Wives of Faith

“Count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”
James 1:2-3

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About a month ago I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease.  At first, the diagnosis was terrifying, and as the minutes ticked by at a painful pace I started become increasingly depressed.  How was I going to get through this?  Being a celiac isn’t a temporary thing, it’s a life change.  Complete and total discipline. (more…)

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From Ralene

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Bringing Home Baby

It finally happened. After umpteen hours of labor, you delivered a bouncing baby (insert sex of child here). At first glance, you fell head-over-heels in love, cherishing each little cry and every cuddly moment. With breathy excitement, you load your bundle of joy into the car for that first trip home. Walking into your home with baby in your arms, you can’t believe the blessing God has given your family.

And then reality hits.

Laundry needs to be done, dishes washed, groceries bought, kids toted off to school, bills paid…the list goes on. And sometimes, all that with hubby in the field, on TDY, or deployed.

How does one survive life with a newborn? How do you get everything done? Forget everything…just anything? Between the exhaustion, baby’s cries, and whatever else demands your attention, where do you find the time? We look at the Proverbs 31 wife and wonder how we’ll ever succeed without losing our sanity.

Here are a few tried and true tips:

1. Admit that perfection is a thing of the past.

Perfection is not only unattainable, it’s also the quickest way to the loony bin when you have a baby. So, as with any “problem,” the first step is to admit it—then work through the stages. Yes, the dishes may need to be washed every day, but vacuuming can be relegated to once or twice a week—along with scrubbing the toilet. Laundry is a constant chore, but ironing can be done on an as-needed basis for now.

2. Become the List Mistress.

If you thought pregnancy brain was bad, wait until you get a load of total-exhaustion-baby brain! That’s right. You’ll barely remember your precious little one’s doctor appointments, much less that you need to buy milk and pay the phone bill. Become a lover of lists.
The most important list is a daily To-Do. Start with a piece of paper (size dependent on how busy you are). Divide that paper into three parts. In the first section, list the things that need to be done today—the doctor appointments, bills, and anything else scheduled. In the next one, list the things you WANT to accomplish today—daily cleaning assignments, phone calls, etc. And in the last section, on-going projects and low priority tasks that aren’t due for awhile. Most important—know the difference between the three!

3. Pre-plan!

You have enough to worry about. Don’t make things harder on yourself than necessary. Plan out your meals for a week, then figure out what you can do in one sitting. Make enough salad to last a week. With Hamburger Helper, brown two pounds of hamburger instead of one, and put the extra in the fridge for spaghetti or sloppy joes another day. Try to plan your appointments and grocery shopping on the same day. Group your necessary phone calls. In contrast, break down your cleaning into manageable daily tasks. Don’t try to over schedule. Babies take time and you won’t have the energy.

4. Eat healthy and exercise.

You may wonder what these have to do with getting everything done, especially when exercise actually takes up MORE time. Well, it’s simple. Salty, greasy, or overly-sugary foods will slow you down, zap your energy, and keep you from losing that frustrating baby weight. Instead, eating healthier foods and drinking lots of water will help you feel refreshed and confident—giving you a better outlook on your day, and life in general. Exercising three times a week will go a long way to help you build stamina. Plus, exercise releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy! Happy people get more done.

5. Make time for YOU.

Another psychological influence to get you on track. Sometimes we get so bogged down in what we’re supposed to do, we forget to make time for ourselves. The old adage is true—all work and no play makes Mommy go crazy. Okay, I tweaked it a little bit, but it’s still true. While life with a newborn doesn’t lend itself to lots of free time, and it gets cut even more if hubby is gone, it’s still necessary. Find a fellow mom and swap kids once every other week for a couple of hours. Take the opportunity to do something for yourself like going to the salon or taking a long bath (most likely you’ll want a nap). WARNING! This is not the time to do extra cleaning or grocery shopping.

6. Keep your relationship with God fresh.

This is probably the most important of all the suggestions. We all practically live off of Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But only if we let Him strengthen us. How do we do that? Prayer. Immersing ourselves in the Bible. Taking time to listen. God wants us to lean on Him. He wants to help us. We just have to be open to it.

Life is ever-changing. Babies are ever-changing. We can keep these new changes from throwing our entire world into chaos with these few steps.  Of course, don’t forget, seeking encouragement and support from your friends here at Wives of Faith is also an option.

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Let’s join Liz today in her August Prayer.

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August Prayer

August is a special month because my husband is coming home after an eighteen month deployment. I heard on NBC news that ten thousand troops are coming home from Iraq this month. I realized there will be many homecomings this month. There will be many happy wives and excited children. There will be many blessings across our military family.

It’s times like this when I want to thank the Lord for watching over our military family. The Lord Jesus Christ provides us all so much strength to overcome adversity. I believe that he does have a special plan for military members, spouses, and children. We all serve together.

I wanted to include a short prayer to all of those military families that are currently deployed this month:

Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for all the military families who have members deployed this month. We pray you give them strength to complete their mission. Your grace will lead them to a place that is safe. Your love will help them overcome the obstacles. We pray for the military members who are coming home this month.  We pray that they have a safe trip home. Please watch over the military families that are awaiting their spouses’ return. Lord, in times like this we turn to you to hold us in your arms. Your light is a beacon for us to follow. Thank you for walking with us during deployment and helping us cope with the separation. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

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We are getting down to the wire. I left my career in May (with my husband’s blessing) to start the Non-Traditional Licensure Program to become a teacher. It was with the understanding that I would most likely be able to find a teaching job by the time school started. That’s tomorrow. And I didn’t. Thomas agreed to that route because he knew that his orders would run out at the end of September. He is a member of the National Guard, but works full time at his unit under temporary active duty orders. When they have money.

That money runs out in September. Sometimes it doesn’t get dispersed until January. Government money running out means that our source of income–and now, the one income–is gone.

It’s so easy for us to think of Joy as happiness. It’s easy for us to be joyful during the times when money isn’t much of an issue. It’s even easier to forget that the Joy of the Lord is available to us when times are difficult. I (and my family) have been more at peace this summer than ever.  We’ve managed to make it on only one income. We haven’t even had to give up that much. Much that really mattered to us, anyway. To be completely truthful, though, I do miss eating out as often!

In the face of seeing our income reduced by 90%, I find myself worrying as the  date approaches. I’ve been looking in the classifieds and job searches online. It’s this fretting and fussing that has the potential to sap every ounce of joy from my life. Earlier this summer, it wasn’t as hard to take the leap of faith that would let me stay home this summer with our soon-to-be-five-year-old.  Now that the summer is over, doubt and fear try to replace that faith. It’s a constant battle.

Waiting on God’s timing has always been the hardest thing for me to do. We have hope that Thomas will find a different job. We have friends that are helping us. We also hope that because of some newly added responsibility, funding for a full-time position will come open with his unit. But we are waiting. And seeing what I can see from my vantage point is scary. What I have to depend on is that God can see everything, even the things that I can’t.

Here are some verses that have become important to me over the past few weeks:

“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”  Psalm 36:7 KJV

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV

“Always be joyful. Always keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil [doubts and fears]* to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.” Job 11:13-15

* I clarified evil in brackets here to make it applicable to this post and my family’s situation. It is not part of the original text. This verse was spoken to job from Zophar the Naamathite. He rebuked Job for questioning God’s authority and for allowing his doubts and fears to pull him into despair.  We are commanded not to fear the future or worry for our provision (Matthew 6:34).

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From Liz:

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My Deployment Meltdown

The Lord was looking down on me when I had my deployment meltdown on August 9, 2010. It was an accumulation of months of stress and two accidents that I had no control over. My husband had been deployed for almost eighteen months and was due home in nineteen days. I was so excited about his return that I never expected to be overwhelmed by my emotions.

A couple of days earlier I got into an accident in my husband’s car. It wasn’t a serious accident, I actually hit a rock. I was at a park I had visited many times and I never saw the rock coming. The rock was two feet tall and heavy enough to carve itself into the side of the door. This was the first time I ever had a car accident with a rock. Thankfully, my husband took the news in stride and reminded me to be more careful.  I took this accident as a sign that I needed to slow down.

The second accident happened when a tree fell on the power lines. The tree fell down in the middle of a bright sunny day. We had no power for most of the day. I took my son out to dinner and put him to bed. I realized the house was engulfed in darkness. For a moment, I felt completely powerless. I couldn’t use the oven, washer, air conditioning, internet, and TV. I used my cell phone to call my family and broke down in tears. I had my first deployment meltdown. I was strong for almost all of my husband’s deployment except for that moment.

After I was finished talking to my family, I sat in the dark. I thought about my next step. I wondered if I should plan a vacation before my husband’s homecoming. I prayed for guidance from the Lord. I prayed for strength, because I had never felt so weak before in my life. Everything seemed to be out of my control. I knew the Lord had a plan for me but I needed some clarity. Moments after I finished my prayers, the lights came on. I was relieved to have our power back. The light of my faith had been turned on.

I know the Lord will give me the strength to survive the next nineteen days. It will be wonderful to be reunited with my other half. I know we have both grown in our faith and love for our Lord, Jesus Christ. We are reminded of the Lord’s strength in scripture, Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Halleluiah!

God Bless!

Elizabeth Ornelas

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We are pleased to announce that Ralene is joining our ranks on the blog team as our Newborn and Baby writer. We at Wives of Faith have seen a need to serve those of you who are just beginning your families, or are in the early stages of motherhood. Because Sara and Pattie are several years removed from mothering babies and preschoolers, we were thrilled when Ralene stepped forward to volunteer.

Welcome, Ralene! Here’s her story:

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When Sara first invited me to guest blog about life with a newborn, I was beyond thrilled. I’m always eager to share my knowledge and experience…sometimes without even being asked. (Yes, God and I are working on that.) As the initial excitement wore off, I began to wonder—why would anyone listen to me? Who am I to advise others when I’m still trying to get it right myself?

But that’s what Wives of Faith is all about. Supporting and encouraging each other as we travel through the brave territories of motherhood and military life. So, I figured you all would want to know a little about me. Brace yourselves for a rollercoaster ride!

It all started on a stormy day in May of 1981…

Just kidding! I’ll skip ahead a few years.

On June 21st of this year, my husband and I celebrated seven years of marriage. When we first tied the knot, he was in the National Guard. After our first year, he was deployed to Kosovo for fifteen months. When he came home for his R&R I got pregnant with our first child. The first seven and a half months of the pregnancy, I was living alone. We were in a college town, so I didn’t have a lot of people around me who understood what I was going through.

Since we were pregnant, it was best for him to go active so that I wouldn’t lose my healthcare. As soon as he got home, we PCSed to Fort Hood, TX. Let me just say three things about the temporary housing we were in—no air conditioning, no elevator, and three flights of stairs. Yeah…

So after two weeks, we got our house. We received our keys on a Friday, our household goods were delivered on Monday, and I was admitted to the hospital due to severe eclampsia on Tuesday. So, with nothing in the house unpacked or put together, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

And then, three months later, I was pregnant again. The day after we found out I was pregnant, my husband got another set of orders. His unit would be deploying—to Iraq. Given that we had just moved there, and with all the issues I’d had with my first pregnancy, hubby and I decided that it would be best for my daughter and me to move in with my parents for this deployment. So, we gave up our house and moved across the country.

The biggest difference with this pregnancy and this deployment was that I actually suffered from depression. I wasn’t diagnosed or anything, but I knew. I had a hard time functioning on a basic level—even had a hard time finding the desire to play with my daughter. I was angry. And I took it out on the Lord—wanting nothing to do with Him. It wasn’t until I had a long talk with the pastor’s wife next door that I came to terms with my depression and with God. Talk about divine intervention! God knew just what I needed to hear.

Six months after moving in with my parents, I gave birth to beautiful daughter #2. Hubby missed the birth, but he was able to come home about two weeks later. Too bad his R&R was marred by the fact that both girls had RSV. Scary stuff! Thankfully, though, the Lord was on our side.

A year later we found ourselves in Kansas. Another eighteen months and we decided to try one more time for a boy. This pregnancy was a whole new ball game. I had two pre-school age daughters who I think are literal balls of energy. I don’t know how they go-go-go all day long!

With my husband’s job here, he goes on monthly TDYs for at least half of the month. So, while he’s not getting shot at, he is constantly coming and going, which can be just as taxing on the family life. Somehow we made it through and, in June of this year, we welcomed a bouncing baby boy into the family!

And that brings me to today, and this message to you: Whatever your circumstances, whatever your frustrations, dilemmas—and of course your joys and praises—I’m here because I’ve been there and I’m still discovering. Newborns are precious gifts from the Lord, but they are also a lot of work and a constant learning experience. The way I hear it, I’m going to be making mistakes and pulling out my hair for the next 18 years. Apparently, it never gets easy—but, oh, is it worth it!

I invite you all to join me in supporting new mothers, and experienced mothers, with newborns. If you have questions, let me know—leave a comment or send me an email. If I don’t know the answer, I know how to find it! And feel free to contribute to the discussion by leaving a comment. We’re here to learn from and encourage one another. God bless!

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I held the menu in front of my eyes and stared at it, unseeing. My husband of one month had gone to sea that morning for the first of many separations, and these women invited me to dine with them. Despite the kind gesture, I brooded anyway.

“Get the Caesar.” The captain’s wife interrupted my gloomy reverie.

“What?”

“You like garlic?” she asked. When I nodded, she continued, “Get the Caesar salad. They make it right here in front of you, it’s sensational, and no will care your breath smells like garlic for the rest of the night. I always get the Caesar when Jay is underway.”

I had to admit, she had a great point! I will always remember that moment as the time when I began to learn that living life as a military wife doesn’t mean waiting until your husband comes home to experience joy, but finding it wherever you can, and relishing it, just as I absolutely relished that Caesar salad that night.

In fact, during that inaugural deployment, I made a list of all the things I could do while Rob was gone that I wouldn’t do if he was home. For example, I skipped shaving my legs for a few extra days at a time. I didn’t worry about cooking the perfect meal. I watched all the chick flicks I wanted to, stayed up waaaaay too late scrapbooking, hosted sleepovers with other women and their daughters, etc. I’m sure you have your own list!

The point is not that we wait until our husbands leave to have a lot of fun. More importantly, we recognize that there is joy in life—all of it—not just the days when our husbands are physically by our sides. If we spent each deployment on the sidelines, waiting to enjoy life again until he came home, not only would that be an unfulfilling existence for us, but just imagine how much pressure that would put on our husbands to make us happy!

Our husbands do bring us joy, and none of us would wish them away just so we could have a Girls Night Out. But our happiness is not up to them. It’s up to whom we put our trust in. If we’re going to have joy, we simply must put our trust in the One who never changes, never leaves us, and never disappoints: Jesus.

Psalm 28:7 says, “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.”

In her book Cold Tangerines, Shauna Niequist says: “I have always, essentially, been waiting.” We military wives can relate to that, right? Two pages later, she says:

“I don’t want to wait anymore. I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another” (Cold Tangerines, p. 17).

I love that. I really do. For military wives, that Big Moment we wait for may be R&R, or a homecoming. But I am convinced that God wants us to experience joy in seemingly ordinary, but profound moments between those events, as well.

Navy wife Denise McColl illustrated this concept in her book Footsteps of the Faithful.  She shares a story about how painful a particular good-bye was for one deployment when her family was stationed in Guam. But by that afternoon, she was making plans with her friend and neighbor to take their kids for a day trip to Cocos Island or a day at the water park.

Denise contributed to my book Faith Deployed, and it is dedicated to her because before the book was published, and mere months after her husband retired as a Navy submariner, Denise lost her battle to cancer. How tragic, I thought, that she died so soon after her husband came home to be with her for good! But consider how much more tragic it would have been if Denise had forfeited her joy during deployments or until her husband’s retirement. That would have been far, far worse. Instead, Denise experienced the joy of the Lord and found pleasure in everyday moments. Her life was not spent waiting. She was an active, joyful participant throughout her years.

This week, today, where can you find joy?

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Jocelyn Green is the award-winning author of Faith Deployed: Daily Encouragement for Military Wives and co-author of Battlefields & Blessings: Stories of Faith and Courage from the War in Iraq & Afghanistan. Visit her Web site at www.faithdeployed.com.

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You know the feeling as a military wife.  The orders come (or at least you get wind of them, whether the actual papers arrive or not), the packers get scheduled, and you begin the sorting process of what to send with the movers and what to transport yourself.  It’s moving time – again.

Once again, we are faced with a move in my family.  Except, this time, I am not packing the boxes, scouring the internet for information on a new city, or wondering how I will ever get everything ready before the movers arrive.  This time, my son and his wife are moving.

So everything should feel different than when we move, right?  At the end of August, I will lay my head down in the same room, prepare my daughter to attend the same school this fall and know exactly where my coffee pot will be when I come downstairs in the morning.  But, instead of knowing my son and his wife are 30 minutes away, they will be 3000 miles away.  And suddenly I realize that transition is transition.  For those who stay and for those who leave.  While my physical home is not changing, our home is once again being changed by a move.

I know we are dealing with transition when my husband and I adjust our travel budget realizing that “family time” now requires flying three people from one side of the country to the other.  I know we are dealing with transition as I watch my daughter struggle with the fact that all of her siblings are going to be living on the opposite coast.  I know we are dealing with transition when I look in my own heart and realize just how much I am going to miss them.

If there is anything we do consistently (and pretty well, thank you) as military families, it is to move.  However, being good at it does not mean that it is easy or that it does not impact us and our children.  So where can we find some comfort and encouragement in our (and our children’s) nomadic, transition-filled lives?

One of the things we do at our house is to talk about it – a lot.  Somehow, acknowledging that yet another move is going to be an adjustment for everyone seems to work so much better for us than the “this is the life God called us to, let’s not ever admit that it is hard” attitude.  It seems to be very freeing for teens and young adults to be led by parents saying, “This is going to be tough.”

The other thing we consistently need is a healthy dose of truth for our minds from God’s word.  Here is a truth I love to hang onto in seasons of transition:

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

No matter how many moves impact our family or how small or dramatic those impacts may be, God goes with us wherever we go.  Not only does He see all the impacts before they occur, but He goes before us and prepares the way.  No matter how far a move may take us or our family members, God promises to never leave or forsake us.

So, it’s moving season again at our house.  More transition is headed our way and our family would appreciate your prayers.  With some conversation and some truth from God’s word, I know I, and my family, will have everything we need.  How about you? What truth is God giving you for a season of transition in your life?

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Bettina has been a military wife for over 29 years. She and her husband Rob have two sons and a daughter-in-law pursuing artistic careers in Los Angeles and a high school daughter at home with them outside Washington, D.C. She blogs at Simple Stories, Timeless Truths.

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Please welcome a guest post from Liz.

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My First Deployment

Almost eighteen months ago, my husband left for isolated duty in Attu, Alaska. I did not know at the time, that his original twelve month tour would be extended. This time period was challenging but a great opportunity for my personal growth. As I look back on this time period, I remember the quiet days that seemed to zoom by.

Before my husband was deployed, I decided to go to grad school. I had just left active duty and I had a brand new baby. My academic advisor told me how she was able to go to grad school without comprising her family time. I would catch lectures while the baby was sleeping and write papers at night or early in the morning. I had it all planned out. I would spread out my time and work on college at least two to three hours a day. I thought this schedule would be easy for my lifestyle because I was used to getting up at 0430 everyday when I was on active duty. I am proud that I completed an MBA and graduated with honors while my husband was deployed.

There was another area in my life that I needed to work on. I decided to use my extra time for spiritual growth. My goal was to read the Bible in a year.  I was amazed by the joy I received in learning God’s revelations and his plans for his people. I was humbled and honored to be one of his chosen people.  I felt his light and his love for me. I grew closer to the Lord and I felt safe. All of my deployment fears melted away. I took long road trips with my son up and down the east coast to visit family. I felt comfortable wrapped in the arms of the Lord.

Deployment was challenging because I had to learn how to ask for help. I had to learn to lean on my family, friends, and the Lord. The most important lesson I learned from deployment is that if you take the Lord our Savior into your life, you can accomplish anything. I would like to share with you my favorite Psalm that also lifts my spirits, Psalm 23:1-6:

The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

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Liz is both former active duty and a military spouse! She served six years on active duty in the Coast Guard herself, and her husband has over 9 years of active duty service in the Coast Guard.

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