When he leaves
July 9th, 2009 | 
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My husband is getting ready to leave for his AT and I’m already thinking about the first thing I’m going to do when he leaves. Clean! I did it for four days straight (and organized our entire attic!) when he deployed a couple of years ago and I typically do it whenever he goes anywhere for some length of time.
I don’t think it’s necessarily because that’s the only time I can clean the house is when he goes away. Hardly. And he’s not necessarily the messiest person in our family. Cleaning is just the routine I’ve developed I suppose to help establish order when it feels anything but. It never feels “routine” for Cliff to be away and I would never want it to. So I clean. Usually I start with our closet, maybe because straightening up his clothes and putting everything back where it needs to go helps me feel close to him and reminds me that he will be coming home.
As I thought about my own routine for when my husband goes away, I wondered what other military wives do when their husbands leave? Do you clean, too? Do you go on a trip? Maybe visit family? Do you cook or start a DIY project?
I know it can be hard to want to do anything after saying goodbye but it’s important to find things that will keep you busy and productive. Staying positive doesn’t always come natural – that’s when we have to trust God with everything, including our husbands. We have to learn to walk by faith.
Speaking of that, we start our “Walking by Faith” study today with FMWCN which I am so excited about! LifeWay Women has graciously given us TWO member books to give away to our ladies so if you don’t have a copy of the book, now’s your chance!
Simply comment below and share with the rest of us what you do when your husband has to leave for a training or a deployment. We’ll pick two winners from everyone who commented by noon Friday (that’s TOMORROW!).
(please note – if you don’t have anything to add about routine, you can still simply comment about anything related to military life in order to participate in the drawing. Thanks!)
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While my husband is deployed I spend alot of 1 on 1 time with my daughter doing things she loves to do. As hard as it is while he is away I try to keep busy. I love to put my daughter in the stroller and go for walks, deep clean and re-arange the house, get rid of stuff I no longer need. I also have become crafty. I love to scrapbook and have recently started making hairbows. These things I enjoy doing and its always fun that I can spend time with my daughter while doing it.
I’ve struggled with routine for some time. It’s been a while since my husband was deployed, so whatever I had while he was gone is pretty much history. However, I have a baby now, and he needs the routine more than I do!
My husband will also be leaving for AT in a few weeks, so I hope to dive into some cleaning, myself, and set up some routines that will help me discipline myself for a more orderly life. An important part of the new routine includes Bible study and dedicated prayer time, as well as a gratefulness journal to keep me positive.
I also plan to start a letter journal to my husband. We communicated better while he was deployed than we do when we’re together, because we wrote to each other all the time, and we both express ourselves better in writing than we do speaking. The time alone will help me concentrate on what I want to say to him, and how I want to say it.
My husband is currently deployed and I have noticed a few things have started to fill my time. I tend to exercise more, running and cycling. This makes me feel better physically, which in turn helps me keep positive emotionally and mentally. I also spend more time with family and friends. My relationship with my brother has grown even stronger and he has really helped me through these first few months. The same is true for my battle buddy/best friend, who’s husband is deployed with mine. We’ve really helped eachother along. I also bought a devotional entitled “The One Year Yellow Ribbon Devotional.” I read the daily devotional as the last thing I do before going to sleep at night. All of these things have contributed to my sanity! Although, we all have good and bad days!
I always busy myself with friends and retail therapy. Now we have a child, which gave me a great excuse to take hime places every weekend (we know the zoo like the back of our hands now). And my mom has come to visit for at least one weekend every month to help me out, let me relax a bit and provide additional entertainment.
this is only my first deployment but when hubby left i gave myself some alone time and then jumped straight back into my normally hectic daily routine. i also made more of an attempt to hang out with friends.
This is our second deployment but he has been gone alot over the past year with BOLC. I do tend to clean more while he is gone and have a stricker routine. It keeps me sane. Today I tackled my daughter’s closet. I stay very busy with work and two kids and just being a single parent. I have been keeping a journal with Bible versus that help me along the way. It helps me let go of all frustations and feelings I have with this deployment. It also helps me remember things to tell my husband when he calls. It gives me an outlet. Our families has also been a big help to me. It keeps me busy on the weekends traveling to their place and keeps my mind off things. I tend to read more and watch movies and that is things I love…of coarse when I have time.
Cleaning was definately something I dove into when my husband deployed! You see, my husband is a pack rat and when he returned he didn’t even notice what was gone!! Cleaning is cleansing for me too because when you have a clean house you tend to feel better. I also had to really spend time with my children. They both handled it in different ways. My daughter turned from the social butterfly that always had to be told by teachers – Alexis, raise your hand, dont just yell out the answers, to a girl who would not talk to anyone, barely even me. My son started failing school so we had to spend ALOT of time bringing up grades.
Luckily I was the lead to the FRG when my husband deployed so I was on the phone and computer with army wives, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, etc who needed my strength. On the outside I was very strong for everyone but I also needed my own time to “break down” so I did find time while I was not working in my full time job, full time mom, full time FRG lead schedule to have my own “break down” time. I learned that holding in all of the emotion was not good – give yourself some break down time and dont feel ashamed about it! Being strong for everyone, to include my children, made it much easier to be strong for my husband when we talked.
Cleaning and throwing out clutter really helped me.
My husband is in the TN Air National Guard..he seems to here lately be gone on deployment every 6 months…during this deployment I found my biggest thing to be writing everything on the calendar! I have to keep it organized to feel incontrol! I do the cleaning thing too but, for some reason its keeping up with every where the kids and I need to be…it seems to be calming to see them on the calendar and to mark them off when they are done…does that help anyone elese? LOL
Not sure what time zone you are on, but in case you are on a later time zone than me…
I start planning stuff to do while he is gone that I didn’t have time to do. I get busy and set up projects. I also try hard to get into a good routine, which helps the day to pass quicker until he gets home!
Hey ladies! Thanks for the great posts so far! You have until midnight tonight (Friday) to comment. I’ll draw the winning names tomorrow (Sat) morning!
I always clean! Whenever I am stressed out I clean, clean. My roomates used to get annoyed by this because I DEEP clean! But it makes me feel good and I love to look back on what I’ve accomplished!
The past two deployments, I cry when my husband leaves. I let myself be miserable for the rest of the day… and then I’m done. I will buy Ben & Jerry’s Cinnamon Bun ice cream, whipped cream, play a sad movie and get it all out. Then I’ll go to bed… and smell his pillow. And in the morning I’ll wash the sheets that smell like him and start fresh, because I’m already one day down. It really “sucks.” Lol
Well of course I cry a lot at first and wonder how I will ever get through it. After I get that out of my system I pull myself and dig into the house. Like other ladies I like to clean, organize and just put things where they belong. It is a feeling of accomplishment. I read more books since I have the time to do so. One thing I did this time he was gone was to start a blog. I don’t blog as often as I would like but my intention was to blog about everything that is going on at home. It gives him a chance to read and see what has been happening. When we get to talk it isnt for long and I don’t want to spend that time going on and on about everything that has happened. The blog is a good way for him to catch up on even the little things happening back home.
When my husband is gone, my boys and I go out to eat a lot! With all the other stuff that I have to do when he is gone, cooking is one thing that gets put on the back burner. We also visit family more often, especially if it is summer.