Wives of Faith

“Count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.”
James 1:2-3

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Obedience. Such an important concept when we’re parenting, and such an important concept in the Christian faith. And an unpopular one, if I’m honest with you.

Just as it’s sometimes (or in some children’s cases, most of the time) difficult for our children to obey us, their parents, it’s often difficult for us as adults to obey God, our Heavenly Father.

Today as I opened my Bible, I got excited when I saw the name of Naaman. I love that story!, I thought. Who wouldn’t love a little biblical schadenfreude every once in a while, right? Oooh, let’s watch the proud man have to dunk himself in the muddy Jordan River!

So I read 2 Kings 5. I’ll link it to Bible Gateway here, and you can choose your own Bible version this morning on the drop-down menu.

I think we’d all agree that the necessity of obedience is crucial in the military. Many of you are former military as well as being military wives, so you know this better than the rest of us. Naaman, however, was the army commander. I don’t think he is overly concerned with his own obedience, because he’s the one in charge.  Obviously he answers to the king, but it sounds like they have a good working relationship. Probably more collaborative.

So to imagine this tall, powerful military man, who suffers from an uncomfortable and even painful and ugly skin ailment, ticked at the prophet Elisha for not coming out and meeting him, AND being told to bathe in a lowly muddy river, not once but seven times? It’s no wonder he balked at the instruction and got upset!

How many times have we disobeyed the Lord ourselves? When we choose fear over faith. When we don’t follow that inner Holy Spirit nudge to talk to someone or pray for someone or even pick up the phone and call someone. I know for me it’s too many times to count.

I love what Naaman’s servants (the NLT actually says these men are his officers!) tell him, and I’m so glad Naaman listens. In verse 13 they say, “My father, if the prophet had told you to do some great thing, would you not have done it? How much more, then, when he tells you, ‘Wash and be cleansed’!” (NIV).

So Naaman obeys and is healed.

In the book of 1 Samuel, the prophet Samuel declares, “To obey is better than sacrifice” (1 Samuel 15:22).

Obedience is better than sacrifice. Obeying those inner promptings of the Holy Spirit, God Himself, is more important than sacrifice.

He wants our obedience.

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Welcome September! I’d love to say “Welcome to Autumn” but frankly, autumn is not here yet in my corner of the world. The heat of summer still reigns supreme, in spite of the back to school rush at local stores and the plethora of yellow buses now dotting the roads.

The changing of seasons happens in our hearts as well as outside our houses. Even though the thermometer says it’s still summer, I can feel the change in this season of our lives. Back to school for my girls, back to dance classes, finding a new routine for our family.

We have some changes on the horizon for Wives of Faith as well. Sara has been working hard behind the scenes on our new web design while also dealing with changes in her world. We have some new faces here at Wives of Faith, and in the coming weeks we’ll be introducing those lovely ladies to you.

Above all, be assured: God never, ever changes. That’s something that can center you when it seems like everything else is in flux.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
~Hebrews 13:8~

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Registration is now open for our third semester of Survival Sisters! We’re kicking it off October 1 – this semester will be shorter than previous semesters - we believe offering 6 weeks instead of 10 will make it a lot more manageable for ladies who participate. This is a great opportunity to get to know another military wife who not only shares the military life but the Christian faith.

Also, I am so pleased to introduce to you Tasha Whye, our new Survival Sisters Coordinator. Tasha is a Marine wife and mom to two adorable little girls both under the age of two. She enjoys staying home with her children while she takes classes at Northcentral University, working on her master’s in psychology in Marriage and Family Therapy.  She’s looking forward to helping encourage our members through Survival Sisters, which I believe is one of our most important programs we currently offer.

If you have not been involved in Survival Sisters yet, let me encourage you to register for this semester. Registration is now open but will close September 24. Go to the Survival Sisters page for all of the details and register here. Please note that we do limit participation to 50 wives. Contact Tasha (tasha @ wivesoffaith.org) with any questions.

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From Ralene

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Bringing Home Baby

It finally happened. After umpteen hours of labor, you delivered a bouncing baby (insert sex of child here). At first glance, you fell head-over-heels in love, cherishing each little cry and every cuddly moment. With breathy excitement, you load your bundle of joy into the car for that first trip home. Walking into your home with baby in your arms, you can’t believe the blessing God has given your family.

And then reality hits.

Laundry needs to be done, dishes washed, groceries bought, kids toted off to school, bills paid…the list goes on. And sometimes, all that with hubby in the field, on TDY, or deployed.

How does one survive life with a newborn? How do you get everything done? Forget everything…just anything? Between the exhaustion, baby’s cries, and whatever else demands your attention, where do you find the time? We look at the Proverbs 31 wife and wonder how we’ll ever succeed without losing our sanity.

Here are a few tried and true tips:

1. Admit that perfection is a thing of the past.

Perfection is not only unattainable, it’s also the quickest way to the loony bin when you have a baby. So, as with any “problem,” the first step is to admit it—then work through the stages. Yes, the dishes may need to be washed every day, but vacuuming can be relegated to once or twice a week—along with scrubbing the toilet. Laundry is a constant chore, but ironing can be done on an as-needed basis for now.

2. Become the List Mistress.

If you thought pregnancy brain was bad, wait until you get a load of total-exhaustion-baby brain! That’s right. You’ll barely remember your precious little one’s doctor appointments, much less that you need to buy milk and pay the phone bill. Become a lover of lists.
The most important list is a daily To-Do. Start with a piece of paper (size dependent on how busy you are). Divide that paper into three parts. In the first section, list the things that need to be done today—the doctor appointments, bills, and anything else scheduled. In the next one, list the things you WANT to accomplish today—daily cleaning assignments, phone calls, etc. And in the last section, on-going projects and low priority tasks that aren’t due for awhile. Most important—know the difference between the three!

3. Pre-plan!

You have enough to worry about. Don’t make things harder on yourself than necessary. Plan out your meals for a week, then figure out what you can do in one sitting. Make enough salad to last a week. With Hamburger Helper, brown two pounds of hamburger instead of one, and put the extra in the fridge for spaghetti or sloppy joes another day. Try to plan your appointments and grocery shopping on the same day. Group your necessary phone calls. In contrast, break down your cleaning into manageable daily tasks. Don’t try to over schedule. Babies take time and you won’t have the energy.

4. Eat healthy and exercise.

You may wonder what these have to do with getting everything done, especially when exercise actually takes up MORE time. Well, it’s simple. Salty, greasy, or overly-sugary foods will slow you down, zap your energy, and keep you from losing that frustrating baby weight. Instead, eating healthier foods and drinking lots of water will help you feel refreshed and confident—giving you a better outlook on your day, and life in general. Exercising three times a week will go a long way to help you build stamina. Plus, exercise releases endorphins, and endorphins make you happy! Happy people get more done.

5. Make time for YOU.

Another psychological influence to get you on track. Sometimes we get so bogged down in what we’re supposed to do, we forget to make time for ourselves. The old adage is true—all work and no play makes Mommy go crazy. Okay, I tweaked it a little bit, but it’s still true. While life with a newborn doesn’t lend itself to lots of free time, and it gets cut even more if hubby is gone, it’s still necessary. Find a fellow mom and swap kids once every other week for a couple of hours. Take the opportunity to do something for yourself like going to the salon or taking a long bath (most likely you’ll want a nap). WARNING! This is not the time to do extra cleaning or grocery shopping.

6. Keep your relationship with God fresh.

This is probably the most important of all the suggestions. We all practically live off of Philippians 4:13. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” But only if we let Him strengthen us. How do we do that? Prayer. Immersing ourselves in the Bible. Taking time to listen. God wants us to lean on Him. He wants to help us. We just have to be open to it.

Life is ever-changing. Babies are ever-changing. We can keep these new changes from throwing our entire world into chaos with these few steps.  Of course, don’t forget, seeking encouragement and support from your friends here at Wives of Faith is also an option.

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Let’s join Liz today in her August Prayer.

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August Prayer

August is a special month because my husband is coming home after an eighteen month deployment. I heard on NBC news that ten thousand troops are coming home from Iraq this month. I realized there will be many homecomings this month. There will be many happy wives and excited children. There will be many blessings across our military family.

It’s times like this when I want to thank the Lord for watching over our military family. The Lord Jesus Christ provides us all so much strength to overcome adversity. I believe that he does have a special plan for military members, spouses, and children. We all serve together.

I wanted to include a short prayer to all of those military families that are currently deployed this month:

Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for all the military families who have members deployed this month. We pray you give them strength to complete their mission. Your grace will lead them to a place that is safe. Your love will help them overcome the obstacles. We pray for the military members who are coming home this month.  We pray that they have a safe trip home. Please watch over the military families that are awaiting their spouses’ return. Lord, in times like this we turn to you to hold us in your arms. Your light is a beacon for us to follow. Thank you for walking with us during deployment and helping us cope with the separation. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.

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It’s Monday, the first day of school for my girls, and the first day of my quest to get a better handle on my time.

On a whim, I posted a question to the Wives of Faith fan page on Facebook last night: “What are your thoughts about a blog series on time management?” I was surprised to get so many responses so quickly, to be honest. I know I’m not alone in this struggle to manage my time–why else would there be so many books on the subject?–but somehow I get wrapped up in my own head and forget to look around and find some support.

We’re all about support and encouragement here at Wives of Faith, so here we go. I’ll be writing a blog series on time management, and in doing so will commit to finding as many helpful resources and tips as I can to help us all in our struggles.

Do you want to know an embarrassing secret? The thing that made me think about writing about time management was a conversation with a friend of mine who’s leading a breakout session at her church’s women’s retreat in a couple of weeks. I was talking to her about preparing for her session, and I shared with her that I’d led a breakout session once about ten years ago. “What was it about?” she asked.

Time management.

Oh, the irony.

Even back in the day I struggled with it! You’d think I’d be better by now, wouldn’t you? But that was before child #2; four moves and two hubby career changes later, here I sit in full confession mode: I can’t manage my time well.

So, welcome to my series as I learn along with you about how we can manage our time.

Let’s begin with prayer.

Lord, You have given us life, and time, and Your Word.
Please lead us and guide us as we learn how to better use the time You have given us to serve You,
for Your kingdom and Your glory. Amen.

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We are getting down to the wire. I left my career in May (with my husband’s blessing) to start the Non-Traditional Licensure Program to become a teacher. It was with the understanding that I would most likely be able to find a teaching job by the time school started. That’s tomorrow. And I didn’t. Thomas agreed to that route because he knew that his orders would run out at the end of September. He is a member of the National Guard, but works full time at his unit under temporary active duty orders. When they have money.

That money runs out in September. Sometimes it doesn’t get dispersed until January. Government money running out means that our source of income–and now, the one income–is gone.

It’s so easy for us to think of Joy as happiness. It’s easy for us to be joyful during the times when money isn’t much of an issue. It’s even easier to forget that the Joy of the Lord is available to us when times are difficult. I (and my family) have been more at peace this summer than ever.  We’ve managed to make it on only one income. We haven’t even had to give up that much. Much that really mattered to us, anyway. To be completely truthful, though, I do miss eating out as often!

In the face of seeing our income reduced by 90%, I find myself worrying as the  date approaches. I’ve been looking in the classifieds and job searches online. It’s this fretting and fussing that has the potential to sap every ounce of joy from my life. Earlier this summer, it wasn’t as hard to take the leap of faith that would let me stay home this summer with our soon-to-be-five-year-old.  Now that the summer is over, doubt and fear try to replace that faith. It’s a constant battle.

Waiting on God’s timing has always been the hardest thing for me to do. We have hope that Thomas will find a different job. We have friends that are helping us. We also hope that because of some newly added responsibility, funding for a full-time position will come open with his unit. But we are waiting. And seeing what I can see from my vantage point is scary. What I have to depend on is that God can see everything, even the things that I can’t.

Here are some verses that have become important to me over the past few weeks:

“How excellent is thy lovingkindness, O God! therefore the children of men put their trust under the shadow of thy wings.”  Psalm 36:7 KJV

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!” Isaiah 30:18 NIV

“Always be joyful. Always keep on praying. No matter what happens, always be thankful, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Yet if you devote your heart to Him and stretch out your hands to Him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil [doubts and fears]* to dwell in your tent, then you will lift up your face without shame; you will stand firm and without fear.” Job 11:13-15

* I clarified evil in brackets here to make it applicable to this post and my family’s situation. It is not part of the original text. This verse was spoken to job from Zophar the Naamathite. He rebuked Job for questioning God’s authority and for allowing his doubts and fears to pull him into despair.  We are commanded not to fear the future or worry for our provision (Matthew 6:34).

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We are pleased to announce that Ralene is joining our ranks on the blog team as our Newborn and Baby writer. We at Wives of Faith have seen a need to serve those of you who are just beginning your families, or are in the early stages of motherhood. Because Sara and Pattie are several years removed from mothering babies and preschoolers, we were thrilled when Ralene stepped forward to volunteer.

Welcome, Ralene! Here’s her story:

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When Sara first invited me to guest blog about life with a newborn, I was beyond thrilled. I’m always eager to share my knowledge and experience…sometimes without even being asked. (Yes, God and I are working on that.) As the initial excitement wore off, I began to wonder—why would anyone listen to me? Who am I to advise others when I’m still trying to get it right myself?

But that’s what Wives of Faith is all about. Supporting and encouraging each other as we travel through the brave territories of motherhood and military life. So, I figured you all would want to know a little about me. Brace yourselves for a rollercoaster ride!

It all started on a stormy day in May of 1981…

Just kidding! I’ll skip ahead a few years.

On June 21st of this year, my husband and I celebrated seven years of marriage. When we first tied the knot, he was in the National Guard. After our first year, he was deployed to Kosovo for fifteen months. When he came home for his R&R I got pregnant with our first child. The first seven and a half months of the pregnancy, I was living alone. We were in a college town, so I didn’t have a lot of people around me who understood what I was going through.

Since we were pregnant, it was best for him to go active so that I wouldn’t lose my healthcare. As soon as he got home, we PCSed to Fort Hood, TX. Let me just say three things about the temporary housing we were in—no air conditioning, no elevator, and three flights of stairs. Yeah…

So after two weeks, we got our house. We received our keys on a Friday, our household goods were delivered on Monday, and I was admitted to the hospital due to severe eclampsia on Tuesday. So, with nothing in the house unpacked or put together, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl.

And then, three months later, I was pregnant again. The day after we found out I was pregnant, my husband got another set of orders. His unit would be deploying—to Iraq. Given that we had just moved there, and with all the issues I’d had with my first pregnancy, hubby and I decided that it would be best for my daughter and me to move in with my parents for this deployment. So, we gave up our house and moved across the country.

The biggest difference with this pregnancy and this deployment was that I actually suffered from depression. I wasn’t diagnosed or anything, but I knew. I had a hard time functioning on a basic level—even had a hard time finding the desire to play with my daughter. I was angry. And I took it out on the Lord—wanting nothing to do with Him. It wasn’t until I had a long talk with the pastor’s wife next door that I came to terms with my depression and with God. Talk about divine intervention! God knew just what I needed to hear.

Six months after moving in with my parents, I gave birth to beautiful daughter #2. Hubby missed the birth, but he was able to come home about two weeks later. Too bad his R&R was marred by the fact that both girls had RSV. Scary stuff! Thankfully, though, the Lord was on our side.

A year later we found ourselves in Kansas. Another eighteen months and we decided to try one more time for a boy. This pregnancy was a whole new ball game. I had two pre-school age daughters who I think are literal balls of energy. I don’t know how they go-go-go all day long!

With my husband’s job here, he goes on monthly TDYs for at least half of the month. So, while he’s not getting shot at, he is constantly coming and going, which can be just as taxing on the family life. Somehow we made it through and, in June of this year, we welcomed a bouncing baby boy into the family!

And that brings me to today, and this message to you: Whatever your circumstances, whatever your frustrations, dilemmas—and of course your joys and praises—I’m here because I’ve been there and I’m still discovering. Newborns are precious gifts from the Lord, but they are also a lot of work and a constant learning experience. The way I hear it, I’m going to be making mistakes and pulling out my hair for the next 18 years. Apparently, it never gets easy—but, oh, is it worth it!

I invite you all to join me in supporting new mothers, and experienced mothers, with newborns. If you have questions, let me know—leave a comment or send me an email. If I don’t know the answer, I know how to find it! And feel free to contribute to the discussion by leaving a comment. We’re here to learn from and encourage one another. God bless!

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Please welcome a guest post from Liz.

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My First Deployment

Almost eighteen months ago, my husband left for isolated duty in Attu, Alaska. I did not know at the time, that his original twelve month tour would be extended. This time period was challenging but a great opportunity for my personal growth. As I look back on this time period, I remember the quiet days that seemed to zoom by.

Before my husband was deployed, I decided to go to grad school. I had just left active duty and I had a brand new baby. My academic advisor told me how she was able to go to grad school without comprising her family time. I would catch lectures while the baby was sleeping and write papers at night or early in the morning. I had it all planned out. I would spread out my time and work on college at least two to three hours a day. I thought this schedule would be easy for my lifestyle because I was used to getting up at 0430 everyday when I was on active duty. I am proud that I completed an MBA and graduated with honors while my husband was deployed.

There was another area in my life that I needed to work on. I decided to use my extra time for spiritual growth. My goal was to read the Bible in a year.  I was amazed by the joy I received in learning God’s revelations and his plans for his people. I was humbled and honored to be one of his chosen people.  I felt his light and his love for me. I grew closer to the Lord and I felt safe. All of my deployment fears melted away. I took long road trips with my son up and down the east coast to visit family. I felt comfortable wrapped in the arms of the Lord.

Deployment was challenging because I had to learn how to ask for help. I had to learn to lean on my family, friends, and the Lord. The most important lesson I learned from deployment is that if you take the Lord our Savior into your life, you can accomplish anything. I would like to share with you my favorite Psalm that also lifts my spirits, Psalm 23:1-6:

The LORD is my Shepherd; I shall not be in want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil, for you are with me;

Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life,

And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

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Liz is both former active duty and a military spouse! She served six years on active duty in the Coast Guard herself, and her husband has over 9 years of active duty service in the Coast Guard.

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