Since this is the Month of the Military Child, no doubt you’ve been hearing about some great resources to help your children cope with deployment. There are some wonderful books, some great websites, and helpful organizations that as a parent you can take advantage of to help your children deal with their other parent being away and staying connected. (I’ll try and list several that I know about at the end of this post).
But there is one area that I really want us to focus on and think about this month that I don’t think always gets a whole lot attention when it comes to kids and deployment - and that’s their relationships with God.
During my husband’s first deployment, I remember talking with one of my Army wife friends about the struggles of being a temporary single parent and trying to protect the heartstrings of our children. She said, “I’ve found myself asking God, why? Not why do I have to go through this, but why does my little girl have to? Why does she have to go through the pain of not having her daddy around? And then I had the thought – that just as God is teaching me important lessons during this deployment, maybe He’s teaching her something too.”
What an incredible insight to an opportunity we have as parents to help our children grow in their walks with God. And we do have an opportunity – whether they’re 4 or 14, we can point our kids to the same source of strength we point ourselves to – both by example and in our talks with them.
So here are a few thoughts on ways we can use deployment to help teach our children how to lean on God.
1. Teach them how to talk to God. One of the best things any of us can do to cope with the fears, frustrations and numerous other emotions that come up during deployment is to pray. This is a great time to teach our kids, by instruction and by example, the importance of talking to God. Pray at meal time, pray at bedtime and pray for your deployed service member as well as for each other. Young children can repeat after you, or learn simple one- or two- sentence prayers to say. Teenagers may want to keep a prayer journal, writing out their prayers to God.
2. Teach them how to listen to God. One of the best ways we have in listening and hearing God’s voice is through His Word. Make a goal during this deployment to memorize scripture as a family. Start out simple – learn a verse a week, or if that’s too much, take a month to work on a verse together. If you’re unsure of what verses to use, find a topical scripture guide for a quick way to find the best scripture to fit your family’s needs, whether it’s addressing fear, or anger, or loneliness. “When I am afraid, I will trust in you,” (Psalm 56:3) is a great start. If you’re able, get your husband to participate too and when he calls home, quiz each other on which verses you’ve memorized. Have fun with it, and at the same time reinforce to your kids the wisdom and peace and hope we have when we listen to God and His truth.
3. Teach them to trust in God. The unknown is something we struggle with as adults, so to a child, the unknown can sometimes be absolutely terrifying! We don’t always have the answer to Why, and we shouldn’t pretend to. But, as believers, we know that God is in control and He knows why, and that is where our faith and trust have to come in. I think as parents, we can struggle with this. I know that one of my fears for my son when my husband was overseas was that horrible question in the back of my mind – what if something happens to my husband and my son blames God and wants nothing to do with Him? I think it’s important not to ever make promises we can’t ourselves keep – avoid the statements like “nothing will happen to Daddy”, or “God won’t let anything bad happen to Dad.” Instead, emphasize what we do know – that God is in control and that He works everything for our good. (Romans 8:28).
For discussion: What are some ways you’re teaching your kids to depend on God during deployment?
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