I recently heard a very disturbing statement from a lady who was a former military child. She said that she grew up with her father always gone and never had a relationship with him; now that he’s retired, she said he is trying to connect with her and  it is not working.  This was very hard for me to hear, since my husband and I have two young children at home.

After thinking about what she said, though, I feel better now, because I see the bond that is real between my children and their father.  We have been through two deployments and I’ve seen my children settle back into a rhythm with their father when he returns from a deployment, training, or even just weekend drill. No, we may not do everything right, but we try our hardest to stay connected in one another’s daily life.

Something we have to learn as military wives (if we have children) is that we must work to keep the bonds between our kids and their fathers strong. I think that the lady I spoke with had a mother who didn’t know how to accomplish that and didn’t know who to ask for help. Let us learn from her tragedy.

The tools that are in our hands are endless for making this connection real. You can videotape your husband reading stories for your young children.  Flat Daddy’s can travel with you anywhere and have dinner with you.  Teens can Facebook, Twitter, or email with their father.  Pictures can be emailed instantly.  Web cams can give face to face conversation.  Will any form of technology every take the place of a hug or a goodnight kiss?  I think not, but the link via communication should not be broken.

Let me challenge you to step up and pave the way to ensure that the bond between a father and his children isn’t broken.   Buy that Build-a-bear and have your hubby record his voice telling your teen that he is loved (I bet you will hear that voice when your teen is alone in their room).  Order that Daddy Doll for your toddler to carry around everywhere just so she can see daddy’s face.  And don’t forget the importance of sitting down and writing a letter by hand. Encourage your husband to stay connected with his children, and encourage your children to stay connected with their father. Help them keep their relationship strong and watch God bless your family.

Shauna Irizzary is the wife of an Army National Guard member and the mom of a son and daughter. She lives in Murfreesboro, Tenn. with her family.

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