The sea bags are packed.  The buses are ready.  The plane waits on the tarmac.  The day has finally come.  Tomorrow night my husband will lay his head down to sleep in a desert many time zones away.  And I am at home feeling like a woman who had few choices in all these decisions.  Wasn’t my “How about retirement?” suggestion a good idea?  How about my thoughts on whether or not it was really our turn to walk this road again?  I realized years ago the military was not particularly interested in my opinion, but this time neither God nor my husband were either, at least not interested enough to change directions on the path where God was leading and my husband was following.  So here I am, a woman out of control.  Are any choices left for me?

Once again, God’s word speaks to my heart:

But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the river, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living.  But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.       Joshua 24:15 (NIV)

I get to choose whether serving the Lord seems desirable to me.  I get to choose who I will serve during this deployment.  I get to choose whether or not I will waste my time.  Suddenly, I am a woman with many choices.  Choices I can make each day we walk this path called deployment.

There is definitely a part of me that struggles on some days thinking maybe the choice I should be making today is to listen to the voice of chocolate, or anger, or self pity or despair.  Hiding under the covers for days can even look like a reasonable alternative.  Maybe I will just choose to drown myself in activity.  How can there really be anything wrong with getting things done?  How about pulling some of my acting skills out of the handbag?  If I simply put on a Pollyanna face, then dealing with the issues in my heart can simply wait for another day.  There are not many stores in my town selling little golden idols likes the ones mentioned  by Joshua in the choices He offered the Israelites, but I only fool myself if I believe these choices do not hold the same danger for me those golden idols held for the Israelites.

For me, there is truly only one choice that can turn this deployment from ugly, wasted time to a benefit for our family and glory for God.  I must choose each day to serve the Lord.  Not chocolate.  Not activity.  Not ignoring the struggle with a plastic smile.  Not even myself.  I must choose to serve the Lord. 

Making that choice will not erase the difficulties that lie in the days ahead.  It will not bring my husband home any sooner.  Oh, but what freedom in being able to choose the one thing that can bring me peace, even in the days that are hard.  Since God has allowed any struggle that comes my way, He can use it – even the sorrow, loneliness and hard days that can come with a deployment.  Nothing in my life will be wasted when I choose to place it in God’s sovereign hands by serving Him.  I do not have to spend the next few months wasting time.

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