When we first received word that my husband was going to deploy, I immediately began what would become the first of innumerable attempts to cope. Visions of Sunday lunches with friends from all across town skipped through my mind like a kid in a splash park. I had planned play dates with my mommy friends and their kids at parks and coffee breaks at Starbucks long before the official orders were in our hands. I knew that my husband would have to bring his rucksack to pick up his mail because all of our friends and family would be so supportive and sending him love-filled packages each week. I smiled when I thought about all of the people who would surely come and visit me during the deployment. I knew. I just knew that’s how it would be.
Little did I know I was about to learn one of the more valuable lessons in my lifetime. Time came and went and I drug my heals kicking and screaming every inch of the way. For the past eight months I have questioned why so few cared to muster up the energy to send a letter or package. Why is it so difficult to send so much as an email when we live in the days of Facebook and blogging and Twitter? I have cried and sobbed and hurt time after time after time from the sting of those words from my husband telling me that he hasn’t heard from so many.
Our soldiers are sacrificing their lives for the freedoms of this country and almost everyone in our lives has been too busy to care. My husband is risking his life, but this Army wife is sitting at home alone on a Sunday afternoon while friends are busy with their own lives not stopping to think about picking up the phone.
And then it hit me. I nearly fell to my knees. My heart sank to the pit of my stomach when I realized what I was doing. I was doing the same thing of which I was accusing my friends and family.
The selfish sin of busyness.
Here God sent his Son to make the ULTIMATE sacrifice on the cross and I was too busy to stop and “pick up the phone.” God sent his Son to save us from our sins and I (the sinner) was so caught up in being hurt by everyone’s busyness that I failed to see it in my own life. God wants a real relationship with me. The kind of companionship that I had been seeking from my friends and family. Jesus didn’t come to be served but to serve. I wasn’t serving anyone but myself and all I served was glasses of whine with bowlfuls of self pity. Not good. Not. Good.
From now on I know better…
to forget the speck in my friend’s eye…
and start hacking away at the plank in my own eye.
*stay tuned for part II of busyness*
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This week I used an interesting strategy to get by when the ship cut off all communication (Wild week with Navy husband, deployed to the Pacific. Every time I started to get that aching, hopeless, I can't stand not hearing from him feeling, I prayed specifically for the hearts of guys on Dan's ship to be turned to God. And I made myself get lost in those prayers, and before long I was concerned about the eternity of these men's souls and the condition of their marriages. When Dan first left there was an 8 day silence, and I was not calm at all. I was totally selfish, and all I could think about was how I much I wanted to talk to him! This time I didn't spend my energy telling myself not to think that way…I just let the thoughts be my reminder to pray for something (and someone) else!What's so awesome is that email came back up today, and one of the 1st things he wrote me was about 6 different spiritual conversations with guys on the ship this week. That hasn't happened at all! It's so exciting to see God use our separation, our sadness to fulfill his eternal plans!
Alicia
as a full time college student and youth staff at church i am used to my friends being too busy. so far that really hasn't bothered me during this deployment. but something similar that has really taken its toll is my family expecting me to change my pretty fixed schedule to fit their whim. my school schedule is set, my church responsibilities can't be moved around and my work schedule is up to my boss…i wish they would understand that marrying a soldier means giving up alot of control. even though we didn't sign that contract, we said our "i dos" to a man who did. its part of the sacrifice.
Danie Nicole
Thank you, Steph! My hubby and I have not been through a deployment yet, but still your blog really touched me. From the other side of things, it is also a great reminder for me to not get caught up in my own busyness and forget about the friends God has blessed us with along the way–and are now deployed.
Semper Wifey
Can't wait to read part 2! Thanks for writing this!
Aprille