I don’t know about you, but this past year had its ups and downs for us! Cliff was laid off from his civilian job in June and we enter this new year with still no job. He wasn’t able to get the three-month Navy school he was hoping for, I have had my own disappointments happen this year with my writing and there has just been a lot to handle all at once. It can be really easy to let all of that stress and anxiety and worry build up and put wedges into our marriage. If we let it.

An article from Marriage Partnership was in my inbox this morning and it touched on how stress and other things in our lives can make us think that there is something wrong with our marriage. We stop talking, stop laughing, stop cuddling, and we start thinking that it’s the marriage that is the problem, when really, it’s just the circumstances all around us that is causing the grief.

When Cliff was deployed in 2007, I hate to admit it, but there were many times when we’d get off the phone and I wondered what was happening to our marriage. He was tired, I was tired, neither of us felt like talking, so that must mean our love had lessened, right? WRONG! The fact was, we were just tired! And when we both recognized it, reaffirmed how much we loved each other, everything was much better.

So, when you’re feeling like everything is a struggle when it comes to your marriage, take a few moments to do some self-evaluating:

What are you doing as a couple for fun?
What are you doing to make time to really talk to one another?
What are you doing to make time to really listen to each other?

If your husband is gone right now, these questions may seem completely ridiculous, but there are ways you can still be connected.

First, lower your expectations. The deployment will not last forever. Recognize that both you and he are dealing with a lot, but even though you’re apart, you still have each other.

Focus on little things you can do to show support to one another, whether it’s a card just saying “I love you” or instead of complaining about the terrible day you’ve had, you make the choice to ask him about how he’s doing.

Talk about what you both want to do when he comes home, but don’t put off life until the deployment is over. Find things you can do yourself and then keep your husband involved by telling him all about it, sending him pictures of the sewing project you’re working on, or if you’re really ambitious, the home improvement project!

Realize that feelings and emotions come and go but marriage is forever. You may not always feel “in love” but your commitment to love can endure.

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