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Veterans Day

Posted by Pattie on Friday, November 11th, 2011 in Resources | Comments (0)

image courtesy of Berkeley University library

Today is Veterans Day, which began as Armistice Day on November 11, 1918. It marked the end of The Great War (World War I). Today it is a day we as Americans honor our nation’s military veterans and thank them for their service.

The US Department of Veterans Affairs has a lovely history of the day on their website here.

I thought it fitting to share a famous poem from this era with you. The poppy is still a symbol of the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

In Flanders Fields
by John McCrae

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie,
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

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Seeking Understanding

Posted by Kim on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011 in Faith | Comments (2)

Recently there’s been some chatting in the military spouse community online about the idea that those outside the military don’t understand or appreciate the sacrifices that military families make on a day to day basis.

We in the military community aren’t the only ones who feel this.  People struggling with infertility can feel as though those with children don’t understand their hurts and those who are struggling in grief can become isolated in fear that no one knows their pain.  There are many communities online that reach out to groups like these to help people connect with others and know they are not alone in their experiences.  They offer support, encouragement and a place to ‘belong’ for those who feel that no one ‘gets i.t’  Like Wives of Faith, they offer a healthy environment of people who share a common bond and who can pray and be there for each other.

But we have to be careful to avoid the risk of allowing our small communities to let anger take over and bond instead over a dislike for those on the outside.   Then that happy and productive group changes from being supportive of one another to lashing out at ways we perceive others don’t understand us. Anger feeds on anger and bonds become over mutual hate instead of a mutual hurt.

Once that feeling starts, we can move even further down, when we start unnecessary comparisons of our experiences and begin to ‘one up’ each other.   When fighting starts over each person’s individual experience and whether it was worse than the other, no one feels supported and everyone feels alone.

The truth is, no one can relate to exactly what someone else is going through. Here on earth, there is no one who understands another’s pain completely.

But the Bible tells us that Jesus does.

Hebrews 4:14-16 in the Message says “Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.”

We can learn from and support each other. That’s the reason Wives of Faith exists.

The Bible encourages us to lean on each other, to support and love those around us.   Galatians 6:3 tells us to carry each other’s burdens, and 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says we are to encourage each other and build each other up.

There is incredible blessing to be found in sharing experiences and using our hardships to reach out to others going through similar struggles.  But we take the role of Jesus and place it on others if we expect them to understand us completely. We can make our groups as big or as small as we like, but even if I joined a group called “Canadian Wives of x-type of Servicemen  who have experienced x number of tours and have x number of children”  I am not going to meet someone who knows what it’s been like to be me.   Contrary to the saying, no one can walk a mile in another person’s shoes. (And no one would want to walk in my size 5 stilettos anyway).

We have a God who not only came to earth as a human to suffer and die for us (as if that wasn’t enough). We have a God who came to experience our pain, our hurt, our suffering first hand. There is nothing we can deal with that he has not felt.

Once we are willing to accept that He is the only one who is able to truly feel it all, I believe we will be more able to drop the anger, hurt and one-upmanship that we feel when we compare our experiences with others and instead allow ourselves to be a support and encouragement to those around us.

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Kim is a child of God who believes in Grace and is grateful that His mercies are new every morning.  I am a 30 year old wife of a soldier in the Canadian Army.  We’ve been married 10 years and have 3 amazing kids.  We have survived 3 deployments to Afghanistan as well as numerous other training and domestic operations.  While I went to school to be a Social Worker, right now attempting to mother my children is my full time job.  www.kimberleymills.blogspot.com

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Have You Hugged a Military Spouse Today?

Posted by Sara on Saturday, February 5th, 2011 in 8 Week Tour of Duty Online Study, Deployment | Comments (5)

This post originally was shared at A Woman Inspired last year in March of 2010. With our military families now closing in on 10 years of ongoing deployments, I thought I’d share this again. Let me encourage you to show it to your friends, your churches and your communities. This isn’t written to the military spouse, but to those who desire to support our service members and their families. Sometimes it’s hard to say it yourself. So let this article say it for you. Feel free to post it on your own blog or site, just be sure to include a link back to Wives of Faith. ~Sara

As the leader of a military wives faith-based support organization and a military wife myself, I’m often asked by women’s ministry leaders and churches what they can do to support military wives and their families. You might be unsure of how to minister to an older woman with cancer or a young mom with twins if you have never experienced those things yourself, and in the same way it can be hard to know what to do for a military wife if you’ve never walked in her shoes.

It’s easy to assume that if you don’t live near a major military installation that military wives don’t exist in your community. But there are more than a million military spouses in our Armed Forces today and military wives are everywhere – National Guard and Reserve families often live far away from where their respective bases are, and active wives make the choice to move home and live with family when their husbands are overseas. This gives you and your church some wonderful opportunities to make a difference for our military by supporting their families while they’re away.

Connect with a military wife

If you meet a military wife whose husband is away for deployment, make a point to check on her regularly and let her know you’re praying for her. Deployment is not an experience you “get used to.” It’s an emotional roller coaster from beginning to end and there are good days but there are hard days too.

With all the technology available today to connect with our loved ones, we can still go days and weeks and sometimes months without a phone call, an email or a letter. We can get lost in all that we’re responsible for and forget to make time for ourselves. Sleep can become an issue for a lot of women when they’re not used to sleeping alone and the quiet of the house at night gives them the first chance they’ve had all day to really think about their husbands being away. Exhaustion can make a hard situation even worse and fray our emotions completely.

One of the absolute best gifts I received during my husband’s first deployment was when my friend Allison, another military wife, sent me an email on behalf of her small group from church and asked me to make a list of things I needed help with around the house. She had asked me this a couple of times before and I’d always dodged the request, but when she sent an email in black and white, I relented and put together a list of little to big things I needed to get done, thinking I’d give enough options that the group would find a couple of things they would be willing to do. On a warm spring Saturday, eight to ten friends I’d never met came over to my house and took care of absolutely everything on my list. And at the end of the day, what touched me most wasn’t the honey-do chores they’d completed for me, though I was very grateful for their help; it was the fact that they’d reached out in a physical way and let me know I wasn’t alone.

Do something

One of the hardest things for a military wife to hear is “Let me know if I can do anything to help.” It’s very difficult to ask someone else for help, especially if you’re unsure of what that person is willing to do.

The best thing you can do to help a military wife is to put yourself in her shoes and like the Nike commercial said, just do it! Would you get tired of planning dinner and cooking for a year without a break? Give her a gift card to eat out or call her up and let her know you’re bringing dinner tonight. Would you have trouble knowing what to do with the car or the yard during the peak of summer? Rally the men in your small group to help change the oil or share yard duties. Would you be worn out if you were responsible for your kids 24/7 without another adult to give you a break occasionally? Offer to take the kids for an afternoon so she can do whatever she wants. Would it be hard for you to put Christmas lights up or other holiday decorations by yourself? Offer to do it for her.

If you offer to put a care package together for her husband, don’t forget to put a little package together for her – bubble bath, Starbucks cards, or a little book of Bible Promises are all little things that can make a world of difference for a military wife and give her encouragement and hope to keep going. And chocolate! Don’t forget the chocolate!

Be sensitive

As much as you want to be able to help and appear understanding to her needs, resist the temptation to compare your husband’s two-week business trip to her husband’s year-long deployment. Unless your husband is also trying to avoid mortars and IEDs (improvised explosive devices), it’s really not the same.

Avoid saying things like “I don’t know how you do it,” or “I can’t imagine being in your shoes.” Most of the time she doesn’t know how she does it either, but it’s the only choice she has – to do it or give up.

Encourage her. Tell her what a great job she’s doing and how her husband will be so proud to hear how well she’s doing holding down the fort at home. And then make sure he does hear how well she’s doing.

If a military wife is in your small group at church, make sure there are enough activities happening she can attend that aren’t strictly couples-oriented. Consider holding off on that Love and Respect marriage study and do another study that she’ll be able to feel included in. When you do have events such as Christmas parties or Super Bowl parties, make a point to call her and make sure she’s coming; there’s a greater chance she will if she knows someone will miss her if she doesn’t.

Support those who support our heroes
Military wives don’t want pity or to be felt sorry for, but they can use prayer, encouragement and all the emotional support they can get. Ask most service members what their greatest worry is when they’re deployed and they may surprise you when they say it’s not getting wounded or killed – it’s making sure their families are okay back home.

I believe God can use the hardest of times, like deployments, to grow us and stretch us and make us into the daughters He wants us to be. But we need others to come along side us in the journey.

Help to make sure that the spouse and family are well taken care of and you also help take care of the soldier. So feel free to pass those hugs out to military spouses today – they will thank you for it!

Sara Horn is the founder of Wives of Faith (www.wivesoffaith.org) and the author of GOD Strong: A Military Wife’s Spiritual Survival Guide and Tour of Duty: Preparing Our Hearts for Deployment, A Bible Study for Military Wives. She enjoys speaking to both women’s and military wives groups about God’s incredible strength. Email her at sara@sarahorn.com.

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Come As You Are

Posted by Pattie on Tuesday, January 4th, 2011 in Faith | Comments (2)

For two and a half years, I worked at a women’s fitness facility, and part of my job as a coach was to weigh and measure women–arms, waist, hips, legs, weight, fat percent with the little grippy machine thing. I learned very quickly that this was most women’s least favorite thing, but to be honest, I found it fascinating. So many shapes and sizes, so many different manifestations of God’s creation: woman. I learned to appreciate the differences that make us unique, both as a gender and as individuals.

Another thing about this all-women’s fitness club that I found interesting was the fact that many of the women came in to work out  with no makeup and their hair hastily combed or pulled into a messy ponytail. And in my eyes, each one of those ladies was absolutely beautiful. Sure, sometimes there were blemishes, or uncolored grey roots peeking through, or tired eyes from too little sleep after staying up all night with sick children, but they were beautiful, just as they were.

One of my favorite scenes in Bridget Jones’s Diary is where Mark Darcy tells Bridget that he likes her just as she is. The entire book (and film) is full of Bridget’s self-condemnation: she weighs too much, she drinks too much, she smokes too many cigarettes, she doesn’t work hard enough at her job, etc. But in the end, the man whom she loves doesn’t seem to care anymore about her faults–he loves her just as she is.

God is like that. He sees us, He knows us, and He loves us just as we are. John 3:16 tells us how much:

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Dear friend, you are “the world” to God. He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for you. He knows you, and He loves you.

We at Wives of Faith welcome you, the military wife, just as you are. No facades or masks needed here. We are here for you, because we are in the trenches with you. We are you.

Connect with us in a way that makes you comfortable. We encourage your interaction on Facebook (www.facebook.com/wivesoffaith), or in our community (http://community.wivesoffaith.org), or even by leaving comments here on the blog entries that speak to you. But please, come as you are. Even if your hair is in a messy ponytail :)

Come as You Are is more than just a phrase on our blog header:
it is our theme for 2011.

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Caregiving Drains No More

Posted by Stephanie Arredondo on Thursday, November 18th, 2010 in Hope | Comments (0)

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”  Matthew 11:28

In Andi Ashworth’s book Real Love for Real Life: The Art and Work of Caring, she magnificently writes about the multifaceted ways that we as wives, moms, and caregivers can provide for our families and friends while emulating the beauty of Jesus in every segment and season of life.  She expands on the very topics that you and I can relate to.  As a stay at home military mom, I got a boost of energy as I read her words saying what you do matters on the homefront.

“The art and work of caring – whether for the benefit of family, neighborhood, church or community – includes labor that is often denigrated and referred to as menial.  Cooking, cleaning, tending children, or washing the body of a sick and elderly mother in law is often considered low, servile labor.   In the midst of repetitive and seemingly mundane tasks, it is encouraging to remember that Christ saw such work as an essential reflection of LOVE.” (Ashworth 126-127)

What a wonderful gift!

Are you tired?  Are you hungry for affirmation that what you do matters?  Do you feel overwhelmed with an impossible to do list and everyone looking at you to do it?   Do you feel guilty when you do take time for yourself such as lunch with a friend or a bubble bath or reading the Scriptures alone?  When was the last time you felt refreshed?

Seek the love of the One who can only and always give you rest.

Below are five friendly reminders in your walk today:

  1. DON’T put needless pressure on yourself by being all things to everyone.  DO LESS.  While it is so hard to say NO or to be the overachiever, it is necessary to let God call up another person to do the job.  Allow someone else that opportunity to shine.
  2. DO replenish yourself by assessing your time and where you allocate your energies.  DON’T allow society including your spouse to denigrate your caregiving.  If you add up all the costs for professionals to do the job, you will immediately see where your efforts are saving big bucks for you and your family (by the way, it’s $45,000 a year at a minimum on up to six figures).  You deserve the downtime to get refreshed, and even though there are no set vacation days for your job, you’ve earned it.
  3. 3. DON’T allow your mind to think thoughts such as no one cares, no one notices or no one is grateful.  DO keep in mind who you are truly serving and read Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord that you are serving.”
  4. DO press on even when the work is repetitive, neverending and tedious.  While I am so tired of unloading the dishwasher and doing dishes, I perform the task daily to maintain a healthy home  environment.  “Let us run with perseverance the race marked out before us.  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus.” Hebrews 12:1b-2a
  5. DO know that your efforts will be recognized one day.

For those dealing with a deployment, it is good to scale back, not be so hard on yourself and allow others to step in (a humbling experience if you’ve been there like myself). It’s important to choose wisely what you put on your calendar as well as your activities because society offers way more than what any one person can actually do. Prioritizing your activities is helpful to remain focused on what needs to be done for the good of the home and the caregiving needs  of your family.   If finances are challenged and there is no babysitter money or other funds, then seek out your family readiness group, a local chaplain or Wives of Faith group for assistance.  These groups have access to resources and ideas that can make your load lighter.

At Wives of Faith, we are eager for you to feel the love, support and encouragement as other fellow military wives walk the same path as you.  Our Come As You Are theme expands on a variety of segments and seasons of life that you the military wife experiences.  If you can attend our upcoming conference in September 2011 in Nashville Tennessee, we will expand on this theme.   We want to be there for you and encourage you to come as you are, rest, be refreshed and allow your burdens to take a time-out.

by Stephanie Arredondo, Board Treasurer

Feel free to post a comment below, e-mail or discuss this topic with your group.  If you have an idea or suggestion for our 2011 conference, please e-mail them by January 2011 to info@wivesoffaith.org as we are planning our conference.  We want to hear from you.  We also need financial support for our ministry and this conference so please contact Stephanie at treasurer@wivesoffaith.org.  Thanks so much for your support.

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