Having a family full of performing artists, I have seen my share of curtain calls. It is interesting to watch the different takes any given production has on how to end their show and enjoy some applause. Whatever method they may choose, evenings normally end with performers receiving their thanks in applause while humbling themselves before the audience in a bow.
God showed me very early in this deployment that one of our many classroom subjects was going to be about bowing. From almost the time Rob received his orders, I felt the Lord was telling me that my fears were going to have to learn to bow down with me at the cross. Together, my fears and I needed to learn to fear Him.
Wow, what a tall order that sounded like to me. Fear seemed like the go-to appropriate emotion when one was sending their spouse to a war zone, right? And what exactly was all this stuff about me fearing God anyway? What did it really mean? Isn’t God love and all that warm fuzzy stuff? Why am I supposed to fear Him?
Lots of questions, lots of opportunities to grow. First of all – fear of sending my spouse into a war zone. How was that very legitimate concern supposed to learn to bow down? God began to show me that my fears were based in a lack of trust in His provision. Though all my fragile human mind and heart could see was that Rob was walking into a dangerous arena, the truth God reminded me of is that He has already numbered Rob’s days. Nothing can reach Rob in a war zone that has not first passed through the hands of a very loving Father, who is always, ultimately about our good. While I felt God understood my fear, I also felt Him encouraging me to release it, and Rob, to Him.
Next lesson – What does it mean to fear God? For me this has meant learning how to have reverence for who God is. Fear has such a negative implication for us today, but in the Bible, the word is often used to denote reverence and respect. My children are crazy about their father and have very close relationships with him. But even as adults, they do not cross him. You can call that reverence, respect or good healthy fear. Fear and reverence for God are so very similar. As I get to know God better and grow in my understanding of who He is, my response to His presence is one of fear and reverence. In very simple terms, I do not want to mess with my Father.
Last question – Why does God want me to fear Him? Through this deployment, God has shown me that as I learn to fear (or reverence) Him, I begin to understand more of who He really is and how much He loves me. As I learn to fear Him, I know that He is sovereign. No one can reach me or my family without walking through Him first. When those dark thoughts rail against my mind in the night, I can remember that only He is in control of the destiny of both my husband and me. Neither the military nor the insurgents get to decide our fates. Nothing will come to us that has not passed through God’s loving hands. It may not be easy, but God will work anything meant for evil towards us for our good. My fear of God can become a place of rest for me.
So, how have I done in God’s classroom as the curtain starts to fall on this deployment? Let’s put it this way – please don’t ask to see my report card! There have been way more tears and way more fears than I had ever hoped to be dealing with during this time. In spite of my poor performance as a student, I am so thankful for the lessons God has given me in this particular classroom that I would have never chosen for myself or my family.
Fears, is it time to bow? – I think so.
Then a voice came from the throne, saying:
“Praise our God, all you His servants,
you who fear Him, both small and great.
Revelation 19:5 (NIV)
Popularity: 1% [?]
