bottles became the environmental no-no. Drinking out of a washable thermos just doesn’t have the same effect for me. Weird, I know. I may just have to start back to the plastic water bottles. One last thing I heard about recently regarding nutrition and emotions is to make sure you’re eating more fiber in your diet.
Blue light – Have you heard of blue lights? These are specially designed light machines that are supposed to help folks who struggle with SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and I read a highly respected publisher’s post recently who started using this and swears by it. I ordered one and am hoping to try it out starting this week. I’ll let you know in a couple of weeks if I see a difference! (I’m wondering if this had any affect on my not sleeping last night – I was trying to set the thing to go off this morning and the light came on while I was trying to get it set – it is BRIGHT!) Using a blue light in the morning is supposed to help regulate your mood as well as your sleep cycle. We’ll see.
Laugh. Laughter really is good medicine, and in the seriousness of deployment, we can miss this. Go out with friends, or if you’re in a new place and don’t really know anyone, call a friend up. Watch comedies and stay away from shows like Criminal Minds. Which I watched a marathon of this week… hmmm… really need to take my own advice!
Talk it out. If you have a friend you can talk to about your deepest concerns, do it! I don’t recommend using only your husband – if he’s deployed, he’s dealing with his own stresses, and there is a certain balance needed there. Let him know you’re struggling so he can pray for you and encourage you as he can, but don’t depend solely on him for that support. Find a good Christian counselor you can talk with, if you have no one else. Your church may have recommendations – or you can contact Military OneSource for a referral to a counselor in your community and if you go through them, you can have up to 12 visits per issue, at no cost to you and it’s confidential which means it cannot be reported or affect your husband in any way. Having moved to a brand new city and state and knowing no one, I knew I would need someone to talk with as we go through this deployment. I’ve been seeing a Christian counselor twice a month and it’s been very helpful having that extra set of ears. I highly recommend it if you can do it and with the free option through Military OneSource, you have nothing to lose except some stress!
Get into God’s Word. Do a Bible study like Tour of Duty, or just pick a book of the Bible and start reading it and taking notes. There is something about connecting daily with God that can be wonderful medicine and help our stress levels. But it’s a daily discipline that won’t happen unless you do it intentionally. Don’t make excuses why you can’t. It will benefit you health-wise so much more than you realize.
What are some ways you’re overcoming anxiety during deployment? Share with the rest of us!
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In this chapter we talk about our husband’s mind. We may think we know everything about our husbands, but I can guarantee there are some places in his mind that we have never been let into. These are the places we need to pray over.
Stormie writes a little about her husband and his mind: “I used to attribute my husband’s mind struggles to his musical genius. You know the artistic temperament- bright and brilliant on one hand, dark and moody on the other. When he would get down, the words in his mind told him he was going to fail, be worth nothing, that he was incapable of doing what he needed to do. It had no basis in reality because he had those kinds of thoughts even in the midst of his most productive work. I didn’t realize for a long time that the mind battle he endured did not have to be written off as ‘just the way he is.’ Not did he have fight alone. If he and I were one, then an assault on his mind was an assault on me as well. I could stand with him in the battle by declaring, ‘This is not God speaking into my husband’s life, it’s the voice of the enemy. I’m not going to stand by and watch deadly games being played with his mind and our lives.’”
I don’t know about you, but I have seen this in my husband as well. I may hear things like, “I’m a failure,” “I can’t do anything right,” or “I am just not good enough.” Realizing that this is not just him, but Satan working in his life to bring him down, is the first step to helping him. We have to take a stand for our husbands in prayer and by encouraging them, letting them know that God created them fearfully and wonderfully and that we love them inspite of their failures. Encourage them to bring everything to God and let Him help them with their problems.
Stormie continues… “As I traveled the country with my speaking engagements and talked with women from all walks of life, I have been amazed to see how universal this problem is. In fact, it didn’t seem to matter what temperaments or backgrounds their husbands had, they experienced the same kind of lies in their mind. I finally realized that all men have an enemy who wants to undermine what God desired to do in their lives. Women have that same enemy, but men seem to be more vulnerable to his attacks in certain areas. Even the strongest man can get exhausted, overwhelmed, burdened, desperate, or caught up in things that keep him away from the presence of God. He doesn’t always have to see the traps of an enemy who wants him to believe that what he faces is insurmountable. His mind fills with words like ‘hopeless,’ ‘no good,’ ‘failure,’ ‘impossible,’ ‘it’s over,’ and ‘why try?’ A wife can pray that her husband will discern the lies and hear instead words like ‘hope,’ ‘prosperity,’ ‘possibility,’ ‘success,’ and ‘new beginning,’ and know that they’re from God.” I know that I have a lot of these same doubts and fears in my mind. If I am having them, than how much more is my husband having them? It is definitely something to be more aware of!
So what can we do? “The two most powerful weapons against the attack of lies upon your husband’s mind are the Word of God and Praise.”
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” -Hebrews 4:12
“By speaking God’s Word, you can reveal wrong thinking and it will lose its power. If your husband won’t do it for himself, you can speak the Word of God over him, either in his presence or alone in prayer, and see positive results.”
“Praise is also a powerful tool because God’s presence comes to dwell in our midst when we worship Him. In His presence we find healing and transformation for our lives.”
“Depression, bitterness, anger, fear, rejection, hopelessness, loneliness, rebellion, temptation, evil, and many diseases all begin in the mind. These things can control your life unless you take control of your mind first. That’s why God instructs us not to accept as truth everything we think. Let’s pray for our husbands to receive the mind of Christ and bring every thought captive under God’s control.”
Prayer:
“Lord, I pray your protection on my husband’s mind. Shield him from the lies of the enemy. Help him to clearly discern between Your voice and any other, and show him how to take every thought captive as You have instructed us to do. May he thirst for Your Word and hunger for Your truth so that he can recognize wrong thinking. Give him strength to resist lying thoughts. Remind him that he has the mind of Christ. Where the enemy’s lies have already invaded his thoughts, I push them back by inviting the power of the Holy Spirit to cleanse his mind. Lord, You have given me authority ‘over all the power of the enemy’ (Luke 10:19). By that authority given to me in Jesus Christ, I command all lying spirits away from my husband’s mind. I proclaim that God has given (husband’s name) a sound mind. He will not entertain confusion, but live in clarity. He will not be tormented by impure, evil, negative, or sinful thoughts, but be transformed by the renewing of his mind, that he may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2).”
“Enable him to be ‘strong in the Lord and in the power of His might’ (Ephesians 6:10). Help him to be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let his requests be made known unto You and may Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, guard his heart and mind through Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:6.7). And finally, whatever things are true, noble, just, pure, lovely, of good report, having virtue or anything praiseworthy, let him think on these things (Philippians 4:8).
Power Tools:
-II Corinthians 10:3-5
-Romans 8:6
-Romans 7:23
-Romans 7:25
-Mark 12:30
Questions:
1. Have you been praying for your husband at least 5 minutes a day?
2. Last time we talked about our husband’s temptations; were you able to pray for him in this area?
3. Did you notice any changes?
If you would like to discuss the Bible Study with others, please join the message boards here:
http://community.wivesoffaith.org/
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