We are getting down to the wire. I left my career in May (with my husband’s blessing) to start the Non-Traditional Licensure Program to become a teacher. It was with the understanding that I would most likely be able to find a teaching job by the time school started. That’s tomorrow. And I didn’t. Thomas agreed to that route because he knew that his orders would run out at the end of September. He is a member of the National Guard, but works full time at his unit under temporary active duty orders. When they have money.

That money runs out in September. Sometimes it doesn’t get dispersed until January. Government money running out means that our source of income–and now, the one income–is gone.

It’s so easy for us to think of Joy as happiness. It’s easy for us to be joyful during the times when money isn’t much of an issue. It’s even easier to forget that the Joy of the Lord is available to us when times are difficult. I (and my family) have been more at peace this summer than ever.  We’ve managed to make it on only one income. We haven’t even had to give up that much. Much that really mattered to us, anyway. To be completely truthful, though, I do miss eating out as often!

In the face of seeing our income reduced by 90%, I find myself worrying as the  date approaches. I’ve been looking in the classifieds and job searches online. It’s this fretting and fussing that has the potential to sap every ounce of joy from my life. Earlier this summer, it wasn’t as hard to take the leap of faith that would let me stay home this summer with our soon-to-be-five-year-old.  Now that the summer is over, doubt and fear try to replace that faith. It’s a constant battle.

Waiting on God’s timing has always been the hardest thing for me to do. We have hope that Thomas will find a different job. We have friends that are helping us. We also hope that because of some newly added responsibility, funding for a full-time position will come open with his unit. But we are waiting. And seeing what I can see from my vantage point is scary. What I have to depend on is that God can see everything, even the things that I can’t.

Here are some verses that have become important to me over the past few weeks:

“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”  Psalm 36:7 KJV

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV

“Always be joyful. Always keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil [doubts and fears]* to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.” Job 11:13-15

* I clarified evil in brackets here to make it applicable to this post and my family’s situation. It is not part of the original text. This verse was spoken to job from Zophar the Naamathite. He rebuked Job for questioning God’s authority and for allowing his doubts and fears to pull him into despair.  We are commanded not to fear the future or worry for our provision (Matthew 6:34).

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