“We’re moving WHERE??” The words stumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, almost immediately followed by the tears I was fighting with everything in me to hold back.
My husband had walked in the door and in the time it would have taken him to say, “Hi Baby, I’m home.” and tell me about his day, he announced that he had received orders to PCS.
Now, given, I’d known it was coming. We’d been at his current duty station for just over 4 years, and it was definitely time. It wasn’t the moving that was the problem. It was the location. We had been told so many different places, all of which I thoroughly researched and was mentally prepared for, but then, when he came home with the news that we were going somewhere completely unforeseen, I was a little shell shocked. I wasn’t prepared for that.
I put on my game face and excused myself to the bathroom. I locked the door, walked over to the far corner, and began to bawl my eyes out as quietly as possible. Countless thoughts were stampeding through my head: What are we going to do there? We are going to be thousands of miles from our friends/family… How long will it be before we are able to see them again? No one is ever going to want to visit us there! We were supposed to be going to Hawaii – at least people desire to go there. We’re going to be in the middle of nowhere! How could this have happened?! Then, I just fell apart.
God knows I am a planner. I like to know what’s going to happen when and how long it’s going to last. I’m not the type of person who just gets in my car and drives around to get lost, just for the adventure. I can go with the flow – when I plan to do it ahead of time – and it’s hard for me to step back and let someone else take the reins, especially in this military life when my husband is here and there, home, then gone, then home again. Having a plan is what helps me stay sane amidst all of the chaos.
But this was not in my plan. There has to be some mistake . . . and then, God said, “No.”
Umm… Excuse me, Lord, but could you repeat that? I don’t think I heard You right. So, He said it again. “No.” I grimaced. “No,” Lord? Really? You can’t be serious. I mean, do You realize where they are sending us? This is not exactly a prime spot. It’s not ideal at all. In fact, forget ideal - it wasn’t even an idea at all until it became our reality. This isn’t fair. I don’t want to go there. Why do we have to go there, Lord? You could easily change this; after all, You are the one in control – not the Army. You are far greater and much more powerful than them. You could easily change a few words on a piece of paper! You are the one who orchestrates where we go. You’re just using the Army as a tool to get us to where You want us to be.
“Exactly.”
Silence.
Cue the chirping crickets.
Well, if that didn’t hit me straight between the eyes! In my argument with God, I’d lost my own case. As much as I did not want to go to my husband’s next designated duty station, God reminded me that He is ultimately the One in control. Yes, the Army issued orders for my husband to PCS to a specific place, on a specific date, and for a [semi] specific time. But, God is the orchestrator of those orders. He is the writer; the Army is just His current choice of pen.
God reminded me that throughout the course of our marriage, He has taken us exactly where we needed to be, and, despite my own issues adjusting (mostly by allowing myself to hold on to a negative attitude instead of opening my eyes and my heart and allowing God to show me what He had for us), everywhere we have gone has been exactly where we needed to be in order to grow stronger in our spiritual walk. He isn’t going to just drop us now.
I was overwhelmed with stress, fear, sadness, and disappointment when I first found out where we were going. But, God tore down the walls I’d immediately begun building around my heart, and He gave me this verse:
“If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will quide me, Your right hand will hold me fast.” – Psalm 139:8-10
I was faced with the unknown, once again in this military life, but not really. Yes, my surroundings would be new, but God would still be there; and as always, all I’d have to do is look at Him. He will make His presence known by continuing to work in my life the way He always has. Yes, the people there will be new, but God will be the familiar face in the crowd. He will show Himself to me through other people, and as every new friendship is forged, I will be reminded that He is there, intricately weaving our lives together in his magnificent tapestry. Yes, I will be out of my comfort zone, but God will forever be my source of comfort.
Once God made it clear to me that He truly was – is – in control, peace overtook the fear and anxiety I had initially felt, and as we began making preparations for the move, excitement replaced it all. Instead of being afraid of the unknown(s) and wanting nothing but planned familiarity, God gave my heart new desires (Psalm 37:4). He filled me with an insatiable hunger for that which He was preparing for us in this new destination.
To think I almost tainted a miraculous journey to this new adventure just by losing sight of the fact that God is in control… What wonderful blessings I would have missed out on. You see, as I am writing this, we are already at our new duty station. The PCS is over and we have, for the most part, settled in (despite the countless boxes that are still lining the walls of our house). In fact, as of yesterday, we have been here for one full month. In that time, God has answered many prayers by bringing some new Christian friends into our lives, by helping us to be able to worship together as a family more, and by opening the door for Bible study with new friends. He has blessed us in so many ways; I could spend days sharing them all, but I won’t. Instead, I will just say that God truly is in control and He has made it evident that we are exactly where He wants us to be, as He has paved the way and made a place for us here, just as He is doing in his Heavenly Kingdom. And while we may not know His specific purpose behind this move yet, I know that He is at work in our lives, and whatever He does is nothing but good.
Are you trusting Him today? Are you trusting that He is working “…all things together for good…” because He has “called you to His purpose” (Romans 8:28)? What is stopping you from trusting Him? What is holding you back from stepping out in faith and allowing Him to carry out His plan for you today? Are you going to force Him to drag you kicking and screaming (literally or figuratively) to the destination He has chosen for you – the place where you need to be in order for Him to bless you most abundantly? Or are you going to just give in to Him, and let Him lead you, trusting that He does actually know what He’s doing, and knowing that His desire is for your ultimate good? He has His best waiting for you. All you have to do is let go of your inhibitions, give up that hindering desire to be in control, and accept it.
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Moving is always about change and transition. As military wives, we are supposed to be the “experts” in this area, aren’t we? We had a move that really hit me hard in the thermostat comfort zone though and the transition was not easy. For years we lived in Orlando, Florida before we were transferred one year, in JANUARY, to Washington D.C. Talk about climate shock! Though it was a big challenge for my internal thermostat, the new life of seasonal changes and opportunities for snow were pretty exciting.
